High/Low 5.18.05

yellow!

what's shakin? i find myself tired again today.. i don't know why.. i got 7 hrs of sleep. Weird.

yea! exciting news! I got a hold of the woman at the National Building museum yesterday.. I volunteered to help in the gift shop every 2nd Sunday of each month from noon to 4pm. I am SO excited! She also needs help with public programs, which occur in the evenings during the week but I can sign up for them when I want to. YEA! for those who have never been to the gift shop at the NBM.. it's AWESOME! All these beautiful books on design and architecture, all these interesting chatchkas.. LOVE it! Next Tuesday, I go to meet the volunteer coordinator, to meet the other people who work in the gift shop! YEA! So psyched!

Now I gotta sign up for the Digital Photography class, make those 3 cards to send to that lady who owns the store I want to sell my cards in (i was slack last nite.. shoulda done them)

I went to the gym, ran a mile.. it feels so good to run.. I can't really explain it.. but it just makes me feel like i'm being me more.. not that the elliptical isn't good.. but i love the movement in running.. the feeling like i'm doing something.. True, I used to be able to run 6 miles a day.. and who knows.. maybe I will. I'm shooting for 3 miles.. that would be nice.

Thank God it's already Wednesday. So I acknowledge I live in Groundhog day.. at least the days go by quite quickly.. nothing like waking up and realizing that whoa! 1/2 the year is almost gone!!! How does that happen?

I had a great meditation this morning.. really deep. Where I finish thinking 'was I sleeping or was I really focused?" I'm currently searching to find the root of the cause of WHY I seem to meet people who do not meet my needs.. yet, I feel destroyed and play the victim role every time they dissapoint me. Somewhere in there I need to figure out why I don't stop interactions with those whom I KNOW will not bring me happiness.. instead of voluntarily playing the victim role in the end... "Why did he/she do this to me? I knew this would happen... I expect nothing less." Why am I like that? I really want to find out because I want to change my thinking to allow nothing but what I desire close to me. Instead of settling for what happens to be there.. in various amounts of energy/time spent/etc.. Naomi and I were talking last nite (catching up on her trip to San Croix.. so awesome!) she said something really true.. she said that I've always said that I love who I am.. but she thinks that there is a big part of me that doesn't... love who i am.. and that's why I accept things even though they're not what I want. It's from feeling like i dont' deserve any better.. hmm..I know she's right... and now I want to find a way to acknowledge my behavior, mid flow.. and try to shift it around in order to bring more happiness to my life.. that's where I've been in my mind..

Anyway.. rambling... have a great day..
Ancora Imparo "I am still learning" in Latin

Kerilyn