High/Low 5.22.07 VENTING SESSION.. BEWARE!

Morning...

I just want to give you a heads up that I am mostly fine..I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow.. sigh.. SO amazing how much I believe in "The Secret"... but recently.. I feel SO far from that... Aveeno.. Take me away... It's going to be a beautiful day... supposed to be around 76 degrees today...Why am I feeling like i just want to lay in my bed with my covers over my head.. I want to be left alone.. I want to call out "sick" and not answer the phone.. do my own thing...I don't want to think about stuff..(overthink is more like it) or anyone elses "stuff" either... I dont' want to BUST MY BOOTY to meet this deadline today.. when I feel like It doesn't REALLY matter anyway.. I know this is life.. I just am really not in the mood to have to be ANYTHING of what anyone wants me to be today.. I don't want to be nice.. or cordial.. I am feeling angry.. and vengeful a little.. I don't want to have to "handle" anyone's neurosis.. or have to defend myself for feeling the way I feel...

At work... just in the past 2 weeks.. we Designers got another set of responsibilities laid on us.. and last nite RIGHT before I left work.. I almost lost it when telling one of my co-designers that I feel it's not fair... that we have to do this extra work.. which is (in my opinion) TOTALLY throwing off the balance of the other responsibilities of the parts of the team.

And that's just ONE subject in my life where I don't feel it's only MY responsibility to "Keep it together".. What makes it alright for others (i.e. my parents,etc... ) to go on with their neurosis.. and I .. ME... KERILYN has to freaking compensate.??????? WHATTTTTT?

I know that life is sometimes "not fair".. Please believe me I do.. and I FULLY believe that this is just a test that I WROTE.. to see if I'm learning anything at this point in my lifetime... but how I'm feeling today... with EVERYTHING... is I want to JUMP up and down... yelling at the top of my lungs... " IT'S NOT FAIR.!!!!! IT'S NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY TO DO EVERYTHING... I CANNOT BE EVERYTHING!!!"

hence... my wanting to be left alone...

So there... that's where I am... so if you call me... or email me today.. don't expect much more than that...

Nothing more to say..