High/Low 11.29.04

Hey folks..

So.. how was your turkey day weekend? Was it everything you expected? Did you tell someone all that your thankful for? If not.. hey.. there's today.. hey what about tomorrow? We can always stop to tell someone, preferably someone we love and trust, exactly what we're grateful for.

I myself have been having my own roller coaster ride of emotions lately.. and I didn't want you all to feel the ride with me.. wanted to wait for me to feel more on even keel. Lotsa changes, opportunities to "find my voice" and learn lately.. Sometimes change takes time to adjust to.. and I have been trying to adjust to all the big and little changes in my life.

It's been brought to my attention how much my high/lows have changed the past year.. I would honestly say these little daily emails have changed significantly over the years (wow.. it's been years.. amazing) I don't view life the same way I did when I began this, what? how many years ago Lisa? My documentation begins in April, 2002. My intention with this.. is 1. my own form of therapy.. for writing it out helps clear the way for new and brighter things.. 2. trying myself, to really focus on the little things that make up our highs.. and to not focus so much on the big things that I don't have happen *TRUST ME.. I need to work on this more*** and 3. my attempt to show you all that I might not see the sun, might not want to do anything but sit there and cry in my little puddle.. but there are STILL amazingly little highs going on.. for you too...I cannot express how, even if I don't write it every day (cause I think it would bore you if I did).. my morning cup of coffee is SUCH a high for me. (maybe cause it's a drug itself .lol!!!)

The truth is.. this is MY truth. it's not yours. it's my experiences.. my highs and lows. I know that each and every one of you has your own little highs (maybe it's waking to the sound of your child crying every morning, or rolling over to see your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend next to you.. maybe, just maybe.. what gets you out of bed every morning is KNOWING you are doing, in your career, what makes your soul sing.. and THAT is worth every dissapointment you might face elsewhere.

We are all on our own journeys.. with our own neurosis and struggles.. our own neck to neck punching battles with our own egos. I know each of you struggle. It's funny... I laugh at my own naiveness.. thinking when I was younger that it HAD to get easier as I got older.. but it actually gets a bit more complicated.. more pathways, options, roads to try for..perhaps to succeed.. perhaps not.

But I have to say.. that I believe in you.. each of you.. whatever your struggling with. Whether you admit it to the world, like I do (I do that don't I? lol) or if you choose a few close friends to share your woes with..or noone perhaps... I KNOW you will make it to where you need to go. Even if you come into the finish line with blisters, and sunburn... you WILL do it. I have faith in myself enough to know.. that I might have NO idea what the HECK is going on in my life.. NO idea why it seems like I can't get a firm grip on the big dog called Life taking ME for a walk.. instead of the other way around. That's how I feel... but I know I believe in myself ENOUGH.. not too much.. not too little (well, sometimes) I know myself enough.. to keep waking up to that coffee tomorrow.. and meeting Davina at the gym in the evening.

I just wanted to share my thoughts with you.. from my heart.. to you.

Ancora Imparo "I am still learning" in Latin
Love you all,
Kerilyn

"Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return. " - Mary Jean Iron (I LOVE THIS!!! LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!!! sez kerilyn)

"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves." - Carl Jung