High/Low 7.17.06

Ok for the record.. it's monday.. and i'm really kinda feeling down... it seems like my life's been chaotic as of late.. i know how i handle it is what i can control... but i dont' know how to handle it..

i want to be in DC.. work and live in DC... i went to dentist on friday afternoon.. watching people walk from their jobs to home.. and i was ... of course.. sitting in traffic.. i found myself so jealous.. i am a city girl at heart.. i can do the metro/subway/etc... i would be happy wearing a backpack to get around... even shoot.. getting a bike...

my monday-friday/9-5 life.... is chaotic.. i'm too far from home.. spending WAY too many hours in my car.. stewing.. i'm typically a patient person in the car.. but this is getting nutty... my foot hurting from going from first gear to neutral.. sitting in traffic... i'm not knowing from day to day which office i'm in.. till the end of the day.. which is unsettling... makes me feel totally unsettled...

i feel like i haven't had ONE moment of my own time in so long.. i am feeling suffocated with my surroundings... i miss me... i miss my autonomy.. gosh.. and i know i can put a stop to it all and bring me back... just seems that everything is moving so quickly..

sigh.. i don't know what's going on... what's happening..
i just know i feel like i'm spinning today... spinning so fast.. and i feel like I can't focus on one thing... i just want the spinning to stop...

so i'm mush today.. emotionally... so if you need me i'll be in a pile over here in the corner...