Today (11.1.07) I am..

weirdly ok...

I don't want to go into it right now.. but I ended my relationship with Kevin.. I feel really sad and raw, doubting myself... an internal fight between my head and my heart going on.. but at the same time.. I feel weirdly ok too. Go figure. That's all I want to say about that for now.

So I have 60 cards to send to the Spa in Hilton Head, South Carolina today! I went to the Container store yesterday with my sister and bought a schnazzy box to put them in.. and will mail them today! I still have 20 cards more to send them.. and will hopefully get to that in the next two weeks.. but whew... making 60 cards takes a while! I finally am coming to accept that mass production is where I need to focus.. if I'm going to have the time to create new kinds of cards as well as trying to market my cards to other shops. I only have time to do one or the other.. and... next payday I'm submitting my application to copyright all my "Benchmark" cards as a collection. I researched it last week and found out that I can copyright them together.. AND it only costs $45.00! Woo Hoo! I thought it was going to be hundreds or thousands of dollars! So that makes me happy!

Last friday nite.. my girl Kristy and I went to see Tori Amos... HOLY SCHMOLY! We had the BEST seats!!! (She found 2 tickets on Craigslist for 110 bucks! AWESOME!) We had BOX SEATS!!! So we could spread out.. and get comfy... The show was AMAZING!!! She's amazing.. the depths to which her talent extends is awe inspiring... I mean... singing, playing the piano AND organ/synthesizer at the SAME TIME! AND looking hot too! Beautiful! I will admit that I thought of my girl Michelle who knows EVERY Tori song.. and who, because her plane was delayed.. missed getting to the Tori concert the week earlier.. You were there in spirit honey!

The leaves ... changing color... the crispness in the air... the sweaters... my apartments radiators warm to the touch... the snuggly socks while watching TV... Love the fall. (Don't like that it gets so dark so early.. boo)

Last weekend was ME weekend... friday nite was Tori Amos concert.. which kicked off 2 days of me me me.. I spent a significant portion of the weekend in the studio.. Borrowed Kevins Sirius boombox which played "The Coffee House" music continuously for hours.. with no commercials.. as I plugged away.. it was nice... just me.. Went got my nails done.. eyebrows waxed... groceries.. errands... some cleaning and laundry too.. it was really nice... I kinda missed me. Is that mean to say?

My boy Matthew has called me TWICE from Iraq!! He calls me at work.. and to hear his voice! Is like the best part of my day... He's ok... he's coming home for a few weeks of R&R in November.. hopefully we can "coordinate" a meeting.. a BIG hug.. and just being near him... I love that boy...

Ok ok ok.. enough of this fluff.. there is so much I want to say.. ramble on and on about my feelings.. my emotional state when it comes to Kevin, my life, my sadness... my hope for my future... what I want and don't want.. why I've made this decision. and where I'm at... that's really what I want to talk about... vomit the superhighway of feelings that I cannot keep inside me anymore... my head is recently like an overstuffed suitcase that won't close.. where this topic is all I have been thinking about... which is really the reason why my writings to you have been half hearted and why I feel that my postings have not been worth my hands on the keyboard... so let me try to process this... get to a place where I can write again what's happening inside me... and then we'll begin again...

Happy November to you all!
Much love.
Kerilyn