High/Low 9.22.04

Hey there Hi there Ho there..

How are ya this beautiful evening? Good I hope! I'm good.. had a slightly better than average day.. it's been a wonderful day.. bit warmer than the past few days but not a cloud in the sky again.. Tonite the crickets are speaking to me, their melodious tones that I love to sleep to.

High: It was beautiful out.. my boss and I went to a meeting in D.C that only lasted 30 minutes (we predicted 2 hours) so we went, got a cup of coffee and sat in the park looking onto the water for 30 minutes or so.. I was kinda blown away that my boss.. of all people was the one who suggested it.. it was interesting to feel like I'm doing something fishy but I'm not.. Work was ok.. nothing special. Good workout at the gym.. kicking my own butt to go faster.. work harder.. especially since I won't be working out again till next monday.. after the gym.. I went to my girl Naomi's house... she made me dinner! I brought a bottle of wine and we had such a great meal ( I think my new fave food is spaghetti squash.. it tastes SO much like spaghetti and it's not grain!) We had a good time, catching up.. talking about the move into the house.. I'm so excited!!!!! A new phase in my life.. a HOUSE!! with a washing machine and dryer!!! AND.. she's getting the floors refinished and looking into new windows.. It's gonna be like I'm moving into a new house.. I am SO excited to have a blank slate to do my "kerilyn" thing!

Neutral: This morning.. when I was getting ready... I was kinda in a "WHY the heck am I at this job that I don't want to be at.. WHY am I where I am?" *trust me.. I'm usually thinking this most of the time* and I overheard this program on TV.. this woman and her life.. being homeless.. having AIDS.. and it made me think that when I was 11.. I was really sick.. in the hospital for 2 months.. had lung surgery.. blood transfusion.. ICU unit for 2 weeks... i was 11 so i don't remember a lot but I know I was dying.. but I didn't... and BECAUSE I didn't.. lead me to this day.. and I should be SO grateful for having this day.. It kinda put my day in perspective.

Low: Even though I had that realization this morning (see above) I am continually in the "WHY am I at this job" mode.. I try to get out of it.. I try to meditate on what I want to happen then "letting go and Letting God" but I feel like nothings happening.. I know it's just me complaining.. that things are actually happening and I'm taking them for granted.. I'm trying to recognize the little things.. but damn it.. sometimes it's not what I want.. and I want what I want (wow.. did I actually say that? yep.. and selfishly i meant it.. come on.. we all want what we want) I just have to deal with the fact that I'm not getting it at this moment.. doesn't mean I won't eventually.. Honestly.. a little nervous to be in that big house all by myself.. bumps in the night might freak me out for a while.. I'm a little scared thinking about that.. to tell ya the truth. (PS: I'm a BIG scaredy cat, TRUST me on this!) (right matthew?)

Wow.. few days of short high/lows and now I write a novel.. I guess I'm feeling and thinking a lot the past few days.. and it's just now come out. More on my mind but I'll try to save it for tomorrow. Nite.
Ancora Imparo "I am still learning" in Latin
love you all,
Kerilyn

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually who are you NOT to be? YOU are a child of the universe. You were born to manifest the glory of the universe that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone" - Marianne Williamson (Used by Nelson Mandela in his 1994 inaugural speech)