High/Low 11.12.08

Morning!

Hiety Ho!! How are you? I'm actually feeling GREAT today.... whew.. what an amazing roller coaster I've been on.. one day UP the next day... DOWN DOWN DOWN.... at this point in my journey.. the difference between up and down is not 50/50.. and the down has taken precedence.. but that makes sense.. I'm working REALLY hard on myself.. and that means actually having to face it.. and not be too afraid of it... which sometimes I really am) But today I feel good... like a pause in time where the clouds part and I can see all the progress I'm making.. and it feels good.

without further adieu... I bring you 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. I had an AMAZING time with my girlfriend Roxanne last nite (Check out the picture I took of us last nite.. She's so sparkley!!) Man oh Man..When I'm with Roxanne I feel like a great big electric blanket of love is surrounding me.. keeping me safe while I tell her all the hard work I'm doing on myself.. She is SO supportive of me.. I can FEEL it... She helps me recognize that I am worth it.. and that all this work I'm doing is huge. Thank you Roxy.. I love you with all my heart!!! (oh and our meal was good too!! Yum PF Chengs!)
2. My friend Christy and I had a hard conversation yesterday and she helped me to face my fear.. and didn't let me "get away" with feeling like the victim and feeling sorry for myself.. Thank You Honey.. I am so grateful.
3. When I come home from work today.. Peter and I will OFFICIALLY have a home phone.. For those of you who call me on my cell.. I have HORRIBLE HORRIBLE cell phone service at and around our place.. HOW frustrating that I am in the middle of a deep conversation with one of my girls and boop.. the call just drops!!! Talk about a dead zone!!! SO.. it brings me SUCH happiness that I will have a home phone that people can call me on when i'm home.. and I can actually enjoy someones call.. not having to walk around the house to try to get a good signal! Argh!!!

2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. Running.. of course. I also figured out why i'm so sorta addicted to running.. to coincide with the amazing emotional work i'm doing on myself.. I think I'm also.. subconsciously.. shedding the physical pain of what "it" really is all about. I run and I see my inner self.. I look in the mirror afterward and I can SEE her.. the her that is beautiful and worth it and worthy of the best life can offer.. I can see her... and THAT is what I think I'm running for.. a daily reminder that I am worthy of it all. Does this make sense?
2. I have to work late tonite.. (Work is BUSY!!) so when I get home.. I will have a phone to call someone.. AND.. leftover Meatloaf that Peter made.. YUM YUM!!!
3. Peter merged our cell phone plan so I will be on his plan and I can cancel mine.. so what did he do?? He got me a Blackberry !!! Oh man.. I'm already an email junky.. I can only imagine what this is going to do with my addiction to checking emails!!! (Secretly I'm REALLY excited!!!)woo hoo!!!

2 long term things I look forward to:
1. Friday nite.. my girl Davina invited me out for drinks at Rosa Mexicano in DC.. YUM.!!! Margaritas and Guacamole!!! YES!!!
2. Next Wednesday... My girl Kristy and I are going to see Spearhead!!! I am so excited!!!

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Honestly.. I have some amazing women in my life right now that are there by my side on a regular basis.. helping me through this "Dark nite of the Soul" part of my journey.. and I'd like to thank them.. Auntie, Kristine, Christy, Roxanne, Naomi, Michelle and Kristy... You have been my rock thru this.. all of you at different times.. letting me lean on you with all my fears.. and you.. without batting an eyelash.. don't even think twice.. your there.. saying "no.. REALLY lean on me".. Allowing me to call/email/text you on a regular basis when I feel scared.. and never making me feel like what I'm doing is stupid... for REALLY knowing what "this" is all about. I can say I know I am where I am in my healing because of them. And I cannot BEGIN to tell them how Grateful I am. Thank You for holding me up when I have been too scared to face my fears.. Thank you for holding my hand when all I want to do is run away.. Thank you for putting your arm around me and with gentle force.. whispering in my ear that I can do this. Even when I try to convince you that I can't... Thank You for loving me.. more than I currently love myself.. but it's important that you KNOW that it is my goal to love myself as much as you love me. I WILL get there. Thank You.

I am a rich woman.. Through and through..
Much Love.
Kerilyn