High/Low 7.27.05

Hiety ho my lovelies..

How are you today? I'm doin alright.. yesterday was probably the hottest day of the year so far.. Whoa.. it was quite unhealthy to be outside for any length of time.

First off.. I want to say that I am blessed.. I woke up feeling off.. like something wasn't right, bit of anxiety for some reason.. and I don't know why exactly.. Why is it that I seem to never be content with what I have.. always yearning for more? Can't i just sit back and be satisfied with all the blessings I have to date... trust me, I'm aware that I do not appreciate what I have often enough... I needed to snap out of it.. so I meditated on it.. It helped quite a bit.. so I express to you...I am very grateful for my friends.. and my family.. for my mother's recovery.. (she's doing well.. one day at a time) and that I have a job that supports me (My friend Derek is still looking for a job, it's been a month now) I have a car that gets me where I want to go, and to me it's a luxurious car, I am grateful for that. I live in a beautiful house.. acts as a vehicle for my own expression and relaxation. I am truly grateful. I am able to exercise.. to go to the gym and hit the treadmill.. for there are those that do not have legs or the ability to use the ones they have..I am grateful. I have Naomi who has taught me so much about myself.. about accepting who i am.. where I am.. I am very grateful for her. For Pez.. and the fact that she wakes me up every morning in her own little kitty way..for her I am grateful. I am grateful that I am tall, and that I do think I'm beautiful (even though I don't express that to myself enough) I am smart(wow.. I don't think I've ever said that out loud or to myself, hmm, why is that?).. and like to read..I am grateful. VERY important.. I am without words grateful for my faith.. for the understanding that this.. this life.. that we all take for granted.. and use and abuse to varying degrees.. is about conquering fear.. it's about fear. The amazing gift I have received to understand that... I am so blessed. I have SO many creature comforts that I take for granted.. one of them being Air Conditioning.. for there are millions of others in this world who do not have access to being cooled off.. So many things.. I am grateful..

It's really about fear.. this life.. It's about facing what we're afraid of. And if you don't think your afraid of anything.. take what makes you angry.. and vengeful.. and break it down.. why do you feel that way.. dig deep into that feeling and I'm sure "I'm afraid" comes up somewhere.. And if you resist this sentence.. if it makes you want to thrash around a bit.. or write a comment to me saying "Nu-uh.. not me!" then there's your "stuff" the thing you need to face..

So let's try to shine a light into the darkness.. for when we bring light to the situation.. it doesn't make it as scary.. I am trying to do that.. and one day.. maybe in this lifetime.. maybe another one.. I will reach the point where I no longer suffer anxiety.. or fear. But all along.. enjoying the ride.. no matter where it takes me.

Today, I vow to enjoy today's ride.. no matter where it takes me. I will tread lightly on myself.. KNOW that it's the fear that I let diminish my light. And my what a big light it is....

Kyra showed me this AWESOME blog.. called 3 Things 2 Things.. http://3things2things.blogspot.com/ I feel like I want to do this today..

3 things that make you happy: 1. How Pez seems to follow me wherever I go in the house 2. I found this AWESOME new magazine called Breathe, quite spiritual, enjoy going thru it page by page 3. Last nite I went to the pool.. and took a dip for 15 minutes by myself.. SO relaxing!!!

2 things you look forward to today: 1. Meeting Roxanne tonite for Chipotle and catching up 2. Enjoying my smoothie while I check my email at work.

2 long term things you look forward to: 1. OOH.. that fall day when the leaves have changed and it's cool.. and I have nothing to do but appreciate the day 2. Naomi and my summer party!!

1 person you are going to appreciate: My Auntie Sue.. for she is doing a wonderful job... peering thru the veil of this life.. facing her fear.. and helping me remember what it's about.. I have her motivation and inspiration in my head when I need reassurance.. even when I don't talk to her. It's about Fear Auntie.. I get it.. gotta breathe thru it.. I love you!!!

k.... have a great day all...
onward and upward
ancora imparo "I am still learning" in Latin
Kerilyn