High/Low 4.18.06

Sigh...

What to say? BAD BAD Day yesterday.. I'm sure it was my own doing.. overreacting.. but I walked in and from the second I got there.. i was slammed. I guess I can admit I'm not one that works well under pressure.. and especially when someone is telling me how long something is supposed to take me.. ugh.. I was in panic mode all day.. my computer was crashing.. i didn't eat lunch till 3... i felt jittery and tears were there all day... i worked till 8pm last nite.. and i'll be honest with you.. I don't like it. i know there are people who dont' mind.. it's their love.. their job.. (or whatever it is they say to think they're enjoying what they do) well i'm one lost bunny..

I do NOT like that i panic.. it makes me feel weak.. and very insecure.. and vulnerable.. and on top of that.. i do not have anyone at my office that i can confide in.. so i feel very alone.. noone i can trust..

It was nice of Kevin.. he heard i was having a bad day... having to work late and he made dinner for me.. very sweet.. we watched '24' (very exciting.. i'm getting hooked) I'm so tired.. drained.. i just wish i could calm down.. and not care.. and not be upset.. panicky.. God I wish I knew how..

today i have my dads ceremony.. he's getting an award for being the Volunteer of the year at Habitat for Humanity.. I've had the afternoon scheduled to be off for the past 3 weeks or so.. and now with these LOOMING deadlines.. I'm feeling guilty.. I guess a part of me says I shouldn't go..b ut you know what.. in 5 years.. shoot.. in 1 year.. it won't matter that I wasn't there.. all that will matter is that I went to support my family.. and i want to be that kind of person.. so I'll suck it up.. enjoy watching my dad be awarded.. and probably have tow ork a late one tonite too (side note: Liz.. i do NOT know how you do it.. late nites all the time..I have been thinking about you a lot)

anyway.. that's my rant.. please 1. say a prayer for me and 2. any words of wisdom.. advice.. or support would be really really appreciated and totally accepted right now.. sigh..

onward and upward
kerilyn
www.ancora-imparo.net