High/Low 12.1.05

December is here!!! already!!!

Wow..a WHOLE Year went by... wow. crazy man... ok.. i am running late so i need to make this quick...

yesterday was my first official day at my permanent position.. i got there.. and noone was there! (it's a small office.. only 4 of us) so i sat there for 30 minutes and knitted while I waited.. (the main office knew i was stranded.. it was ok) i got in.. and right away.. i got a good feeling.. i know i'm exactly where i'm supposed to be.. Wilda.. the project coordinator... she came in and gave me a potted plant.. to welcome me.. (how nice is THAT!) and then Charlie.. when I opened up my overhead cabinet.. a little plate of confetti came out..to welcome me.. I know that i'm going to be busy... but I'm glad that I'm there... My computer arrived.. it was set up.. and i got situated.. unpacked my stuff.. (i didn't bring stuff to the temporary place.. cause it was temporary) had lunch and then i got busy.... i'm looking forward to a steady stream of work... makes the days go by fast...

Kinda struggling yesterday and today with the topic of 'going with the flow'.. under the topic of men.. and dating... I'm trying to go with the flow.. but I feel I keep bumping up against jagged rocks.. and tear at me... leaving me more and more exposed... I know that the trick is to continually think positive.. I admit i have been thinking pessimistically with regard to myself.. and my own self esteem... but still.. I present myself as real as i can be... what is WITH all these men who do not reveal what their TRUE intention is... sigh.. it runs the gammit of what they have preceived themselves to be.. which really isn't there... I went out on a date with an older guy (the age thing is a big issue with me.. but i decided to go with the flow) well.. there was a strong connection between us... still conflicted about him being a few years older than me.. i found out yesterday that he is SIGNIFICANTLY older than originally stated.. WHY LIE TO ME? WHY? ugh.. i'm not going into specifics... but it threw me... i also have been feeling more and more that i need to tell Peter that we just can't see each other anymore.... it's too confusing.. i've been honest with him.. but there is such a past with us.. that it's hard to remain steadfast.. while in his presence... ugh... (Auntie.. will you call me.. i need your advice on something)

Eh... i'm trying to go with the flow... Relax.. relax Kerilyn... it'll be what it'll be...

ok.. i'm off.. gotta boogie!
onward and upward.
kerilyn
www.ancora-imparo.net