High/Low 8.9.07 A blah day

Hey there..

it's weird.. feeling blah is such an in between feeling.. i'm not good or bad.. happy or sad.. it's this strange bubble where all situations/emotions/environments/conversations are experienced with this strange glumness and you kinda walk around like you misplaced something and expecting it to be hiding around the corner.. like your favorite sweater or something.. usually when i feel this way i don't want to talk to anyone.. i kinda feel the need to keep quiet so I can pay attention and grab onto my first happy or enjoyable emotion that will put me back on the path of being happy and feeling relatively grounded.

what makes it even more blah is i'm kinda in between projects at work and that means that I'm kinda weirdly aimless here at the office. I know I need to just relax and enjoy this time.. because before I know it.. it will be busy again and I will be on the go go go.. but it's kinda strange to be in that red light at the intersection of work.. car is idling.. and i have my blinker on.. just waiting for the red light to turn green...

but then theres this pool.. (and it's a big pool) Let's call it the 'Gratitude Pool' .. there are SO MANY things that I am grateful for.. and I will list a few in a moment.. but it strangely doesn't shift my blahness toward having a good day.. remains a blah day.. I can fully emmerse myself in the feeling of being grateful for all these things.. but can't maintain that feeling to bring me out of the blahness.. it's really weird.

things like:
- my studio is so awesome i cannot even tell you. i will take pictures this weekend and post them next week.. i am so excited about having this space to create.. to be in silence.. it's like a creative meditation.. I am so blessed that Connie.. the amazing artist that has been in the space for 10 years.. picked me.. she emailed me and said.. "I stopped by the studio this morning and it look so nice. You space looks like it always has been there." It's funny but I feel the same way! I love that I am in the HUB of Del Ray (check out this website for more info on Del Ray - I have my cards in A Show of Hands took pottery at Renee's 'Clay Queen Pottery' and took Meditation class at Yoga in Daily Life ... I love it all! I mean read this awesome article about my little quaint town... and the best is.. my studio is right in the middle of it all!!!
- I love my apartment.. what a blessing that I can move back into the SAME apartment I lived in for 4 years previous.. wow.. Talk about using 'The Secret'
- My friends (Kristine and Auntie you are included in this)..I have some really great ones.. that I see and spend time with.. communicate with.... on a regular basis (and even those who I don't talk to often.. I think of often.. you are with me still) I am one lucky woman.
- I have all my senses.. I can hear.. see.. feel.. taste and touch.. just that alone deserves a post by itself...
- I really enjoy my job.. it's true.. I finally found something that I feel like I'm good at.. and my office is so awesome..
- Having Kevin in my life.. he is very supportive of my dream (just last nite he said I should spend some time in the studio).. and we have SOO much in common.. I am really grateful. I found this list of things I wrote a few years ago.. in a partner.. tall.. slender.. smart.. someone who loves to read the newspaper.. loves music.. and appreciates art... likes to "do" things.. yea.. the Universe was listening!

See.. all these things.. (and I can go on) and I still feel blah.. I don't understand..

But maybe it's not for me to understand.. I will just go thru this day.. and know that like everything in life.. it will never last forever.. so I will sit with this.. and see where it takes me!
Have a good one.
Love,
Kerilyn