High/Low

THE END OF AN ERA!!!!

2009-03-03T16:44:00.002-05:00

Hi Everyone!!!

Well Well Well... today is the day I've been waiting for for a LONG time.. The day when I will be able to blog off of my OWN website!!! My best friend Kyra has been busy updating my site...and allowing me the opportunity to keep everying "in house"... selling my cards.. rambling on about my life.. all in one cosy spot... I am very happy to see this day come.. Proud.. of Kyra and of the progress we've made..

So Come.. join me.. 2009 is looking to be one blessing after another.... I am truly one lucky woman!!!!

My first post ... check it out!!!

I still get comments here.. if you feel the need!
Much Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 1.23.09

2009-01-23T15:22:00.002-05:00

Hi folks..

What's up? Friday.. another cold day... I don't feel like being chipper and happy today... Feel down right blah to tell you the truth... I feel like I need a really need a good cry.. into my soul cry...a cry that lasts a long while.. and leaves me feeling spent..where I then fall into a deep sleep and wake up a while later... feeling refreshed and anew.

This week for me has definitely been about Change.. I'll tell ya... Change for the country and Change for me individually... I feel a Shift.. Funny.. I'm reading this rockin book called "The Shift" right now.. (Thanks Auntie) and it's about an energy shift in the way in which we look and deal with our government.. And didn't that totally shift this week... I had an amazing experience on Tuesday at the Inauguration.... blew my mind...

There is definitely something Bigger going on here.. again...individually and universally.

My wonderful Auntie sends me my Numerology Chart Every year.. This year has never been so RIGHT ON.. As I share with you all..

"PERSONAL YEAR 2009 – 9

The tide is out in a 9 year, but the harvest is in! This is the year of rewards for all the effort you have made in the past eight years. This is the end, the conclusion of your nine-year cycle, so the seeds you planted in your 1 year are now harvested.

When the tide goes out, it means that the ending of a cycle is at hand, and the energy of this year is more about letting things go, finishing, and dreaming about the next nine years. It is time to re-vision, dream and envision once again how you would like your life to proceed, to allow things to conclude, and wait, because the beginning that you sense is coming is for next year. This is also a time for healing and dreaming on both a figurative and literal level. Have a massage and pay attention to your dreams.

On another note, this is a good money year, because efforts of selfless giving and loving are favored and rewarded this year. Of course the reverse can be true as well.

If you are behaving selfishly and needing to revamp your money picture, with this number of endings, it may be a trying time for money. Do not despair, next near is a 1 year and starting anew is always favored under a 1.

The 9 year means it is a time for you to forgive and forget. Use this year to complete things and bring things to closure on every level. More than any other year, this is the time to follow your intuition and seek to perfect what was begun eight years before.

It is a time for tying everything together, and if you do not take time for finishing things this year, you will most likely find your unfinished business lurking about and needing to be faced again, in nine years."

Holy Moly.. I don't know if I could have said it better myself! Now (2) ships; 1 relationship and 1 friendship have now ended. It has found me running the gammit of different emotions.. back and forth, round and round like a pendulum.. anger.. abandonment...sadness.. fear... dissapointment..a freeing as well... the feeling of loss of someone no longer being in your life... that once was very important. Their energy is still there.. I can feel them... in my heart.. like the warmth in a bed.. reminder of what was just there.. but knowing that when you look over or put your hand there.. they're no longer there.

Another eyeopener for me is this surprise discovery of the importance and unwaivering faith I put in my deepest 'ships' (Relation and Friend). Finding myself taking them down off the pedestal that I have put them on.. admittedly....And deciding to either give them a dusting off to bring back their shine or taking them down all together.. Amazingly 2 doors have closed now and I find other doors are re-opening in my life in the same amount of time... rekindling of old friends...Who knows why? But I'll ride the wave.. buckle my seatbelt as my beloved Auntie says.. and continue to go for the Ride.

Only God knows where it will take me next?

This week I am also very proud of myself.. I love myself. I love who I am.. I have really grown.. I can feel it... Today I feel quite vulnerable and quiet.. underbelly exposed... But I feel I have went into the frey.. sparred with a Kindred Spirit and came out.. bruised and tender to the touch.. but standing strong that I followed my gut.. I didn't second guess myself.. It felt right. I am proud of myself.. I want to give myself a Gold Star for all the expansion I've seen in myself this year.

Have a good weekend.. I will have a quiet one.. as I continue to heal.. and grow stronger as the wound closes up a little bit more every day.

Much Love,
Kerilyn

PS: While I'm feeling a bit melancholy today.. do NOT let me let you think how EXCITED and EXPECTANT I am for all the BEGINNINGS that are coming this year too.. I am SO BLESSED!!!! Whew.. blows my mind!! Yippee! just feeling the dark side of the moon today...

High/Low 1.17.09

2009-01-17T17:52:00.002-05:00

Hi there..

Saturday evening.... It is FREEZING!!! This is honestly what I consider HELL to be.. Biting Stinging... a definite slowing of my mental faculties as the ONLY thing I can think about is HOW I am going to get to a much warmer location... and NOW!!!!! UGH just heard tomorrow going to be coldest in DECADES... ICK ICK!!! Just sitting here right now...it's cold in here now... My nose and hands wish they were warmer and I am dreaming of a Lounge chair by a pool somewhere Tropical and SPF 50 and a margarita.... Ahh...

I was in DC today... my favorite Secret Haircut/color/Highlight (Don't worry Matthew.. I barely got a trim) and I can tell.. I can FEEL the energy of the City... getting prepared.. Not to mention that I park in the Parking Lot at the National Building Museum, where am proud to have been volunteering for 5 years now... and they are getting ready for the Admirals Ball there.. tents.. trucks.. backup generators....all the barricades lining the Streets.. ..more people walking around than usual already.... you can FEEL it... it's coming!!!! (And Thank God that the weather is supposed to warm up by Tuesday!! AMEN!)

So I am kinda glad that this weekend is a low key one.. cause as of 5pm Monday I am going to be ON THE GO!!! After work I find my way to Chant for Change for 5 Hours of Chanting/Singing and Communing with others that want to give their energy toward the Inauguration and the Hopeful CHANGE that this country will hopefully go thru!! I'm very excited because one of my favorite Spiritual Singers, Jai Uttal will be performing!! THEN I leave there at 11:30pm and go home for like 3 hours of sleep and get up and BE at Kristys house at 3:30AM to BE on the Metro when it opens at 4AM so we can be at the Eastern Market at 5AM and check in... It's going to be a LONG (and MISERABLY COLD) DAY... I plan on working from home on Wednesday so I don't have to worry about putting clothes on or getting up early to take a shower.. so I can just relax and work in my PJ's....

I am SO excited to be a part of this experience... I see the Images when Martin Luther King gave his "I have a dream" speech... all the people.. yea I feel like this is going to be comparable... and I can and will be telling my children about being a part of this day..... I WAS THERE...

I'm reading this awesome book that my Auntie gave me.. called "The Shift" about how we need change on this earth and a story about how Politics in America need to change... it somewhat parallels what is happening with this future Presidency and Administration.. I find I can't put this book down.. I want to give as much as I can to bring this change about...I have never been more excited or interested in the current state of affairs...

Let's not be afraid and FACE THIS.. WE CAN CHANGE THE WORLD..

BE THE CHANGE THAT YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD - Dali Lama

Much Love!
Kerilyn

High/Low 1.13.09

2009-01-13T08:56:00.005-05:00

Hiety Ho my loverlies!!!

How are you? I'm great.. Tuesday... Can you believe it's already the middle of January? Holy Schmoly! It's COLD out!! Frost on the Cars.. ugh.. I know I know.. it's January.. I shouldn't expect anything less.. but ugh.. Me no likey cold!

So Exciting news.. if you haven't already heard from me... Out of 80,000 applicants, My girl Kristy and I were picked to be one of the 13,000 Volunteers at the Presidential Inauguration!!! (Check out the picture I took on my Flickr Acct to the Right) We both went to a kickoff meeting of sorts.. It's EXCITING!!! Ok.. seeing my paragraph above.... being on the National Mall in the Middle of January at 5AM in the morning is NOT going to be fun.. but I'm hopeful that the energy of the event will warm me up! I'm sure I'll be doing some jumping of excitement while I help the almost 1.5 MILLION people who are planning on being there that day!!! Despite the cold (I'm planning on my line of attack... TWO winter hats, one being the Red Hats they handed out... Thermals... and I gotta get my good shoes this weekend... BRR!!! Just thinking about the cold makes me a little nervous.. but Meh.. It's worth it to be a part of this Historic event!!! It's going to be something I'll always remember!!!

Let's see.. what else... Peter and I have settled on a 2 Week Restaurant and Museum/Art Tour of Italy in September/October!! I'm so excited.. I have a call into a Travel Agent who can hopefully help us out with Agenda.. but i'm going to start to do some research... The Amalfi Coast DEFINITELY... and well.. I'd love to do Tuscany... and Umbria....(Thanks to K!) and well.. we'll see!!! Exciting Stuff going on here in Kerilyns life!!!

Ok.. no more big announcements... onto 3 things 2 things

3 things that make me happy:

1. I moved my station (cubicle) over to the Water Side of the Building...(SEE PICTURE) They are taking down my former station, replacing carpet.. and there is a meeting next week they need the space for.. It is SOOOOO nice to be here.. to be staring out the window looking onto the Potomac River.. I took a picture to show you how AWESOME it is!!! How lucky I AM!! (VERY!!!) I hope maybe possibly I can stay on this side of the building..we'll see.

2. I feel really good today.. like my outfit.. my hair.. just feel so blessed in EVERY area of my life (minus one.. still can't get Pez and Bella worked out.. makes me really upset) I feel like so many amazing things happen to me everyday... and I'm surrounded with amazing people who love and support me.. Sigh.. my cup runneth over!

3. Someone in my office made these little peanut butter cookies with Reeses Cup in the middle.. OH MY.. I took 2 to have as my afternoon snack!!!

4. Peter brings me this AMAZING salad for lunch almost everyday.. I LOVE that he remembers... and it's SO yummy!! Oh my!!!

2 things I am looking forward to today:

1. Running.. last week I ran 2 miles every day.. so TEN miles! but some of those days I was tired.. last nite I had a great run! Hopefully tonite will be no exception!

2. Going home and going to bed EARLY! I have been creeping up to 11pm as my bedtime and I need to get up earlier so I can have a nice long Meditation in the morning.

2 long term things I am looking forward to:

1. I think I've decided to go to visit my girl Michelle in Charleston for Memorial Day.. I need to look at flight prices.. I haven't been to Charleston in forever and haven't seen Michelles place since she's moved there.. I am excited!!!

2. Seeing Matthew for the first time in a LONG time.. not sure when that will be but I am excited about it nonetheless!!!!

1 person I am going to appreciate:

My friend Kristy... I am so happy to be doing this Inauguration stuff together.. If it weren't for her suggesting to volunteer.. I would have NEVER even thought of it...!!! Thanks Honeydew!!!

Ok.. into my day I go... with much to be happy about!

Much Love!

Kerilyn

High/Low 1.8.09

2009-01-08T10:50:00.002-05:00

Hiety Ho my lovebugs!!!

What's happening??? Can you believe it's already the 8th of January?? Whoa... time FLIES!!! It's almost halfway thru January. amazing. Just 15 minutes ago it was snowing out my window at work.. and yes.. while I like watching it from the window.. you MUST all know by now that driving in the stuff is another story!

I feel off today... I had a frustrating run yesterday... with everyone doing the New Years Resolutions... the little gym in my bldg is busy and I had to wait 15 minutes to get the treadmill I run on... Well.. It has thrown me off a bit... frustrates me. By the time I got to run.. I had used the elliptical for a while and well.. i'm rambling but I only ran a mile and half.. pissed me off. Plus it was hotter in the room with the more people so I was sweating hard and feeling really tired. Ugh!!! You KNOW i'm going to sneak out of here early to make sure that doesn't happen tonite.

So NOT to focus on my off day.. let's get to the good stuff.. onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. Getting together with my best friend Naomi.. we met and had dinner at one of our favorite places.. Outback.. YUM. Good catching up with her and exchanging Christmas Gifts!
2. I am wearing my favorite Salmon colored Shirt!! I feel pretty today.. my black pants are getting REALLY big on me.. I know I need to buy a new pair!
3. I found this program (Hardware/Software) that I am excited about using for the mailings that I need to mail out by the end of January. Yippee!
4. I got my new 2009/2010 pocket calendar all set up and I'm ready to roll for another 2 years worth of fun things to do!!! Amazing that a new calendar would make me so happy but it does!!! My mom got me one with my Name (and future New Name) on it! Yea!

2 things I look forward to today:
1. Running.. I'm going to avoid having to wait... ugh. I will run 2 miles today...
2. Going home and resting.. catching up on my Tivo Shows in my PJ's. I feel tired.. like I need to rest.

2 long term things I am looking forward to:
1. Chant for Change on the 19th! Sitting there with all these people.. singing/chanting and I'm sure feeling the energy of the Evening!! Can't wait!!!
2. The meeting on Sunday (after I volunteer at the National Building Museum) about Volunteering at the Inauguration! I hope Kristy gets in too.. I feel bad.. she is the one that told me about it.. and I got picked... It's not going to be as fun if I have to do this alone... Fingers crossed!!!!
3. Thievery Corporation on January 28th with Kristy!!! I am so excited.. I've never seen them live so this will be fun!!! Dancing my butt off I predict!!!
4. An Evening with Elizabeth Gilbert - the Author of EAT PRAY LOVE!!!! Going with Naomi, Kristy and Janet!!! Yea!!! I LOVE this book and I'm so excited to see her speak in March!!! Yippee!!!!

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Matthew.. besides the obvious reasons why I love him and miss him and can't wait to see him after almost 2 years.... He's blowing my mind with an offer that is making me speechless. More about this if it comes to fruition.

Ok... Tomorrow is Friday.. Thank Goodness!!!
Much Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 1.5.08

2009-01-05T09:35:00.004-05:00

Happy New Year my peoples!!!!!

How are you? Happy 2009!!!! This is my 501th Post on my High/Low here on Blogger!!! Holy Moly!!! We've (My WVU roomie Lisa) and I have been writing a High/Low since 2001... Is that right Lisa? I think so... Originally I just sent a High/Low email to everyone everyday.. upwards of 70 people everyday.. then the creation of the "blog" via Blogger.. and voila.. here we are.. I've definitely written more than 500 posts including my emails previous to the creation of this means of communication... Hopefully this year... I'll be posting my blog from my own Website... so I can keep it closer to home... What a nice way to start off the New Year.... reflections of where I have been and where I'm going.... very exciting!

And speaking of that...the past few days I've had this overwhelming sense of calm.. and comfort... I don't think I've EVER been so excited to ring in a New Year.. and a New Birthday (December 31st Baby.. 34 yrs old! Check out my Flickr pics of my birthday/New Years Celebration!!!) In EVERY aspect.. I feel like I am EXACTLY where I am supposed to be... in my soul.. it's like an inner knowing... My job, still love what I do and where I do it.. where I live.. (I'm warming up to admitting I live in Arlington vs. my Del Ray Alexandria) I feel SO much more settled in the house with Peter.. set up my little studio/desk area... computer.. inspiration hanging on the wall.. (I'll take a pic and post) and am looking forward to focusing on my cards again.. amazing I haven't worked on my cards in over a YEAR!!! Up to running 2 miles a day.. and am SO proud of myself for that... I am noticing a difference in my body every day... and am therefore investing more time end energy (and money) to looking showing off the fruits of my labor (I'm revealing my inner HOT MAMA!) ...My best friend Matthew is home.. and it's a nice way to go into the new year.. to be able to hear his voice and talk to him whenever I need him... I've missed him SO much the almost 2 years he's been in Iraq... I feel SO blessed.. my friends and family.. wow.. my cup runneth over with amazing people in my corner.. wow.. Solid Gold. And.. planning an amazing event for September 26th.. a reflection of who Peter and I are.. our passions...we have to begin deciding on the fun stuff this year... stuff I wanted to wait to do until the Saga of 2008 was over... So stay tuned... I am excited to see how events play out with each week/month of 2009 progresses....

with that said... onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. I got some really AMAZING Birthday gifts this year...Some AWESOME Coffee cups with "The Secret" sayings with Boxes of Green Tea and a book on Green Tea from my future Brother and Sister in Law... a Remote Control for my Digital SLR Camera from my best friend Naomi (Can you say AWESOME!!!) My girl Janet gave me an awesome necklace that I can't wait to wear... Slumdog Millionaire Soundtrack from Kristy... a wonderful Candle from Scott... Peter got me a photo album to go with my Camera to start documenting our lives in..(he's so cute!) my sister got me a Sirius Gift Certificate.. SO needed when I get my Sirius put back in my car hopefully tomorrow!!! and my girl Davina gave me this AMAZING Ohm Charm for my necklace for my birthday.. I have it on now and I LOVE it!!!! I've been really looking hard for one... and it's EXACTLY what I would have bought for myself.... Truly...Thank You EVERYONE!!!! (I hope I didn't forget anyone.. if so.. I'm sorry)
2. I had a really good time with my parents yesterday.. talking about September.. My mom got me a really cute Nightgown for my birthday. And.. I had a bowl of my moms chili while there.. YUM YUM!!!
3. I talked to Matthew for 2 hours on Saturday nite... MADE MY DAY!!! First time I really talked to him in YEARS. I look forward to much more of that this year!!!
4. I bought the Kanye West CD for Peter yesterday.. and I have it on my IPOD.. it's really good!!! Jamming in my seat at work!

2 things I look forward to today:
1. Running of course.... Feels SO good!!!
2. Relaxing after running... the house is clean.. and that makes me really enjoy being home..

2 long term things I'm looking forward to:
1. I was picked to be a volunteer at the Presidential Inauguration (HOW EXCITING!!!) Thanks to my girl Kristy... We're going to a meeting to hopefully volunteer together on Sunday!!!!
2. Seeing Thievery Corporation on Wednesday, January 28th with my girl Kristy!!!

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Everyone in my life.. I am blessed because of you... You have made me who I am.. and I know I say this a lot.. but it's important you know how much I mean it... I love who I am and I wouldn't change a thing... I value and love you all very much... You are a part of me! I am a lucky woman.

Ok.. Have a great week!!! Hope you have a good one!!!
Much Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 12.30.08

2008-12-30T15:04:00.004-05:00

Hiety Ho....(And a Shout out to my boy Matthew....Happy Now?)

I know.. I know... I have not written in a week... Where to start??? hmm... So much to fill you in on... Hmm...Well I started with what I thought was a head cold back on the 18th of December... which turned into full blown flu... drs appt... NOT being able to breathe out my nose... fevers.. Ugh.. God Bless Peter.. I have been a handful and then some... The Dr told me that I really shouldn't be going anywhere for a few days.. this was the day before Christmas eve.. so I was understandably really upset.. (again.. God Bless Peter.. putting up with my 2 yr old little girl crying thinking I was going to have to cancel Christmas plans) But.. I pushed thru it with the help of a slew of medicines and forcing myself to rest..

I didn't run in almost a week and half.. Ugh.. I missed it a LOT.... up to TWO MILES NOW!!! Can you believe it... 3 months ago I was trying for a half a mile.. and now.. TWO MILES... Ok so I wanted to be at 3 miles by now but whatever.. At least I'm still running every day and I'm seeing a difference.. That's all that matters to me!!! I will be running a 5K in the Spring.. Mark My Words!!!!

Christmas Eve at my sisters house (We're starting a new tradition switching off houses at Christmas time.. Next Year will be at the Russos - thats OUR house!!! Hee Hee! We will try to get the NJ Russos to our house but we'll see... our place is an ok size but all those people... meh.. not sure) I got my New Sirius Radio (Thanks Mom/Dad/Krissy/Steve) to replace the one that was stolen in my car in September.. THANK GOODNESS... I cannot TELL you how much I've missed listening to the Chill Channel on my way to/from work... and Reggae.. 24 hours a day... Heaven!!! Peters going to reinstall it on Friday.. whew! can't wait!!! ANYWAY.. Christmas Eve/Morning was filled with yummy mom foods... and spending time with family.. After Breakfast we got on the road and drove to NJ despite me still not feeling well.. (Damn my clogged head!) We spent a few days in NJ with Peters family... and can I just tell you...

I love his family.. It's the long lost Italian family that I've been missing since my grandparents "went home"... A loud and exhuberant and loving family... the Francos from Long Island.. and all the Russos... I had a great time.. ate well.. received some loverly gifts.. and just hung out.. the Day after christmas.. I spent the entire day in my pajamas... the whole family did for the most part.. SO NICE!!! I didnt' really start to truly feel better till Saturday, Dec 27th...I had a great time.. Just makes me so excited for what this next year is to bring!!! We drove home Saturday evening.. and I am really blessed.. Peter and I.. singing Frank Sinatra songs in the car.. What more could you ask for (Peter put a "Singing Star" Award in my stocking - yea yea.. I can sing) I will tell you that knowing our story.... Peter and I are more in love with each other now.. than ever before.. It's just like this amazing feeling... I cannot describe it...

Back at work.... still stuffy head but I'm 87% back to snuff.. Yesterday was the "walk through" at the house... in Del Ray... Long story but it ended up just being Kevin and I... and well.. I will say our last meeting was bittersweet..... I handed in the Key.. we made small talk about the house.. and I walked away... waiting for my Security Deposit back in a week or so.. and am DONE!!! What a year.. This has been both the most beautiful and also heart breaking year of my life.. I mean when God changes something.. they don't do it lightly , do they? (yes they) .. I cried on my drive home a bit...not because I am regretful.. but as a releasing.. or closing of a chapter that has brought about much growth.... much pain... along with much joy..... so I can say it.. I'M DONE!!!! DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE!!!!

(It needed it's own line)

No more house to contend with.. no more excuses.. or wondering what if.... no more begging or loneliness... feeling unworthy... No, I walked out of that house and into a new really exciting chapter... already in process... and with this New Year... 2009 promises to bring about some amazing experiences... I am sure of that!!!

Tomorrow is New Years Eve.. and my 34th Birthday... on the itinerary.. I'm leaving work at noon.. grabbing some grub.. and then going to get my feetsies done with my girl Kristy.. then making myself all dolled up for a group of 10 of my friends.. we're going to have dinner and ring in the year at Lias (Peters Restaurant) Peter has to work and I couldn't think of any other place I would watn to be than with my love... Giving him a Kiss to welcome in 2009. What an awesome one it's going to be.. I assure you.

So onto my goals... my 2009 Goals... I don't have many but their very important:

1. Keep Running. No matter what.. Keep running. I WILL be running a 5K in the Spring.. and then many more after that...
2. Get BACK to working on my cards..I can say this past year I have not made a ONE card.. yes.. I said YEAR.. (actually since Thanksgiving 2007) and now that my little studio space is getting all set up.. I'm feeling the energy coming back... It is my goal to get my cards in 2 new shops by June.. maybe more.
3. Take a Belly Dancing Class.. Already have one picked out!
4. Get back into Group Meditation.... Yoga Studio RIGHT around the corner from me.. and I've already contacted them about Meditation class... Next week or so I'm ON it!!
5. Go on a long weekend trip with my boy Matthew..... I have been SO looking to spending some good quality time with him now that he's back from duty in Iraq (get over it Matthew.. I said it)
6. Finish up all the planning I have to do for September 26th... I'm glad it's the Fun stuff!!!
7. SAVE SAVE SAVE money... I am excited because I feel like this year is going to be my most prosperous... financially... and that will prove useful in September!!!
8. *** Take a Digital Photography class - now that I have my nice new Digital SLR Camera.. I want to learn how to use it!!! I am so excited to get out there and take some amazing pics!!!!! Woo hoo!!!

So It is now New Years Eve (flash forward from yesterday) and so.. in approximately 12 minutes I will be 34 years old!!! Amazing how much can change in one year!!! I will honestly say that I NEVER expected to be where I am today... but I am so glad I am!!! I can say that I feel more beautiful.. more loved.. and EXACTLY where I am supposed to be.. I have never been this excited to ring in a new year!!!

PS: AWESOME NEWS!!!!! : About 3 weeks ago.. My friend Kristy suggested we try to volunteer to work at the Inauguration of Barack Obama... so she created a group with her friend.. and we filled out the forms.. it said that there are soo many people that sign up to volunteer that it's not guaranteed that I'll get to volunteer.. WELL.... last nite.. my blackberry goes off (BARRRING!) and it's an email saying that I am selected to be a volunteer.. and I get to now take a training class and information so I can Volunteer!!! !!! WAHOO!!! I'm excited to be a part in any way I can.. to participate in this amazing event!!!!! SO COOL!!!! GO BARACK!!!

Thank You everyone... for supporting me.. for being there.. for carrying me when I was too upset to walk... for listening and letting me cry.. for celebrating with me... I am a very blessed and lucky woman... and don't think for a SECOND that I don't know that!!!

I'm off.. into the Great Blue Yander... to celebrate!!! Go... do the sameth...
Happy New Year!!!
Much Love
Kerilyn

A movie you HAVE HAVE TO SEE!!!

2008-12-22T10:39:00.004-05:00

Hi Everyone!!!!

OH my gosh.. If you know me you KNOW that I feel SO strongly when I find something that inspires/moves/touches me... oh my gosh...

I want you to all run out/log on.. do what you have to do and see this movie...

Angel-A

I caught it on Showtime (I think) this weekend..A French Foreign Film... (images of Valentines Day Proposals in Paris made me want to spit (heh heh) but Meh.. get OVER yourself Kerilyn!!! Random Thoughts...don't mind me)

I think I'm going to rent ALL of the movies (foreign and domestic) that this Director (Luc Besson) has done... Yippee!!! He moves me.. He did The Fifth Element and The Big Blue (Some of my ALL TIME FAVORITE MOVIES!!!!)

HOLY MOLY!!! I haven't even seen it from the beginning (yet) and I was moved.. (now granted I have a nasty head cold so maybe my emotions are fuzzy cause of that... NAH.. I just LOVED this movie!!!)

I'm not going to tell you too much... but It's about EXACTLY what I'm facing.. Loving OURSELVES!!!!! In such a beautiful and artistic way.. (a such a Parisian way...)

GO... Check out this movie and let me know what you think!!!!

:) Kerilyn

High/Low 12.17.08

2008-12-17T09:38:00.003-05:00

Hiety Ho my loverlies!!!

How ya doin? I'm groovy.... Wednesday.. how i wish it was Thursday... But hopefully this day will fly by... heh... I want to do a 3 things 2 things AND I want to tell you what my New Years Goals are... (Resolutions are so.... Resolute.. Goals sound much better.. not as Rigid)

So let me get to it...3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. Last nite.. my friends Stephanie, Scott, Sarah, Peter and I met up at this Seafood Restaurant called Black Salt for a christmas dinner.. (Check out Flickr Photos) a few cocktails before hand... and some really yummy Seafood (Their Butterfish Appetizer.. HIGHLY recommended!!!) Good Talks with Good Friends..... that's what this time of year is all about!!! I'm glad that my friends got to spend time with Peter again.. Steph and Scott have met him before.... so it's good to reconnect.
2. Since I went to Macys last weekend and bought some new clothes to fit my slightly smaller body.. I have been wearing new clothes every day this week.. It is nice to wear something new...
(Side note: There is a really good article that Oprah wrote about gaining weight after losing so much... anyone interested in the psychology of losing a lot of weight and putting it back on... this is a good reference from an emotional point of view.. just saying.)
3. Just happy to be so blessed with wonderful friends... and happy that I can see how many things I have to be happy about.

2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. Getting a lovely Steak and Cheese Pita for lunch today.. YUM!!!
2. Running... next week I'm going up to 2 miles a day! Yippee!!!
3. Tonite.. I am going home.. doing a load of laundry.. making myself a loverly Pork Chop dinner and catching up on my Tivo Shows.. in my PJ's.. and trying to go to bed early. I've been a busy bee this week and I'm tuckered out!

2 long term things I am looking forward to:
1. I CANT WAIT to see Matthew again.. to get and give a BIG HUG.. to see his face.. and hear his voice in person... Don't know when.. but hopefully soon!!!
2. Having Sirius in my car again.. I have been going thru withdrawl since September!!! Miss listening to the Reggae channel and CHILL channel.. Sigh.. :(

1 person I am going to appreciate:
My friend Sarah.. I don't know her super well.. but she has such a GREAT positive attitude... I get this girly tee hee inside when I hear her talk about how great life works out.. (talking to her about the events of this past year) and how happy she is for me.. It just makes me that much happier.. and grateful.. I really hope that I get to know her better in 2009 before she leaves for UCLA in June....

I'll have to do my New Years Goals tomorrow... not feeling it now.. typing them out.
Much Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 12.16.08

2008-12-16T15:25:00.003-05:00

Hi there folksies..

Here's me... on a Monday afternoon.. Peter text me a picture of him saying... "Show me how happy you are?" So I sent him this picture of me... I thought I'd share with you.... for obvious reasons.. This is me in my station... And I love my job.. location.. people...all of the above so it's not too hard to show how happy I am... I loved my new outfit that day.. catch a glimpse of the bright purple dress I was wearing.. I looked good too... tee hee..

Yesterday it was warm out.. mid 60's.. unusual.. We had a little shin dig at our neighborhood.. Eggnog.. Cider... Booze... Hot Chocolate... PLENTY of sugar treats.. cookies.. etc... Roasting Chestnuts on an open fire.. (no really we did that) Santa (aka Peter in a wig and Beard) My girl Kristy came.... chilled with us a while.. Unfortunately the little party had a MUCH bigger potential than what actually manifested.. not many people were there and it didn't have the energy i was hoping for... oh well.. there's always next year! Today it's back down to the 30's..BRR cold... Ugh!

anyway... onto 3 things 2 things:

3 things that make me happy:
1. Hot Pho on a cold and yucky Day...My favorite Salesperson Bob and I just got back from Pho after going to a job site to do some field verifications.. SO yummy in the tummy on this dreary kinda day..
2. Seeing the Christmas Tree lit up in the front window .. as I drive down the street... The lights going up the stairs.. our stockings.. playing the Christmas channel on Sirius... Just that sense of Spirit... I love it!!! Seeing my kitty girl sitting underneath the tree. Precious.
3. At nite.. when Peter and I go to sleep.. we always intertwine our feet together so they touch each other.. it's such a nice feeling when going to sleep.

2 things that I look forward to today:
1. Honestly going to sleep tonite.. I'm tired... and feel emotional today... Not necessarily 100% sociable today.
2. I am looking forward to dinner with Stephanie, Scott and Sarah tonite with Peter. We're going to Black Salt I am hoping they have Lobster Bisque that I keep hearing is good there!

2 long term things I look forward to:
1. Saturday.. waking up with my honey... (he's off Saturdays) and then going to get my hair done at Aveda at Noonish.. then taking my honey to his favorite Fogo De Chao (A Brazilian Steakhouse) and then I'm taking him to go see Jim Brickman - Romantic Evening I hope!!!
2. Sunday just chilling out... Waking up.. Sunday Morning Edition.. Newspaper.. Maybe finish up my christmas shopping.... My sister is probably going to come and keep me company.
3. Finishing setting up the bedroom... Putting all my clothes away in my dresser that i've missed so much the past 5 months.. and getting the room back in some semblance of a shape!

1 person that I am going to appreciate:
My girlfriend Kristy.. I met her on a whim.. on Craigslist.. and we have become really good friends.... I am really grateful she is in my life.. We have intertwined our lives and our stories together.. I am very lucky..

Also.. Peter.. I know that I have been a handful lately.. I think the actual settling in that the stuff with the house is over.. and I have nothing left to worry about.. Shifting gears takes a moment of adjustment.. Starting with a day of doing nothing...

Ok.. yawn.. I'm ready for the end of the day.
Much Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 12.10.08

2008-12-10T10:43:00.002-05:00

Morning my Kindred Spirits...

Ok... I have very strange news... I found another Kerilyn Fox on Facebook.. She's only 18 years old.. but It's CREEPING me out!!! Eww.. knowing someone out there has my exact name.. is creepy. I actually emailed her.. and she feels the same way... (I feel kinda better that I existed first? Is that weird to say?)

anyway.. I had to get that out... eww.

OK.. It's Wednesday... Feeling good today... It's warmer than usual outside.. mid-60's today .. which is FINE with me! I can't find my favorite red scarf and I'm glad I didn't need it today!

onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. Reading this Daily Om today. It made me reconnect with the smaller... little blessings I have. instead of trying to find the big ones everyday.. There are so many smaller blessings that I think I have been overlooking.
2. Good Cup of Coffee this morning.
3. Sounds so silly saying this...but knowing Pez has a fresh litter box! Taking care of my kitty girl!

2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. Going to eat Lunch with my girl Bianca.. I haven't seen her in a few months so it'll be good to catch up! AND... we're going to eat Pho.. YUM!
2. Running tonite.. I'm going to up my distance to a mile and 3/4. Wish me Luck!

2 long term things I am looking forward to:
1. Spending a few days up in NJ with Peters family.... Driving up Christmas afternoon...I love his family... and I'm excited to be with them this Christmas!
2. This Sunday... after I am DONE with the final move at the house on Saturday.. reorganizing my clothes into my dresser.. and REALLY settling in to the house just that final bit more. I'm excited to hang my AWESOME Banana Leaf Mirror in the Dining Room.. and to have my coffee table and rug back with me....that is going to go SO well with the Red Sofa!! It'll be nice to have my things in our space more...

1 person I am going to appreciate:
The fact when I REALLY look back on my life the past few years.. EVERYTHING has worked out EXACTLY as it should have.... True it hasn't been without it's painful moments.. but there has also been a lot of amazingly beautiful and wonderful moments too.. Filled with laughter.. love and learning... I honestly wouldn't be where I am today if I had done anything differently... It just goes to prove that I should ALWAYS trust myself.. NOT to doubt myself... no matter what.. That NOTHING I do is wrong.. just takes me to the next step that is next on my journey. Doesn't take away the pain.. tears.. and moments of fear... but that's why we're here to face and learn from them.. so in a Bigger Picture.. it makes it all worth it.

Much Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 12.9.08

2008-12-09T14:04:00.002-05:00

Hiety Ho my loverlies!

What's up? I'm feeling a little blah today.. Nothing exciting going on.. trying to figure out christmas gifts ($).. and cleaning the house..just day in and day out stuff.. Funny.. I tend to feel this way in the middle of the week. Oh well.. Got some awesome things to share so with that said....

onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy: (Going in Sequential Order)
1. Friday nite I had a GREAT nite.. I had a good run.. then I went to get my eyebrows waxed... then I had a GREAT GREAT Therapy Session! It was going so well.. we lost track of time and I ended up being there 2 hours! Then.. I came home.. and Peter and I went to our favorite Mexican Place.. and Had a few Margaritas and a lite dinner.. We had a great time together...
2. Then... (DRUMROLL PLEASE!!!) Peter said he couldn't wait for christmas to give me my present... that it's been driving him crazy!!! So.. He gave it to me.... He got me a Nikon D40 Digital SLR Camera!!! Holy MOLY!!!! I was and still am SO surprised!!! I mean I love to take pictures...but I NEVER ever expected an SLR!!! Peter told me he remembers me telling him years ago that I wanted one... Wow.....I am one lucky woman!! Wouldn't you agree???? Now I need to learn how to use the camera! Just for those that don't know.. a Digital SLR is a Manual.. Digital Camera.. Having to use the Lense..etc.. Shutter Speed.. F Stop..etc.. Now I need to really sink my teeth into learning how to excel at it!
3. Last Saturday, Peter and I put up our first Real Christmas Tree together at our house!!!! Yippee!! I got Stockings for the Kitties.. and put them on the railing going up the stairs.. and Hung Cards in the Doorway....Candles in the Windows.. Looks so nice.. and Christmassy.. SO nice to sit with all the lights out and enjoy the twinkling of the Tree!!! ALSO, We spent a few hours with the neighbors.. putting up another bigger tree outside.. Lights on Everyones Deck... Bails of Hay... Next Monday nite Peters dressing up like Santa.. we're roasting Chestnuts.. and Projecting a Christmas movie on the brick wall outside.. and hoping we win the contest for best decorated Area in Arlington Village!!! It was fun... Peter built a fire.. it snowed a little bit.. don't get me wrong it was COLD! but it was a good time! I love that all the neighbors get together regularly..

2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. Running ... of course.
2. Peter is off today so tonite I really want some quality time with him. Just being shmoochy and mushy and stuff...He's making dinner, I think Steaks.. Yum!
3. Going to sleep.. I'm feeling tired.

2 long term things I am looking forward to:
1. My Romantic Evening with Peter next Saturday, the 20th... Dinner and a wonderful Christmas Concert to see Jim Brickman - Get Dressed up.... Maybe drive down King St in Old Town.. and take in the lights in the trees.
2. New Years Eve.. A few of my friends and I are going to Peter's Restaurant to Ring in the New Year (and my 34th Birthday!)!!!

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Honestly My sister.... She and I had a hard conversation with our parents on Sunday and I'm so glad that she was there with me and I was there for her...Amazing how we both lean on each other when dealing with the hard stuff with our parentals.. We went out to grab some grub afterward to talk abou tit.It's amazing how close we've become over the years.. I'm so grateful!!!

Ok.. Rambling..
Much Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 12.5.08

2008-12-05T11:00:00.003-05:00

Hiety Ho!!!

Holy Moly It's FRIDAY!!! Wahoo!!!! Feel really good today!!

Let me not dilly dally.. onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. Sitting here.. listening to Jai Uttal on my IPOD as I'm happily working on a project. Jai's music is enchanting.. Kirtan music.. music that makes me want to take a DEEP breath in.. and surround myself with the white light.... I feel so peaceful when I listen to his music.. same with Krishna Das. Chanting Indian-esque music.. OHMMMM......
2. Last nite I got a package from my Auntie!!! A book that I can't wait to sink my teeth into Called "The Shift" Thanks Auntie! I love getting mail!!!!
3. Today is payday and starting today.. instead of paying rent.. I begin my savings account.. for Next Septembers festivities.. SO nice to have the money going toward something that will bear an amazing outcome!

2 things that I look forward to today:

1. Running tonite.. I had an office event last nite.. and by the time I got back to my car..it was late ..Meh.. that's an excuse.. Truthfully ever since Thanksgiving.. with those dang Rice Krispy Treats staring at me everynite (I ate them all up yesterday..doh!) and Peter making YUMMY meatballs on Tuesday.. (LEFTOVERS!) I feel like I've been slacking in the watching what I'm eating department! Gotta get back on Track!!!
2. Eyebrow Waxing appt then Therapy. I like therapy so I'm looking forward to both.

2 long term things I am looking forward to:
1. Putting up our first official Christmas Tree in OUR place tomorrow.. Decorating.. I KNOW we are going to laugh a lot!!! And lots of singing christmas Carols!!!
2. UGH.. Just have to say it... NEVER having to freaking hear from Kevin again with regards to ANYTHING that has to do with this house..... at this point.. it's aggravating!!! Get a email from the owner yesterday that he was obstinant with the Realtor whos trying to sell it.. The owner understandably said that if we don't cooperate he won't let us out of the lease until the end of January like originally discussed.. But Mr Eternal Pessimist started a broo ha ha and I don't even LIVE there!! You talk to him on the phone and it's all about ME ME ME ME ME ME and it just pisses me off! Ok.. UGH.. just had to vent that!!! UPDATE 5:07PM: HOLY MOLY THE HOUSE THAT WAS PUT ON THE MARKET YESTERDAY.. IS ALREADY SOLD!!! AMEN ALLELIUIAH!!!!

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Me. If your happy and you know it clap your hands.. CLAP CLAP!!! Feeling really good today..proud of myself.!!!

Ok... Happy friday and have a good weekend!
Much Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 12.4.08

2008-12-04T09:37:00.002-05:00

Morning Lovebugs!

Wasabi? Anything good going down? Thursday... Thank goodness tomorrow is the last day of the week... I've been feeling time space continuum of Groundhog Day.. you know.. day after day.. do the same thing..get up, shower, meditate, drink coffee.. fart around.. go to work... eat oatmeal at desk..see the same people everyday...run after work... etc. you catch my drift... I know sometimes life just works like that.. but I'm noticing it...

ANYWAY.. I also just wanted to say that I know it may seem to some of you like I'm still having a hard time with the events of this year.. And.. I'll admit that it's been an interesting journey.. trying to heal from one door closing at the same time trying to be in the moment of all the wonderfulness that is Peter and I... a GRAND RE-OPENING of another door...and that it's happened at the same time. I don't know what to say... It's just how it happened. I know you hear me talk about feeling twinges.. and being hurt.. etc.. and I won't lie that yes, that is happening..it's part of the healing process.... But I want to tell you that I want you to TRUST ME... If you know my story.. you know that a lot of strange things have happened in my life.. at odd times.. I mean 7 jobs in 9 years? Talk about weird timing.. I didn't know what was happening but EVERY job that i've had has lead me to the one I have now and I LOVE what I do!!! SO I have faith that everything works out the way it's supposed to.. whether we know WHY it's happening or not... I know it's a BLESSING that Peter came into my life when he did.. I am lucky and I KNOW it... I am really happy... I'm SO excited about our future.. I feel MYSELF again...i'm exercising and seeing my friends again.. and laughing and being me more than I have in the past 2 years.. I will admit that I lost myself a bit trying to make a relationship work that wasn't destined to last.. and God/The Universe.. set things in motion.. If you know the whole story of the transition.. God had his/her hand in that for sure!!! Anyway.. I want you to know I'm STRONG enough to handle this... even though yes.. sometimes you'll see me struggling.. It's just part of the process I think.. I'm emotional and sensitive so of course I FEEL it more..but it doesn't mean I feel like I'm doubting my decision.. WHO BETTER to stand by my side than someone who TRULY loves me... sometimes more than I love myself... and who sees what I'm trying to accomplish?

Have faith in me... Things happen (usually unfortunate or sad ones) in our lives to help bring about the lesson..That's why we're here.. If nothing happened.. and we lived an uneventful life.. What would we learn? Not much.. And Guys (and Gals) I have learned SO MUCH about me.. even yesterday really grasping how much I really don't trust my own decisions.. THAT is probably why all this is happening.

Sometimes life just sucks.. and you can dwell on it.. become victimized (which we all take on from time to time) but we can't let it bring us down.. Have to be "Brave on the Rocks" as Sabrina Ward Harrison says... and KNOW that we will become a more shiner and brighter the more we clear out the gunk..

I was telling someone yesterday.. Where I'm at is this... Ok.. so I have this car and it's not working and I can't get to work.. So one day this AMAZING DEAL of another car comes along.. and I CANNOT and WILL NOT pass it up.. so YEA!! NEW CAR FOR ME!!! And it's shiny and new.. It makes me happy!!! But still.. I have this broken car.. it makes me sad.. I loved that car.. but I know it just won't work...I have to let it go.. and I KNOW that..Unfortunately I have to invest in opening the hood and looking at what's broken.. in order to know what parts will fix it and then take the TIME and EFFORT to fix it (or pay to have it fixed.. uh Therapy!) so you can get RID of it ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!! So you can enjoy the nice and shiny car...

Does this make sense at all? Ok maybe it's not a PERFECT metaphor.. but it works for me.. Sometimes you can't pass up an amazing Deal that you KNOW God had his/her hand in.. You know? So yea.. it sucks.. having to stand in the cold and fix the broken car.. when there is your new one parked right there.... but look what you have to look forward to.. getting rid of it so you can focus on your shiny one that makes you sing loudly while driving it!!!

Peter has been amazing.. he knows me.. he knows my heart.. he knows I feel strongly.. I love strongly..he knows my dysfunction... he knows I HAVE to do this.. face this.. look at what's broken... he KNOWS that I love him more and more everyday.. I always have.. and that I look forward to our future.

Ok so with that said.. I hope you have a great day!!!
Much Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 12.2.08

2008-12-02T09:31:00.002-05:00

Hiety Ho my Loverlies...

How are you? I'm gude!! I'm feeling a bit pissy today for some reason...so I'm going to keep this short and sweet.

onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. Had a good run last nite after taking 4 days off... There was this guy running next to me.. much faster than me... he was a good motivation for me. I think another few days at a mile and half and I can try to up my distance.
2. Last nite Peter got off of work at the same time I was on my way home so we went to get Pho last nite.. (check out my flickr page) YUM PHO! I love it.. it's so good on a cold day... we had a good time laughing as usual.. I feel "so much myself" when I'm with him.. Thank God.
3. Last nite I got my laundry done!! Yippee!!! I know.. it's a neverending story with Laundry but at least I'm good for a little while... heh..

2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. Running of course.
2. Tonite is our neighborhood "Christmas Lighting/Decorating" meeting... a few of us on the same block are going to decorate the shared back yard area.. Peter came up with this idea to dress up as Santa one nite.. Ha! Peter's off today so that will be nice to have him home for the evening.

2 long term things I am looking forward to:
1. I found this wonderful artist that is going to make me a custom Cell Phone Holder.. In this awesome fabric.. I found her on ETSY (Here is her shop) Yippee!! I can't wait to get it!!!
2. I know this is neurotic.. but I'm kinda excited to get a new 2009 pocket calendar.. I am the eternal planner.. and the thought of fresh untouched boxes of days with things to fill it with.. OOH!! Exciting!!!

1 person I am going to appreciate:
My Auntie.. She's amazing... I talked to her briefly last nite and she has been SUCH a blessing in my life... I am so blessed because she holds many roles for me in my life.. a Mother Role.. a Sister Role.. a Best Friend Role.. and a Kindred Spirit Role.... I KNOW that we have known each other in previous lives.. and I am grateful we share this lifetime together.. as family. I love you Auntie!!! Thank You for letting me vent last nite!!!

Ok... Dash away Dash away Dash away ALL!!!
Much Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 12.1.08

2008-12-01T09:01:00.002-05:00

Holy Moly!!

It's December already... SO many things happen in December.. and even more this year!!! Matthew comes home from Iraq any day now... After this month...I NO longer have to pay rent at a house I don't even live at... I close that chapter and really focus on completing my healing .. and looking forward to Septembers festivities and my future with Peter!!! This time next year I will be Mrs. Kerilyn Russo.. Holy Moly!!! Peter and I will be spending our first christmas as Newlyweds at our place... with our families around us!!! I'm so excited!!! This time next year I predict.. there will be some babies in my life as well. (not mine.. yet) so 2009 will prove to be a memorable one for sure!!

without further adieu... I give you 3 things 2 things:

3 things that make me happy:
1. Amazing Friends.. this weekend I spent time with Naomi and Kristy on Turkey Day... A yummy meal had by all. Saturday Janet and Kristy and my sister came to help me move a load of stuff out of the house.. and yesterday, Kristy, Naomi and I went to see Slumdog Millionaire .. good movie.. little violent.. but very touching. I have some amazing People in my corner.. and I am very grateful for all of you. Thank you.
2. Rice Krispy Treats - I made a batch of my moms peanut butter/honey wonderfulness and I can't stop nibbling on them!!! They came out just like my mom makes them.. Peter said he's going to hide them... NO.. don't take them away!!!
3. Leftovers... Need I say more.. I wrote a post a week or so ago about how I feel about leftovers!!! YUM!!!

2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. Running.. I haven't run in FOUR days and I kinda feel sluggish.. on top of eating my rice krispies delights... I feel excited to get back on track (no pun intended).... Depending on how the next two days runs go.. I might push it up to mile and 3/4 on my way to 2 miles a day.
2. I HAVE to do laundry!!! (ok i'm not looking forward to it necessarily but I CANT put it off any more!!) Yesterday it was SO yucky out.. I didn't have it in me to do it.. just laid on the sofa like a lump...

2 long term things I am looking forward to:
1. This weekend..!!! We're getting a tree and decorating for christmas!!! Yippee!!! I LOVE that Peter is as excited about it as me!!! Wahoo!!! I need to figure out what i'm doing for christmas cards this year... (few years of NOT doing them just doesn't feel like me.. so I'm on a mission to send them out this year)
2. Lots of fun things I'm doing in December.. dinner with Steph and Scott and Peter.. US Army Band Christmas Concert with Kristy.. Romantic Christmas Evening with Peter and Jim Brickman.. Christmas Eve/Day at my sisters (a new Fox Tradition!) and then a few days up in NJ with Peters family (soon to be my family!) and finally rounding off the year with my 34th birthday on New Years Eve!!!

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Everyone that has volunteered their time and love to help me... physically by helping me move out.. or spending time with me when I feel sad and alone...emotionally...allowing me to be vulnerable and exposed to my feelings...gently comforting me .. supporting my own decision to face what has caused this experience to happen... it's had it's very scary moments.. Peter who has been ABSOLUTELY AMAZING through all this.. so loving and supportive.. even in my teary moments... He is amazing. I am grateful.. I hope that in this next year.. I can return the favor 10 fold!!! Thank you.

Hope you have a good week!
Much Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 11.26.08

2008-11-26T09:01:00.003-05:00

Hi there my lovely love bugs!!!

What's up? It's Wednesday... last day of work before a 4 day weekend! Woo Hoo!!! I'm half excited and half anticipatory of this weekend...beginning the moving out process this weekend. Both Friday and Saturday I'm going to be Shaking my Tail Feather.. enlisting my sister, Naomi Possibly and My honey to help with this.

I won't ramble on and on today... onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. Put on my pants today.. getting BIG on me! Wahoo!!! I'm thinking.. it's only the end of November.. I have NINE and half months before September festivities... if both myself and others can see me losing weight NOW..can you imagine what the change in my body will be by then!! I'm excited!!! And honestly I'm running because I like to... yes.. the thinning of the body is also a goal and a bonus.. but I honestly do not feel like running after work is a chore.. Anyone that knows me knows that I got up to six miles a day.. lost 70 lbs before.... and I enjoyed it then too.. this feels like a repeat of that.
2. Not having to wake up early for the next few days. That will be good any way you look at it!
3. Peter fixed my turn signal in my car so it doesn't go ghetto fast... it's been ghetto for over a month now.. My honey is the best!

2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. Running of course.
2. Honestly I don't have anything to do tonite (Anyone available? Want to hang out with little 'ol me?) I guess I'll go grocery shopping for tomorrow.. and chill.

2 long term things I'm looking forward to:
1. Naomi and I are going to see Slumdog Millionaire on Sunday! It looks like a REALLY good movie!!!
2. Peter was singing this "I got you something great for Christmas" song last nite.. and is telling me I'm going to love it.. so now I'm excited to see what it is!!! He's really good about keeping surprises.. a surprise.. (which is cool .. i like surprises) but i'm excited to see what it will be!
3. On Friday, December 12th.. My girl Kristy and I are going to go to the United States Army Band Christmas Concert !!! Yippee!!!

1 person I am going to appreciate:
My co-worker/designer Bob... He has helped me with my running.. (he runs 3.5 miles every day) and so we talk about it.. talk about Shoes.. I watch him eat fruit every day... so he's inspired me to eat an apple and banana every day. He's given me a runners log... and two running books to read. It makes me happy to have someone to talk to about changes in runs from day to day. (I'm at a 10 minute mile.. which is just fine with me!) Thanks Bob!

Ok ya'll.. hope you have a great Turkey Day... enjoy celebrating with your families wherever you are. I am grateful for you... being in my life.
Gobble Gobble!
Much Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 11.25.08

2008-11-25T09:56:00.002-05:00

Hiety Ho my loverlies!!!

How are you? I'm just peachy!! Tuesday..... not as cold as yesterday thank goodness. Tomorrow is the last day of the work week.. SO happy about that!!! I am feeling so good the past week or so.. it's like something clicked in my brain.. and clear understanding has moved in and I am feeling SO good about myself and where my life is going!!! Yippee!!!

Ok.. not to dilly dally... onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. I am sitting in this new FABULOUS chair at my office.. The Herman Miller Embody Chair!! (Check it out!!!) My office is also a showroom... where clients come to the office to check out furniture/chairs/etc... so we got this new chair in as a demo chair and usually I don't really change chairs.. I have been using my chair for over 2 years now.. but when i saw this chair.. and then sat in it.. wowee. It is so comfortable.. and unique looking.. LOVE It!!!
2. Had a REALLY good run last nite.. mile and half starting to come easy.. LOVE that.. barely sweating at the end of run.. SUCH a good sign!!!
3. Went over to Naomis house after getting my nails done last nite.. HOLY MOLY!! She had the bathroom renovation done.. It looks AMAZING!!!! It doesn't look AT ALL like the same bathroom I used for 2 years.. Naomi honey.. You have GREAT Taste (Matthew... when you come to visit sometime.. you HAVE to go to Naomis and check out the house.. it looks SO different!!)

2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. Running of course.. I think another week or so of a mile and half and I'll go up to mile and 3/4. My goal of 3 miles by January might be delayed a month.... but meh.. can only go as far as my body goes..and I'm doing pretty good!
2. My honey is home today... Enjoying his day off.. and he's making Eggplant Lasagna tonite for dinner!! YUMMY!!!! Looking forward to spending the evening with him.!!!

2 long term things I am looking forward to:
1. I'm waiting on my new pair of shoes to come in!!! Today? Tomorrow? Next week? Who knows!!!
2. Since the wonderful woman that does my eyebrows is on vacation this week.. I might treat myself to an eyebrow wax at my FAVORITE Salon/Store.. Aveda (The spa is Circe but they use Aveda!!) On the pricey side for a brow wax.. (20 bucks... ouch!) but meh..I AM WORTH IT!!!

1 person I am going to appreciate:
All my wonderful friends.. Thank You for being there for me.. for supporting me.. for loving me when I don't love myself. Thank You for being there this year.. when I really didn't know what I was doing..allowing me to not know gently as I figure it out.. For being "real" with me.. and not sugar coating something that might be hard to hear. I love you for it. For helping me laugh.. and allowing me to cry (and cry I have! Whew!) I am a better person for having you all in my life. Thank You.

As I sashay into the day.. I wish you a good one!
Much Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 11.24.08

2008-11-24T10:03:00.002-05:00

Morning!!!

How are you my lovely little fireflies? I'm great this morning!!! I just feel better and better every day!! Ok so I don't know if I told you.. the owners of the house are selling.. and they decided to release us from our Lease a month earlier! Thank goodness.. Saving a thousand bucks that's not being wasted! So begins the journey of hauling all the stuff OUT of the house... which is fine.. I'm already settled in with Peter at the house.. so it's just putting stuff in storage until we change locations.. or move away... (1-1/2 to 2 years) Thankfully my parentals have been gracious enough to let me put my boxes and little furniture I have in their basement!!! So I don't have to pay for storage! Woo Hoo! Thank You Parentals!!! My wonderful sister came Saturday to help me organize the basement.. to purge.. I really don't have THAT much stuff... (I always say that but when it comes to actually moving it is another story! Ha!) SO.. as of my birthday (December 31st) that chapter of my life will officially be over and whatever remnants of healing I have to do still (there is a bit lingering around) can begin then... I knew that I wasn't going to fully be able to heal until this chapter is crazy glued shut. Then.. 2009 is going to be a spectacular year!!! September being the Month of celebration!!! WOO HOO!!! Oh my gosh.. to start another chapter ...immersed in love.. and excitement of what is to come!! I am SO excited!!!

ok ok.. enough rambling Kerilyn.. onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. My favorite artist romantic "Brave on the Rocks" spirit woman welcomed her new son into the World!!! Check them out!!! Welcome Cedar!!!!
2. I'm setting up my studio space at the house and it's coming together really nicely.. I need to get my desk lamp at the house to finish it off and i'll be ready to rock and roll!!!
3. I'm wearing this dress today that, just a month ago.. fit me a little snuggly and today.. it's pretty loose on me!!! Yippee!!! Kristine told me she can tell I'm losing weight! I love to hear this.. keep it coming!!!
4. My Matthew is leaving Iraq in less than a week!!! Oh man!!! SO happy for him!!!
5. I got an amazing email from a high school friend Meredith this weekend.. Wow.. I haven't talked to her since High School.. I SO look forward to catching up with her!!!

2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. Running of course!!!
2. Getting my nails done! I broke 2 nails at the house on Saturday and 1 of them is patched up with a band aid.. THEN I'm going to my girl Naomis house to check out her new bathroom renovation!!!

2 long term things I am looking forward to:
1. December 20th.. I am taking my love to an awesome Christmas Concert with Jim Brickman ! - He is my favorite Pianist.. and.. little story for you.. back in 1996.. when Peter and I first met .. before I moved to Savannah.. I told Peter about Jim Brickman and bought him a CD to listen to.. Peter has kept that CD all these years.. so it's going to be nice to go with him to listen to the soothing christmas music that I love! We'll go out to eat before hand.. and have a lovely christmas evening together!!!! Yippee!!!
2. NOT having to wake up early for FOUR WHOLE DAYS this weekend!!! Wahoo!!

1 person I am going to appreciate:
My sister.. I know I always talk about how wonderful she is.. but honestly. if it weren't for her.. I wouldn't have gotten as far as I did at the house on Saturday!! She is there for me... 100% I can FEEL it.. She helps me when I want to dilly dally... keeping me focused.. as she has been saying.. "Eye on the Prize" and I couldn't agree more! Thanks Krissykins.. I love you!!!

Ok.. hope you have a great short week!
Check out my new picture of my Pez girl on my flickr page!!
Much Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 11.20.08 "She's Rambling!!!"

2008-11-20T10:22:00.004-05:00

Hiety Ho!!!!

Can you believe that next week is Thanksgiving!!! Holy Moly this year has FLOWN by!!! This year has been the most challenging and most rewarding of my life to date. Truly. For most of you that have been with me for years.. you know i've been thru a lot (haven't we all? that's why we're here!) 3 job layoffs.. unemployment.. journey to find my place in my career , finding financial independence, etc.. but this has been the most important challenge to date, I feel.. facing my biggest fear. I guess i've always been facing my fears and overcoming them.. this year just feels like a cumulation of the one issue that has been "plaguing" me since I was a little girl.. My self worth. This year has brought me face to face with the truth that I AM worth it.. that I am beautiful and smart.. and valued.. and loved.. warts and all. That I love myself enough to make a decision that was against what my heart wanted... the little voice inside me saying "You're deserve so much more Kerilyn!!!" And, while it hurt like hell (and it has) this has also been a testimony to my own self worth. It's been a tug of war.. naturally inclined to NOT believe I was worth it due to my own conditioning... and having to leave a relationship that I did love and care for that I wasn't receiving what I deserved.. and then being with someone who constantly tells me I'm worth it.. and having to take baby steps to really start to believe it... what a ride this has been!!! That I don't have to compete for love or BEG for it.. I am learning just how much I have used my fear that I wasn't worth it to sabotage myself.. over and over again... and how much I VOWED to myself that I would face this so I can move past this.. once and for all. To shine a light on the dark places.. uncover the cobwebs.. and bring about a new chapter of health and wealth and prosperity in my life. To be IN LOVE with me.

I'm so proud of myself I can't begin to tell you. I deserve a great big gold star...A+++!

Whew.. where did that come from? um.. ok.. moving along...
onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. Oh my gosh.. I had a GREAT GREAT GREAT evening last nite!!! Started with a really strong run last nite.. then my girl Kristy and I had a yummy dinner and took the metro into DC to go to see Spearhead !!! The venue was awesome.. the music was awesome.. dancing my booty off and sweating like crazy.. it was awesome!! I think I was smiling the whole time!!! Almost 3 hours of songs and dancing.. my tootsies were a hurting. Then my honey came and Picked us up in his pickup.. how awesome is THAT!!! Door to Door Service.. I love my honey. All in all a picture perfect evening!!! *** CHECK OUT MY PHOTOS FROM FLICKR***
2. Feel great today despite my late nite..Got a late start but I feel really good today strangely. Wearing my favorite shirt!!!
3. I really feel like things are settling down.. and I'm really starting to enjoy my life more.. Sounds crazy.. but I have been on the defense for a while now.. and I can sense a shift to offense and enjoying things much more! Yippee!!!

2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. Running of course
2. Coming home.. and heating up a wonderful bowl of Peter's chili... with some cornbread.. and watching my TV Shows I've recorded.. and then going to bed EARLY!!!

2 long term things I look forward to:
1. This Sunday I am going to be tutoring an old co-worker (hopefully soon a friend) in CAD. I really enjoy what I do (finally) and was flattered that he emailed ME of all people to help him learn CAD. (and get a little moolah would be nice too!)
2. 4 Day weekend next week!!! Woo Hoo!!!

1 person I am going to appreciate:
My sister.. Kristine.. she has become my closest friend to me this past year.. I have leaned on her and we've spent more time together this year than I can ever remember as an adult. I am hopeful that this next year will bring some wonderful additions to her and her husband life.. and that she can smile from the inside out!!! I love you little sister!

Ok.. rambling your ears off!!!
Much Love
Kerilyn

PS: I miss you Matthew... just want to say that... I can't wait to get that text that says your home for good!!!!

High/Low 11.19.08

2008-11-19T10:11:00.002-05:00

Hiety Ho my Lovelies!!!

How are you? I'm GREAT!!! I'm doing SO much better.. wow.. feeling better and better everyday..(in my head that is) really feeling at peace SO much more than I have in the past... shoot.. year? Such a freeing feeling to understand what is happening.. like a light went on. It's COLD!!! Yesterday we saw our first flurries.. Peter says he thinks we're going to get a bad snowstorm this year.. i say we're due a doosy... so I won't be surprised. Just means I'll be working from home a day or so.. cause this Kerilyn girl does NOT drive in the snow!!! heh...

ok.. onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. I love my new Blackberry !!! Ok.. I know I don't NEED a new phone... but it's cool nonetheless to have it. I have the Red one.. and it's very cool. I feel like the cool kid with this phone.. ha!
2. Peter was off yesterday and he made his wonderful fabulous Chili and cornbread for dinner.. YUM-O! AND.. He bought us a Brita (amazing how the little things make me so happy) We've been needing a Brita for a while..we had a great nite just being together! He and I are really happy... wow.. it's been an amazing feeling.
3. Running is still going strong.. still at mile and half. Yesterday this little 1 Buck woman was on my treadmill (don't get me started.. there are only 2 treadmills.. and from time to time a "new" person shows up for a day or so) and they don't know that there are people that come at the same time... grr) and well.. she ran 2.5 miles.. and so i ran next to her. She was actually a really good influence..I was sorta competing with her.. so my run was strong... keeping up with her.. I didn't run as much as she did.. but that's ok. I'll get there.

2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. Running of course!
2. TONITE....*drum roll please* my girl Kristy and I are going to the 9:30 club to see Michael Franti & Spearhead !!! WOO HOO!!! I haven't been to a concert (on a school nite no less) in a LONG time.. I'm really looking forward to it.. and spending time with Kristy!!!

2 long term things I look forward to:
1. Peter and I talked this morning about getting a real tree for christmas!! Yea!! (of course I don't like having a cut tree.. but maybe I can convince Peter to buy one we can replant!) I really like a real tree vs. a fake one.
2. TURKEY DAY WITH NAOMI AND KRISTY!!! Peter has to work that day (BOO!) and so I can't count on him to be home for dinner.. but Kristy and Naomi are coming over and Peter and I are going to have everything ready to make a nice meal.. Naomi is bringing her famous pumpkin cake and Kristy is bringing a dish too!! YEA!!!!!
3. Oh.. having the day after turkey day off makes me happy too.. NICE long weekend!!! Kristine and I may go and look at white dresses that weekend..... hmm.. we'll see.

1 person I'd like to appreciate:
My honey... I have never felt so loved or deserving of love. Peter tells me EVERY day how beautiful and loved I am.. and how much he's looking forward to spending our lives together. He and I have been together a LONG time (officially since 1999) and I feel more in love with him now.. than I ever have... It's like we are both walking on a cloud... What a lucky lucky woman I am!!!

Anyway.. Hope your having a great week!!!
As I dash into the day!
Much Love,
Kerilyn

Just want to declare...

2008-11-18T09:01:00.002-05:00

I LOVE LEFTOVERS!!!!

Yes.. you heard me correctly.. there is NOTHING better than to come home.. after work and running and NOT have to think about what I'm going to cook. To open the refrigerator and SEE already prepared food.. just waiting to be heated up... and then gobbled up!

It's good.. usually better the next day anyway... And the best thing is.. clean up is a cinch!!!

I will always love leftovers.. yum yum yum in my tum.

Life is Good.

High/Low 11.12.08

2008-11-12T09:03:00.002-05:00

Morning!

Hiety Ho!! How are you? I'm actually feeling GREAT today.... whew.. what an amazing roller coaster I've been on.. one day UP the next day... DOWN DOWN DOWN.... at this point in my journey.. the difference between up and down is not 50/50.. and the down has taken precedence.. but that makes sense.. I'm working REALLY hard on myself.. and that means actually having to face it.. and not be too afraid of it... which sometimes I really am) But today I feel good... like a pause in time where the clouds part and I can see all the progress I'm making.. and it feels good.

without further adieu... I bring you 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. I had an AMAZING time with my girlfriend Roxanne last nite (Check out the picture I took of us last nite.. She's so sparkley!!) Man oh Man..When I'm with Roxanne I feel like a great big electric blanket of love is surrounding me.. keeping me safe while I tell her all the hard work I'm doing on myself.. She is SO supportive of me.. I can FEEL it... She helps me recognize that I am worth it.. and that all this work I'm doing is huge. Thank you Roxy.. I love you with all my heart!!! (oh and our meal was good too!! Yum PF Chengs!)
2. My friend Christy and I had a hard conversation yesterday and she helped me to face my fear.. and didn't let me "get away" with feeling like the victim and feeling sorry for myself.. Thank You Honey.. I am so grateful.
3. When I come home from work today.. Peter and I will OFFICIALLY have a home phone.. For those of you who call me on my cell.. I have HORRIBLE HORRIBLE cell phone service at and around our place.. HOW frustrating that I am in the middle of a deep conversation with one of my girls and boop.. the call just drops!!! Talk about a dead zone!!! SO.. it brings me SUCH happiness that I will have a home phone that people can call me on when i'm home.. and I can actually enjoy someones call.. not having to walk around the house to try to get a good signal! Argh!!!

2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. Running.. of course. I also figured out why i'm so sorta addicted to running.. to coincide with the amazing emotional work i'm doing on myself.. I think I'm also.. subconsciously.. shedding the physical pain of what "it" really is all about. I run and I see my inner self.. I look in the mirror afterward and I can SEE her.. the her that is beautiful and worth it and worthy of the best life can offer.. I can see her... and THAT is what I think I'm running for.. a daily reminder that I am worthy of it all. Does this make sense?
2. I have to work late tonite.. (Work is BUSY!!) so when I get home.. I will have a phone to call someone.. AND.. leftover Meatloaf that Peter made.. YUM YUM!!!
3. Peter merged our cell phone plan so I will be on his plan and I can cancel mine.. so what did he do?? He got me a Blackberry !!! Oh man.. I'm already an email junky.. I can only imagine what this is going to do with my addiction to checking emails!!! (Secretly I'm REALLY excited!!!)woo hoo!!!

2 long term things I look forward to:
1. Friday nite.. my girl Davina invited me out for drinks at Rosa Mexicano in DC.. YUM.!!! Margaritas and Guacamole!!! YES!!!
2. Next Wednesday... My girl Kristy and I are going to see Spearhead!!! I am so excited!!!

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Honestly.. I have some amazing women in my life right now that are there by my side on a regular basis.. helping me through this "Dark nite of the Soul" part of my journey.. and I'd like to thank them.. Auntie, Kristine, Christy, Roxanne, Naomi, Michelle and Kristy... You have been my rock thru this.. all of you at different times.. letting me lean on you with all my fears.. and you.. without batting an eyelash.. don't even think twice.. your there.. saying "no.. REALLY lean on me".. Allowing me to call/email/text you on a regular basis when I feel scared.. and never making me feel like what I'm doing is stupid... for REALLY knowing what "this" is all about. I can say I know I am where I am in my healing because of them. And I cannot BEGIN to tell them how Grateful I am. Thank You for holding me up when I have been too scared to face my fears.. Thank you for holding my hand when all I want to do is run away.. Thank you for putting your arm around me and with gentle force.. whispering in my ear that I can do this. Even when I try to convince you that I can't... Thank You for loving me.. more than I currently love myself.. but it's important that you KNOW that it is my goal to love myself as much as you love me. I WILL get there. Thank You.

I am a rich woman.. Through and through..
Much Love.
Kerilyn

High/Low 11.7.08

2008-11-07T09:47:00.002-05:00

Morning!!!

How are you today? It is an absolutely beautiful day here today... the trees.. my drive to work in the morning.. is like driving thru a painting... The trees are ABSOLUTELY breathtaking.. red at the top.. then orange.. yellow and green at the bottom.. it's like the tree houses it's own rainbow.. Amazing.. I just wanted to get out of my car and take pictures.. I don't understand who can get to work in a bad mood after having driven thru such lovelyness. And it's warm out today.. going to be in the mid-70's. PERFECT!!! SUCH a great day to feel alive!!! AND.. it's Friday no less.. and even more.. PAYDAY!!! YEE HAW!!!!

ok... without further adieu...3 things 2 things

3 things that make me happy:
1. I feel really pretty today.. wearing my favorite brown dress.. with my funky wood necklace.... such a nice day out.... going to hang out with my girl Naomi tonite... we're going to eat Indian (YUM!)
2. Peter just called me.. he got Fiona.. the scooter running.... So i'll get to ride it for the first time tomorrow!! Yea!!!
3. I had a really good nite of sleep.. changed the sheets (just something so relaxing about sleeping in clean sheets.. and I'll tell ya I change my sheets once a week) then waking up to such a beautiful day.. the sun shining in the window.. my kitty girl laying on the couch.. really good cup of coffee.. I feel blessed!

2 things I look forward to today:
1. I took yesterday off from running.. so i'm excited to get my mile and half in today.. Amazing how much you miss it.. even after one day.
2. Therapy after running.. then i'm going to have Indian with Naomi then I might go out for a drink with Peter afterward (Matthew.. we're going to Cafe Salsa in Old Town for Mojitos.. will drink one for you!!!)

2 long term things I look forward to:
1. Tomorrow Kristy and I are going to get out feet done.. pedicures.. MUCH needed!!! Unfortunately I really bruised two of my toes when I was running with bad shoes so I'm sure the ladies doing my feet won't be happy about that. Eek!
2. Three concerts in the next few months...Spearhead, Jim Brickman and Thievery Corporation Yippee!!!

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Gotta say Peter.. he makes me feel so beautiful... and loved. I am so grateful for him. Seriously.

Have a great weekend! Go out and enjoy this beautiful day!
(ok.. not if your in North Dakota.. eek!)
Much Love
Kerilyn

High/Low 11.5.08

2008-11-05T09:39:00.004-05:00

Hip Hip... HOORAY!!!

Need I say why I'm hooraying? Yes!!! I am very excited about our Next President! I woke up this morning.. feeling the threshhold of change upon us. It was a good feeling. Other than that.. I'm feeling exhausted today.. my body feels exhausted and stiff.... my run last nite was tough. I did it.. mile and half.. but it was different than previous weeks. I'm not giving up... I just need to keep an eye on my body.. (TRUST me my body is getting smaller.. not by leaps and bounds but I can tell) and make sure I'm doing this correctly.. I have to remember the last time I ran everyday.. I was 22.. now i'm 33... 11 years is a big difference with regard to endurance and healing.

regardless.. I still have lots to be happy about... so with that said.. onto 3 things 2 things:

3 things that make me happy:
1. I put on this skirt that just a month ago.. fit me fine.. and today when I put it on...it felt a bit bigger on me!!! Oh my gosh... I wanted to jump for joy!! I feel my body.. my arms and tummy area.. getting smaller. SUCH a good feeling!!!
2. SO cute.. Peter has a picture of Pez taped to the dashboard of his pick up truck. Pez and Peter have had a love hate relationship with each other.. so It is so cute that he has her picture there.. it makes me happy.
3. I am totally falling in love with Sigur Ros - an icelandic band that I know has been around forever.. but I have been listening to their music a bit. it's Etheric.. and romantic.. touching.. and intimate...
4. WATCH THIS.... Are you ready to be touched? Thru my FAVORITE Photographer I have come across a wedding videographer that is making me SWOON... Watch this video , the first time I watched it i sat there and cried... it is SO amazing.. Deep Breath and let me know (or shoot.. let THEM know) what you think!!! (And of course the song is Sigur Ros). So you KNOW i would LOVE for them to do something similar for Peter and I next September.. but alas... it's all about the benjamins (translate: Money)

2 things I look forward to today:
1. Running.. Like I said.. not going to stop.. just gotta take it easy.
2. Laying on the couch like a bug on a rug - catching up on my recorded TV shows.

2 long term things I look forward to:
1. Sunday going to the farmers market and HOPEFULLY they will have flowers!!! I miss having flowers in the house.
2. I really want to dive into a good book... Have any ideas? (Kyra?) Might spend a while doing some "stolen reading" this weekend at Barnes and Noble

1 person I am going to appreciate:
John McCain - I thought his speech last nite to conceed the nomination was really well said.. I wished he would have had that kind of passion during the campaign.. he might have had a bigger chance...I'm SURE that had to be hard to say.. to face. But I think he said it wonderfully.. Bravo Mr. McCain. I think we underestimate Passion..Passion can't be proven.. it's FELT. I think we FELT Obamas passion.. hence.. the outcome we have today!

Prancing into the day.
Much Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 11.4.08

2008-11-04T09:10:00.002-05:00

Hiety Ho my loverlies!!!

Tuesday... a mild day weather wise.. last nite after I ran... got out of the parking lot at 5:30ish and it was already dark (POO!!!) I'm not liking the early darkness too much but I think I say that every year. Again I say.. I'm SO glad I voted early... having to think about when I'm going to wait in line today is something I am GLAD I can avoid!!! I am crossing my fingers for Obama!!

without further adieu... onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. I am SO excited... I did it.. I ran mile and half last nite!!! I'm halfway to my goal of 3 miles a day!!
2. I'm also proud of myself that I have really slowed down my planning.. I can say that this week.. besides therapy on friday.. I have no plans and I cannot be happier for it! I recognize now that in my overplanning.. was my avoiding what was happening in front of me. I have been focusing on resting more.. doing nothing.. and not feeling like I always have to be doing something.
3. Slept really well last nite.. thank goodness.

2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. Running of course.
2. Going home.. eating leftover chicken cutlets and mashed potatoes and resting.

2 long term things I look forward to:
1. This weekend I'm going to buy these cute Shoes . I need a new pair of black shoes.
2. Been on a quest to find a nice King Size Comforter/Duvet that won't break the bank. Want it to be funky.. and warm. Still haven't found it.

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Everyone in this Great Country.. Thank You Everyone in the country who will make their voice heard today. I am excited at what I hope will be a great change in this countrys direction. Sometimes you have to put new people with new ideas... even without as much experience.. in some ways.. having less experience prevents old ideas from seeping in. AND...it's not like he'll be alone in his decision making. When we do something new.. we want people around us who have been there. I feel confident that if Obama wins.. that he will have a great team around him to will help steer our country back on track!

Ok.. Into the day I go!
Much Love!
Kerilyn

High/Low 11.3.08

2008-11-03T10:09:00.004-05:00

Morning!!!

How are you all? Good I hope! I'm doing alright... feel geared up for another week... going to be a busy one.. with all the hullabaloo with the election.. I'm busy at work and now that it's daylight (day lessening more like it) time.. bringing the day darker earlier.. I'm sure it'll be interesting to see how this week goes.. But the light at the end of the tunnel is Friday and Payday!!!

Moving along to 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. Friday my girl Kristy and I went to Lias (Peters restaurant) for dinner. She was dressed up in her kitty costume.. we had a great meal.. and had great conversation. I went to bed saying that that was a GREAT evening.
2.. SUCH a beautiful day on Saturday.. the trees are SO beautiful.. reds and oranges mixed with greens and browns.. It was warm.. in the 70's.. and Peter drove his family and myself to Linden Vineyards - It was SPECTACULAR Foliage viewing!! Man.. skirting the Blue Ridge Mountains.. Gorgeous! Check out my flickr pics on the right.. Really good pic of Peter and I that I love!
3. I'm SO glad I already voted (Thank You Naomi!!) Everyone in the office is talking about waiting in line.. and when they're going to go.. It took 30 minutes on Friday.. in and out.. SO glad I did!!

2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. Honestly just wanting to go to bed early.. Last nite I was up late with Peter when he came home from work.. and I didn't sleep well, so I'm really wanting to go to bed early. Change the sheets (just something about cleaning in clean sheets.)
2. Going to try my hand at running mile and half. I know I can do it... hopefully today is the day!!!

2 long term things I look forward to:
1. Honestly.. I can feel the finish line with respect to the circumstances with the house. Countdown to NEVER having to go there or "deal" with it again. Makes me feel like I'm one step closer to the next chapter in my life. Been honestly feeling like I've been living in limbo the past six months... Once this is OVER.. it'll be full steam ahead!
2. Having a new Sirius Radio put in my car. I miss it terribly on my drive to work. Amazing. I didn't think I was going to enjoy it and I really can say I miss it a lot.

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Peter... He's amazing... He has had a lot going on the past month or two.. with his job.. then his knee giving out.. I'm sure dealing with me living with him... being in limbo.. trying to figure out what we're doing with next September.. handing out lots of money.. etc.. I know he is tired and a bit dissapointed with certain situations going on... and I just think he's amazing how he handles it. I would be a mess. I love that he took the ball by the horns and arranged this trip to the vineyard on Saturday.. Unfortunately it didn't go exactly as planned but his intentions were filled with love. Peter is an amazing person and I am blessed to be a part of his everyday life.

That's where I am today.... Hope you have a good one!
Much Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.30.08

2008-10-30T09:03:00.002-04:00

Morning!

Thursday... Ahh.. I slept MUCH better last nite.. thankfully.. Feel more rested and less achy today.. I feel good today.. I realized yesterday when I was reading my blog that I really talk about the same things everyday.. I need to find a way to change that up... so here.. let me do this instead today.

Questions about Me:

Q: If you could have one person alive today call you for advice, who would you want it to be?
A: My parents... hands down.. I'd love the opportunity to tell them what I think.

Q. If I only had 24 hours to live, what would I do?
A. Well for one I'd have a huge conference call and get all those I love (there would be a lot) on the phone to thank them for coming in my life.. and that I would see them again one day. Then I would get a facial.. go have a really nice meal... run maybe.. take some really good photographs of myself.. have some really good..um,wink wink... watch the sunset/sunrise. have a good cup of coffee.. meditate for a while.. asking everyone to be ready to receive me... kiss Peter VERY passionately for a long time... be held in his arms.. tell him I love him... Breathe in my Kitty Girl... and listen to her purr for a long time.. and just enjoy my last day.

Q. If you could spend a day with any celebrity, who would it be and what questions would you ask that person?
A. Drew Barrymore.. I've always loved her philosopy..she's a smart cookie.. and she's been thru a lot in her life.. a Wistful soul I've always thought of her.. and I think it would be cool to hang out with her for one day.. just her in her space.

Q.If you could stop a bad habit that you have, what would you stop?
A. Right now.. I would stop overthinking about things that are out of my control... it has become a BAD habit.

Q.If only one book existed, which book would you like it to be?
A. Tough one.. so many important ones.. I'd say "Many are called, few are chosen" By Heather Ann Harder

Q. If you could do any job, what would you like to do?
A. Be the owner of a Successful Gift/Card/Spiritual Shop.

Q.If you had the opportunity to be change one thing about the past, what would you change?
A. Honestly.. I would've liked to really loved myself more than I did growing up... maybe I wouldn't of experienced some of the things I did.. I would have love myself enough to NOT put myself in those situations.

Q. If you were God, how would you transmit or let people know your message?
A. OOH Good one!! Firstly,I would want more people to believe they have the gift of being a medium. I would lift the veil more between the two worlds.. I know we are here to learn.. and usually learn the hard way.. but I would give those needing hope.. a REAL outlet to plug into to get revitalized that what they are going thru is NOT in vain.. and that they never fail. Like a Coffee Spot or a Spa.. or a beautiful view in the forest..or a spot to view the sunset... I would love to have a place (that people KNOW is authentic) to find hope. And sorry.. it's NOT a church.

Q. If you had to name the emotion that resides the deepest inside of you, what would it be?
A. Rage. If you know me.. know my story.. it's what lies deepest inside.

Ok.. that's a break from the usual eh?
Have a good day!
Much Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.29.08

2008-10-29T09:37:00.004-04:00

Morning Love Bugs!

How are you? I'm fine.. Tuesday.. wish it was Thursday. Another chilly morning.. nice to feel the heat walking around getting ready this morning. The wind was whipping around last nite..Thankfully it's supposed to get a smidge warmer as the week goes on.. Snow in the North.!! Eww.. I have a feeling I need to get my mucklucks out soon.. ugh. Feeling a little stiff and tired.. probably between the bitter chill and the exercise.. my body is just feeling it past few days.

And now... 3 things 2 things

3 things that make me happy:
1. Feeling REALLY good that my runs are getting stronger.. Ran a full mile without stopping last nite.. then ran a quarter mile more!!! Next week I think i'll go up to mile and half! Feeling like the weight is coming off! Makes me so happy!
2. Peter brought me one of his yummy salads for lunch today! MMM!
3. Thanks to my girl Kyra.. I got a yrs subscription to Paste Magazine for $1.00!!! Each Magazine comes with a CD of up and coming music! Rock On!

2 things I look forward to today:
1. Running of course!
2. Going to the movies tonite with my girl Naomi to see The Secret Life of Bees

2 long term things I look forward to:
1. I think I want to schedule a Facial sometime in the next month at Aveda...that is the epitome of pampering in my book!
2.Riding my awesome Scooter (I've decided I am naming her Fiona) for the first time!!!

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Me. I'm really dang proud of myself that I am still motivated to keep running everyday.. I LOVE that feeling that I HAVE to run. Last nite I was tired and I thought I was going to have a stinky run but was SO surprised that I had a GREAT run! I can see my body changing. my face is thinner.. my neck and shoulders are tighter.. and I'm just feeling more comfortable in my body. Such a great feeling. AND.. it's nice to see the same people exercising in the gym.. helps motivate you.. we're all getting more chatty with each other.

Ok.. sashaying into the day!
Much Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.28.08

2008-10-28T10:47:00.004-04:00

Morning peeps..

I know that this is NOT following The Secret But I'm just poopy today. Ugh.. My body is stiff.. and achy.. I didn't sleep well last nite.. sad about typical family dysfunction... and to top it all off.. last nite my car overheated.. UGH!!! Had to drive Peters car in this morning (Thank god he has a truck he can drive!) I KNOW that I can turn it all around.. choose to be happy.. Working on it.. but just feeling out of sorts and pissy today.. and I want to go home and go to sleep.

ok.. trying to get over myself.. onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. I halfway did it.. I ran a mile and quarter last nite.. woo hoo.. Felt good too.. My runs are feeling stronger.. I LOVE that!!!
2. Got my nails done last nite.. SO overdue... I like looking down and seeing them looking good!
3. REALLY excited about the photographer for next September!!! I think he's SO CREATIVE and artistic. Yea! I want to thank the WONDERFUL Denise for suggesting Him.. Denise.. you are an inspiration!!

2 things that I look forward to today:
1. Running
2. Going to Bed.. today is one of those days I wish I could have a Do Over. Oh well.. it happens.
3. Snuggling with Peter in Bed. My love.. who delicately carries my heart.. even when I am hurting....I am so blessed.

2 long term things I look forward to:
1. Ok..a little while off.. but visualizing running my first 5K in SO long.. and seeing Naomi and Kristine and Peter there..Coming down the stretch to the finish line and seeing them there cheering me on!!! What a nice thing to look forward to!!!
2. Spending time with Peters family this weekend. I love his family.

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Again.. Peter my love... who holds me when I cry...and looks at me with a love I never thought i'd find.. My cup runneth over... also...

My Auntie.. my spirit mother in this life time.. holding each others hands this time around. Another reason I am one wealthy woman!!! Thank You Auntie for loving me.

Ok gotta stop or I'll cry again. Tomorrow will be better I say!!!
Have a good day.
Much Love.
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.27.08

2008-10-27T09:15:00.004-04:00

Morning!!!

How are you? I'm great! Had a really nice weekend overall.. feeling again like I am exactly where I am supposed to be... I'll admit I am still having twinges of "ugh-ness".. starting to get frustrated with myself... "Enough Kerilyn!!!" Ugh.. It's getting cooler.. can't get away with no coat or sweater anymore... I have to agree with whoever "they" are about this winter might be a doosy... we'll see.

onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. Having another really great weekend where I feel really blessed. .I didn't overbook myself.. I rested and cleaned the house. Watched (3) really good movies, August Rush
(Auntie you were right.. really good movie!) Anything But Love and Purple Violets .. All of them were very different but I really liked them all.
2. You're not going to believe this.. but Friday nite Peter called me from work and told me he had a surprise for me.. he came in thru the back door which he never does.. and there.. on the patio.. was a Scooter!!! ... HOLY MOLY!!! A few months earlier.. I told him how cool it would be to be able to ride it to work!!! It needs some work... it doesn't run right now but seeing as how Peter used to be a mechanic.. I know he's going to fix it up really nice!! How amazing is THAT??? Oh my god this man amazes me... I am so lucky and don't you think for a second I dont' know it... I do!!!
3. Got my hair colored and cut at Aveda on Saturday... it's red.. like a deep fall red.. I love it!!! Got it trimmed (Needed to cut dead ends off Matthew.. don't worry it's still long!) I have always loved being a redhead!!!
4. I am wearing my new gray sweater.. and I really like the way it looks on me!!!

2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. Getting a Steak and Cheese Pita for lunch today!! YUM!!!
2. Running!! I'm going up to a mile and half today!! Wish me Luck!!!
3. Getting my nails done.. (very overdue) My mom gave me this new beautiful purple color nail polish that I can't wait to see on me!!!

2 long term thing I am looking forward to:
1. This weekend Peters Mom Maria, her Husband Craig and Grandma Russo are coming to visit!!! Peter has off on Saturday so we're all going to do something fun and then MY family and his family are hopefully going to do dinner Saturday nite!!! A meeting of the families!! I love Peters family so I'm really excited!!! Going to Brunch at Lias (where Peter works) with his family.. Yea!
2. We figured out the Christmas Holidays so we can do both families!! We're starting a new tradition this year.. having Christmas at my sisters place.. next year hopefully ours... passing the torch!

1 person I am going to appreciate:
My therapist.. I have a really good repor with her.. she asks me really good questions that make me dive deeper into the ways in which I fool myself.. I really feel like I'm working hard on myself because of her!!

Ok.. into the day I go!
Much Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.24.08

2008-10-24T08:58:00.002-04:00

Morning.

Friday Thank goodness!! I woke up in the middle of the night with anxiety about money.. Ugh. Usually Sleep is one thing that I do not have a problem doing. I am grateful that I am not one with regular insomnia... but ever since this knot in my stomach about how much money I'm going to be spending in the next year... I feel a bit nauseous today.. I try to remind myself to be in the moment and not to focus too much on the future.. but ugh... not feeling too centered today again. Again to prove what an amazing transformative year this has been.. I know everything will be ok.. I am reassured in my bones that all will be perfect come next September.. it's time I start visualizing abundance and prosperity instead of this uneasy feeling about Lack.

Well onto sunnier topics... 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. Wow.. one of my co-workers and I were talking about Perfume yesterday and she mentioned how she really hated this one that she has.. she didn't like the way it smelled on her.. I said wow.. I liked that smell.. So today she surprised me and brought in almost a full bottle of it.. What a nice thing to do!!
2. It was really nice to catch up with Davina last nite.. Of course she looks beautiful like she always does.. I just love her. I love how strong she is.. and how she knows what she wants. She has always been real.. and I value that about her. She inspires me. Her friend Keri joined us.. i haven't spent much time with Keri so I'm glad she came... she seems like a cool chick.. AND we went to one of my favorite restaurants.. and I got my favorite appetizer.. popcorn shrimp.. YUM!!! VERY nice evening!
3. Ok.. so.. from what I said yesterday about Peters mgmt saying the chefs have to work 6 days a week... for a little while.. due to the economy.. Ugh. So Peter finagled it so that his day off is Saturday! So we can spend the day together!!! That will be really nice!
4. Do I have to say it... Thank GOD it's Friday and Payday!

2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. Running of course.. 5 days this week! Next week I'm going up to a mile and half! I can do it!
2. Therapy at 7.. Yep.. look forward to that too.
3. Going home.. putting my pajamas on and watching one netflix movie I have.

2 long term things I am looking forward to:
1. Putting up a real Christmas Tree up!!! I love the holidays.. the music... the meaning..the TV Shows.... the lights.
2. This weekend I have to do a thorough cleaning of the bedroom.. sweep.. put all my laundry away (I don't like laundry.. ugh) dust.. organize my desk.. the works!!! It's been irking me..

1 person I am going to appreciate:
My girl Michelle.. last nite we had an awesome talk... We were talking about facing our fears and learning to love ourself.. It gives me comfort to know that we're both working on our inner selves.. and that I am not alone. I am so very glad that she is in my life.. one who also "swims in the deep end." Love you sweetcheeks.

Have a great weekend.
Much Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.23.08

2008-10-23T09:19:00.002-04:00

Morning.

Brr... really getting chilly out there.. and I forgot my coat at work last nite so I had to tough it out this morning on the drive in. It's thursday... wish it was Friday. Feel good today.. my weird overwhelmed day yesterday has passed... Thank Goodness. Ugh.. I just got an email from Peter saying his management is requiring all chefs to work six days instead of 5 until Sales are up... not fair. How are the Chefs involved in bringing in sales? That irks me. I rarely get to spend time with him now.. Grumble!

oh well.. Can't worry about things out of my control right? onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. Getting my ticket in the mail last nite for the Spearhead Concert! Woo Hoo!!!
2. Waking up in the morning and feeling the heat on!
3. Maybe it's just me but I think my clothes are feeling a little bigger on me.

2 things that I am looking forward to today:
1. Running of course.
2. Going to catch up with my girl Davina tonite! I haven't seen her in forever and it'll be good to catch her up on ALL thats happened this year and to hear how little Baby Tai is doing!!! Yea!

2 long term things I look forward to:
1. Running my first 5K in the new year! I KNOW I can do it!!!
2. Turkey Day weekend.. I have the day after Turkey Day off.. and I am going to ENJOY every moment! I think we are going to have a few people over on Turkey Day.. Peter has to open that day.. so we can enjoy the evening. Good Food and Friends... Giving Thanks.

1 person I am going to appreciate:
My favorite Sales Person Bob Cohen... I really enjoy going on Sales calls with him.. he makes me laugh... He knows what he's doing and he's good at it. We work really great as a team! He makes my job more enjoyable every day.

Into the Day I go!
Much Love,
Kerilyn

PS: Matthew I can't wait to get the Text from you that you're home for good.. what... 45 more days? I love you.

High/Low 10.22.08

2008-10-22T09:10:00.002-04:00

Morning People..

Ugh... Ever have a day when you wake up and you just feel out of sorts? I have a lot of work to do..few deadlines and I feel like I'm not sure how I'm going to get it all done... which in turn makes me want to NOT go to work today.. would be nice if I could just stay home today with Peter. But Alas.. I am here. Feeling like "Where do I begin?". Head spinning a bit today... which is, I'm sure.. from not feeling like I know where to start with work. This doesn't happen very often which I'm grateful for.. but I've just gotta take it in stride....

Also.. last nite I felt something on my little girls side... she has too much hair and I can't tell what it is.. I have to spend some time investigating this evening.. but I think I will call the vet and have them come out. As you know if you follow.. I love my little orange kitty girl Pez with all my heart.. and i want to make sure she is a healthy girl.

oh well.. pushing through.. onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me VERY happy:
1. My runs are getting stronger.. I can tell i'm not as winded (or sweaty) at the end of my mile. I LOVE RUNNING!!! It makes me so happy... and I LOVE the way I feel afterward.. sexy.. grounded.. "so much myself". I am going to take it up a notch and go up to a mile and half next week!! I can do it!!! My goal is to be up to 3 miles a day by the end of the year!
2. I bought these cool Pillows for the sofa last nite.. I think they look really good with the color of the sofa!
3. My little kitty girl and I have a morning routine.. she waits for me to get out of the shower and then jumps on the sink.. I put my robe on and then I pick her up... purring.. and we walk downstairs together.. we have been doing this for YEARS and It makes my heart melt when I see her sitting there when I get out of the shower! Sometimes.. she is not there and I say "Pez!" and she comes running. I love her so much.

2 things that I am looking forward to today:
1. Running of course! Feeling in a fog driving to work today.. it is a bright spot in my day to get on that treadmill after work.. and hopefully work this feeling in my head out...
2. Peter being home when I get home from work. SO nice to see his smiling face.. saying "Hi Love!" when I walk in the door.

2 long term things I look forward to:
1. Getting these deadlines done at work. I don't like feeling like I am not on top of my jobs. Makes me feel incompetent. (Which I'm not)
2. This Saturday I'm going to get my hair colored/cut at Aveda and then I'm going to meet up with my Sign Language Tutor. (I was supposed to a few weeks ago but she had to go out of town last minute) . And I'm really looking forward to NOT having any plans on Sunday.

1 person I am going to appreciate:
I have to thank Peter for loving me.. and telling me and showing me that he loves me. Which in turn has helped me love myself enough to make me feel beautiful myself.. exercising.. eating better.. WANTING to work on my inner self.. and loving myself. I want to love myself like Peter loves me.. and I SEE and FEEL his love EVERY DAY.. Even when I'm not around him. It's an amazing feeling. despite all that's happened this year.. I feel like I am EXACTLY where I'm supposed to be and with the person I'm supposed to be with. I am one lucky woman. I feel full when I think of him and am with Peter. and I'm so very grateful for that.

Ok.. into my day. Wish Me Luck!
Much Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.20.08

2008-10-20T09:51:00.002-04:00

Morning!!!

BRR!!!!! Monday! It's chilly here this morning!! Whew.. Snuggling into my blankets this morning I could feel the cold in the room.. (Peter likes the windows open... BRR) looks like the warmer days are behind us.. (and in front of us next year) and time to move into regularly grabbing a hat and scarf when leaving the house.. no more walking out with a wet head.

onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. Having a GREAT weekend overall!!! Woo Hoo! From beginning to end.. I had a great weekend! So nice to come to work and feel satisfied that you spent the weekend doing exactly what you wanted to do... Nice!
2. Had a GREAT time with my sister and Peter this weekend.. Peter and I stayed over Kristine and her husband,Steves place friday nite.. went out to dinner.. and Saturday she spent the day with Peter and I.. driving into Shepardstown, WV to see the leaves.. and then we took in a winery .. sat with a bottle... some bread and cheese.. and enjoyed the afternoon. It was a REALLY nice day!!! (Check out my flickr pics)
3. Sunday I spent the day with my girl Kristy.. we went to have breakfas then went to the mall.. I bought a few shirts/sweaters.. I'm so glad that I went with her to the mall.. I am really feeling more beautiful lately... and buying new clothes that I like make me feel even that more comfy with myself.

2 things that I am looking forward to today:
1. Running after work.. I had a really strong run on Friday and hopeful that I can do the same thing tonite!
2. Peter is opening the restaurant today.. so I will get to spend the evening with my honey tonite! Yea!

2 long term things I look forward to:
1. November 19th.. Kristy and I are going to see Michael Franti and Spearhead at the 9:30 club! I'm so excited.. I've been a fan ever since Kyra and I saw them in San Francisco in 2004! Thanks Kristy for pointing the show out! I'm so looking forward to it!!!
2. LESS than 50 days until My boy Matthew comes home from Iraq!!! It'll be SO nice to know he's just a phone call away!!! I look forward to more regular chats with him!!! And my hair is so long now!! I can cut it once he comes home.. but now I'm going to continue growing it for next Septembers festivities!!

1 person/s I'm going to appreciate:
Spirit.. I know I'm never alone.. I know my prayers and thoughts of gratitude are heard.. Thankfully I hear from spirit too... I am so blessed. I want to thank Archangel Michael.. for granting my request of cutting the cord close to me.. I feel so much better. Thank You. Also to my Guides and Teachers.. Grandpa and Grandma.. for those from this and past lives loved ones who are there supporting me... in good times and bad.. I am very grateful to know you are there.

Into the week I go!
Much Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.15.08

2008-10-15T09:17:00.002-04:00

Morning!

Wednesday. It's been beautiful weather past few days.. sunny and 80 degrees... SO nice.... this morning it was kinda muggy.. meh.. I'll take the muggyness over cold anyday! The trees look SOOO Beautiful... I drove up to the house last nite and got a wiff of the leaves.. It smelled like fall. I LOVE that smell. I just took a few deep breaths in.. let it coarse thru my veins.. it brought a feeling of change.. transition.. from one energy to another. I love fall!

onto 3 things 2 things

3 things that make me happy:
1. This was kinda a bummer.. but the treadmills were taken yesterday in the gym.. so I did 20 minutes on the elliptical. Kinda bummed me out.. I still felt like I was moving but it wasn't the same.. so I went home and did yoga. At least I did something. So yea.. something that didn't make me happy.
2. Made yummy dinner of Pork Chops.. Cous Cous and Green Beans... glass of white wine.. yum! Caught up on all my TV shows last nite! Spending time with my Pez girl.
3.Just feel good.. finally feel like I'm in a routine again.. got up early.. meditated for 30 minutes this morning..had coffee.. and got out of the house at the time I am supposed to. Let's just say the past few months.. my meditations have been short or non existant.. and I've been leaving for work late.. just feeling out of sorts. Gladly my routine is coming back a bit... being a creature of habit.

2 things I look forward to today:
1. GETTING a treadmill!!!
2. Coming home to leftover porkchops ( I love leftovers!) and watching the Debate!

2 long term things I look forward to:
1. Peter has been closing this week so it's like us passing in the night.. he is sleeping when i wake up and leave the house.. and I am sleeping when he comes home from work. So whatever he has planned tomorrow nite will be good because we can spend time together. (And a surprise!! Wahoo!)
2. Getting together with my sister and her husband on Saturday evening. Hopefully Kristine will join Peter and I on our drive out to see the foliage and go to a winery.. then we can all come together and have dinner!

going to change the question today... 3 things i love about myself:
1. I think I have a beautiful face.. big brown eyes.. I have really been feeling beautiful lately... (ok.. working on the body part) love my hands... (nice shiny on it now!!)
2. I LOVE and am SO proud of myself that I have been working on my inner world.. It feels like I am working on getting a PH.D of myself.. looking at all the spiderwebs.. things that hold me back from daily happiness.. the negative things I tell myself.. the damage that has been done from childhood influences.. making daily strides to tell myself i am worthy... I DESERVE to be loved!!! I am VERY proud of myself that I left a situation that was unhealthy.. even though my whole heart was there.. that was very hard to do.. but I'm proud of myself for doing it.
3. I love that I like to take pictures..it makes me feel good that I capture wonderful moments in my life. I know that one day it will be wonderful to look back and see all those moments. I'm happy I carry my camera everywhere I go... because you never know when a good shot comes up!

Ok.. into the day I go.
Much Love.
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.14.08

2008-10-14T16:16:00.002-04:00

Hiety Ho!

Tuesday...Well we had an unfortunate work day yesterday.. I guess due to the "unknown" economy.. and the fear that everyone is feeling. They laid off (4) people at my office. What an awkward situation... and NOT fun for those being laid off.. I've been there.. that is NOT fun! I send out a blessing of prosperity on those that are no longer here.. wish them well. I am grateful that I have a job.. and that I love what I do.

onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. Feel good today! I'm feeling SO much better than I was last week...and weeks before that!!! big sigh of relief!! Today I feel good and like what i'm wearing.. my hair and glasses today.
2. Peter makes me this awesome salad for lunch everyday.. and I love eating it for lunch everyday!!! yum!!
3. OH! Finding out that my best friend Matthew is going to be doing his drills once he comes back from Iraq at Ft. Belvoir, VA like 20 minutes from my house!!! So hopefully I'll get to see him more often!!! YIPPEE!!!

2 things I look forward to today:
1. Running
2. Another evening of just hanging out...making dinner.. watching my TV shows.. it's good.. I mean.. It hit me this morning... after all thats happened this year.... even though it stinks because Peters working.. I think it's also a blessing in some ways.. because I have time to heal.. I feel like having evenings/weekends to myself sometimes.. is like having the best of both worlds.. healing from being hurt.. and also being with someone who makes you feel like a million bucks. It's been good for me.. I think.. having time in the evenings by myself.. I think that's why I'm not overbooking myself.. I'm trying to let myself "just be"... trying not to run away from this.. and really FEEL it. Does this make sense? I'm REALLY REALLY proud of myself.

2 long term things I'm looking forward to:
1. OOH.. This Thursday.. Peter told me he has a surprise for me!! I LOVE SURPRISES!!! He told me to be ready to leave the house at 7pm... HMMM??? wonder what it is?? I have no idea! He is SO awesome with surprising me!! I have a few amazing surprises that he's done in the past..that will blow you away!
2. Having Brunch with my friend Kristy on Sunday.. and catching up with her!

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Everyone.. I have so many wonderful amazing people in my life that have helped me... listened to me.. let me cry on their shoulders... ramble on and on about stuff when they KNEW what I should do... just had to come to it in my own time. Thank you everyone.. for your unconditional patience and love. I am a better person because of you.

Much love..
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.13.08

2008-10-13T10:46:00.002-04:00

Morning my love bugs!

How are you? BEAUTIFUL weekend!!! Holy Schmagoly!! The leaves are changing on our street.. SO beautifully... watching the leaves gingerly fall to the ground.. I could watch for hours.. I love this time of year.. it's warm enough during the day where you don't have to get all bundled up..still can get away with flip flops.. but cool enough to put a fleece on and feel snuggly.. Can smell the wood from fireplaces outside... it's lovely.

onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. I had a really nice weekend... enough resting.. and spending time with Peter. I felt pretty at the wedding... I know it's a function of feeling better now that i'm running.. and also being with someone who tells me EVERYDAY how beautiful and loved I am. How could I not let that sink in and show? I can't remember a Monday where I looked back on a weekend and just felt good about it.. I've been feeling anxiety for the past few months.. every day.. and this weekend.. I was able to be in the moment.. and enjoy every minute... It was a nice change of pace.
2. Having my kitty girl with me.. I missed her little kitty face and hearing her purr.. She sat on my lap for an hour last nite while I watched TV, purring away.. then fell asleep... We haven't merged her with Peters cat Bella again... and that's fine with me... I like seeing her relaxed and not on the defense with me..
3. I bought a new pair of running shoes. The sneakers I had been wearing.. my 2nd toe was rubbing on the top of the shoe and is all bruised.. I was there for 40 minutes.. trying different shoes on.. I can't wait to try them out tonite!
4. I bought a new dress for the wedding and a new skirt.. I like that I'm excited about buying new clothes for myself!

2 things I look forward to today:
1. Running after work. Trying out my new shoes.
2. No plans after work.. just hanging out... I actually like that I've been free in the evenings.. instead of overbooking myself.. It's a different change of pace and I like it.

2 long term things I look forward to:
1. Honestly.. just trying to live in the moment.. trying not to focus too much on what's to come. It seems to really bring my happiness to the surface.
2. I think I'm going to try the meditation class on Wednesday nite.. and then Peter is off Friday and Saturday..he has something planned for us Friday nite (a surprise!) and Saturday we are going for a drive.. taking in the fall leaves.. going to check out a few wineries!

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Peter. He really sparked the yearning to live in the moment.. He's been seeing me struggling lately with dealing with the "what is" of everything that's occurred this year.. and I think he's frustrated that he can't help or fix it. What he said yesterday about living in the now.. I think is a necessary step to ultimately letting go of dissapointment and regret. I felt really close with him this weekend.. spending more time with him than usual.. I love it.

Ok.. onto my day.
Much Love,
Kerilyn

PS: Check out my new pics from this weekend.. on flickr to the right.

High/Low 10.10.08

2008-10-10T10:01:00.002-04:00

Morning!

FRIDAY!! I'm home.. sitting on the sofa.. already got 2 jobs checked for other designers.. one more to go... feeling good today. I'm sitting here with my kitty girl.. SO nice to see her again.. I've missed her so much. Beautiful day here.. sun is shining... breeze coming in the front door... I'm hopeful that I can get all my work done by early afternoon so I can go out and enjoy a little bit of the day!

onto 3 things 2 things

3 things that make me happy:
1. Going to the Dentist yesterday and them telling me that i have great teeth.. and no cavities! Woo Hoo!!!
2. Having my mom tell me last nite that she can tell I've lost weight! SO nice to hear that from my mom!!!
3. Seeing my kitty girl this morning... being able to hold her fluffy body and have her near me.. oh man.. I've missed her so much!!!

2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. Running after work today.
2. Going to therapy after running. yes.. I look forward to it. It has been so helpful to talk to someone who has no bias... and is able to look at my thoughts and behavior from a different perspective. Honestly going to therapy has allowed me to want to dive into myself as much as I have. NOT easy to do.. but I think necessary if I want to life an emotionally healthy life.

2 long term things I look forward to:
1. I'm really wanting for Peter and I to get dressed up and go out to a nice meal. We haven't gone out to eat in a long time.. and it makes me feel good to do that sometimes..
2. Hmm... can't really think of anything.... just taking things day by day..

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Peter.. Let me tell you and I want you to believe me. I have been a handful lately. Between admitting that I'm probably depressed.. not feeling really happy or grounded.. Peter has been AMAZING being patient.. he's been loving and Kind.. telling me I'm beautiful every day. He is amazing. I am so grateful.

Ok.. have a great weekend!!!
Much Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.9.08

2008-10-09T09:05:00.002-04:00

Morning!

Thursday.. Winding the week down... I'm ready for this afternoon which unofficially starts my weekend.. Feel good today

onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. That I'm working from home tomorrow and I'll have my kitty girl with me all day.
2. Having two new Netflix movies to watch at my leisure.
3. 3 Days this week running... I think I'm going to knock out another mile tomorrow after work too.

2 things I look forward to today:
1. After the dentist.. I'm going to my parents house and my sister will be there.. we're going to have a family meal. It'll be nice to have everyone sitting at the table.. doesn't happen often.
2. Seeing my kitty girl!!! I miss her so much!!!

2 long term things I look forward to:
1. Next Saturday (the 18th) Peter and I are going to spend the day together.. maybe go out to a winery or two...drive out to Shepardstown or something. Going to enjoy him being off on a Saturday.
2. Buying new running shoes.. the ones that I have are too small. My toe is bruised from it hitting the top of my shoe.
3. One day.. waking up TRULY not feeling sadness or anger toward what happened this year. Letting it GO!

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Me again.. I'm just plain proud of all the work I'm doing on the inside.. and on the outside. I am getting closer to really understanding why my past experiences have shaped how I handle my present life. I feel like I'm really getting my PH.D. in myself. Study and Research...

That's all...
Much Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.8.08

2008-10-08T10:02:00.003-04:00

Hi there.

Wednesday... got my warm sock and shoes on.. amazing how much warmer I feel during the day when I wear socks. It is cooler out.. I should've worn a jacket out this morning but I didn't.

onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. Ok.. this isn't a good thing from first blush..but Kristine found out yesterday that she has Lymes Disease. She's been really tired, with NO energy for years.. and so even though it stinks that she has this.. it makes me happy to know that there is a reason beyond her control that is what's causing this. Yes it will not be fun to go thru the rounds of antibiotics.. but hopefully she will then regain her energy and get back on the path to the rest of her life. I know this has been hard for her.. not understanding why she's been feeling this way.. hopefully before not too long she'll be feeling more energy and motivation.
2. Running last nite! Another mile down! I can't tell ya... I feel great after running! Yea.. Like I said.. my lungs aren't yet ready to jump up and down with excitement.. but this is helping my mind a lot.. I love to sweat.. makes me feel like I've accomplished something.. Looking at myself in the mirror while I'm running.. tapping into the subconscious me saying "YOU CAN DO THIS!!!".
3. My friend Scott emailed me something that made me feel better with regard to where I am in my brain.. helps to give me hope that I won't always be feeling this way. Thanks Honey.

2 things I look forward to today:
1. This morning I was startled by someones car alarm and dropped my bowl of chili on the floor. Cracked one of my favorite bowls and everything.. grr. SO.. that just means I get to have the yummy Steak and Cheese Pita from down the street. YUM.
2. Running tonite... then doing nothing! I should go to the store to get my kitty girl ready to come back to me..

2 long term things I look forward to:
1. I'll say it again.. Being out of the house in Del Ray. NEVER having to go there again.. or having to talk about anything in regards to it. I'm SO ready for this to be over. This experience has me smack in the face with facing my BIGGEST fears.. and it's scary and feels real and I just want to be OVER this and focused on more healthy and productive things! Ugh!
2. Working from home on Friday... being home with my kitty girl.. in my pajamas.

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Me. I am proud of myself today. I still get up and get dressed and put makeup on to make myself look pretty.. and go to work and then exercise even though my brain is swimming in confusion .... not understanding why I STILL feel this way.

ok.. aren't you impressed that I'm writing everyday again? I am.
Much Love.
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.7.08

2008-10-07T09:07:00.002-04:00

Hi there..

Tuesday... gradually a little chillier out this morning... soon we'll be in the throes of winter.. winter coat/hat/gloves...etc... poo. Me no likey.. I'm still feeling rebellious today and wearing my sandals.

without further adieu.. onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. I Did it!! I ran a mile! Woo Hoo! Feeling good and strong.. There's a little mind over matter going on.. my body can keep going I can tell.. my lungs are the other story... and even more importantly.. my mind telling me that my lungs aren't happy is what i really need to work on.
2. I found a meditation class wednesday nites that I'm going to check out.. I've been looking for a local class at a different location than where I used to go to class.. I have been feeling the need to meditate in a group again instead of by myself. We'll see.. I think I'm going to check it out next Wednesday nite.
3. Working from Home on Friday.. I'm going to get my kitty girl Thursday nite so I'll be home with her all day on Friday... in my pajamas.

2 things that i look forward to today:
1. You know it.. running again tonite.
2. Something I am NOT looking forward to today... Peter really messed his knee up.. can barely walk.. is on some heavy pain meds...tonite he has an appt for an MRI at 9pm so I'm going to miss the Debate... Grr. Oh well.. I have to make sure he's ok. I'll Tivo it.

2 long term things I look forward to:
1. Feeling more at peace with everything that's happened.. and happening. Still seems like there are quite a few challenges within and around me, still working on being still within.. accepting the " It is what it is" of everything going on.
2. This Sunday after volunteering.. I meet my Sign Language Tutor!!! It's something that I've really always wanted to do. And I figure there's not time like the present to get back into it.

1 person I want to appreciate:
Peter... wow.. his knee is really messed up.. And he takes it in stride..it's kinda amazing..I know hes in tremendous pain.. I don't know how he does it.. to some degree it's bad because he's so used to "Pushing thru it" but he physically can't with this.. And he and I have in common the inability to rest.. so he always feels like he has to be doing something.. he's home today.. I hope he's resting. I can't imagine what's going on in his head.. I mean.. His knees help him do his job.. and without that... well.. let's not think of that.

Have a great day...
Much Love
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.6.08

2008-10-06T13:10:00.004-04:00

Afternoon all...

Monday.. usually I am just fine with Mondays... but this Monday is different.. I woke up at 2:30am from a dream that my car is being broken into again.. actually got up... and dressed and went out to my car to check on it... then couldn't go to bed till 5am and I get up at 6. It was just a dream... my car was fine.. but now I am exhausted. Physically and emotionally exhausted. This day is going by like beach erosion... Slow and exposing all to what lies beneath.

alright... enough of the grumblings... onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. Going to Art on the Avenue on Saturday. I will admit that I was initially feeling lonely... so many things I ultimately wanted to share with someone.. but halfway down. I hung out with Renee, the owner and teacher from Clay Queen Pottery on Mt. Vernon Avenue for 30-40 minutes in her shop.. catching her up on my life.. asking about the shop.. and how it's going.. Then I met a photographer and got caught up talking to her about her story... long story short.. I ended up having a great time by myself.. I took my time.. and met some really cool people.. so it was worth it.
2. THEN... I picked up Naomi and we were off to the Jim Henson Exhibit . So Cool... He's so inspiring... Really glad we caught it before it left town!
3. My favorite flowers were at the Farmers Market yesterday... bought 2 bunches.. nice! They make me happy. I also like that I can walk up there every Sunday. Makes me feel like I'm in a little community.. which I am. (Even though it's not Del Ray..I guess it's ok)

2 things that I look forward to today:
1. Running after work.. I'm up to a mile today! I found myself thinking about it all weekend.. Good Sign I'd say..
2. That's it.. going to bed EARLY....I'm exhausted.

2 long term things I look forward to:
1. The day when I am at peace with all that's happened this year.
2. Running 3 miles a day? and subsequently going down 2 dress sizes?

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Christy, my sister Kristine, Naomi, Auntie and Roxanne.. they have been there for me SO much over the past few months.. listening to me and watching me cry.. (and cry and cry) basically talking me out of my irrational moments.. Man.. I feel like I'm barely maintaining a baseline of normal thinking... still constantly spinning... and between fighting the inability to rest... to be still.. and my brain going 100 miles an hour..I feel like a crazy person. I feel like my girlfriends help slow me down a bit..I thank God for them.

Who said life was easy eh? Not me.

Talk to you soon!
Much Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.3.08

2008-10-03T09:33:00.003-04:00

Morning!

Happy Friday!!! It's brisk outside.. definitely long sleeve and no more open toed shoes/sandals for me.. (unfortunately). But it's nice..taking a deep breath in.. cool.. and refreshing.

Without further adieu... onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. Ok.. Peter had to close last nite so he wasn't with me but.. last nite after I got home from running.. I sat outside with the neighbors and had a yummy meal of Grilled Pesto Chicken.. Grilled Zucchini (YUM) and Rice.. sitting outside in the brisk air.. with the tikis.. candles.. glass o' wine.. it was nice. THEN.. we all went to our own houses to watch the Debate and then reconviened afterward to discuss. It was nice. We might not of agreed on the debate outcome.. but it was still fun to have a little community to get together with.
2. It's Friday. Need I say more? I have a fun weekend planned and that is exciting.
3. Feeling better and better every day.. more calm and the spinning in my head has slowed I'd say 60-70%. Thank Goodness!!!

two things I look forward to today:
1. Just knowing it's Friday and I don't have to get up early tomorrow. Having the evening to spend with Peter and Naomi.. playing cards and/or eating something yummy.
2. Honestly just getting thru the work day... running.. and going home to do whatever is planned.. So NOT having a definite plan is something I am looking forward to today.

2 long term things I am looking forward to:
1.Buying a new Sirius Radio to replace the one that was stolen when my car got broken into... I will most likely buy a replacement next Friday when I get paid. I miss listening to NPR and Reggae and Chill on my drive to work.. I don't know what to do with myself in my car now without it.
2. Going Shopping for some cooler weather clothes. I will admit that one thing I've learned from my previous relationship is the value of looking nice. Sporatic trips to look for new options for clothes.. finding a good deal. I can admit that I didn't care so much before I met him... and now I actually find myself wanting to go look at what's new out there to wear.

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Americas FREEDOM.. YES there are many things wrong with the way this country is run.. and we have LONG way to go... but at least we have the freedom to do what we want to do.. watch what we want to watch.. and go where we want to go. I am grateful for that... I'm grateful I'm not in North Korea right now.

Have a great weekend!
Much Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 11.2.08

2008-10-02T08:59:00.003-04:00

Morning...

oh yea... today it's chillier... I saw a mom and her toddler son out for a walk this morning on the way to work and he had a little jacket on.. he looked all bundled up.. and for good reason.. It is chilly out there this morning! Seeing them made me so Excited about this weekends festival !! It's supposed to be beautiful Saturday so I am excited to take it all in. Hopefully buy something nice for myself. Also on my drive this morning.. I saw a bunch of leaves that had fallen.. blowing across the street.. a wonderful reminder of the trees "powering down" to conserve for the winter. I love this time of year.

ok.. onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. Oh my gosh.. Spending time with my beautiful and fellow kindred spirit Roxanne last nite. We always spend 3 plus hours talking... being in her presence makes me not feel so alone.. and knowing she is there for me.. holding my hand thru this interesting and turbulent transition. She has always been an inspiration to me... I am blessed to have her in my life.!!!
2. I feel REALLY good today! I feel I look pretty today... I'm feeling a bit more "So Much Myself".. (and I think the medicine is already working.. not spinning in my head so much Thank GOD!) Am wearing the awesome necklace that I bought at last years Art on the Avenue.. makes me feel artsy.
3. Peter and I had a really good talk last nite.. AND he brought me home another yummy salad for lunch today! Yea!

2 things I look forward to today:
1. Running after work... I think next week I'm upping the anty to 1 mile ... 3 days a week.. I would love to be at 3 miles/ 3 days a week by the end of the year. That is my goal.
2. Going home and watching the Vice Presidential Debate. Should be amusing.

2 long term things I look forward to:
1. Honestly the day that I NEVER EVER EVER having to go to that house in Del Ray again. Closing that chapter and sealing it with caulk... at least for some time while I heal. Too much hurt there.. like a poltergeist in that house.
2. To coincide with that... NOT having to pay rent there anymore uselessly. To be able to put that money in a savings account for something magical to happen next year! It irks the pajezus out of me to deposit such a large sum for a house that I don't even live in! UGH. Whatever.. I hold up my end of the bargain.

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Again.. I want to thank Rox.... I drove home last nite after my blessed experience with her... and I felt at peace.. for the first time... in a LONG time.. I felt at peace. Thank You Roxanne. You have made me who I am today and when I really think about it.. I love who I am.

It makes me happy to write again.. another example of me feeling "so much myself".
Deep Sigh as I relax into it..
Much Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.1.08

2008-10-01T11:26:00.002-04:00

Happy October to you all my butterflies!!!

My Second Favorite time of year.. I think April and October are my favorite months... the ramping up and gearing down of the year... where you can feel it and see it go into transition the most. Very Lovely.

ok.. impt one.. onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. I'm depressed. Ok.. before you jump on me and ask me why that makes you happy... let me give you a teeny bit of background. This year has been a very emotional and up and down year to date.. INTENSE Highs and Lows this year. And... I think back in July sometime.. my bodys chemistry started going wacko due to the quantity of stressors going on.If I look back I can tell a difference from one day to the next.. rational and NOT rational... and well.. it's been steadily getting worse... Anxious.. unable to focus.. or be happy (I have lots to be happy about really) instead focusing on the negative... blaming myself...can't stop my spinning out of control thoughts... etc... it's been a really hard time.. diving inside myself.. trying to figure out WHY I do the things I do.. well.. I think it threw me off.. I know everyone that talks to me regularly can tell i'm not myself... I needed help... I went to the Dr yesterday and he confirmed that that's what happening so I am now on meds to help regulate my Seratonin levels.. I'm hopeful tht this will take me off the emotional roller coaster that i've been on.. one that i've been BEGGING myself to get off of.
2. I am really starting to tell a difference running... my face.. my neck and shoulder area.. and.. maybe i'm over thinking it.. but I think my pants are a little bigger.. hmm.. I am already feeling addicted to it.. and I'm finding myself eating better..
3. Got my shiny ring back... Peter had it cleaned.. it is so purty! Sparkles in the light!!!

2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. Seeing my friend Roxy tonite... I haven't seen her in a month or so and she herself is sparkley and makes me feel so special... She's been there for me this year and I am so grateful!!! Then after seeing her.. I'm going to Yoga!
2. Peter brought me a YUMMY salad from the restaurant that I LOVE to eat!!! YUM!

2 long term things I look forward to:
1. This weekend I have lots of fun things to do! Friday nite hang with Naomi and Peter.. Saturday Art on the Avenue then Naomi and I are going to this Jim Henson exhibit (I LOVE JIM HENSON!!!) I'm really glad Naomi wants to see it too!!!
2. I'm going to get my Kitty girl on Monday.. I know my mom will be sad to see her go.. and I'm still kinda nervous to try to re-merge her with Peters cat..but I miss her terribly. Miss her little Kitty Face.

1 person I am going to appreciate:

Um today I am just grateful for time.. Time heals things.. makes things not as intense..Gives us a moment to reflect.. and reminise... To realize that it will not always be this hard.. Time gives us the ability to look back.. in joy and in sorrow. (Focus on the Joy Kerilyn!) Time also goes by fast.. (It's October already.. can you believe it???) One year from now I'm 100% positive I will not be in this same place I find myself today. Time is short also... and it makes our memories fade... even the ones we want to remember. (Like my Grandpa...his face is more like a blur..)
Anyway.. Thanks Time... You're on my side. HA!

Talk to you soon!!!
Kerilyn

High/Low 9.25.08

2008-09-25T11:51:00.002-04:00

Morning almost afternoon!

How are you? Thursday.. week is winding down nicely for me... the past few days have been cooler...and that coolness has made me feel good... safe.. tied to the earth.. i walk to my car and i see the leaves starting to drop and change.. just went outside to walk to the little pita place around the corner and it's a bit breezy today... but a sign that the earth is preparing for hibernation...

onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. I feel good today... Monday I ran.. tuesday I did yoga... wednesday i ran.. and tonite i'll run... yea! I do feel so much better!!! I can tell this is working as a natural sedative to the churning churning churning thats going on in my head. I know I can do it.. i've done it before. No better incentive! I can actually already feel a difference in my body.... again.. my thyroid acts as my best friend or worst enemy if i'm exercising or not.
2. I am coming close to meeting a deadline. It's Government (GSA) Year end.. and they have request funds for the next year and.. like human nature.. people wait till the end of the year. September 30th.. so it's a flurry here in my office to get stuff done. Thankfully I should have my project done by COB today! Whew!
3. I have a massage coming up on Saturday. I'm proud of myself.. doing things like massages and regular pedicures to help me feel better about myself. If I keep it up this way.. by next September... I'll lose a few dress sizes.. hair will be just SO long.. and I'll be beauty queen material!!

2 things I look forward to today:
1. Tonite after work I am going to run.. then I'm going to the movies with my people Stephanie and Scott.. we're going to see the movie "The Women".. I'm just glad that they are my friends.. and keeping me busy...(unfortunately Peter gets out of work early today , like noon, so I won't get to spend time with him but that's ok... that's life being with a chef.)
2. I just ate this really yummy Pita with steak and cheese. YUM! It's made kinda healthfully with pita bread.. and lettuce.. it's grilled and lean.. so it's not a very heavy feeling sandwich.

2 long term things I look forward to:
1. Being able to run THREE MILES a day... Oh man I would love that.. and then signing up to run 5K races in the area...!!!
2. Seeing my Kitty Girl Pez again soon.. I haven't seen her in weeks and miss her terribly!!! It makes me tear up when I think of how much I miss my girl... I know she's safe at my parents.. being spoiled rotten.. but I miss her little cutie girl face..

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Me. I have done so much work.. trying to figure out what is going on in my head... whew! I mean It is my usual to overthink stuff out.. but MAN! I have been working overtime trying to figure out these intense feelings that come on like a wave.. and WHY they come on. I feel like I'm really starting to really get to know who I am... it's a little exhausting.. and with my aversion to resting.. I feel a little emotionally tired but I KNOW I'm going to bear fruits of my own internal labor for doing this hard work on my "stuff"... I'm very proud of myself.

That's where I am this Thursday... Hmm.. tomorrow is Friday AND Payday...usually a very good day for this dreamer girl.
Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 9.24.08

2008-09-24T07:20:00.002-04:00

Morning Butterflies!

Wednesday... we're at the halfway mark of the week... getting cooler... now that it's fall.. i can already tell it's getting darker... poo... me no likey. But on the other hand... I love the changing of the leaves... the brisk air. It's the 33rd rotation of fall in my life... I lean into it like a familiar friend...

onto 3 things 2 things:

3 things that make me happy:
1. My wonderful friend Matthew and I have been emailing much more lately...I am so grateful that he is in my life.. I love the balance he brings to my life.. I have learned so much being his friend..He is still serving in Iraq and will be home in less than 3 months! I am very excited to see him... It's been a LONG time that I've been able to just pick up the phone.. call him and he'll be on the other end.. I can't wait to see him and receive one of his infamous hugs!!!
2. I had my review yesterday... it went really well. For those who follow me... I am at this job the longest I've ever been at a job... I really do love what I do (finally!) love where I work.. I mean I walk outside to have lunch.. on the potomac river.. watching planes flying by... watching the washington dc skyline... I am blessed!!!
3. I am really feeling better exercising... ran almost a mile on monday.. and yesterday i started doing yoga... today i'm running again... i feel better already.. more energy... more beautiful inside.. It is my goal to get to 3 miles/day by the end of the year..
2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. Peter is off today so I'm sure that we will do something together this evening... It's supposed to be a beautiful day.. so maybe we'll sit outside and enjoy looking up at the stars.
2. Going to run after work... I feel SO much better after doing it..
2 long term things I am looking forward to:
1. Peter and I are having a BBQ for my friends and his friends this Sunday... (fingers crossed it doesn't rain) I am excited because I have a lot of different friends coming... that it will be exciting to see them all in the same spot! And I'm going to meet some of Peters friends I've never met..
1 person I would like to appreciate:
My friend Christy... oh man.. she has helped me SO much feeling not crazy for my intense feelings about the goings on about the past few months of my life... and more interestingly.. how my current feelings are actually tied to my past experiences... I don't want to say too much here.. but I will say... that I am feeling unraveled.. undone.. exposing emotions that I have tried to keep contained.. it's scary.. and uneasy.. but I know that I will get thru this storm eventually... and I am grateful that she is there to hold my hand along the way. I feel angry... and sad... pining for that which was never there.. and trying to undo the damage that has been done from past experiences... and at the same time celebrate the amazing and wonderful things that are happening in my life!!! Thank You Christy.. you are an angel!

Ok.. Have a great day!
:) Kerilyn

High/Low 9.18.08

2008-09-18T09:19:00.002-04:00

Hi there..

Thursday.. it's BEAUTIFUL out this morning.. the sun shining in the windows.. waking up my shamrocks in the bedroom. So nice.. It's getting cooler out.. which instantly reminds me that the fall is coming...with the leaves and the sweaters...(and the yummy soups!) i love the fall. (don't we all? ha i'm a poet!)

right into 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:

1. Well I did it.. I ran 3/4 of a mile yesterday and walked another mile.. it felt SO good.. I am still reaping the rewards of it... I feel just a smidge prettier today...from the inside out..and feel a bit more settled on the emotional front.
2. Talked to my Auntie last nite... that made me happy to connect with her.. I've been feeling a bit reclusive with my communication lately and it was good to hear her voice.. and feel her love.
3. I slept really well last nite... part of me feeling like I slept well.. is not feeling so rushed to have to shut the light off and close my eyes.. I like when I can lay in bed.. and read.. and just dial down for 30 minutes or so.... that inevitably leads to a more sounder nite of sleep...

2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. Running another 3/4 of a mile. I know I can do it!
2. Peter is working open at the Restaurant so that means that he'll be home when I get home from work! Yippee! I'm going to make us dinner tonite.. not sure what yet!

2 long term things I am looking forward to:
1. Art on the Avenue !!! Need I say more!! Saturday October 4th...and THIS year.. contrary to LAST year.. I will not be rushed.. or pushed... I will take my time.. talk to all of the vendors that I wish too... look at EVERYTHING! Doesn't matter if it's hot.. or chilly... This is something I look forward to ALL year and I am excited!!!
2. Natural Living Expo the DAY after AOTA! It'll be a wonderful weekend of Art AND spirituality!!! I also look forward to this every year too!!!

1 person I am going to appreciate:
My favorite bloggers.... for helping me not feel alone...Thank You.

Have a wonderful blessed day!

:) Kerilyn

High/Low 9.17.08

2008-09-17T14:32:00.002-04:00

Howdy folks..

Well.. It's Wednesday... closer to Friday and then the weekend. Thank Goodness~

onto 3 Things 2 Things :

3 things that make me happy:

1. Going to the gym today and moving my body which in turn will release endorphins which in turn will make me feel better about myself! I realize that all this MUCK and CRAP in my head is ALL about the fact that I do not love myself.. instead spending SO much time focusing on something (or someone) that does NOT make me feel good about myself? WHY? Because I don't love MYSELF!!! And...It seems so simple knowing that exercise has historically made Kerilyn feel better, and when I keep this up.. and next September when I'm thinner.. with little-r arms.. I'll look even more pretty in my white dress.

2. Peter told me that it is "OUR" place.. and to make it OUR place. That makes me feel better. I have been trying not to over "Kerilyn-ize" the space so he won't feel like I'm taking over. It also helps me not feel so sad about losing MY Del Ray.

3. My hair is shiny and soft today.. I used the hair dryer this morning instead of letting it air dry and I think I like the look of it more that way. And it's getting LONG! I can't imagine how long it will be next September!

2 things that I look forward to today:

1. Again.. that exercising.. And I think If I feel up to it.. I MIGHT do the Yoga tape that I have at the house...or maybe I'll go for a walk afterward.

2. Watching Recorded show Dog Whisperer tonite! I Love Cesar Milan!

2 long term things I am looking forward to:

1. Hopefully in a few weeks.. Peter and I will go to this awesome organic farm that has these wonderful wildflowers.. a good photo opportunity for sure and talking about Flowers for next September.

2. Next Sundays BBQ/Shin Dig at OUR Place!!!

1 person I am going to appreciate:

My friend Christy.... she helps me not feel alone.... also this WONDERFUL Website that... as i'm reading it.. is like speaking DIRECTLY to me!!!

That's where I am today.

:) Kerilyn

High/Low 9.9.08

2008-09-09T07:32:00.002-04:00

Hi there.

Wow.. amazing what the Internet can do.. I'm listening to story about the blogger that got into an airplane accident and all her blog followers have rallied together and raised $100,000. Amazing.

ok... onto 3 things 2 things

three things that make me happy:

Knowing that tomorrow is my last day of work... SO EXCITED!!!
Peter and I are having a little shin dig in a few weeks.. and reading everyones responses on the Evite makes me happy!
Coming home and having our wonderful neighbors invite me outside for dinner... tiki torches.. and yummy tenderloin...good conversation... glass of wine.. ah..

2 things I'm looking forward to today:

My dad is coming to have lunch with Peter and I today...
Honestly just getting thru the day.. nothing out of the ordinary today

2 long term things that I'm looking forward to:

Our little shin dig.. with my friends and Peters friends just hanging out.. looking forward to it.
In the fall... going for a getaway weekend put of town with Peter... taking in the leaves.. and the long drive.. I LOVE the fall!!!

1 person I am going to appreciate:

My sister.. she's amazing.. she's been there for me SO much this year.. on top of getting married this year... she has been so supportive and so understanding.. I will admit that I haven't always been the most rational this year.. and I'm so grateful that Kristine is just a phone call away!! Love you little sister!

Have a great day!
:) Kerilyn

High/Low 9.8.08

2008-09-08T09:15:00.001-04:00

Hi there..

So I figure I'd write a bit again.... I have been feeling the itch for months now.. to reconnect with you all.. even in my vulnerable and unsure moments (I've been having them a lot this year) so I'll start off by not vomiting too much into your computer screen.. and start off slowly.

From 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:

1. I feel really pretty today... I am wearing my favorite outfit.. coral shirt with this cool printed skirt.. and my toes are done a bright pink (for the beach this weekend) Nails done too so I feel pretty put together today.
2. I am SO excited for the beach... 5 days of doing NOTHING.. relaxing.. sleeping in.. reading.. journaling (maybe shedding a tear or two).. looking out onto the waves of the ocean.. taking pictures.. going to Rohoboth and looking at all the cute shops... eating yummy food .. playing cards.. having a drink or seven.. I haven't done this... relaxing.. in a LONG LONG TIME and with everything that's happened this year already.. I need a stretch of nothingness.
3. Peter and I had a GREAT nite last nite.. I came home from volunteering at the Nat'l Building Museum and then Scotts Birthday Party (GREAT TIME!!!) and I thought Peter was working till 10ish.. but I came home and he was there!!!! We sat outside on the patio... drank a bottle of wine.. and played Gin Rummy!! (I won!) then we went to eat Thai.. and laid on the couch together.. it was SO NICE!!! I feel so blessed!!!
4. BONUS: Right down the street from Peters place (ok.. OUR place) on Sundays is a Farmers market.. I LOVE LOVE LOVE that I walk there every sunday that we're around.. and this farm sells the most beautiful wildflowers.. I would buy them ALL from them if I could.. but I buy a few bunches and put them around the house.. along with a zucchini bread and the Sunday Newspaper (and Sunday Morning Edition) and cup of coffee...mmm... NOTHING I can think of that's better!!!

2 things that i'm looking forward to today:

1. Getting as MUCH work done as possible so I don't have to be concerned about it when I go on vacation.

2. After work.. doing laundry and resting.. I think I'm finally getting the hang of not over planning myself!!!

2 long term things I'm looking forward to:

1. The weekend of September 26th, 2009. Being surrounded with my amazing friends and family. I'll write more on this in the coming months.

2. Seeing my boy Matthew again.. He's been in Iraq for a long time.. He's home now on R&R and although I won't be able to see him this time he's home.. I am excited to see him and spend time with him hopefully soon.. Love you!

1 Person I am going to appreciate:

I will start this posting by saying I appreciate Life/The Universe/God.. Wow.. this year has been one loopedy loop.. UP and DOWN and side to side... the perverbial Roller Coaster.. My feelings have been thrown all over the place... I've cried.. laughed been a little ashamed of myself.. been proud of myself too... and been ultimately amazed at what has transpired this year.. Funny.. even the events of the past few months when I look back on them.. have happened.. I THINK.. exactly the way they should.. regardless of my emotions... I know that I'm not alone.. I know I am supported by those "Seen and Unseen" and that everything.. even the things I do not understand (TRUST ME THERE IS A LOT I DONT UNDERSTAND) is happening EXACTLY as it should.. I need to rest into that a lot more.. So Thank You Universe/God/Angels/Bertha/ My Guides/Teachers and loved ones.. I KNOW I could not do this without you..

always "The Searcher"...

Kerilyn

"I love living. I have some problems with my life, but living is the best thiNG they've come up with so far." - Neil Simon ( MY NEW FAVORITE QUOTE!!)

High/Low 9.5.08

2008-09-05T15:37:00.007-04:00

Ok.. you haven't heard from me in a while... lots of stuff has happened lately.. good AND bad.. and well... this posting makes me feel a LOT better.. Here I am... blaming myself.. doubting myself.. what I like to call feeling in the "crazy zone"... wondering if he misses me.. etc.. BLEH! Well this is just another confirmation that I made the right (rational) decision..for my future well being... Weirdly doesn't change the fact that I still feel twinges of sadness from time to time.. I feel like I gave my all, feel a little cheated.. and wished he wasn't emotionally unavailable.. heh..but I knew from day one that he was unavailable... thought I would be different.. yada yada.. I could break him of this.. etc.. BULLSHIT! So yea.. this helps... and thought I'd post so you know where my brain is of late.

Side note: Everything happens exactly as it should.. And I am blessed by the fact that I BELIEVE that with all my heart and soul!!! It's an amazing feeling to be SO happy on one end and still trying to process melancholy and dissapointed feelings on the other.

Thanks for posting this.. it really helped. whew.

Reader Question: What does an emotionally unavailable man do when a relationship ends?
August 27, 2008 by NML

A Chicago reader asks: “I am wondering how the emotionally unavailable man is after a relationship, how he talks to himself, or if he’s happy, etc. Not for HIM, but just to make myself feel better.”

Interesting question. I’d ask why do you care but we all do what we need to do in order to get by. If you want me to tell you that he’s sitting at home pining for you, wondering what you’re doing, analysing your relationship history, blaming himself, checking his phone messages, or obsessing about you, you’re about to be sorely disappointed. To assume that he is losing his mind over the ‘loss’ of you is to assume that you’re with a normal, connected man.

For a start, Mr Unavailable doesn’t like endings and in actual fact, depending on how your relationship history has played out, is likely to disrespect the ‘ending’ or any boundaries that you have put forth.So, you say “I don’t ever want to see your bloody face again or hear from you. I want you to leave me alone and stop calling me” will translate to “She says that but I know if I give it a day/week/fortnight/month/ etc that she’ll be desperate to hear from me. She’s just mad because I won’t give her what she wants but she needs to accept that this is all I can give and go with the flow.”

The likelihood is that Mr Unavailable will believe that he has lost you or is in serious danger of losing you when:

1) A greater period of time has passed than your previous break-up/break.

2) You’ve got really medieval on his ass and something makes him believe that it may be different this time.

With the former, it will appear that he has accepted it until that supposed in-built radar has him creepy creeping round you just when you’ve started to move on.

With the latter, he’ll badger the crap out of you for attention and affirmation that you still give a monkey’s about him, make promises he can’t keep, and then disappoint the crap out of you and revert to previous behaviours anyway.

When a relationship with Mr Unavailable ends he tends to:

1) Pretend that it’s not over and in his mind he’s giving you space to come around to his way of thinking.
2) Look for a new ego stroke.
3) Ignore you till YOU start chasing him.
4) Starts the ‘let’s be friends’ BS so that he can worm his way back into his life.
5) Calls up the previous Fallback Girl (you know there’s always more than one).
6) Bury himself in work or the lads because he didn’t need the deadweight of a relationship anyway.
7) Blame you.

How does he talk to himself? Who knows and who cares? The reality is that someone who is very disconnected from their own behaviour isn’t exactly going to turn around and take stock of their lives. He’ll blame you, his ex, his mother, the cat, the dog, his kids, the tree at the back of the garden but unless he’s having some longstanding bouts of clarity, any glimmers into the real him will be shortlived. So he may think tonight “Ah…Michael, you’ve been a bit of a prick in this relationship. She deserved better” but by tomorrow morning, he’s thinking “Michael, you’re better off without her. She wanted too much from you. She was too flipping needy and you don’t need that. You’ve done nothing wrong and to be fair, this was never supposed to be a long term thing.”

Is he happy? In some respects yes, and in many other respects no. That’s like me asking women who habitually engage with Mr Unavailable’s (Fallback Girls) whether they’re happy. Something not too great is going on within to be emotionally unavailable in the first place. He’ll be happy that he has no-one expecting too much of him. He’ll be happy to have you off his back. He’ll be happy to be a bachelor again. But is he happy? He’s disconnected emotionally so happiness, true happiness is a long way off for him.

But as always, what I would stress is that to care what the frick this man is doing is to care too much. Whatever brain power he does expend on his relationship with you, the reality is that it will be a miniscule fraction of the brain power you’re expending. Your ability to move on and be happy has to be separate from him. It can’t be based on the scale of his misery because this is like trying to extract some sort of emotional validation or payment after the demise of the relationship and the reality is that you’ll be in for a long wait if you’re relying on him to give you some misery coins. You would do better to focus on yourself and deal with your own issues of why you were with him - you’ll get far more reward for your efforts.
~~~~~
A response then says:

Because HE had a different relationship with you in his mind that YOU had with him in YOUR mind, he pretty much chalks it off and moves on.

He doesn’t dwell, feel remorseful, guilty, analyze his behavior or yours, or look at his actions/take responsibility for them and decide he will change HIS part of what went wrong so that his next realtionship will be healthier.

He is still the same person that played games, lied, cheated, manipulated, blew hot and cold, abandoned you without a word, did the yo-yo thing with your heart, begged for time and left you hanging for months waiting, broke promises, whatever…

So, he is done. Much like finishing a meal. Maybe good while it lasted, maybe bad. Burp. Now time to watch sports on tv, or go hang out with the guys, or wow did you see that hot chick walk by ?

He has the attention span of a flea for YOUR angst. In fact, less than that.He will think about what HE has going on in his life - his job, his kids (if he has them), his hobbies, his car maintenance. Whatever isn’t very emotional or requiring any deep reflection. Unless it’s self-pity.

So the guy rationalizes whatever didn’t work as your fault because it’s his easiest escape exit. And then goes in pursuit of the next woman who doens’t know anything about him and will be vulnerable to his b.s., and games because she doesn’t know the pattern of his behavior. (HOLY SHIT!!!) Taking responsibility and making changes aren’t in a EUM’s modis operandii. How he treats the next woman is how he treated the woman before you, regardless of the sad sack, one-sided, b.s. story you were told.. And how he treated you too.

He moves on. Now it’s your turn. Becasue any time spent grieivng over him, wishing it could be different, hating all men, being in a rage - all of it is keeping you stuck, still spending time thinking about him — when now is the time that could be spent instead by you doing things for you.

That hour or week or month you spent brooding or crying or furious about the injustice of it all ? That’s a chunk of your life that you can’t get back that you could have spent being happy.
So go - be busy, find a hobby you love and immerse yourself in it, spend time with your friends or make some new ones, really shine at work, pamper yourself in all the little ways you can think of that you like, manicure, pedicure, rock concert, maybe a vacation somewhere you’ve always wanted to go and visit and explore - focus on you.

You are what matters. Avoid thinking about him - it’s just a distraction from looking inside at your own stuff. Practice what you preach. Look inside and do the work you need to do on learning to have healthy boundaries and self esteem.Learn to love and believe in you own sefl and self-worth so that you don’t care what a guy who made you cry more than once thinks about you.

Is that not the most amazing thing you've ever read?
Is that not EXACTLY what I've been dealing with? The "crazies" in my head?
UH... YES.
God Bless the person who wrote this. Thank You.

and.. on that note..

2007-11-27T21:24:00.000-05:00

and.. one of those artist women... Michelle .. posted about noting her happiest part of the day... got me thinking about mine today...

hmmm...

11.27.07

todays was the ~moment~ that i realized that the deadline that I've been so focused on.. so NOT myself about (the way I get when I'm feeling like I am not doing a good enough job.. I panic and become this person I don't like... an alter ego of Kerilyn) is coming down the home stretch of meeting her deadline.. and suddenly... my humor came back.. I relaxed.. was able to look around... talk to others.. and take a deep breath that isn't anxiety..

that was a pretty damn good moment in my day...

thanks for letting me share.

why is it?

2007-11-27T20:58:00.000-05:00

that all the amazingly cool artist women that i see on the internet..

drink tea?

all kinds of tea.. camomile.. lemon.. earl grey... green...

my posting for the day is...

i gotta get into drinking more tea....

Thank you artistic beautiful women out there... for being out there.
You help inspire me... every day.
You know who you are... there are MANY of you...

much love,
Kerilyn

Today (11.7.07) I am..

2007-11-07T09:05:00.000-05:00

Feeling pretty today...

I decided to wear the brown dress that I wore to the wedding this past weekend... I feel dressed up... it's Wednesday.. ready for the weekend...

So onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:

1. I got an email last nite from the Manager at the shop that I sent my cards too. She received them and asked if I'd send a pic and a little bio! Wowee.. My cards are officially in TWO shops now! How amazingly awesome is THAT!!! I'm going to knock out 20 cards this weekend (fingers crossed) so I can send her the final batch. She said she's excited to receive them for the holiday season! YEA!!! I should work on a christmas card.. but one thing at a time. I contacted a local printer and will be making appointments to go out and see the facilities to look into mass production. I'm trying to still accept that mass production is the next step.. I really do like spending time with my cards.. they are individual personal testiments as I create them.. but I would like to make more types of cards.. and that means I need to let go of one aspect.. maybe not totally but at least enough so I can focus on other areas..
2. My wonderful girlfriend Kyra is working on updating my website! I am soooooo excited!! And SOOO grateful!!! Yippee!!! I need to make my site more professional.. for so long it was mostly geared toward my personal life... for ya'll... but now..I am sending my site to prospective shops... and there's a lot of Kerilyn Ramblings on my site..
3. I had a really great conversation with my girl Michelle last nite that TOTALLY put my mind and heart at ease... Thank You honey!

2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. Another Day... Feeling pretty good today... just makes me happy!
2. Having chili and a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner tonite!

2 long term things I am looking forward to:
1. Finishing up those 20 cards so I can say that that shop is done and I can focus on the shop in Atlanta that wants my cards!
2. Buying a new pair of glasses!!! Yea! The glasses that I've been wearing are from 2001.. so I'm LONG overdue for a fresh and funky new pair! (Thanks Liz.. you rock!)

1 person I want to appreciate:
Not just one person.. EVERYONE.. but the few people that float to the top in this moment.. Matthew for being there consistantly thru the years..making sure I "keep it real".. Kyra.. for consistantly inspiring me... and living her creativity.. Michelle for her gentle reminders that we don't live in Black and White... Naomi for not making me feel alone that I swim in the deep end... I am so grateful for all my friends... When I look in the mirror I see ALL OF YOU...

Much Love.
Kerilyn

Today (11.05.07) I am...

2007-11-05T17:57:00.000-05:00

emotionally exhausted...

Had a really good and really emotional weekend... went with Kevin to his friends wedding in the Shenandoah... it was beautiful..the leaves on the trees.. a little past their peak... we have had these plans to go to the wedding for quite a while now.. so I wanted to go..(I'm going to try not to go ramble on about my feelings here) ...I still don't want to talk about it.. I posted some pictures.. the wedding was OUTSIDE.. BRRR!!! It was chilly!!! I was freezing AND.. the bride was seriously 45 minutes late!

Ok.. onto funner topics! I finally took pictures of my studio... Check my photos on Flickr (See the little sneak peak on the Right of this Post) I thought I'd send you a glimpse of the amazing inspiration I feel when I'm at the Studio!!!

Oh and I don't like that it's getting dark by 5pm! BOO!!!

Happy Monday to you.
Kerilyn

Today (11.2.07) I am...

2007-11-02T13:25:00.000-04:00

like a see saw... one second I feel good.. the next I feel like I don't trust myself... AT ALL...not a good space...

But I wanted to write because I've been SO INSPIRED lately by so many wonderful blogging women... Here are some of them that inspire me!!! It's funny... if you go to one of these inspiring womens sites.. you'll find them all supporting each other.. it's like a little inspiring family... I love it.. (and wish I knew how to join this club.. I totally would!)

Swirly Girl

Ink on my fingers

Bohemian Girl Designs

Colors on my mind

Superhero Journal

Poppy Talk

Penelope

Keri Smith

Janet Blyberg

Well the fall has settled in quickly... like a hot parking spot close to the building.. one person pulls out.. (summer) and fall has pulled in before the spot even got cold... well... it got cold... ok.. maybe this isn't a good metaphor... ha.

so no more warm weather... and Daylight Savings Time this weekend.. BOO!!! Dark by 5 o'clock is NO FUN!

K... Hope you have a great weekend... I'm going into the Shenandoah.. to go to a wedding... hopeful to have a lot of awesome new pics to share with you next week!

Kerilyn

Today (11.1.07) I am..

2007-11-01T08:44:00.000-04:00

weirdly ok...

I don't want to go into it right now.. but I ended my relationship with Kevin.. I feel really sad and raw, doubting myself... an internal fight between my head and my heart going on.. but at the same time.. I feel weirdly ok too. Go figure. That's all I want to say about that for now.

So I have 60 cards to send to the Spa in Hilton Head, South Carolina today! I went to the Container store yesterday with my sister and bought a schnazzy box to put them in.. and will mail them today! I still have 20 cards more to send them.. and will hopefully get to that in the next two weeks.. but whew... making 60 cards takes a while! I finally am coming to accept that mass production is where I need to focus.. if I'm going to have the time to create new kinds of cards as well as trying to market my cards to other shops. I only have time to do one or the other.. and... next payday I'm submitting my application to copyright all my "Benchmark" cards as a collection. I researched it last week and found out that I can copyright them together.. AND it only costs $45.00! Woo Hoo! I thought it was going to be hundreds or thousands of dollars! So that makes me happy!

Last friday nite.. my girl Kristy and I went to see Tori Amos... HOLY SCHMOLY! We had the BEST seats!!! (She found 2 tickets on Craigslist for 110 bucks! AWESOME!) We had BOX SEATS!!! So we could spread out.. and get comfy... The show was AMAZING!!! She's amazing.. the depths to which her talent extends is awe inspiring... I mean... singing, playing the piano AND organ/synthesizer at the SAME TIME! AND looking hot too! Beautiful! I will admit that I thought of my girl Michelle who knows EVERY Tori song.. and who, because her plane was delayed.. missed getting to the Tori concert the week earlier.. You were there in spirit honey!

The leaves ... changing color... the crispness in the air... the sweaters... my apartments radiators warm to the touch... the snuggly socks while watching TV... Love the fall. (Don't like that it gets so dark so early.. boo)

Last weekend was ME weekend... friday nite was Tori Amos concert.. which kicked off 2 days of me me me.. I spent a significant portion of the weekend in the studio.. Borrowed Kevins Sirius boombox which played "The Coffee House" music continuously for hours.. with no commercials.. as I plugged away.. it was nice... just me.. Went got my nails done.. eyebrows waxed... groceries.. errands... some cleaning and laundry too.. it was really nice... I kinda missed me. Is that mean to say?

My boy Matthew has called me TWICE from Iraq!! He calls me at work.. and to hear his voice! Is like the best part of my day... He's ok... he's coming home for a few weeks of R&R in November.. hopefully we can "coordinate" a meeting.. a BIG hug.. and just being near him... I love that boy...

Ok ok ok.. enough of this fluff.. there is so much I want to say.. ramble on and on about my feelings.. my emotional state when it comes to Kevin, my life, my sadness... my hope for my future... what I want and don't want.. why I've made this decision. and where I'm at... that's really what I want to talk about... vomit the superhighway of feelings that I cannot keep inside me anymore... my head is recently like an overstuffed suitcase that won't close.. where this topic is all I have been thinking about... which is really the reason why my writings to you have been half hearted and why I feel that my postings have not been worth my hands on the keyboard... so let me try to process this... get to a place where I can write again what's happening inside me... and then we'll begin again...

Happy November to you all!
Much love.
Kerilyn

Today (11.24.07) I am....

2007-10-24T10:08:00.000-04:00

good... I'm pretty good today...

I'm working on setting up a new Blog... working on the layout of it... I think I need a fresh look.. but in the meantime... I wanted to say HI... and that I'm still around... been kinda melancholy lately.. and those that have been with me a while.. know that when I'm blue... I'm not in a chatty mood much...

funny thing is... I'm melancholy about the big things in my life.. being/staying inspired.. my cards.. my relationship... my job... money..

but there are STILL so many wonderful small daily things that I am so grateful for... so I've decided I'm JUST going to focus on the little things.. until I can work out the big ones... sound like a deal?

like I was in the car one day.. and a ladybug is crawling on the inside of my car.. made me happy...

and listening to the rain last nite... and this morning while I was meditating... so nice.

last nite i had a moment , before I went to bed... while i looked at my kitty girl laying on me... crying my eyes out.. thanking her for coming into my life... I'm so grateful for her.. I can tell she's getting older.. being an orange kitty.. she's getting more black hairs on her.. which I think is our version of going Gray... I tried to keep the belief that when she leaves me here.. that she is just going home.. but it still made me cry...(still makes my nose stingy to think about her leaving me) I don't understand that.. I know this life isn't IT... that there's more... I've been priivy to it.. but I still cried like I never heard that before in my life.. interesting..

I have been taking more of a ventured interest in maintaining my car... told myself i'd get it washed every payday (every 2 weeks) somehow there are these drips of a drink (I think coke) down the right rear trunk/side of my car.. that have left a stain on the paint and the rear windshield... grr.. Kevin found a deal on Sirius Radio so I now have it in my car... it's pretty cool.. no commercials.. Reggae.. 24 hours a day! Love it!

This weekend I've decided is ME WEEKEND! Kevin is going out of town.. I'm not making plans with anyone... not doing anything with anyone... I'm just going to do whatever I want.. whenever I want... I am starved for some ME time... I've been overbooking myself.. which usually means I'm trying to avoid something.. I'm always feeling tired.. (I think part of the depression) and I just can't seem to think clearly... So I'm spending some time in the studio this weekend... sleeping in.. and hanging out... with myself...

oh.. and my computer is shot at home.. so i can't check email in the morning or nite.. THANK GOD Kevin found a deal on a External Hard Drive.. so I didn't lose my photos or music... AGAIN.. but It's frustrating not having my computer in my apt... Kristines fiances father is graciously taking a look at it to see if it can be fixed.. we'll see.. hopefully i won't have to buy a new one anytime soon... fingers crossed..

i really want to just tell you the little things that make me happy... but bear with me... i'm going thru something.. I don't necessarily understand (OR LIKE for that matter) I'm trying to work my way out of it...

Much love...
Kerilyn

Today (10.5.07)I am bored

2007-10-05T10:20:00.001-04:00

Hey...

I think I'm going to change the titles of my postings to..

"Today (date) I am_________

yea... I haven't written an actual High/Low in a while...
and I feel like I need a change.
Hmm.. maybe I'll create a NEW Blog..
Hmm.. maybe I'll look into that now...

:) Hang tight.... Change is in the air...

Kerilyn

High/Low 9.30.07

2007-09-30T20:28:00.000-04:00

Hey there folks..

Sunday nite.. 9:15ish.. bout to get into bed and relax... journal.. maybe cry.... and then definitely sleep good.. Had a GREAT weekend with 3 of 4 bestest friend, Michelle....We did a lot of fun stuff.. at a lot of different cuisines.. talked a bit... (one morning till 5AM) saw an AWESOME MOVIE . The weekend went by SO fast... one minute I was waiting at the gate at the airport to see her come around the corner.. the next.. i'm dropping her off. man time flies by as i get older.. I'm glad she spent a few days in my life.. she felt comfy there.

But I'll also admit something... I am pretty sure I'm depressed.... yes.. it's girl time and yes.. i'm in pain from being crampy.... want to crawl in a ball somewhere.. but no.. this is different.. This is Kerilyn can't get happy depressed.. I can't seem to jump out of it for more than a brief spell.. when something or someone has my attention... I'm in a 'i don't want to talk much... have nothing to say, please leave me alone.. i have nothing to offer you... ' frame of mind lately.. nothing in my everyday life is currently making me happy.... and the weirdest part is.. i haven't had a good cry.. in a while.. yes i've shed a tear or two from time to time... but i haven't had a 'Please God.. help me figure this out" cry in a while... and that is strange to me... I kinda feel like I'm holding it back... I think I'm lonely.... Ok.. this might sound like a Lifetime Movie statement.. but I just want someone to hold me.. and let me have this "Get it out Kerilyn.. I'm not going anywhere.' cry... I want someone to pay SO much attention to me.. to not LET me say nothing.... someone who is willing and..ABLE to dive into the deep end of my emotional state with me..knowing where I've come from, and where I want to go... and not be afraid... I want THIS... (Beware.. there is cursing in this clip.. the part I want you to watch is between minute 2:25 and 1 minute) *If you know me well... I've mentioned this clip often... it represents our wall of emotion that we keep inside us... our dissapointments and hurts.. some of us build it so well it becomes either invisible.. or so huge that noone wants to get near it... but there are those that KNOW.. how important it is to let this wall down... in order to heal...

ok.. onto the other side of me that KNOWS that there are good things going on around me...
onto 3 things 2 things

3 things that make me happy:
1. My kitty cat Pez has been SUCH a good girl with Michelle here.. I kinda get the sense that Pez knows that Michelle likes her.. and she acts accordingly... She's been really mushy with me lately.. and that makes me sooo happy.
2. Eating yummy Indian food, Pho, Thai and Steak this weekend... yum yum yum!
3. That movie... The link is above.. it was probably one of the most captivating movies I've ever seen.. the singing is so beautiful.. and the cinematography... let's just say i'd like to see this movie again in an altered state of being.... SO DAMN GOOD!!! (Kyra.. being the Beetles fan that you are... RUN to see this movie on the big screen)

2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. Going to BED!!!! I am one tired lady...
2. Going to bed listening to the crickets outside.. and having my kitty girl next to me!!

2 long term things I am looking forward to:
1. This upcoming Saturday is Art on the Avenue I can't wait to slowly walk around... take in all the art.. fingers crossed for beautiful weather! ... I love this day!
2. I really want to get my shit together.. in many different areas of my life... exercise.. taking better care of myself... etc...

1 person that I want to appreciate:
Michelle for flying up here this weekend.. and spending time with me.. Thank you.

Ok.. Thought I'd write.. since I haven't in a while.... it does make me feel better...
Much love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 9.18.07

2007-09-18T21:18:00.000-04:00

Evening folksies..

Thank you to Phil for fixing my Blog today! (Insert silent clapping here!) Somehow .. a week or so ago.. I was updating my links.. and must've hit something and bing.. my blog was messed up! And.. seeing as how I do not know HTML.. so the column on the right.. was underneath the left column.. (also called sidebar in technical jargon) well.. thanks to Phil.. he fixed it in a jiffy! (I've learned now to save the template.. in case this happens again!) It was agitating me SO much cause it just didn't look the same.. and I didn't want to post to ya'll until I got it back to how it was...

So.. it's been a while... lot's happened.. but let's start off with a 3 things 2 things

3 things that make me happy:
1. NOT having to use the air conditioner and leaving the windows open all day! I can't tell ya how AWESOME that is to me!!! I love this time of year because I can listen to the crickets (Click here to listen to their song) as I go to sleep!
2. Having a GREAT GREAT Review with my boss! Granted it was a while ago but it was an amazing hour and half.. and ended with me getting a bit of a raise.. which is SO NICE! I am really glad I found where I'm supposed to be!
3. Getting a consignment agreement from Faces Day Spa that will soon have my cards in them! Makes me SO happy!
4. The book 'Eat Pray Love' I finished it last nite.. it was SUCH A great book.. I read slowly and took it all in.. Thank you Michelle for sending it to me!!!
5. Excited Michelle is coming to visit me next weekend! I am excited to spend some quality time with her here! Aww.. she just sent me the BEST email... one of the BEST compliments I've ever gotten... she said (with her permission) "I have to say I love being with you when the seasons change. Fall always makes me think of you. Cool crisp air, changing of the leaves, and a warm and fuzzy feeling on the inside. " Is that not AMAZING!!! I am lucky!
6. October 6th is Art on the Avenue Which I am SOOO excited for~!!! I am wishing for a sunny and beautiful day!!!
7. I got an email from my love, Matthew.. who's currently in Iraq last week.. I hope he's doing ok.. (Matthew..if you read this.. Hair still growing.. getting long)

2 things that I look forward to today:
1. Well.. the day is about to wrap up..so I'm looking forward to going to sleep.
2. Looking forward to coffee in the morning!

2 long term things I am looking forward to:
1. Been having a craving for Indian food lately.. so I'm looking forward to eating some of that.
2. I'm looking forward to having enough cards to send to Jennifer at The Spa in Hilton Head.. Yea! SO excited to receive my first consignment check which means I touched another stranger with my cards!

1 person I would like to appreciate:
I want to say Kevin... I probably spend the most time with him.. and so he sees the barrage of different emotions that i have.. and not of them all are pretty..on top of being positive and smiley... which you all can see from my writings... I can be pretty irrational..and snappy.. my mouth can almost instantly explode with explatives in a moments notice... and.. when I dont' feel heard.. I can almost instantaneously.. grab the first cold shoulder out of my repetoire.. and whip it at him.. God love him... So Thanks Kevin.. I know I'm a handful sometimes.. Hopefully I'm worth it all...

ok.. that's it for now... I'm just glad to be writing again!!! Oh.. and I also became an official Flickr member.. and I added some pics from HOTlanta.. check them out!

Nite Nite!
Much love,
Kerilyn

another pic of me

2007-09-11T21:10:00.000-04:00

High/Low 8.20.07 Ok.. I made it!

2007-08-20T07:32:00.000-04:00

thru this past weekend and into another week! Whew!

Honestly it's not that I didn't think I'd survive the 2 days of camping.. I just didn't know what to expect.. what condition i'd be in come Monday.. and besides a reoccurance of a rash on my feet.. (NOT pretty or fun) I'm doin great! Check out my pictures on Flickr (Click on the flickr thingy to the right of this post and it'll bring you there) Kevin took me to Point Lookout in St. Marys County Maryland.. I don't want to go into everything but it was a great campsite (close to the bathrooms!) .. right on the water...also a very important civil war historical site.. and close to this cute boat town called Solomons Island.. We cooked bacon and eggs on his portable stove (Kevins so cute when he's cooking on this stove) and had instant coffee... it was so nice... we looked at the sites... got a little bit of a tan(ok I burned a little cause i didn't put sunscreen on my face) .. Kevin built a fire (which I was not paying attention to and let go out a bit.. whoops) and cooked barbque chicken on it.. the weather was perfect.. friday nite it was humid... but the sounds of the breezes thru the trees.. wow.. I teetered on being a bit scared of that sound and amazed by it.. it would come whispering by.. and then move along to somewhere else.. Looking up at the Trees above me (most of you know how I feel about Trees... they are my fellow living spirits) I tried meditating one morning (well it was more about mindedness..) and tried to read more of this AWESOME AWESOME BOOK Eat Pray Love (Thanks Michelle again! I am LOVING it!) about this womans travels thru Italy, India and Indonesia.. Right now I'm in India... she's talking about having trouble meditating.. BOY can i relate!! Been meditating for about 6ish years.. and I would say for the past year and half my meditations have been EXACTLY like what she describes in her book.. all over the place.. like a ornery 2 year old running around when you're trying to focus on doing something... wow.. I'm reading this and thinking.. "Wow.. that is EXACTLY what I've been going thru for SO long" and I love what she is finding along the way... learning from it..

There were grumpy moments.. on both mine and Kevins part.. it's so amazing how we are so GO GO GO kinda people.. that I found it hard to sit still for long.. take it in.. (re-read my current meditation experiences)

Anyway.. i had a great time... got home at 3pm yesterday.. and took a 4 hour nap.... then went back to bed a few hours later.. last nite was beautiful outside... shut off the air.. and slept like a rock *until I heard the pouring rain at 1:44 and had to go and shut the windows.. (thankfully.. we need the rain)* Today is one of those sleepy days.. it's overcast.. and the day after the rain.. things feel snugglier.. and I just want to stay in my robe... drink another cup of coffee and go back to bed.. oh well.. I gotta get ready for work..

Much Love..
Kerilyn

The perfect nite...an ETERNAL entry...

2007-08-14T22:26:00.000-04:00

ah.. what a perfect nite... man.. I really do not like air conditioning... I mean when it's 100% humidity and 83 degrees at 9pm.. uh yea... i'm puttin that sucka on..but tonite.. ahhh.. so beautiful outside.. i am totally excited that the crickets will lull me to sleep with their songs.. gosh i am lucky.

well i wanted to write ...to ramble a bit before i go to bed... (i'm ready to go in my jammies)

today was a weird day.. i feel like i woke up on the wrong side of the bed but it was the same side i always get out on.. i was in a grumpy pissy moany mood today at work.. MAN.. it was Kerilyn on grumpy level 10. The stinky part about me... being in a pissy mood..is because i'm usually happy at work.. so the first sign that somethings wrong.. EVERYONE NOTICES. EVERYONE.

This morning I put myself into a tizzy (again.. why do i do this?) by farting around too much in the morning (um.. surfing the net) and I am rushing to my 8:15 staff meeting.. sweating bullets if I'm going to get there before everyone gathers in the conference room.. WHY do I do that? i don't know.. I know I don't like to feel that rushed feeling.. then WHY do I do that.. I think that started my pisser of a mood. Then it seems as of late that I've found myself in the middle of a gossip tornado at work and I'm trying to get out of... VERY silly Kerilyn has tried to make a change with the way we do things at work and I've found out as of late that it's really no use.. people are going to do what they want.. regardless.. sigh..and it's kinda backfired on me.. anyway.. so I know the root of my pissy mood today is that I am angry at this one salesperson that I work with.. i've gotten myself all wound up thinking I can try to help.. put my feelings and emotions out there... to try to make a change for the better and I'm miffed that nothing changes. So today i felt pissy because I have to give up trying... and i'm miffed because of that (Side note: I believe in 'The Secret' ... so I'll say miffed instead of angry) and I really do love my job. The injustice of those that do MORE on their team and others just sitting back ... and reaping the rewards ($$) of it all... it doesn't make sense to me so today I was pissy...I guess a part of me wanted those involved to know I was upset.. but on the other hand.. I also just wanted to stay by myself.. be quiet.. get my work done and not be bothered.. and of course cause I'm usually happy... the fact that i am quiet and distant.. means everyone comes to me and asks what's going on.. or has to comment on me looking like i'm in a bad mood.. HA.. it's true.. i am.. but i can't hide from them.. and I guess today I wanted to.

But here's the kicker.. I had a great day besides that I was moany.. I'm enjoying the jobs i've been doing lately.. am looking forward to finishing up this project tomorrow.. (Gosh what a GREAT feeling of looking forward to going to work tomorrow instead of DREADING it... Seriously) I went outside after my 2 hour meeting and sat with my book and my lunch by the water... listened to the waves.. the weather is beautiful today so it was nice to sit outside.. i sit at my desk totally content with my IPOD... listening to some chill tunes... and i had my afternoon snack of my $1.70 Grapes that are plump and sweet.. Even though I felt pissy.. it was a good day! OH THE IRONY!

oh.. and talk about 'The Secret'.. I'm pulling out of my parking spot this morning.. and I'm thinking to myself as I rush to make it to my staff meeting.. "I need to get my car washed"... Just yesterday my sister mentioned getting her car washed before she leaves on vacation.. and it made me think that. ... SOOO... I get to work.. all pissy..etc... and Noah.. one of the awesome new salesguys.. comes over to me with an easter card that he scratched out "hope you have a happy easter" and thanked me.. for making him a birthday card for someone he cares about... he said it was perfect and he's glad he got my help... and inside the card.. was a gift certificate for a CAR WASH!!! (no.. i'm not kidding) Noah is sweet and SO IS KNOWING THE SECRET!!!!

Flash forward to the end of the day.. I'm home.. and change into my jeans.. and get my bike and ride my booty down to the studio.. i decided to ride without full gear on.. helmet.. sneakers.. and just take it easy and ride.. MAN! What a better experience when you're in relax mode.. instead of "I'm going for a bike ride" mode.. I totally dug it.. Got to the studio and KNOCKED OUT 15 CARDS!!(ok.. I did the coloring part on 15 cards.. now I gotta write the words then i'm done) i've had more productivity in the past 2 sessions which equal maybe 5 hours at the studio than I have had in the past 2 years!!! i'm not even kidding... I sit there.. in silence.. thinking.. sometimes talking to myself and knock out those cards! I can honestly say that ALREADY spending the money for rent on this studio has been worth it!!! I can't tell you how proud and just legit I feel to have a space to go to. I'm hopeful in the next month I'll have enough cards of ALL that i have.. so i can start sending sample packages to new stores.. that's my hope.

Flash forward to 8:30.. I ride my bike home.. LOVING MY LIFE!!! Things with Kevin have been really good.. looking forward to the future.. excited about what's to come actually.. good and bad.. it's so amazing to know that i really do feel like i've found a partner.. to do fun things (we're going camping this weekend!) . to grow with.. who supports me.. (who knows i really want a backpack when I didn't even SAY IT!!!) I'm lucky. insert internal permagrin...

*past few days I've been happy with my life.. grateful.. aside from the extreme grumpyness today and a weird "what if" scenerio that i'm glad has played itself in my favor as of late*

So now... I am going to bed.. in my favorite orange kimono-esque nitegown.. with the windows open.. to go to sleep with my beautiful kitty girl.. who i love so much..

damn... I am one lucky woman.

Nite.

I got this weird itch...

2007-08-12T22:51:00.001-04:00

Weird... it came out of NOWHERE!

The itch to move to New York City..
well.. i'd be lying if i told you it just appeared out of thin air..
these thoughts have lingered around my brain since i was in High School..
My dad and I even toured NYU when I was in High School...
sigh.. perchance to dream...

Then my best friend (3 of 4) Michelle.. moved there to Manhattan for almost
3 years.. and I LOVED LOVED LOVED every single minute of visiting her..

As much as I know she's loved the city...
it's always called me too..
keri! Your aunt and uncle are only a few subway stops away
and you would never be far from a home cooked ITALIAN meal no less...
and KERI!! You can get to know your cousins who you feel like you don't
know at all...
or KERI!!! imagine the autonomy you would feel amongst so many people..

I've always been a city girl..
in my head.. and mostly my heart..
Got the itch... looking at apartments on craigslist.
Hello... the rent is astronomical..
like selling your first child out there.
or the rights to your own art.. and your social security number.
damn..
3500 for a 1 br in tribeca..
Holy shit.. crazykins...

They have (4) Herman Miller Dealers in Manhattan.
(then again.. they have many in italy too - I've looked there too)
Who knows..

Reading this book "Eat Pray Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert has kinda handed me
the itch, while reading about her explorations.. and her amazing words.
makes me want to get on that.

But an itch.. whilst being a big one (always has been)
will hold out a bit longer.
If I'm ever meant to go back to new york city
which I hope I am..
it's not right now..
i'm just starting a new chapter.
studio.. cards... good job... possible wedding bells.
and who knows ...

i'll always hold out for a chance to walk down the street
and ask myself "what the HELL do I want to do today?"

Nite.

High/Low 8.9.07 A blah day

2007-08-09T08:49:00.000-04:00

Hey there..

it's weird.. feeling blah is such an in between feeling.. i'm not good or bad.. happy or sad.. it's this strange bubble where all situations/emotions/environments/conversations are experienced with this strange glumness and you kinda walk around like you misplaced something and expecting it to be hiding around the corner.. like your favorite sweater or something.. usually when i feel this way i don't want to talk to anyone.. i kinda feel the need to keep quiet so I can pay attention and grab onto my first happy or enjoyable emotion that will put me back on the path of being happy and feeling relatively grounded.

what makes it even more blah is i'm kinda in between projects at work and that means that I'm kinda weirdly aimless here at the office. I know I need to just relax and enjoy this time.. because before I know it.. it will be busy again and I will be on the go go go.. but it's kinda strange to be in that red light at the intersection of work.. car is idling.. and i have my blinker on.. just waiting for the red light to turn green...

but then theres this pool.. (and it's a big pool) Let's call it the 'Gratitude Pool' .. there are SO MANY things that I am grateful for.. and I will list a few in a moment.. but it strangely doesn't shift my blahness toward having a good day.. remains a blah day.. I can fully emmerse myself in the feeling of being grateful for all these things.. but can't maintain that feeling to bring me out of the blahness.. it's really weird.

things like:
- my studio is so awesome i cannot even tell you. i will take pictures this weekend and post them next week.. i am so excited about having this space to create.. to be in silence.. it's like a creative meditation.. I am so blessed that Connie.. the amazing artist that has been in the space for 10 years.. picked me.. she emailed me and said.. "I stopped by the studio this morning and it look so nice. You space looks like it always has been there." It's funny but I feel the same way! I love that I am in the HUB of Del Ray (check out this website for more info on Del Ray - I have my cards in A Show of Hands took pottery at Renee's 'Clay Queen Pottery' and took Meditation class at Yoga in Daily Life ... I love it all! I mean read this awesome article about my little quaint town... and the best is.. my studio is right in the middle of it all!!!
- I love my apartment.. what a blessing that I can move back into the SAME apartment I lived in for 4 years previous.. wow.. Talk about using 'The Secret'
- My friends (Kristine and Auntie you are included in this)..I have some really great ones.. that I see and spend time with.. communicate with.... on a regular basis (and even those who I don't talk to often.. I think of often.. you are with me still) I am one lucky woman.
- I have all my senses.. I can hear.. see.. feel.. taste and touch.. just that alone deserves a post by itself...
- I really enjoy my job.. it's true.. I finally found something that I feel like I'm good at.. and my office is so awesome..
- Having Kevin in my life.. he is very supportive of my dream (just last nite he said I should spend some time in the studio).. and we have SOO much in common.. I am really grateful. I found this list of things I wrote a few years ago.. in a partner.. tall.. slender.. smart.. someone who loves to read the newspaper.. loves music.. and appreciates art... likes to "do" things.. yea.. the Universe was listening!

See.. all these things.. (and I can go on) and I still feel blah.. I don't understand..

But maybe it's not for me to understand.. I will just go thru this day.. and know that like everything in life.. it will never last forever.. so I will sit with this.. and see where it takes me!
Have a good one.
Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 8.1.07

2007-08-01T07:35:00.000-04:00

Hiety Ho my lovelies!!!

What's UP??? It's WEDNESDAY!! I feel really good today!!! Looking forward to the weekend.. resting.. setting up my studio!!! (I'm psyched!!) It's kinda a new part of my life beginning.. I know your probably thinking.. "How can having a little space in a studio be a new part of life?" (come on.. you were thinking that...heh) Well it gives me direction.. a purpose.. I think so many of us wander (or procrastinate) because we feel like we have no direction.. True... there are those that have wonderful self drive to go towards their goals and ambitions.. but the majority of us need a little push.. (or shove actually) in the direction... well that's how this feels.. I'm consciously spending money toward renting this space out (um.. there is a purpose right there.. make my money worth it.) and the space is so inspiring.. that I want to get almost obsessed by it.. The woman, Connie is SO amazing.. (and spiritual!) I know that this is SUPPOSED to happen! AND.. I bought a bike so I can, among other things.. ride my bike down to the studio! How fun is that! I just need a wicker basket for the front of my bike (and a bell) and i'm set!

Ok.. onto 3 things 2 things:

3 things that make me happy:
1. Yesterday I helped out my boss with a project because I found myself in a work lull... and she wrote me an email that said "When was the last time I told you I think you are awesome"... WOW.. That seriously... made my day!
2. I got my nails done last nite.. thankfully.. They were WAY too long.. and now a newer shade of pink.. Makes me want to coordinate my outfit (um.. wear all black) so I match my nails.. I know.. silly me.
3. Going to bed at 10.. (i've been going to bed like 10:30-11 and it's amazing how 30 minutes- hour of less sleep can affect your day)

2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. Hmmm..feeling like this work week has been productive.. and that I have accomplished a lot!
2. Hmm.. going for a bike ride tonite!

2 long term things I'm looking forward to:
1. Going to Atlanta for Labor Day Weekend with Kevin!!! YEA!!! Liz and Matthew (and Wayne) here I come!
2. I really want to go to a Reggae Concert sometime before the end of summer...

1 person I am going to appreciate:
You.. Thank you for being in my life.!

Ok ya'll... u KNOW i gotta boogy to work! Hope you have a great day!
Much love,
kerilyn

High/Low 7.29.07

2007-07-29T21:38:00.000-04:00

Evening Butterflies!!!

What's shakin? I felt inspired so I thought I'd write.. It's been a long and really fun weekend for the most part.. Kevin and I got out of dodge for the weekend... (see the pics on flickr to the right) we had a great time driving to and fro... stopped at a few wineries... We are in a really great place... I think...

anyway... I want to tell you some exciting things...

3 things I am happy about:

1. My friend Christy is trying to buy a domain name.. and so I looked up mine.. and it looked like www.ancora-imparo.com is now available!!! ROCKIN! I bought it! I don't know what I'm doing with it yet.. Transfer www.ancora-imparo.net to it.. Or I just leave it for my future success as an artist.. who knows... I'm kinda psyched about it!!! I'm cornering the market on Ancora Imparo!
2. This weekend I move into my Studio! Which means I'll have some pictures for you.!!! (Fingers crossed!) I've been working on my cards a bit at home.. but I think it will be nice to go to a studio.. yea! I gotta go to Ikea and get my new table (I already got my stool!) and set up my stuff!
3. For this weekends shin dig.. I found a BEAUTIFUL Green dress at Macys.. for 40 bucks! I tried on 7 dresses and the green one I really liked.. then.. i found a cute pair of shoes for 20 bucks! Woopie!I haven't gotten all dressed up in a while (partially cause I have been a bit depressed about wearing big girl sizes) so it was nice to feel beautiful and sexy a bit. (Even though... come to find out Kevin and I were WAY WAY overdressed!!! People in jeans shorts.. ARGH!)

oh.. one poopie thing I've been meaning to tell you.. (this is going to be mean.. I think.. what I'm going to do.. ) The manager from Shop SCAD .. ok.. her name is Amy.. she was all sortsa mean with me via email... when she told me that she now.. magically doesn't consign with artists (well she does when the artwork is over $500 dollars) and that she'll try to sell the cards that I sent her.. and how much is she willing to buy them outright for.. So i told her that i consign for $3.00 a card and sell them outright for 5.. well she wrote me and said "I do not want more than the quantity is here and am not willing to pay more than $3 a card. Please let me know the address to return them to." EWWW.. She didn't want to buy any and now.. because I sell direct for 5 dollars.. she wants to RETURN THE CARDS I FREAKING SENT HER??? what??? ISN'T THIS A SHOP FOR FLEDLING ARTISTS? OR JUST PROFESSIONAL ARTISTS??? Trust me I'm pretty heated about this... and I welcome any unsavory comments you might call or email her way on behalf of myself and my Benchmarks... (I won't outright give you her phone number and/or email address.. but please you can use your beautiful brains.. the website is on here)

Ok.. I'm going to bed.. after i make coffee for the morning.. Nite Nite.
Love you all!
Kerilyn

Pic of Me

2007-07-29T21:35:00.001-04:00

High/Low 7.27.07

2007-07-27T09:20:00.000-04:00

Hey there peeps..

Thank goodness it's friday.. it's been a long week for me. work has been really busy.. and i've kinda felt scattered in my brain... those weird scattered moments when nothing is WRONG persay.. but that you just feel "off".. funny.. my sister is feeling this way too.. I kinda feel like something is about to happen.. and I cannot intuit if it's a positive or not so positive thing....

Ok.. I have some stuff going on... that I know I haven't told you... so here we go.. 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. I bought a Bike !!!! I am so excited about it..!!! I have gone on a few rides.. and whew... my butt HURTS!! Naomi and Kristy have told me that it gets less painful the more you ride.. but dang... I still really enjoy the freedom of riding around whereever I want... I'm happy.. and.. because I don't have as much furniture in my apartment.. My bike is in a perfect corner .. stashed away..I also got a Bike Rack.. so I can take my bike with me.. maybe when Kevin and I go camping.. etc...
2. I painted an accent wall in my living room.. It's a "coffee with a splash of cream" esque color
I wasn't sure about it at first.. and still think I need a different piece of art..(something bold and big with a light on it) but I do like it...
3. Kevin is coming with me to Atlanta for Labor Day Weekend! I'm excited to 1. see my people.. Liz and Matthew! 2. Get outta dodge for 4 days! 3. Hang out with Kevin outta dodge...
4. Last weekend, due to Kevins thorough scanning of the paper.. We went to the Aquatic Gardens in DC.. it was absolutely magical... and surprising (it's not in the best part of town) the Lily Pads were HUGE and the Lotus Blossoms.. I've never seen one in real life.. I got some good pics... (check them out on my flickr)
5. The Owner of my company was in our office yesterday and walked around shaking hands with everyone .. well on his visit to me.. he said "I hear your doing some really great things".. wow.. um.. thanks! That was kinda nice to hear!
6. I went into A Show of Hands (The Shop where I have my cards now) and the woman gave me an inventory of how many cards I still have in the shop.. Seems that some of them sold out!! How exciting is that! Which is why I need to get on making more!!!
7. I am reading this AWESOME book.. "Eat,Pray,Love".. by Elizabeth Gilbert that Michelle sent to me.. I am REALLY enjoying the book.. I take it outside.. sit by the water.. eat my lunch and read for 20 minutes.. it's such a good book.. as Michelle has said to me "It speaks to my condition"
8. I spent some time with Brian.. our wonderful wonderful "Librarian" who takes care to make sure we (at work) are up to date with product.. Brian came over to check out my space.. then I kept him company at dinner.. I had a glass of wine.. I really think Brian is a wonderful person.. and I really do look forward to get to know him better!!!

1 thing that doesn't make me happy:
1. My best friend Matthew (2 of 4) left for Iraq on Tuesday... He'll be gone for a year.. I'm sad..I know he was ready to go.. he's been talking about this for years.. but the fact that it actually happened... well feels weird.. I had a good talk with him before he left.. and hopefully will be in contact via email.. I promised him that I wouldn't 1. Cut my hair (he LOVES long hair) and 2. get married before he gets back... so I will pray for him.. and send him my love.

2 things that I am looking forward to today:
1. One of the saleswomen is leaving us today... moving to Texas.. and so we are having an AWESOME Tex-Mex lunch brought in for everyone!!! YUMMY!!! And.. I made a custom made card for everyone to sign for her.. and everyone is loving it so far! Nice to get compliments! Tonite is a happy hour for her.. I think I might go for a drink before I go shopping tonite!
2. Feel good today.. so I'm just glad it's friday.. and happy that the weekend is upon us!

2 long term things I am looking forward to:
1. Next weekend I get to move in to my studio so I can make cards! I am so excited!!! I have to go to Ikea to buy
2. Then... next weekend Kevin and I are talking about going camping.. we haven't gone camping once this year (look at me talking like I'm an expert camper... HA!)

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Matthew.. Seriously.. he is.... in my opinion.. one brave soul.. and I love him so very much!!

Ok.. I gotta get back to work.. thought i'd fill you in with whats going on with me.. Say a prayer my butt gets adjusted to the seat on my bike SOON!

Much Love!
Kerilyn

High/Low 7.20.07

2007-07-20T08:00:00.000-04:00

Morning! Happy Friday!!!

AAHHHH... I'm off today.. at Kevins.. in my pj's.. he's already gone to work.. it's kinda a nice feeling when the rest of the world is in GO! mode and you don't have to (even if just for a day) I think I will sit and enjoy watching a TV show while I finish my coffee.. (Ok.. I'm watching a public television music show with 'Jewel') once I finish typing this...

Friday... and Payday... which always gets my little fingers churning thinking.. "What can I buy/do?" ha! I'm going to go home shortly.. and clean a bit.. then head to home depot and pick a color for my living room accent wall... it shouldn't take too long.. I mean.. it's only one wall...ha!

ok.. onto 3 things 2 things:

3 things that make me happy:
1. I got a really wonderful email from my girl Davina.. (I have been a slack friend and haven't seen her or met her new baby girl yet!) I love you Davina!
2. I got this WONDERFUL email from Kelly (a stranger but fellow Searcher) about my website.. here it is..

"Kerilyn (great name, btw)-

I typed "Ancora Imparo" into the yahoo search bar and your website popped up.

First thought: "There's someone else out there who actually knows this phrase other than me?" --egocentric, I know...

Second thought: "OMG. This is content I not only enjoy reading but would write myself! " Interesting.

Your thoughts/goals/benchmarks were the bright spot on this otherwise grey day in Dallas. I so thank you for that!

Kelly

How wonderful is that? It's amazing how you one person can touch another.
3. Yesterday I wrote a note to my friends on MySpace about wanting some comments.. and I'm SO happy that quite a few people wrote me!!! Made me feel special.. exactly what I needed!

2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. Cleaning and then Painting and then cleaning again (yes.. I'm serious)
2. My friend/co-designer/worker friend Christy is coming up from Richmond today.... we're going to hang out tonite and she's going to stay over tonite... looking forward to it.

2 long term things I'm looking forward to:
1. Getting into the studio and working on my cards!!
2. The Unknown Future....

1 person I am going to appreciate:
People who live in the Passion of life... My former co-rowing coach when I was in Savannah wrote me a comment and forwarded his Lars & Thea's Wedding I enjoyed reading thru his website... I wish I knew how to create a website so easily...

Ok all... I am going to get going... Have a great weekend!
Love you!
Kerilyn

High/Low 7.19.07

2007-07-19T07:37:00.000-04:00

Morning!!!

I feel good this morning (um.. partly because I'm off tomorrow AND that makes me VERY happy!!!) I'm planning on painting a part of my apartment.. but I'm not 100% on what color or where to start.. so it'll be interesting.. I also have to clean...

ok... onto 3 things 2 things:

3 things that make me happy:
1.Krishna Das I heard a Chant of his this morning on a movie.. and It reminded me of how 'in touch' i feel when I listen to his music.
2. Finding a cool necklace for 8 bucks! yea!
3. Knowing I dont' have to get up early tomorrow morning?

2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. Trying to knock out as much work as I can... so I'm not overloaded on Monday.
2. Going to Happy Hour with my work people... I always enjoy Happy Hour. (who doesn't?)

2 long term things I am looking forward to:
1. Spending the time getting organized.. I think I'm going to start carrying a day planner with me again.. (Why does that make me happy? Um.. cause I'm a PLANNER!!!!)
2. Hmmm... Getting my studio space all set up.. and ME.. in Production..!!!

(Side note: I am hearing the song of the Ice Cream Truck on the TV right now.. man.. that brings me back to living in NYC)

1 person I am going to appreciate:
My girl Michelle.. She is on the verge of an amazing transition.. and it's kinda amazing to watch from afar.. Drive your car with your heart!!!

Ok.. Thanks to you too.. for being there for me..
Ok... I'm off to work.
Much Much love to you all!!!
Kerilyn

High/Low 7.16.07

2007-07-16T07:38:00.000-04:00

Morning lovebugs...

How are you? I'm fine.. I gotta make this a quick one..... weekend was good for the most part....I feel a little more balanced... and excited for the upcoming future...

let me explain...3 things 2 things

3 things that make me happy:
1. I had the most AMAZING 2 hour conversation with Connie.. the woman who has rented the Studio that I will be working in.. WOW.. She is an accomplished Artist.. published.. she has work in one of the Metro Stations in DC.. and her and I believe, very passionately, in very similar beliefs.. which is so amazing.. We sat on Saturday Morning.. with a cup of coffee and got to know each other.. I felt like the luckiest woman in the world!! I am SO excited to move in and get started.. being in that space.. surrounded by art and inspiration will, I KNOW help motivate me.!!!
2. I got an email from one of the shops.. I should receive a consignment agreement this week! That's exciting but also... EEK! I know I will need to whip out some cards to send... but that will be good!
3. I spent all afternoon yesterday watching back to back episodes of "The L Word"... love that show!

2 things that i am looking forward to today:
1. Hmm.. can't think of anything... MIGHT go to see 'Annie Hall" for Screen on the Green
with Stephanie and Scott.. Not sure yet... weather.. and.. well it depends on how i feel (ugh girl time)
2. Other than that... meh..if I dont' go.. i need to go get my new FAVORITE yogurt at Safeway... Pomegranite Raspberry !! YUM!

2 long term things I am looking forward to:
1. I took Friday off... and I think I'm going to paint... not sure what room and what color..
2. I want to try to get to the pool every day that I don't have plans.. (let's see. tonite Annie Hall.. tomorrow nite.. Maggianos for my moms birthday.. and Thursday nite I'm going to see my girl Davina and her girl.. that leaves Wednesday.. HA!)

1 person i am going to appreciate:
I want to appreciate myself... and my baby steps... and my attempt to not beat myself up because I don't do everything right.. or am confused.. or I THINK I know.. but really maybe I don't..

K... of course I gotta boogy to work now.. Check out my new pictures... to the right.. on Flickr.
Love you!
kerilyn

High/Low 7.12.07

2007-07-12T07:29:00.000-04:00

Hey there..

yea yea.. it's been a while.. I know.. Let's not focus on that ok?

I feel great today... truth be known i've been a little psychotic in this kerilyn brain o'mine lately.. but I can kinda see the fog clearing.. and boy am I glad It is.. cause I have some exciting news!!!

Ok.. Secret users.. tune in...

I have been thinking about my cards.. and how i need to make more... but how unmotivated i am here to make them.. out of sheer laziness.. so i've been thinking about looking for a studio space where i can go to.. locally so I can go and make my cards.. SO last week.. i put an ad on Craigslist.. (which is the best place to get ANYTHING!!!) and I got a few hits that want 700-900 dollars for a room! What? no way jose! So I thought it wasn't going to manifest... A HA! Yesterday i check on my beloved Craigslist under 'Artists'.. and there.. was a posting .. a woman is looking to have another artist join her studio that already had 3 artists in it.. hmmm. AND it's in Del Ray. .. (can you say perfect?) So I email her.. And she writes me back saying come on by.. and she tells me where it is... it's in the HEART of Del Ray..... above St. Elmos Coffee Shop What??? Are you kidding..this is like dream location!!! ok... now we didn't talk money so i'm assuming that this will be out of my price range.. I go to see the space during lunch... it's awesome.. and Connie..(her website of her art) SHE'S awesome.. she's had the studio for 10 years.... and is spiritual... and has been meditating for 26 years! She meditates now for 2 1/2 hours a day! Man! That is impressive!!! She's an art teacher and has been here a long time.. There was a connection right away..!!! The rent is a teeny bit out of my range.. but I asked her if i could do it on a trial basis.. 3 months..and she said sure.. SO... I told her I'd sleep on it.. and now that I have.. I'm going to definitely do it!! Isn't that awesome??? I'm soooo excited...

I'm telling you... It kinda amazes me.. because for the past 2 months or so.. I've been kinda glum.. and the Secret.. while I totally believe it.. has been in the back of my mind.. So it kinda amazes me when this stuff happens.... and i feel "The Power" of the Universe...

Makes me want to think of the next greatest thing!!!

So I will be moving into this space in Mid-August.. to give her time to clear some space... Once I get set up I will definitely take pictures.. AWESOME! Thank You Universe!!!

Ok.. I am going to write more...... Tonite I'm going to see my girl Davina and her baby girl Tai.. I have not met Tai yet.. so I am excited to meet her.. !!!

I hope you have a wonderful Day!
Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 7.2.07

2007-07-02T07:25:00.000-04:00

Morning...

It's Monday... and what a GLORIOUS Monday morning it is! Seriously.. the weather couldn't be nicer.!!! I really really think that I'm going to go into work.. try to knock out what I have to do.. and play hookie this afternoon IF I CAN... it's supposed to be high of 80 here with low humidity.. damn... awesome... And the fact that the 4th is Wednesday.... off in the middle of the week.. makes this week already disjointed...

This weekend was good for the most part... Saturday I spent almost the entire day with my dad... he came at 9am.. and spent the day with me.. he came to put up shelves over my desk.. well he forgot some parts so we ended up taking a ride all the way back to my parents house (not like i had anything else to do) we surprised my mom who had foot surgery last week and is recovering fine.. then came all the way back to finish putting up the shelves.. i took my dad to my office.. and we tried to fix the woofer on my compter speakers that shorted.. it was a really good day to spend with my dad.. a bit muggy but nice.. i don't do High/Lows anymore but that would be the High for sure! I guess the Low would be that i was really quite lonely on Saturday nite/Sunday.. I tried SO hard to enjoy and appreciate my own time.. with only myself to consider.. but it felt awkward and unfamiliar to me... I did my laundry.. washed all my bed linens.. even the comforter.. and scrubbed down my bathroom yesterday... but i still felt uncomfortable.... my dad ended up coming back to drop off my fixed woofer (Radio Shack to the rescue) and Naomi came over.. we played a game.. and went to have Indian food.. Yum. It was a BEAUTIFUL day yesterday so that made it nice... all in all a weird but good weekend...

And I really wish I didn't have to work today.. to nice outside.. today and tomorrow.
Ok.. that's it for me today..
have a good one.
kerilyn

High/Low 6.27.07

2007-06-27T07:29:00.000-04:00

Hey there everyone...

Wednesday... SO wish it was Friday... Sorry I've been MIA.. lots going on.. and without me starting to cry again (too late.)... I'd rather not go into it today.. please bear with me... Let's just say that today is the day that I really wish I didn't have to see anyone.. or talk to anyone.. I feel raw... empty... and exposed... I should be proud of myself... I guess... but I just know that all I feel is extreme sadness.. with a tear stuck in my eye...I just pray the rest of this week goes by fucking with a quickness... (excuse my language) cause this is SO challenging..

but I will try to focus on what is good... onto 3 things 2 things:

3 things that make me happy:
1. The way the early morning feels.. I totally ran out of my coffee 1/2 and 1/2 yesterday and so at 6:30 this morning I ran to the grocery.. I love the stillness..the silence.. feels like I should be tip toeing around.
2. Thanks to Kevins love of a Good Bargain.. Been considering getting serious about buying a bike to ride to work.. the daydreaming of it makes me happy...
3. I talked to my boy Matthew last nite for a while.. I just love him.. and miss him.. he's on his way to going to Iraq soon.. and he might... be passing thru here on July 3rd.. I will soak in every second I get to spend with him if i am able..

2 things i am looking forward to today:
1. I am going to make it so people leave me alone today... I need to be left alone.
2. Going home after work.... and just chilling.. I'm predicting this day to be a tough one.. so I .. ooh.. maybe I'll go to the old town pool after work by myself.. can't see my tears in a pool...

2 long term things I'm looking forward to:
1. Can't think that far ahead right now....

1 person i am going to appreciate:
I don't know... You... Me.... the ants in my kitchen sink who are not there anymore... Endings... and sunny days... hearing birdies outside... and my kitty girl... my parents... god love them... and my wonderful wonderful sister who has been my rock.. MY ROCK GIRL... My friends.. and their support... and amazing insight... for my tears.. which keep me in check with God... My spirit family.. PLEASE PLEASE be near me today... Ok.. this is turning into a personal journal entry... so I'm signing off...

have a good one.
love YOU.... no matter what..
kerilyn

High/Low 6.21.07

2007-06-21T07:33:00.000-04:00

Morning!

Thursday! And WHAT a beautiful morning!! Actually yesterday was a beautiful day as well!!! I hope your having a good week! I am! Anyway let's just move onto 3 things 2 things

3 things that make me happy:
1. Wow.. I got some really great compliments yesterday... About how I look good without my glasses.. and that my nails look nice.. but the most amazing compliment was.. a group of us were walking out to our happy hour and I am in a good mood so i'm smiley and joking around.. and someone stopped and said in front of everyone...a boy no less... "Did you know that your smile is contageous?" And then my friend Bianca said.. "I have told her that." Wow.. How awesome is that.. MY smile is contageous? Is that not the nicest thing anyone could say to someone??? Uh yea.. that totally made my day..
2. I AM FINISHED with the large job I'm working on!! I'm going to get back the final crosscheck from another designer who checks it..today..so I can send it on to the salesman and get it off my plate! and I ALSO was couriered the signed and Approved Dwgs for the first large job!!! YEA.. it was so nice.. I was walking around doing the happy dance.. when I looked at the dwgs that i did and they had NO EXCEPTIONS!!! Whew! That also made my day!
3. Happy Hour was really fun.. I'm so grateful to be at a job where everyone (for the most part) is really cool and fun to be around.. It was also good to get outside of work and talk to the design intern who is with us for 2 months or so... Really great time last nite!!! I really do hope we do this on a monthly basis!!
2 things that I'm looking forward to today:
1. I'm so excited to get those sign off dwgs.. today I get everything together so we can get a proposal to the client for the job... So THAT will be off my plate too!!! (There is a stinky small job that is PRESSING that I have to get onto on Monday.. eww)
2. I am hanging out with my funky cool medina girlfriend Kellee tonite! We're going to grab some grub and then going to a movie! I haven't seen Kellee in a long time.. and I'm so excited.. I love to be around her because she takes good care of herself.. she always looks nice.. and being around her makes me want to take better care of myself... with regards to what i wear.. and makeup.. hair etc...

2 long term things I am looking forward to:
1. Having Saturday day to hang out.. to do errands.. and rest before my dad comes to go to the Nationals Game (looks like the weather might be perfect!)
2. Truthfully.. I have had so many jobs that I have rarely had the opportunity to have a review and discuss yearly increases in salary. I guess I look forward to the opportunity to learn what I can do to improve my job.. as well as to discuss that yearly salary increase... I am excited because I really do enjoy what I'm doing.. so it makes me feel good to be able to do this...finally.

1 person I am going to appreciate:
You... just for being you... Thank You.

Ok.. gotta dive into my day... Juicy!
It's MY life!!! MY LIFE!!!
Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 6.20.07

2007-06-20T07:13:00.000-04:00

Morning....

Yawn.. I'm weirdly really tired this morning.. Maybe it's the weather.. maybe it's the cycle of the moon.. who knows... I just know that I could totally lay back in my bed and sleep a few more hours. Ok.. I just have to say this before I go on appreciating... I'm really bummed... last nite the forecast said STRONG thunderstorms with damaging winds to start around 4:30.. so we decided not to go into DC to the FREE REGGAE CONCERT (just saying that makes me cringe) well.. there was absolutely positively NO RAIN! Ugh... It was probably a kickass concert.. and we weren't there..double ugh!

Ok! Now that that's over... onto 3 things 2 things:

3 things that make me happy:
1. I am happy that it's Wednesday... that i don't have any meetings and that I can just plug away at work today... AND.. tonite everyone at work is getting together to have happy hour.. Thankfully there is a core group of us have fun together.. Which makes me liking my job so great!
2. I am REALLY happy that my eyebrows are looking SO much better after getting them waxed after almost 2 months! (Thankfully they grew back in after my regular nail woman Ann wacked off 1/4 of my eyebrow 2 months ago!)
3. I been having an itch to do something nice for myself lately... buy something.. or do something... take an afternoon by myself.. and go shopping.. or visit a shop that inspires me... or go somewhere that inspires me.. OOH.. or to seriously take some time out and create a new card...
4. I also have been having an itch to go to the pool in the evenings.. I might start doing that next week every nite after work! Maybe.. I'll bring my bathing suit and towel and go straight from work!

2 things that I am looking forward to today:
1. Going to happy Hour.. yea!
2. Just going thru my day... nothing major today...

2 long term things that I am looking forward to:
1. Looking down at pretty painted toes and manicured feet.
2. I want to do something spiritual sometime soon... I need to step up my vibration of spirit around me..

1 person i am going to appreciate:
I have been looking at all these AWESOME WEBSITES.. I'm just going to list some here. that WHEN I open up my shop in the future.. THIS is some of the cute stuff that I want to have...

http://www.seejanework.com
http://loftparty.com
http://store.sprouthome.com
http://shopgrun.com
http://www.wrapables.com

ok.. that's about it for today... I hope you have a good Wednesday as well!
Much Love.
Kerilyn

High/Low 6.18.07

2007-06-18T07:38:00.000-04:00

Morning!!

How ya doin? i'm feeling much better... weirdly..I owe a BIG hug of Gratitude to my Auntie.. Thank You Auntie for helping release me from the churning churning inside my head.. Thank you for helping me remember the God Given Fact that IT IS MY LIFE... Seriously.. i feel liberated from emotional broken record playing (and feeling) over and over again... So Thank You...

Ok.. I feel a large part of myself come back... and I'm ready to hit the play button on the movie that was paused called.. 'Kerilyn DOES believe in The Secret'...

Onto 3 things 2 things

3 things that make me happy:
1. Kevin and I are taking my dad to a Washington Nationals Game on Saturday as a Fathers Day gift!! YEA! AND.. the first 25,000 people get a FREE HAT! Yea! I'm so excited that my dad wants to come!! YEA!!!
2. I got all my laundry done last nite!!! Such a good feeling! AND.. I spend a few hours on Saturday cleaning my apartment that I'll say.. looks pretty good!
3. Someone that I look up to spiritually.. told a friend of mine that I do have a Gift..that I am talented and that I have great spirit on my side... YEA I've always felt that inside.. but to get validation from someone I revere (SPIRITUALLY SPEAKING) makes me happy inside.

2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. I have a 1:30 meeting today where I HOPE AND PRAY that the client will sign off on the drawings so we can give them a proposal tomorrow and we can order this large job! FINGERS CROSSED!
2. I have nothing to do tonite.. I am going to make a yummy chicken caesar salad wrap and enjoy a nice glass of wine..

2 long term things I am looking forward to:
1. I have a busy week but a fun week ahead.. Tomorrow is a FREE REGGAE CONCERT!!! that I am going to sneak out of work early to go!! Then Wednesday I have Happy Hour with my job.. then Thursday I'm hanging out with my girl Kellee!! We're hopefully going to go to see 'Once' and then.. Friday..I'm going to the finals of Naomi's comedy show!! Then Saturday the BaseBall Game!! See.. busy week for me!
2. Painting my apartment!

1 person I am going to appreciate:'
ME!!! I am sooo damn proud of myself (thanks to you auntie) for helping me see that It doesn't HAVE to be the way I think or anyone else thinks it to be.. that I CREATE THE RULES FOR MY LIFE!!! Whew.. I feel SO much better I can't tell ya!

Ok.. I'm off to swan dive into my day... I hope you have a good one too!
Much love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 6.15.07

2007-06-15T07:17:00.000-04:00

Morning...

Happy Friday to ya...what to say... I'm glad it's Friday... looks like it's going to be another cooler day... but a dry one so that's good.. (NOT that I think we don't still need the rain)

Not much I want to talk about right now.. so onto 3 things 2 things:

3 things that make me happy:
1. A moment of clarity where I feel my own self-empowerment.. KNOWING that everything is happening exactly as it should...
2. Waking up feeling refreshed (would be even nicer if it was on a Saturday)
3. The Smell of everything Aveda - I use the Color Conserve Shampoo/Conditioner and the Face Wash.. and I LOVE the way they smell!!! Oh.. and the Essential Oil Madagascar.. Smells SO nice!
4. Yesterday I got a voicemail from the End user on the RSM McGladdery job that i've been talking to you about.. we installed a "mockup" so they can see what their new space will look like.. and the End user left me a voicemail saying she approved the mockup so ALL the work that i did does not have to be changed.. I have a meeting on Monday afternoon for her to sign off on the final drawings before we give her a proposal for the 84 stations! Yea me!

2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. Tonite.. I'm spending time with my friends Stephanie and Scott... we are doing our traditional Birthday hang out/catch up.. (Stephs birthday was Tuesday! YEA GIRL!) so we're going to listen to some jazz at the Smithsonian.
2. Finishing up with laying in three floors of furniture for the other large job i'm working on (154 stations!) I SHOULD (if things go smoothly) get done with this job by the end of next week which is EXACTLY on my internal schedule! Yea Me again!

2 long term things I am looking forward to:
1. Maybe putting up flowerboxes in my windows again??? Maybe.
2. Spending some more time with Naomi in the next few weeks... I miss her.

1 person I am going to appreciate:
I want to appreciate Fate today.. Destiny..Our Life's Chart Fulfilled... Whatever you call it... I want to appreciate that I might not understand why I feel the way I feel.. but that there is a larger plan.. and that one day I will be able to see the road I travelled more clearly..

"In the end, everything is ok... If it's not ok, it's not the end." - Unknown

Have a good weekend.
Much love.
Kerilyn

High/Low 6.14.07

2007-06-14T07:25:00.000-04:00

Morning all...

How's it going? I'm feeling really good today... Deep Breath in......

Looking forward to the weekend... Just relaxing hopefully.. nothing to major going on..

ok.. onto 3 things 2 things:

3 things that make me happy:
1. Waking up to a cool morning breeze...so nice...
2. OOH.. my friend Steph sent me this AWESOME WEBSITE! with spiritual music information on it!! AWESOME!!
3. I got a lot of compliments yesterday.. some that the color of my shirt looked good on me.. others that they like the color of my nails (pink red) .. that made me feel good.

2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. Plugging away at this job.. relaxed..without the pressure of a deadline.. NICE!!
2. Tonite at 5:30.. I have a spiritual appointment...a 'reading'.. I am REALLY REALLY looking forward to it!!!

2 long term things I am looking forward to:
1. This Saturday there is a FREE SHREDDING EVENT!! My trunk is FILLED with stuff I need shredded.. (I didn't make it to the previous event... cause I was in the middle of moving!) I'm SO excited to get all that paper out of my trunk!
2. Having my shelves put up in my room so I can unpack some more.. and get started making more cards!

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Naomi... God Love her.. last nite was the semi-finals of her Comedy competition.. and RIGHT when the first comic started... the impending thunderstorm knocked out the electricity.. 300 people in the dark for like 15 minutes... the power didn't go back on in time.. so we all had to use the lights from our cell phones to get out.. It was a very unfortunate thing to happen...but I think she handled it with the utmost Grace.. and I am sure that the rescheduled show will be just as good.. even better!!!

Ok.. I'm off... have a good one!
Much love to you.
Kerilyn

High/Low 6.13.07

2007-06-13T07:40:00.000-04:00

Morning...

Wednesday.. thankfully.. this week is going by nice and fast...

ok.. cutting to the chase... 3 things 2 things:

3 things that make me happy:
1. The way the earth smells RIGHT before it's going to storm.. last nite.. a thunderstorm came in with a quickness and it smelled pure.. and earthenly right before the rain hit the pavement...
2. My friend Anis from SCAD... is in a Spoken Word Competition... check him out!!! his poem is GOOD!!! How he memorizes all those words... Rock On Anis!!!
3. Naomi's Funniest Fed Comedy Competition has almost sold out of tickets!!! WOO HOO!!!

2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. HOPEFULLY.. by this afternoon I'll be plugging away at a 180 station job.. that I don't have an IMMEDIATE deadline on.. which makes me happy!!!
2. I'm probably going to go support Naomi at her show tonite..if I can get a ticket!

2 long term things that I'm looking forward to:
1. Seeing Liz and Matthew sometime soon in Atlanta!!
2. Thursday at 5:30... I'm getting some spiritual help for my churning churning head...

1 person I am going to appreciate:
All of you... for being wonderful.. and artistic..and helping to make me the wonderful person I feel I am today!

Ok.... gotta boogy!!!
Much Love.
Kerilyn

High/Low 6.11.07

2007-06-11T07:34:00.000-04:00

Morning!

Deep Breath IN...... How was your weekend? It's Monday.... Another week....

I'm not feeling so chatty today.... been feeling out of sorts with myself lately...
so I'll just skip to 3 things 2 things

3 things that make me happy:
1. Thanks to Kevin and my Dad... Having Ceiling Fans in my apartment again.. SO nice over my bed when I'm going to sleep.. makes for a deeper nites sleep... (Last nite I fell asleep at 6:30!! I was pooped... )
2. Having wonderful friends.. I got a wonderful email from my friend Mary Ann... Thanks Honey!! Let's get together and catch up soon!!!
3. Being one step closer to having my kitty girl Pez Dread lock free (I dont' understand how quickly she starts to turn into Bob Marley with the dreads.. Thanks to Kevin for that too...

2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. Um... Starting a new project this afternoon... gotta finish up what I have been working on.. and can get started on my new project today!
2. Going home.. and possibly going for a walk if it doesn't rain..

2 long term things I'm looking forward to:
1. OOH.. I'm so excited to start going to the Old Town Pool to swim.. and bask in the sun (WITH 50 spf on though) I love the times going to the pool!!!
2. I really really really want to see this movie!!!

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Naomi for her perserverance... Pez for laying there so still when we cut out her Dreads... Kristine for being the best sister in the world... early morning organizing of my file cabinet feels good!... a new Reggae CD that rocks.. having my dad compliment me on my apartment...my wonderful friends Liz and Matthew saying they need a Kerilyn 'fix' (that made me feel really good).. my friend Kellee saying the same thing last week.. (Am I the luckiest woman in the world?? uh yes!)

Ok.. that's where I am...

Have a great day!
Much Love..
Kerilyn

High/Low 6.8.07

2007-06-08T07:26:00.001-04:00

Happy Friday to you all!!!

Yea!! I feel a burst of happiness and gratefulness of all that is around me.. I got THIS in an email yesterday from the creator of "The Secret" and it totally rejuvinated me... you KNOW I am going to hang this in my station at work... If you check it out.. I hope it revives you too...

SO... Anything exciting going on??? fill me in if there is!

ok.. onto 3 things 2 things

3 things that make me happy:
1. Spending time with my sparkly friend Roxanne.. I love being around her.. (especially since she's in the same business I am.. we can "talk shop" and she understands EXACTLY what i'm talking about!) I am grateful for her.. and for our talks last nite.
2. Those A-HA! moments when I really am ACTIVELY focusing positively on my life and what I desire. When I really realize that it IS me that is creating my reality.. that the only person to "find fault" with.. is myself for thinking and manifesting what I do not want.. cause I know I get it..
3. I got an email from my AWESOME girlfriend Kellee last nite... she wants to hang out next week.. yet ANOTHER girlfriend that makes me love who I am more!! YIPPITY SKIPPITY~!!!

2 things I look forward to today:
1. I am really happy that today.. I have to make changes to this floor plan.. put the tiles in.. and check it.. and then send it off to crosscheck and then... I CAN GET STARTED ON THE OTHER LARGE JOB I HAVE!!! WOO HOO!! I love when my internal schedule looks clear.. and not totally booked!
2. After work.. I'm going to hop to and get my nails done.. then my sister and her FIANCE.. are coming and we're all going out to dinner.!!! (I'm still trying to ponder where..) YEA!

2 long term things I'm looking forward to:'
1. Looking at my card inventory and feeling like I have PLENTY!
2. Hmm... this weekend Kristine and i are going shopping (want to get more storage for my place) i'm kinda psyched about it..

1 person i am going to appreciate:
My wonderful wonderful friends Liz and Matthew... I love them very much!!! They are wonderful examples of what a successful Marriage is... and what.. to me, True Love is...

Ok.. gotta float into the abyss of this day.... Gracefully and with love toward myself!!!
Have a GREAT GREAT weekend!
Love you all!!!
Kerilyn

High/Low 6.7.07

2007-06-07T07:37:00.000-04:00

Morning!

How are you? It's THURSDAY!!! Ok.. cutting to the 3 things 2 things:

3 things that make me happy:
1. When I go for a walk with Kristy in the evenings.. we chat and walk fast.. through the streets of Del Ray which I love! I always feel so much better after a little exercise..
2. The fact that tomorrow is FRIDAY.. and PAYDAY.. and my sister is coming!!!
3. My dad called me last nite and told me that he's coming on Sunday morning to install my ceiling fans.. and hopefully (fingers crossed) he'll put up the shelves over my desk so I can unpack more boxes..
4. My afternoon meeting went well.. i was really nervous because I had to run the meeting by myself.. and as much as I am really happy doing what I'm doing.. I still get really nervous that i might look stupid or say something wrong.. And meeting with a client is always nervewracking.. especially these 2 ladies.. but it went GREAT!!!!

2 things that i'm looking forward to today:
1. I've had this strange EXTREME itchy feeling all over my body... oh my gosh... for the past few days.. and I'm going to go to the doctor this afternoon to see if she can help... (I know.. it's TMI.. but it's been making me want to scratch and scratch...)
2. I'm having dinner with my girlfriend Roxanne!!! YEA!!! After Drs appt.. I have to go to Job Site.. and then to dinner... so it'll be a busy afternoon but I end up with my sparkley girl who I am excited to talk about 'The Secret" with!!!

2 long term things I am looking forward to:
1. My first consignment checks from the places in Savannah!!! I really do gotta get on my cards.. Supply.. Demand... I feel the Demand coming.. but the supply is low!
2. My neighbors when I lived in NYC (lived there till I was 7) emailed me and wants my address.. they're having a reunion in Long Island in August.. and I'm kinda psyched to go.. Part of that group is my Aunts and Uncles.. and my cousins... that I RARELY SEE!!!

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Yellow Butterflies on our walk, Meowing Kitties in my ear, trying to wake me up... Sleeping with the windows open all nite... Morning Coffee... Planning on organizing my things....

K.. gotta rumble.. TTYL!
My love.. to each of you.
Kerilyn

High/Low 6.6.07

2007-06-06T07:41:00.000-04:00

Morning!

Yea... I haven't been in the mood to write... Meh... now I am.. and i gotta make it quick cause I gotta boogy to work!

onto 3 things 2 things

3 things that make me happy:
1. Wow.. Been feeling a bit distant from "The Secret" and thinking positively.. and i read an email this morning about Gratitude and creating Gratitude lists.. and it washed me in the energy of being happy and remembering that what i'm thinking about.. I'm bringing about... Good Times!
2. My kitty girl is now at my apartment again.. and just looking at her cute orange face makes me happy.. waking up in the middle of the night and feeling her near me.. sigh.. no better feeling!
3. I'm excited to have dinner and catch up with my girl Roxanne on Thursday.. AND..my sister is coming out to spend some time with me this weekend.. YEA SISTER TIME!
4. I had an hour long conversation with my boss yesterday... I really do love my job.. (95% love it!)

2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. I have a meeting at 3pm with a client and I'm looking forward to it being over? (Is that something to look forward to?) HA!
2. It's Wednesday... I am going to try to go for a walk after work.. (Kristy.. I know you busy but I'm going to hit the pavement anyway)

2 long term things I'm looking forward to:
1. Hmm... A job thing... Getting RSM McGladdery DONE! DONE DONE DONE!!!
2. I'm looking forward to the day when I DON'T FEEL the way I've been feeling...

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Life... Ladybugs on the window when you go to Target (Thanks Bertha!), Late nite talks with my love Matthew, Espadrilles, The Weather Channel and it's elevator music, Kevin and his coupons for free cat food, Surprise Picnics, The breeze at nite when I'm drifting off to sleep, my beautiful (clean) red car!... just to name a few things...

Ok.. I'm off... Hope your doing well!
Much love.... I'm thinking about you.
:) Kerilyn

High/Low 5.30.07

2007-05-30T07:32:00.001-04:00

Hi there.

How ya doin? Good weekend? I had a great time in Savannah.. spending time with Michelle.. being in her space... it was very nice. I have to upload my pictures sometime so you can see... I had something AWESOME happen... I'm waiting for one of the Galleries in Savannah to email me a Consignment Agreement.. I am officially going to have my cards in a Gallery in Savannah!! Holy Shit! It was spontaneous.. and Kerilyn was totally in "What do I really have to lose" mode when I went and talked to the owner of the Gallery... I'm also working on (fingers crossed) getting my cards into the 'shopSCAD' Shop as well... Michelle and I went there but we kept missing the manager (and it was memorial day weekend.. ) Michelle is going to be gracious enough to drop my cards over there.. so we'll see..

Sigh... today I go back to work... (I was going to go straight to work from landing yesterday but I talked to my boss and took yesterday off as kinda a "mental health" day) Funny.. my mental health seems to be somewhat questionable as of late.. like a see saw.. one minute I feel fine.. great.. patient with myself and those around me... feeling exactly where I'm supposed to be.. and the next.. I'm like "WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING???" ... Funny thing is I was talking to Michelle about the puzzle that is my life.. and how I really do have all of these BIG pieces of my puzzle put together.. the job (BIG piece!) I'm fine financially (Another BIG one).. where I live.. etc.. but I still have two BIG pieces that are still not fitting in just right.. my Physical Health (my weight) and my future with regard to love and my "plan".. (Married and being pregnant/having a child by the time I'm 35ish - yes I did say child) It'll be what it'll be.. but I teeter totter back and forth.. so I'm feeling a bit vulnerable and confused most of the time about these two subjects...

Ugh... Whatever.. I'm just rambling to ya'll.. Sorry...

Beautiful Day in DC today..... Let me go find out how the rest of my day is going to turn out..
Have a good one my people..
I love each and every one of you... truly.
:) Kerilyn

High/Low 5.24.07

2007-05-24T10:03:00.000-04:00

Howdy!

Ok.. I have to sneak a posting at work.. got wrapped up in trying to make myself look all pretty and springy today.. and didn't get time to sit down and write ya'll...

Ok... tomorrow.. I'm off to Savannah.... I'm excited!!! It happens to also be payday which is awesome too! :) I talked to one of the girls that works at Shop SCAD which is a shop for Students/Alumni and Teachers... and they told me they will be there every day during this holiday weekend... I'm hoping to bring in my cards... I think they would go great in there!

Oh and my Echocardiogram yesterday was a breeze.. I'll tell ya.. Emotional and Spiritual Kerilyn popped in during it.. It was Quite overwhelming listening and watching the screen showing my heart beating... you can SEE the blood pumping thru it... and listening to it.. made me get teary.. laying there... I, We.. totally take our heart for granted.. it beats unconditionally for us every day.. every minute of the day... and It was so amazing listening to it... I spent the rest of the day.. and now.. thanking it.. Our Heart is part of God... We.. are Part of God.. and it was an amazing experience.. I'll get the results (That my heart is PERFECT!) in 72 hours..

so.. onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. I woke up in a good mood.. feel pretty today.. put on eye makeup.. and my contacts.. . I already got 2 compliments today which is always nice!
2. After my Doctors appointment I treated myself to a Twist Soft Serve Ice Cream Cone at CARVEL!!! YEA!!!
3. I sat and watched the Season Finale of the shows 'Brothers and Sisters' , 'Heroes', & 'Veronica Mars' (They cancelled the show.. I am TOTALLY BUMMED!) last nite.. I had a yummy dinner of Texas Toast and Ziti.. and enjoyed catching up on my shows!

2 things I'm looking forward to today:
1. I picked up one of the Designers from our Richmond office.. and when she gets back from her client meeting.. we're going to get Thai. YUM!
2. I'm going to go to Kevins after my dinner plans tonite.. He got his new Flat Screen TV yesterday.. that he's been SO excited about.. and I'm psyched to see it!

2 long term things i'm looking forward to:
1. I gotta say.. just being away.. by myself.. with Michelle... I'm SO excited to spend time with her.. be "so much myself" and relax! (And get a ride in her Mini.. I've never been in a Mini)
2. Getting my Pez girl back after my trip... almost 2 months without her.

1 person I am going to appreciate:
I appreciate spending time with the Designer from our Richmond office today.. it's SOOO nice to talk to another designer.. who understands what I do every day.. It's SO nice to talk the technical talk with someone who REALLY understands!!!

Ok.. More tomorrow!
Much love!
kerilyn

High/Low 5.23.07

2007-05-23T07:48:00.000-04:00

Morning..

Ok.. I feel better... It's so amazing to me how much my stress level is raised (TRUST me.. I know this is SELF INFLICTED.. I do not point fingers at anyone but myself) when I'm under a deadline.. I really thought that I was past this panicky feeling at work.. since I am in such a good place.. at a good place.. but nope... As SOON as my deadline was met yesterday afternoon.. AHHHHH.. I magically shifted back to my regularly scheduled program.. for the most part.. WHY do I get so emotionally overwhelmed?? I do not like this part of myself.. and have tried to change it for years.. but it keeps creeping up... I wish I knew why....

So.. it's Wednesday.. another BEAUTIFUL day here... Beautimus!

so quickly onto 3 things 2 things:

3 things that make me happy:
1. I slept REALLY soundly last nite and it took a while this morning to come out of my temporary hibernation... which felt good.. I "went deep" last nite...
2. I LOVE that my girl Kristy is around the corner.. I was trying to decide where to put my clock.. and so I called her and she came over to help! SO Nice!
3. Today... HOPEFULLY.. I will be able to begin one large job.. 80+ stations... and will be able to enjoy doing it for a few days.. LOVE THAT!

2 things I'm looking forward to today:
1. At 3.. i go for my Echocardiogram.. so I'm leaving work early.. I want confirmation that everything is ok... cause my heart beat thing is still happening... (although not as much the past two days so that's good)
2. I was planning on going to Naomis contest tonite... but I talked to her.. and I think I'm just going to wait to go till next week when things will go back to "normal". I'm not GOING anywhere.. or DOING anything.. except being HOME.... I need some real "me" time.. and I have done a piss poor job of holding myself to it.

2 long term things I'm looking forward to:
1. Waking up.. and Being able to sit and have Coffee with Michelle.
2. Getting the commission for my 80+ stations..! :) maybe an extra 500 bucks?

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Man.. I really really miss Naomi.. her being in my everyday life.. Last nite I talked to her for 40 minutes or so... and i haven't talked to her or spent time with her in a long time... and it felt SO good.. I kinda got a bit of myself back... Before Kevin.. Naomi was my every day... (I mean you can't get much closer than your next door neighbor! HA!) I can't tell you how AWESOME it feels to have someone else.. who is able to easily swim in the "deep end" of emotional life... someone who I am able to express my deepest feelings with.. good and bad.. who can hold our "stuff" in our hands without pretending it's not there.. or wanting to throw it away... God I am lucky to have her in my life and LOOK FORWARD to spending more time with her after the dust settles.. (and Naomi.. thanks for understanding about me whimping out tonite.. I love you so much)

ok.. i gotta boogy.. and get to work!
Much love.. and see.. I'm better.. everyone has a bad day once in a while.. thankfully It doesn't last long..
:) Kerilyn

High/Low 5.22.07 VENTING SESSION.. BEWARE!

2007-05-22T07:27:00.000-04:00

Morning...

I just want to give you a heads up that I am mostly fine..I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow.. sigh.. SO amazing how much I believe in "The Secret"... but recently.. I feel SO far from that... Aveeno.. Take me away... It's going to be a beautiful day... supposed to be around 76 degrees today...Why am I feeling like i just want to lay in my bed with my covers over my head.. I want to be left alone.. I want to call out "sick" and not answer the phone.. do my own thing...I don't want to think about stuff..(overthink is more like it) or anyone elses "stuff" either... I dont' want to BUST MY BOOTY to meet this deadline today.. when I feel like It doesn't REALLY matter anyway.. I know this is life.. I just am really not in the mood to have to be ANYTHING of what anyone wants me to be today.. I don't want to be nice.. or cordial.. I am feeling angry.. and vengeful a little.. I don't want to have to "handle" anyone's neurosis.. or have to defend myself for feeling the way I feel...

At work... just in the past 2 weeks.. we Designers got another set of responsibilities laid on us.. and last nite RIGHT before I left work.. I almost lost it when telling one of my co-designers that I feel it's not fair... that we have to do this extra work.. which is (in my opinion) TOTALLY throwing off the balance of the other responsibilities of the parts of the team.

And that's just ONE subject in my life where I don't feel it's only MY responsibility to "Keep it together".. What makes it alright for others (i.e. my parents,etc... ) to go on with their neurosis.. and I .. ME... KERILYN has to freaking compensate.??????? WHATTTTTT?

I know that life is sometimes "not fair".. Please believe me I do.. and I FULLY believe that this is just a test that I WROTE.. to see if I'm learning anything at this point in my lifetime... but how I'm feeling today... with EVERYTHING... is I want to JUMP up and down... yelling at the top of my lungs... " IT'S NOT FAIR.!!!!! IT'S NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY TO DO EVERYTHING... I CANNOT BE EVERYTHING!!!"

hence... my wanting to be left alone...

So there... that's where I am... so if you call me... or email me today.. don't expect much more than that...

Nothing more to say..

High/Low 5.21.07

2007-05-21T07:32:00.000-04:00

Morning Teacups!

What's shaking? It's MONDAY... I'm feeling pretty good this morning.. Sunny Monday Morning.. Truth be known.. I haven't quite felt myself lately... work has been busy.. with deadlines that trigger my past experiences.. and I am not quite settled into my apartment totally yet... I'm getting there.. I woke up this morning.. can basically see my week laid out before me.. and after today's push at work.. I am predicting I can relax in my brain a bit... and almost coast to Friday when I leave for SAVANNAH!! I'm so excited!!! It's supposed to be a beautiful week weatherwise.. in the mid-70's.. chilly in the mornings.. like now.. in the 50's..

ok.. onto 3 things 2 things:

3 things that make me happy:
1. Last nite.. after going to my parents to celebrate a Post Mothers Day/Kristine and my fathers Birthday... Kevin and I drove into DC and walked around the Tidal Basin .. the sun was setting.. weather was divine.. it was really nice. :)
2. I spend 4 hours on Saturday afternoon/nite putting together my Microwave Cart .. It looks REALLY good.. If a microwave cart can be classy.. this is it!
3. Seeing my kitty girl last nite (my mom is still taking good care of her until I return from Savannah) She seemed a little upset with me.. but I could just be sensitive to that...
4. As of today I have all my laundry done! SUCH a good feeling!

2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. Ok.. I've basically mapped out my day with regard to getting my deadline done.. and If I am not interrupted.. I should have my drawings out to another designer for crosscheck by the end of the day today! That's my goal!
2. Going to Kevins tonite to watch the Season Finale of '24'... Maybe.. Kevin will make dinner so I won't have to think about that.. (Kevin.. hint hint) :)

2 long term things I am looking forward to:
1. (POSSIBLY) Maybe Liz and Matthew meeting me at the Atlanta airport during my layover.. I gotta look at the times.. this may not be feasible.. but it would be awesome if it was.. and they were available...
2. Just being with Michelle this upcoming weekend.

1 person I am going to appreciate:
My sister.. again.. I give her Kudos to "put up" with the UNNECESSARY and UNREALISTIC pressure she's under.... long story.

Ok.. I'm off to dive into this beautiful Day!
Much love to you all!
Kerilyn

High/Low 5.18.07

2007-05-18T07:31:00.000-04:00

Hiety Ho...

Happy Friday to ya... It's a chilly one today.. overcast.. and ya know what? that is fine with me.. I am not feeling to sunny today... more like i want to go unnoticed... I want this friday to slide by... I don't know why exactly.. but I just do... so the weather kinda suits my mood....

ok... no rambling.. onto 3 things 2 things:

3 things that make me happy:
1. A Clean Car - I think I'm going to have my car detailed when I get back from Savannah.. She needs and deserves a thorough cleaning.!!!
2. Yesterday I got my Aveda products in the mail.. They were in a box at the front door when I came home!
3. I got a nice email from my boss yesterday... I really do enjoy my job for the most part.. and feel valued! Also.. we talked to a client yesterday.. and I told her that we'll have one part of this job to her today and she seemed impressed... That made me VERY happy!

2 things I'm looking forward to today:
1. I'm going to a Cardiologist today.. Since Tuesday I've been having this very unusual STRONG heartbeat.. it comes at random times and by Wednesday afternoon it started freaking me out... So I'm looking forward to the Dr saying "it's nothing...." and "No Medication is necessary." I'll let you know what happens this afternoon (I'll update this post.. just so you know)
2. Going to get my nails done after work! Maybe my feet too.. who knows..
3. I'm going to lunch with my friend Jonathan .. to have pho which today is a GREAT day for pho!!!

2 long term things I'm looking forward to:
1. I AM SO EXCITED to see my kitty girl on Sunday when I go to my parents house.. I haven't seen her in WEEKS!! I miss my Pez girl...
2. Going to Savannah... Spending time with Michelle.. and getting a Facial!!!YEA!!

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Naomi - She has worked SOOO hard for her Comedy Competition called The Funniest Fed Competition .. She should be VERY proud of herself.. I'm going to go to her show next Wednesday... to check out how it's going !! YEA NAOMI!!!

Ok... Have a good weekend.. I'll update you on my Drs appt later here.. if your interested.
Much love to you all...
Kerilyn

High/Low 5.16.07

2007-05-16T07:25:00.000-04:00

Hiety Ho my lovelies..

How's it goin? Wednesday... Ok.. I still am a little tired.. still have unpacking/setting up to do in my apt.. still have to unpack my suitcase from my trip... (been moving it back and forth from the bed to the floor in order to sleep) I need a free weekend... but.. as I do not see one for 3 weekends.. I need to accept it... I really do miss my kitty girl... I know my mom is spoiling her rotten.. but I miss her furryness next to me when I wake up... :( I finally feel like I've got a grip on the workload ahead of me.. and have been working late.. which will continue for a few more weeks.. argh... I know.. I know.. I'm being complainy... this is why I haven't written.. trying to "get a grip"

ok.. onto happier subjects... 3 things 2 things

3 things that make me happy:
1. On Monday.. I had an overwhelming Monday return to work.. had to TOTALLY redo something that I worked my butt off to do before I left and totally changed while i was gone) so I had to bust a move to get that done.. SO.. (good part) one of my co-workers bought me flowers.. which was so nice.. they are beautiful.. and it was a nice surprise. (and quite a big surprise.. for I'm not "friends" with this co-worker)
2. I LOVE my 5 minute commute to work.. it makes me SO happy!!! I am so happy that my concern about getting to my staff meeting on Tuesday Mornings is not relevant anymore..
3. I opened a new bank account so I have everything separated.. (Everyday living, My Bumper, Rent Money) I am starting to realize that this move here will allow me to save even MORE money than I think I originally expected which ROCKS! I feel so on top of my finances and it's SUCH A FREAKING GOOD FEELING!!!
4. I really do feel like I was missed while I was gone at work.. and I just plain feel valued.. last nite we had a little happy hour/graduation for the new salespeople going thru the training sessions.. and I had a great conversation with one of our managers about how I'm good at what I do.. IT MAKES ME FEEL SO DAMN GOOD!!!

2 things that I'm looking forward to today:
1. Now that I have a better grip on my workload.. I can start "knocking it out"...I am hopeful that the job I start today will not take the week that I predicted..
2. Going home.. putting on some comfy clothes.. getting some laundry done.. MAYBE.. putting together my microwave cart.. and just being by myself... catching up on some of my Tivo Shows... (I stayed up last nite till midnight to watch 'Heroes' - SUCH an awesome show!)

2 long term things I'm looking forward to:
1. I am excited to get my Fed Ex with my Aveda products! (Long story but during our layover in Minneapolis.. we went to the Mall of America.. and i bought all this Aveda stuff.. and thankfully remembered that I can't bring liquids on the plane.. so I thought I had to return it.. so when I brought it back the woman said she'd ship it to me.. which was SO AWESOME!) So.. i'm looking forward to receiving it!!!
2. Getting my feet and nails done... WAY overdue! Maybe Friday nite...
3. Next weekend.. Going to Savannah!! I am really excited to go and do something with my girl Michelle.. just her and me.. and me.. just being me..

1 person I am going to appreciate:
My sister..(sorry to mudsling.. don't tell on me ok?) My parents are not being very supportive about my sisters recent engagement..making living in their house difficult.. I'm kinda upset at them for that.. but I'm really proud of her that she has "stayed the course".. and is just focusing on the positive.. I am very very proud of her!! Go Kristine!

ok... that's it for now..gotta boogy and get ready for work!
much love to you...
:) Kerilyn

High/Low 5.14.07

2007-05-14T07:20:00.000-04:00

Hey there Peeps!

How are you? Happy Monday to ya! Whew... big breath.... well I'm back..we're back... um.. let's see.. I'm happy to say that although I felt I tried to not have any expectations as to what we were going to do...my time spent went better than I didn't expect.. (Sound confusing? I just mean that my worst case scenerios in my head didn't happen... so that's good.) It's always a little weird hanging out with your boyfriends family... for a week.. in their house.. with no transportation of your own... but I think I handled it all pretty good.. and I'm pretty damn proud of myself... I have the pictures.. didn't take too many but I'll get some of them up maybe tomorrow...

So let me go.. I have a VERY BUSY WORK WEEK ahead of me... probably the most busy since i've been at this job.. so please bear with me.. I have NO idea what lies ahead of me today.. and I am wanting to think it's much better than I'm expecting (yes.. I'm expecting here..)

Lots of things rattling around in Kerilyns head... but that's not surprising.. is it? ha!
Hope you are well..

oh.. and Friday was my sisters 31st birthday.. Let's give it up for Kristine!!!! Happy Birthday Kristine!! And Happy Mothers Day to all the Moms out there!!! WOO HOO!!!

and finally.. I haven't seen my Pez girl in almost a month! I miss her a lot.

ok.. have a great day!
Much Love to you all!
Kerilyn

High/Low 5.4.07

2007-05-04T07:22:00.000-04:00

Tally Ho everyone..

What's shakin? Ok.. I'll admit it.. I am emotionally and physically exhausted.... So much going on.. I feel like laying in bed and crying... I am actually really looking forward to getting the HECK out of my everyday life.. NOT answer my cell phone or email (Well I'm going to try...) and just relax... I feel like when I get back.. things are going to 1. get REALLY REALLY busy at work.. and 2. Get really good with my Kitty girl back.. unpacking more.. and figuring out what i'm going to do with all the rest of my stuff.. PLUS... I can start building my bumper (my savings acct) again... (I used a bit of money to get things for the apartment.. meh.. i'm just really grateful I had it to use! It has seemed like everyday.. i'm rushing and rushing around to get A,B and C done.. that I don't have any time to just chill.. WHICH.. is not like me.. (on top of the fact that I find myself staying up till midnight just staring at the TV.. which is also not like me..) which is partly why i'm physically tired..

Work is busy.. VERY. Why is it that when you decide to go on your first week long vacation since you graduated from college.. that work speeds up and you feel like you should not be going... ? I don't really understand that... (uh.. yes i do.. it's happening because I think it's going to happen... work gets busy... so it does!)

ANYWAY.. shifting focus... onto 3 things 2 things

3 things that make me happy:
1. Knowing I will be FAR FAR away from here.... I'm feeling like I need a little TLC... feeling a bit scattered.. I know... gotta think good thoughts..
2. It's been ABSOLUTELY beautiful this week... sunny skies... and beautiful weather!
3. Trying a Nordstroms Chocolate Chip Cookie.. and finding out it DOES taste really good!

2 things I'm looking forward to today:
1. Getting EVERYTHING done at work.. so I can walk AWAY and feel like I did my best to get everything done.
2. GRRR.. Returning those damn movies I rented this weekend and getting that OFF my plate!

2 long term things that I am looking forward to:
1. Seeing my savings account increase exponentially.... in the months ahead with my reduced rent.
2. Getting back to going to the gym after work...
3. SEEING MY LITTLE PEZ GIRL!!! I MISS HER SO MUCH!!! 3 weeks without her has been VERY VERY WEIRD!!!

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Ok.. not a person persay.. but The universe. Thank you God/The Universe for allowing me to realize that I CREATE EVERYTHING I'M GETTING!!! That i have to take responsibility for what i'm creating!!! I feel so blessed to know this!!!

K.... so.. no communications from me until MAYBE next monday.. May14th... Have a good weekend.. a good week.. a good weekend.. and i'll talk to you later!

Much love to you all... Thanks for sticking with me thru the years!
:) Kerilyn

High/Low 5.2.07

2007-05-02T07:42:00.000-04:00

Whew! What an already exciting (and a little tiring) week!

Hi.. how's it goin? I'm coming down to the wire to get everything done before I leave for Iowa with Kevin.. and I still feel like I cannot rest.. going here... NOT being at home... resting.... I'll tell ya that AFTER this trip to Iowa.. Kerilyn is going to be a home body for QUITE A while...

Yesterday while on my way to a meeting.. my car suddenly had a sound like a plastic bag is underneath... it took a second to realize it was actually me... well i pulled over and this whole part underneath my car is dragging on the ground.. and a part is under my tire! I was strangely calm.. and got the thing from underneath my tire.. called Bob the Sales guy that i was going to the meeting with .. told him I won't be making the meeting.. and he came and rescued me.. he said "you dont' leave your wingman." which i thought was REALLY nice... I totally felt taken care of when he took the part that was dragging off my car and make it driveable.. needless to say I am very grateful for him.... So this morning already I took the car to VW (uh.. can you say.. this better be under Warranty - fingers crossed) and... I thankfully got someone at VW to take me home... So I'm carless.. and Patti another saleswoman is coming to pick me up to go to ANOTHER Meeting... (uh.. work has been BUSY! which adds to my level of anxiety about leaving..) DEEP breaths.....

but anyway... i gotta do this for sanitys sake..

3 things that make me happy:
1. Gotta say again.. Being here in my old/new apartment... I spent a few hours last nite spackling and cleaning the house... I got 90% of what I had to do done.. and everything is out now.. so I feel like I have closed that chapter on my residences... and am ready to FULLY commit to creating a more beautiful space (than it already has become) here...
2. That awesome feeling after exercising.. I ran yesterday at the gym.. and it feels SO DAMN GOOD!!!
3. Knowing that I have at least FOUR shows to watch on Tivo tonite!!! WOO HOO!! Tonite i stay home.. and do laundry....

Anyway... that's all for now.. I'll give you an update on my car tomorrow..
much love,
kerilyn

High/Low 5.1.07

2007-05-01T07:26:00.000-04:00

Happy May to you all...

Now isn't this a good picture? I must say that I'm pretty good at the Self Shots... What I didn't mention yesterday.. was after Kevin had to make the decision about his Kitty girl... His friend Dawn called to tell Kevin that she had 2 extra tickets to the Washington Wizards Basketball game... It was JUST what we (and more importantly Kevin) needed.. to get out.. see his friend Dawn.. (oh.. and they were good seats too) and enjoy the game... I took this picture there... I think it's now my favorite picture of us... (and my eyebrow is convieniently hidden.. and now you can see my darker haircolor too)

Ok... I have staff meeting today so I can't ramble on and on.. so how bout just

3 things that make me happy:
1. This picture.. (Seriously I like this picture a lot!)
2. The Weather... It's GORGEOUS out! 80 today! Woo Hoo!
3. Today I am going to get EVERYTHING done at the HOUSE (spackling and cleaning and grabbing last minute things) so I can fully end that chapter.. (It's been lingering since I didn't get over there this weekend.)
4. My new business cards and return address envelopes (with new address) are on their way!

Ok.. that's it for today... I hope you have a good one!

:) much love to you all,
Kerilyn

High/Low 4.30.07

2007-04-30T07:34:00.000-04:00

Happy Last Day of the Month!!

Hey! How was your weekend.. mine was.. well.. not as I expected but that's what life is all about... sadly.. Kevins kitty Phenelope (that's pronounced 'fenelope') had severe liver damage and he had to make the very tough decision to put his little girl down... I really don't know what else to say..she's been in his life for 11 years... it had to be the toughest thing one person can do besides anything involving their children.. and our pets become like our children.. so it feels like the same thing.. I wish I knew what to say to make him feel better.. but I know he has to go thru the grieving process as it happens.. Whew.. feeling the experience for Kevin made me feel so whew..emotional when thinking about my Pez girl... sigh..

Let's just say it was a very emotional weekend from start to finish... starting with the mishap with my eyebrow which.. I feel a little better about..

ok.. onto 3 things 2 things

3 things that make me happy:
1. YEA! My place is really coming together and I am really really really liking the way it feels..!! I dance little happy dances when I walk around... seeing it all come together.. the curtains... the little kitchen baskets and circle mirror mobile that Kevin hung for me this weekend (thanks honey) and as of last nite I made headway into my bedroom... and can actually walk around now.. !!!
2. MY GIRL DAVINA HAD A LITTLE GIRL!!! wow.. so amazing.. Saturday nite.. Her name is Tai Dalane Gillum... YEA!!! Congratulations Davina... I can't wait to meet her.. and to see how Davina is doing!!!
3. After MANY hours talking to the people from Tivo.. going to Best Buy and buying all this stuff that I was told was going to be the connection the Tivo Box makes to get updated programming... My TIVO IS WORKING!!! AND... I came to find out that I can use my internet phone to make the call to get the programming (Tivo originally said it wouldn't work!! BUT IT DID!!) if you don't understand this.. that's ok... just know ITS WORKING and i can return the 70 dollars worth of parts I thought was going to make it work! YEA! SO... I can go to Iowa and it will tape all my shows.. no problem!

2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. Seeing if I will be getting the Drawing to the 80+station job that i'm soon to work on.. I am excited to get a job that I can work on for over a week. (up to this point i've had smaller jobs.. this will be my first big one) AND... I was told on Friday that we won the bid for a 180 station job that i started! SO.. I'll be a busy bee when I get back from Iowa and that is FINE with me!
2. 82 Degrees today!!! WOO HOO!! I think this calls for eating lunch outside!!!

2 long term things I am looking forward to:
1. Maybe putting up Flower boxes in my windows again?
2. I'm excited about going to Savannah for Memorial Day.. getting out of Dodge..

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Kevin... again. I know that when the day comes that Pez leaves me physically... I will be a mess (ok just thinking of it makes me cry.. right now) that I am proud of Kevin for accepting his feelings of sadness.. but being ok with the fact the she had a long life.. It takes strength...

Ok.. I really do have to boogy...
Love to you all..... This upcoming Saturday Kevin and I leave for IOWA for a week!! EEK!!!
I'm nervous!
kerilyn