High/Low 1.16.06

Hey everybody...

What's shakin? It's Monday.. I SO do not want to go to work today... ugh.

So Friday's Medical Study.. was VERY VERY Draining.. my day started out good.. got there at 10am.. and signed in... When I told the woman interviewing me.. that I have 5 metal staples in my lung from when I had pneumonia at 11 years old.... it started the extremely draining process of not knowing whether or not i'd be able to go thru with this study which was dealing with a very sensitive topic.. We ended up going thru with it.. and from 10:30ish to 4:30 i had 6 vials of blood drawn, and EKG and a Chest XRAY.. AND discussing AT LENGTH a topic that I do not discuss very often to anyone... (sorry... if you know me.. you know what happened.. twice actually but if you don't.. let's just say it was a traumatic event from my past) well... after HOURS of discussing it and it's subsequent ways in which it's lead me to panic/feel out of control in my life.. I was SO DAMN tired.. and drained.. i can tell you that i felt like the floodgates.. the wall that protected me from the pain of this experience.. was chipped open and now is at a slow leak.. oh man.. i just don't know if I did the right thing here.. mild earthquakes in process... who knows what will be left standing...

I didn't think I could do it.. but I met my girl Davina out for dinner Friday nite.. We had a good time.. I miss her.. laughed a lot which is good.. I needed that. Saturday morning my dad came and put up this AWESOME chandelier in my dining room that my tres cool friend Janet gave me! It looks SO good! REALLY completes the room!

From when my dad left.. to now.. I don't know.. something has shifted.. I feel on the edge of tears ... I feel exhausted.. and a bit lonely... I took a 4 hour nap on Saturday afternoon.. I hardly EVER take naps.. never I would say.. and last nite i was in bed by 9:30... I know it's probably healthy to let the dam break a bit.. but you know.. the damage that can be left behind where things once were.. a scary thing to face... inevitable but scary.

So onward i go.. to face the day.. try to bring gratitude and appreciation..
try to anyway.
onward and upward.
kerilyn
www.ancora-imparo.net