High/Low 9.6.05

hey there everyone..

how was your memorial day weekend festivities? I think, if i were to guess, in some way, shape or form all of us had a little bit of sadness lingering around us.. like some fuzz on our shirts ( or cat hair in my example) due to the incredible amount of people in this world who do not have a home, or a bed. I realize how self-centered we are... there are people in other countries that have to walk miles just for water every day.. and we don't say thank you to the water that comes into our homes, within 3 feet of where we sleep. I try to remember to put my hand on the faucet and say a little 'thank you' ... might sound silly but I am grateful for this comfort. Now there are people in our country that don't have running water, or a bed for that matter... here i am.. sitting in my awesome house... typing to you all.. I am blessed.

How am I? I still don't know.. the past week has been quite a roller coaster... and I feel a bit all over the place mentally and emotionally.. Thankfully I have today and tomorrow off.. where I can do some stuff..

So I'm off the next two days... I desire silence the next few days, desire to meditate.. and focus... i put a lot of energy into finding a car.. and now i am no closer to saying "I OWN MY OWN CAR!!!".. yea yea.. if it is meant to be.. it will be.. yea.. sounds like a page from my book... but I feel a bit sad. I spent the majority of this weekend... looking at cars, doing research on cars... etc... I know... my research and homework will prove valuable when I actually go buy a car.. very true... but I'm just sad..I really liked that Red VW Jetta.

Have been hanging out with my roommate, Angela.. she's very cool. i am very glad she's my roommate.. I am still getting used to the extra energy in the house.. I'm used to the silence all the time.. not talking for hours.. (except inside my head) and it's a bit of a flurry of energy to get used to... I helped her yesterday buy paint and help her paint her room.. Yellow on 3 walls, green on 1 and white ceiling and trim.. it looks great and feels really uplifting.. the yellow.

LOL... I have to laugh because I'm listening to Wayne Dyer.. the inspirational speaker.. and the funny part is.. the first thing he says is.. "When your thinking negatively.. to close your eyes.. and see yourself putting a stamp of 'CANCEL' and 'NEXT' on the negative thoughts you are having ...that it will diminish the negative thoughts.. I was JUST about to type to you... "My faith has really been pulled the past week.. to the point where I'm questioning what I believe... sigh.. yea.. CANCEL.... NEXT!!!

I guess I might not know why things are happening the way they are.. but must believe... I need to believe i am in abundance.. not lack.. in joy.. not sadness...i can probably get more done if I think more joyfully! I will try, starting right now..

So i have today and tomorrow off.. You know what i'm going to do? CARDS! CARDS CARDS CARDS all day long! (ok.. and going to Ikea too ... :) I've chosen to be so consumed by the thought of getting this car.. that I have not done one card.. (ok, I've started one)

I can do this... I can do this... I can do this! I choose peace rather than this!!

3 things that make me happy:
- KNOWING that it's really about my thoughts.. and not about what happens outside of me.
- KNOWING that I can change my thoughts RIGHT NOW.. from sadness to joy.. in one second.
- Being off the next 2 days, and being alone the next 2 afternoons/nights

2 things I look forward to today:
- Doing cards. I am shooting for 100 cards in the next 2 days! I can do it!
- Cleaning my house.. cleaning the bathroom and the kitchen and living room! I will feel better to get it cleaner!

2 long term things I look forward to:
- My Benchmark TShirt was the wrong color... so they are sending me another one.. so I have 2 benchmark TSHIRTS instead of one!!!
- Seeing Angelas room done... and how beautiful the sun makes the room shine! With all her stuff in it..

1 person I am going to appreciate:
- Wayne Dyer.. it's amazing how one person..can change the way I feel.. I know that it's not just him but God working thru him.. but still.. I suddenly feel a LOT better! Thanks Wayne!!!

ok.. enough rambling today.. I wish you peace.

oh yea.. here's a thought.. i WILL have my first car... soon.. hopefully in the next 2 months.. and i plan on getting vanity plates so.. i want on Virginia's DMV site.. you can plug in your license plate.. and see if it's available.. I really wanted "NAMASTE" (means 'peace be with you' but it's taken) i played around for a while this weekend.. a lot of spiritual plates are taken.. if you have any thoughts.. let me know.. it can only be 7 letters...

i liked.. 'HEY KER" but really want something spiritual.. if you can think of anything.. let me know.

thank you all.. for being there.. in the ethers..
onward and upward.
ancora imparo "I am still learning" in Latin
Kerilyn