High/Low 6.27.07

Hey there everyone...

Wednesday... SO wish it was Friday... Sorry I've been MIA.. lots going on.. and without me starting to cry again (too late.)... I'd rather not go into it today.. please bear with me... Let's just say that today is the day that I really wish I didn't have to see anyone.. or talk to anyone.. I feel raw... empty... and exposed... I should be proud of myself... I guess... but I just know that all I feel is extreme sadness.. with a tear stuck in my eye...I just pray the rest of this week goes by fucking with a quickness... (excuse my language) cause this is SO challenging..

but I will try to focus on what is good... onto 3 things 2 things:

3 things that make me happy:
1. The way the early morning feels.. I totally ran out of my coffee 1/2 and 1/2 yesterday and so at 6:30 this morning I ran to the grocery.. I love the stillness..the silence.. feels like I should be tip toeing around.
2. Thanks to Kevins love of a Good Bargain.. Been considering getting serious about buying a bike to ride to work.. the daydreaming of it makes me happy...
3. I talked to my boy Matthew last nite for a while.. I just love him.. and miss him.. he's on his way to going to Iraq soon.. and he might... be passing thru here on July 3rd.. I will soak in every second I get to spend with him if i am able..

2 things i am looking forward to today:
1. I am going to make it so people leave me alone today... I need to be left alone.
2. Going home after work.... and just chilling.. I'm predicting this day to be a tough one.. so I .. ooh.. maybe I'll go to the old town pool after work by myself.. can't see my tears in a pool...

2 long term things I'm looking forward to:
1. Can't think that far ahead right now....

1 person i am going to appreciate:
I don't know... You... Me.... the ants in my kitchen sink who are not there anymore... Endings... and sunny days... hearing birdies outside... and my kitty girl... my parents... god love them... and my wonderful wonderful sister who has been my rock.. MY ROCK GIRL... My friends.. and their support... and amazing insight... for my tears.. which keep me in check with God... My spirit family.. PLEASE PLEASE be near me today... Ok.. this is turning into a personal journal entry... so I'm signing off...

have a good one.
love YOU.... no matter what..
kerilyn