High/Low 12.22.06

Happy Holidays everyone..

How are you? Ready for Christmas? Or.. are you out right now.. waiting for that parking spot closest to the entrance to the mall? I'm writing you a LONG posting.. since I haven't in a while and am reflecting on the past year.. First and foremost, I want to tell everyone thank you all for your love and friendship over the past year.. Some of you I've known forever and a day.. and some a bit shorter than that.. but I appreciate and love you each as part of who I am.. someone who, when I look in the mirror I say " I see how spending time with this friend/family has shaped and molded me into the woman who's about to turn 32 next week (eek! getting older!!!) I have appreciated each moment I've had with you... good AND bad (even if i was unable to appreciate it in the moment) I do believe that we are all learning.. and working everyday on our "stuff" or the lessons we have taken on in this lifetime toward our goal of purest enlightment..

I'll admit that this year seemed to me to be a step in the backward direction with respect to my faith.. I still can't truly understand why... the underlying current of the fact that I know that there is no failure..that I am fulfilling my "chart", that illness and stress are tests toward helping us to understand (and more importantly love) ourselves.. is still there.. lodged in my heart and when the moment is right (or I'm having a good meditation) it is still right there.. in front of me... But for some reason.. it's everyday presence in my life has ebbed a bit.. It makes me sad because I felt like I had more hope when I was feeling it in every moment of my day... but I guess that's the way life goes.. one moment you're feeling engulfed in spirit.. and the next.. your not.. I hope and pray for a renewal of spirits presence to make it's way into my everyday life.. tenfold.. and knowing I CAN manifest my destiny.. it will be part of my goals for 2007..

2007 ya'll.. can you believe that??? Think back.. where were you on the turning of the millenium? Seems like forever ago, right?

On another subject but strangely similar... I feel like this year, I've crossed over a threshold into a deeper phase of who I am becoming.. I can look back, and recognize, how I've spent most of my life Searching... and I realize how I think I truly believed that I had to STRUGGLE to be 'One of the Searchers'.. Always pining.. for the relationship.. for the job.. for others to understand me... Like the insane strapped to the bed, I refused to give up the search.... and fought EVERY MINUTE OF IT!!! Well I dont' feel like I'm fighting it anymore.. true I still have dreams.. goals (of course they're very different - like I want to be married and either be with child or be putting onesies on one by the time i'm in my 35th year) but I dont' feel like I'm fighting anymore.. to some degree it feels foreign to me.. feels like I've become "the tribe" (Wayne Dyers word for Society as a whole) and from time to time I really miss that Kerilyn.. cause it was my everyday... but I feel more rational..less "all over the place" than I ever have been..and ultimately.. I'm glad I've passed into this transition..

Part of this transition is that I have accepted that.. My career has not gone the way I always thought it was going to be.. and.. Here comes the big part.... that's OK... Many jobs (SEVEN to date since I graduated in 1999).. in my universal search to be a successful Interior Designer. I've realized that no matter where I am.. there will be tests.. and deadlines.. and tough people and I realize after all this time.. that I really enjoy where I am.. what I'm doing.. and that I'll make a mistake wherever I am.. that i dont' have to be afraid of it... (TRUST ME for those who aren't around me all the time.. this is huge!) It's not how I saw my career to go.. but I'm content... and would be happy to be with my present company for years to come.. (fingers crossed!)

And finally.. A large part of who I am this year has to do with my current relationship.. I've found this settled calm Kerilyn being with Kevin.. Naomi consistantly reminds me that Kevin is the man that I've been meditating on to come into my life... and she's SO right... We have lots in common.. and enjoy doing artsy fartsy stuff .. and he's TALL (6'6" ya'll!). He too wants to settle down and have a family And while.. as my dad says "Perfect only exists in the dictionary".. I am happy and hopeful as things continue to go the way they are supposed to. Keep your fingers crossed!

I am both happy and sad to say that this summer Naomi sold her side of the Duplex and moved up to PA to be with her sister while trying toward her dreams of being a successful Stand up Comedianne.. and she's well on her way.. I miss her terribly (and miss the silence of having her next door - the neighbors have two Hounds - ARGH!!!) but I am very proud of her for shooting for her dreams!!! Together we have decided that She will come back town to the area and move into my side of the duplex in May.. so as of the new year I am looking for new residence..I look forward with enthusiasm toward the next place where I lay my head and pez's head... :) It's been awesome living next to my best friend.. but now that she's gone.. it's time to move on...

I'm also happy to say that my temporarily estranged friendship with Michelle has rekindled itself after a 2 year hiatus and am very happy to have her in my life again...

My mom has some pretty serious foot surgery in July.. recovery has taken a long time.. and I'm happy to say she's doing well... I think on the road to one day being cast/bootless!

My friendship with my sister has gotten closer and closer..funny but the older we get.. the closer we are in relative life experiences.. and therefore have more in common...I am very blessed to have her in my corner...

My girl Davina is going to be a Mom! I am sooo excited for her. My friend Felton and his wife welcomed their first into the family.. My friend Lisa's family got bigger by 1 this year too.. and my 3 yr old "boyfriend" Wyatt now has a sister to take care of, her name is Sterling.. I love that name! Tiz the time for babies.. and families... trust me.. I'm feeling it too... wink wink...

Hmm.. I think that's a long enough post for now.. What's to come? Only God/The Universe knows... but I have a feeling a ring will be involved in the next year... and possibly co-habitation.. I have new goals for this new year.. (like lose the LARGE amount of weight I've put on - ya'll its BAD!!! and SERIOUSLY get back on working on my cards - this year i've procrastinated BIG TIME!!) and will try to shoot for all of them.. with steadfast motivation and gentle loving care toward myself..

I wish you all a wonderful Holiday.. I will try to keep in touch with you all more often.. I know I"ve done a piss poor job of it this year.. but you'll forgive me... right????

Buon Natale!!!!
Ancora Imparo "I am still learning" in Italian
Love you all,
Kerilyn

www.ancora-imparo.net

ps: if you are on myspace.. let me know i have a profile and would love to add you as my friend if your not already on there.!!!Good way to keep up with friends!