High/Low 9.30.07

Hey there folks..

Sunday nite.. 9:15ish.. bout to get into bed and relax... journal.. maybe cry.... and then definitely sleep good.. Had a GREAT weekend with 3 of 4 bestest friend, Michelle....We did a lot of fun stuff.. at a lot of different cuisines.. talked a bit... (one morning till 5AM) saw an AWESOME MOVIE . The weekend went by SO fast... one minute I was waiting at the gate at the airport to see her come around the corner.. the next.. i'm dropping her off. man time flies by as i get older.. I'm glad she spent a few days in my life.. she felt comfy there.

But I'll also admit something... I am pretty sure I'm depressed.... yes.. it's girl time and yes.. i'm in pain from being crampy.... want to crawl in a ball somewhere.. but no.. this is different.. This is Kerilyn can't get happy depressed.. I can't seem to jump out of it for more than a brief spell.. when something or someone has my attention... I'm in a 'i don't want to talk much... have nothing to say, please leave me alone.. i have nothing to offer you... ' frame of mind lately.. nothing in my everyday life is currently making me happy.... and the weirdest part is.. i haven't had a good cry.. in a while.. yes i've shed a tear or two from time to time... but i haven't had a 'Please God.. help me figure this out" cry in a while... and that is strange to me... I kinda feel like I'm holding it back... I think I'm lonely.... Ok.. this might sound like a Lifetime Movie statement.. but I just want someone to hold me.. and let me have this "Get it out Kerilyn.. I'm not going anywhere.' cry... I want someone to pay SO much attention to me.. to not LET me say nothing.... someone who is willing and..ABLE to dive into the deep end of my emotional state with me..knowing where I've come from, and where I want to go... and not be afraid... I want THIS... (Beware.. there is cursing in this clip.. the part I want you to watch is between minute 2:25 and 1 minute) *If you know me well... I've mentioned this clip often... it represents our wall of emotion that we keep inside us... our dissapointments and hurts.. some of us build it so well it becomes either invisible.. or so huge that noone wants to get near it... but there are those that KNOW.. how important it is to let this wall down... in order to heal...

ok.. onto the other side of me that KNOWS that there are good things going on around me...
onto 3 things 2 things

3 things that make me happy:
1. My kitty cat Pez has been SUCH a good girl with Michelle here.. I kinda get the sense that Pez knows that Michelle likes her.. and she acts accordingly... She's been really mushy with me lately.. and that makes me sooo happy.
2. Eating yummy Indian food, Pho, Thai and Steak this weekend... yum yum yum!
3. That movie... The link is above.. it was probably one of the most captivating movies I've ever seen.. the singing is so beautiful.. and the cinematography... let's just say i'd like to see this movie again in an altered state of being.... SO DAMN GOOD!!! (Kyra.. being the Beetles fan that you are... RUN to see this movie on the big screen)

2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. Going to BED!!!! I am one tired lady...
2. Going to bed listening to the crickets outside.. and having my kitty girl next to me!!

2 long term things I am looking forward to:
1. This upcoming Saturday is Art on the Avenue I can't wait to slowly walk around... take in all the art.. fingers crossed for beautiful weather! ... I love this day!
2. I really want to get my shit together.. in many different areas of my life... exercise.. taking better care of myself... etc...

1 person that I want to appreciate:
Michelle for flying up here this weekend.. and spending time with me.. Thank you.

Ok.. Thought I'd write.. since I haven't in a while.... it does make me feel better...
Much love,
Kerilyn