High/Low 12.15.05

Howdy...

It's Thursday.. rounding down the week..Thank God. We're supposed to get some nasty weather here today.. snow and freezing rain... it hasn't started as of yet this morning.. I hope the weather people are wrong yet again.. with respect to the severity of this precipitation...

Sigh.. Yesterday at work, let's just say that as of today i'm going back to headquarters for 2 more weeks... to put more experience handing the process under my belt... Had quite a hard talk with the 'team leader'... she said some abrasive things to me.. already..and it has not left me feeling safe.. I have been enjoying what i was doing.. (glad i'm out of sales definitely) but I need to learn how to better prioritize my time.. Since I'm a week and a half new to all these projects/processes/people.. I'm getting overwhelmed and Kerilyn goes into panic mode when she is overwhelmed.. Well I think they're feeling my overwhelmedness as me not knowing what i'm doing..which i feel I do.. know what i'm doing.. I"m just a bit slower at it gotta give me a bit to acclimate.. So they're sending me back to Beltsville.. I'll admit that it's a bit embarrassing.. but I know it's all a test.. I KNOW I can do it.. I need to lean on the designers until I get my bearings. It probably will be a rough day.. having to walk into the office.... probably with the thoughts that 'she wasn't ready to be on her own yet'.. sigh.. what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.. right?

So my own defensiveness comes in... I know i can do it.. Have faith in me.. I'm not perfect.. and I do have my own neurosis.. downfalls... this panic thing.. or "wounded dog syndrome" is my downfall... I need to get over it.. i KNOW that.. So the universe listens and puts me into situations where I can learn.. to get over it.. and get over myself.. NOT EASY... NOT EASY... but I guess necessary in my own life's progression (trying to be positive) .

So yea..we'll see what happens.. I pray that I am able to drop my ego.. defensiveness..and move to a place of strength.. and courage.

Random thought... Been a week now.. Peter hasn't called me.. and i need to leave him alone.. so he can heal... and i can heal.. but i'll admit it's been kinda lonely.. he's been the person to do the daily check in phone call every morning.. and it's strange not hearing my cell phone ring on my way to work :(

I say again.. I NEED to go to bed earlier!!! I stayed up watching Project Runway and was up till 11ish with Naomi's roommate Tara... I actually set my alarm for 4:45 this morning (I have to go to the pharmacy and get gas before my drive to Beltsville.. have to leave earlier) so my meditation started out strong.. and ended up with the head nods.. funny thing... I don't know when the shift from meditating to partially sleeping occurs.. it FEELS like i'm meditating.... weird.

And I did.. go to the gym last nite.. traffic was STINKY.. but I got to the gym and decided I needed to move my body.. after the events that happened yesterday... Tonite I would like to go to an exhbition opening in Georgetown.. for the 'PostSecret' exhibit.. but it all depends on how today goes.. and the weather.. I might just go after the gym tomorrow.. check it out.

Do me a fave? Say a prayer/affirmation for me.. Send me some white light.. I could seriously use it today... Thank you very much.

onward and upward.
kerilyn
www.ancora-imparo.net