High/Low 6.13.06

I know... I know.. it's been a few days...

was busy.. and I think I wanted to wait a few things till i really had something to say.. (Funny.. that's what my best friend Matthew says when I ask him why he doesn't call me as often as i'd like.. lol) First off.. my chosen KICKASS quotes for the day, no, for the month:

"Don't wish me happiness,
I don't expect to be happy all the time...
It's gotten beyond that somehow.
Wish me courage and strength and a sense of humor.
I will need them all."
- Anne Morrow Lindbergh

"Do not let your fire go out,
spark by irreplaceable spark,
in the hopeless swamps of the approximate,
the not-quite, the not-yet,
the not-at-all.
Do not let the hero
in your soul
perish,
in lonely frustration for
the life you deserved, but have
never been able to reach.
Check your road and the nature of your
battle. The world you desired can be
won. It exists, it is real,
it is possible, it is yours."
- Ayn Rand

Wow.. if a quote can help inspire.. I chose these two~ ya know?

Yesterday I wanted to post a LOST flyer and staple them to all the telephone poles in the neighborhood.

What is lost you ask? Well I'd say that yesterday.. my spirit was lost..yucky emotional day yesterday for this dreamer girl... I can admit that since sometime in July 2004.. (well probably before that but It didn't officially happen until my last day at my 3rd job since I graduated that I got laid off of.. I remember the MOMENT I lost my spirit for my career.) (Note to spiritual self: Damn it Kerilyn... don't you know that if you keep SAYING.. "waah waah.. you lost your spirit.. that you'll have an even HARDER time trying to find it again!!!) (Note to you: I promise I'm not crazy) Ok.. ok.. how to rephrase??? um.. Something shifted.. back in 2004.. a detour.. of sorts.. Can I say that it's been rewarding? Well I've met some great work friends that I wouldn't of met otherwise..

then last nite... I had a moment.. where I asked "Is it ok that i'm 31 years old and I still don't have it figured out what I want to do with my life? I mean.. I think it is.. There are a lot of people who do not know what they want to do.. who are still searching.. Shit.. my father is 60 years old and what he wants to do more than anything is to work (and get paid) at Habitat for Humanity and there's no paid position open. I mean the man works up to 30-35 hours a week VOLUNTEERING at Habitat.. it's kinda amazing.. But here I am.. still wondering.. what it is??

I went out to dinner with my friend Kristy tonite.. and brought this subject matter up.. she says.. "Well you know what you want to do..." True.. I do.. I want to help inspire others (too damn broad answer) I want to bring spirituality.. and altruism into my everyday life.. oh.. and I want to interact with others.. who are searching.. Damn it YES! That's the simplest answer.!! It just came to me .. right now..

I want to interact with others who are searching!!!

Which.. in turn, will probably make me .. this little big girl feel less alone.. To reach out and recognize that wounded and lost other person... walking down the street in the other direction.. to help them not feel alone and in turn.. me not feel so alone..

(ok.. so some of you.. aren't lost.. i know 2 people in my life who seemingly are on the right track) Yes.. there are exceptions to every rule..

Anyway.. I BLOW the lid off of random tangents..

well I feel better.. for the moment.. telling you all this..

OK... OK... so I'm going to bed.. it's late.. and I'm going to say it.. and try to believe it.. (and if i have a hard day believing it.. I'll call my Auntie.. she's always good at the pep talk about this topic.. i.e. my life)

It's OK that i'm 31.. that i am not sure what I'm doing relationships wise.. where I want my next geographic location to be (but i know I feel a change) I know what I want to do.. but not HOW to do it.. or WHO to ask for for help.. and it's OK that i'm single.. and have no kids.. that at 30 i bought my first car...

It's ok.. it's ok If i decide to take another job tomorrow..
it's ok.

ok.. that's all for me.. i'm going to bed now.
thanks for letting me rant.
love you all,
kerilyn
www.ancora-imparo.net