The perfect nite...an ETERNAL entry...

ah.. what a perfect nite... man.. I really do not like air conditioning... I mean when it's 100% humidity and 83 degrees at 9pm.. uh yea... i'm puttin that sucka on..but tonite.. ahhh.. so beautiful outside.. i am totally excited that the crickets will lull me to sleep with their songs.. gosh i am lucky.

well i wanted to write ...to ramble a bit before i go to bed... (i'm ready to go in my jammies)

today was a weird day.. i feel like i woke up on the wrong side of the bed but it was the same side i always get out on.. i was in a grumpy pissy moany mood today at work.. MAN.. it was Kerilyn on grumpy level 10. The stinky part about me... being in a pissy mood..is because i'm usually happy at work.. so the first sign that somethings wrong.. EVERYONE NOTICES. EVERYONE.

This morning I put myself into a tizzy (again.. why do i do this?) by farting around too much in the morning (um.. surfing the net) and I am rushing to my 8:15 staff meeting.. sweating bullets if I'm going to get there before everyone gathers in the conference room.. WHY do I do that? i don't know.. I know I don't like to feel that rushed feeling.. then WHY do I do that.. I think that started my pisser of a mood. Then it seems as of late that I've found myself in the middle of a gossip tornado at work and I'm trying to get out of... VERY silly Kerilyn has tried to make a change with the way we do things at work and I've found out as of late that it's really no use.. people are going to do what they want.. regardless.. sigh..and it's kinda backfired on me.. anyway.. so I know the root of my pissy mood today is that I am angry at this one salesperson that I work with.. i've gotten myself all wound up thinking I can try to help.. put my feelings and emotions out there... to try to make a change for the better and I'm miffed that nothing changes. So today i felt pissy because I have to give up trying... and i'm miffed because of that (Side note: I believe in 'The Secret' ... so I'll say miffed instead of angry) and I really do love my job. The injustice of those that do MORE on their team and others just sitting back ... and reaping the rewards ($$) of it all... it doesn't make sense to me so today I was pissy...I guess a part of me wanted those involved to know I was upset.. but on the other hand.. I also just wanted to stay by myself.. be quiet.. get my work done and not be bothered.. and of course cause I'm usually happy... the fact that i am quiet and distant.. means everyone comes to me and asks what's going on.. or has to comment on me looking like i'm in a bad mood.. HA.. it's true.. i am.. but i can't hide from them.. and I guess today I wanted to.

But here's the kicker.. I had a great day besides that I was moany.. I'm enjoying the jobs i've been doing lately.. am looking forward to finishing up this project tomorrow.. (Gosh what a GREAT feeling of looking forward to going to work tomorrow instead of DREADING it... Seriously) I went outside after my 2 hour meeting and sat with my book and my lunch by the water... listened to the waves.. the weather is beautiful today so it was nice to sit outside.. i sit at my desk totally content with my IPOD... listening to some chill tunes... and i had my afternoon snack of my $1.70 Grapes that are plump and sweet.. Even though I felt pissy.. it was a good day! OH THE IRONY!

oh.. and talk about 'The Secret'.. I'm pulling out of my parking spot this morning.. and I'm thinking to myself as I rush to make it to my staff meeting.. "I need to get my car washed"... Just yesterday my sister mentioned getting her car washed before she leaves on vacation.. and it made me think that. ... SOOO... I get to work.. all pissy..etc... and Noah.. one of the awesome new salesguys.. comes over to me with an easter card that he scratched out "hope you have a happy easter" and thanked me.. for making him a birthday card for someone he cares about... he said it was perfect and he's glad he got my help... and inside the card.. was a gift certificate for a CAR WASH!!! (no.. i'm not kidding) Noah is sweet and SO IS KNOWING THE SECRET!!!!

Flash forward to the end of the day.. I'm home.. and change into my jeans.. and get my bike and ride my booty down to the studio.. i decided to ride without full gear on.. helmet.. sneakers.. and just take it easy and ride.. MAN! What a better experience when you're in relax mode.. instead of "I'm going for a bike ride" mode.. I totally dug it.. Got to the studio and KNOCKED OUT 15 CARDS!!(ok.. I did the coloring part on 15 cards.. now I gotta write the words then i'm done) i've had more productivity in the past 2 sessions which equal maybe 5 hours at the studio than I have had in the past 2 years!!! i'm not even kidding... I sit there.. in silence.. thinking.. sometimes talking to myself and knock out those cards! I can honestly say that ALREADY spending the money for rent on this studio has been worth it!!! I can't tell you how proud and just legit I feel to have a space to go to. I'm hopeful in the next month I'll have enough cards of ALL that i have.. so i can start sending sample packages to new stores.. that's my hope.

Flash forward to 8:30.. I ride my bike home.. LOVING MY LIFE!!! Things with Kevin have been really good.. looking forward to the future.. excited about what's to come actually.. good and bad.. it's so amazing to know that i really do feel like i've found a partner.. to do fun things (we're going camping this weekend!) . to grow with.. who supports me.. (who knows i really want a backpack when I didn't even SAY IT!!!) I'm lucky. insert internal permagrin...

*past few days I've been happy with my life.. grateful.. aside from the extreme grumpyness today and a weird "what if" scenerio that i'm glad has played itself in my favor as of late*

So now... I am going to bed.. in my favorite orange kimono-esque nitegown.. with the windows open.. to go to sleep with my beautiful kitty girl.. who i love so much..

damn... I am one lucky woman.

Nite.