High/Low 9.28.04

so it's wednesday. i had no enthusiasm to write last nite. Something is going on with me.. dont' know what. Started this Sunday...I am feeling angry, raging.. and hopeless.. like I really have NO reason to even try anymore.. Why? Why try? I feel like crying all the time.. ya wanna know how I really feel? Like God is too busy to take care of me.. I mean what the heck do i have to be hopeful about?

whatever... who cares anyway? Why be positive? Why care about others? Why?

On one positive note.. seemingly the ONLY thing in my life that is good news.. Naomi closed on the house yesterday.. it was good to be with her to watch it/support her.. i am excited to move in.. unfortunately I am in this mood where I am foreshadowing my yearning to be alone.. in this new house...

listen people.. i know this is unrealistic.. i CAN see that. Please don't email me and tell me how wrong I am for feeling this.. I'm not wrong. It is.. how i'm feeling and that's valid and it is what it is.. I know something will happen that will break this.. but this is where i am.. for now.

I am tired of making wishes, of hoping for some BIG change.. So I say I give up.. I don't care anymore.