High/Low 12.4.08

Morning Lovebugs!

Wasabi? Anything good going down? Thursday... Thank goodness tomorrow is the last day of the week... I've been feeling time space continuum of Groundhog Day.. you know.. day after day.. do the same thing..get up, shower, meditate, drink coffee.. fart around.. go to work... eat oatmeal at desk..see the same people everyday...run after work... etc. you catch my drift... I know sometimes life just works like that.. but I'm noticing it...

ANYWAY.. I also just wanted to say that I know it may seem to some of you like I'm still having a hard time with the events of this year.. And.. I'll admit that it's been an interesting journey.. trying to heal from one door closing at the same time trying to be in the moment of all the wonderfulness that is Peter and I... a GRAND RE-OPENING of another door...and that it's happened at the same time. I don't know what to say... It's just how it happened. I know you hear me talk about feeling twinges.. and being hurt.. etc.. and I won't lie that yes, that is happening..it's part of the healing process.... But I want to tell you that I want you to TRUST ME... If you know my story.. you know that a lot of strange things have happened in my life.. at odd times.. I mean 7 jobs in 9 years? Talk about weird timing.. I didn't know what was happening but EVERY job that i've had has lead me to the one I have now and I LOVE what I do!!! SO I have faith that everything works out the way it's supposed to.. whether we know WHY it's happening or not... I know it's a BLESSING that Peter came into my life when he did.. I am lucky and I KNOW it... I am really happy... I'm SO excited about our future.. I feel MYSELF again...i'm exercising and seeing my friends again.. and laughing and being me more than I have in the past 2 years.. I will admit that I lost myself a bit trying to make a relationship work that wasn't destined to last.. and God/The Universe.. set things in motion.. If you know the whole story of the transition.. God had his/her hand in that for sure!!! Anyway.. I want you to know I'm STRONG enough to handle this... even though yes.. sometimes you'll see me struggling.. It's just part of the process I think.. I'm emotional and sensitive so of course I FEEL it more..but it doesn't mean I feel like I'm doubting my decision.. WHO BETTER to stand by my side than someone who TRULY loves me... sometimes more than I love myself... and who sees what I'm trying to accomplish?

Have faith in me... Things happen (usually unfortunate or sad ones) in our lives to help bring about the lesson..That's why we're here.. If nothing happened.. and we lived an uneventful life.. What would we learn? Not much.. And Guys (and Gals) I have learned SO MUCH about me.. even yesterday really grasping how much I really don't trust my own decisions.. THAT is probably why all this is happening.

Sometimes life just sucks.. and you can dwell on it.. become victimized (which we all take on from time to time) but we can't let it bring us down.. Have to be "Brave on the Rocks" as Sabrina Ward Harrison says... and KNOW that we will become a more shiner and brighter the more we clear out the gunk..

I was telling someone yesterday.. Where I'm at is this... Ok.. so I have this car and it's not working and I can't get to work.. So one day this AMAZING DEAL of another car comes along.. and I CANNOT and WILL NOT pass it up.. so YEA!! NEW CAR FOR ME!!! And it's shiny and new.. It makes me happy!!! But still.. I have this broken car.. it makes me sad.. I loved that car.. but I know it just won't work...I have to let it go.. and I KNOW that..Unfortunately I have to invest in opening the hood and looking at what's broken.. in order to know what parts will fix it and then take the TIME and EFFORT to fix it (or pay to have it fixed.. uh Therapy!) so you can get RID of it ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!! So you can enjoy the nice and shiny car...

Does this make sense at all? Ok maybe it's not a PERFECT metaphor.. but it works for me.. Sometimes you can't pass up an amazing Deal that you KNOW God had his/her hand in.. You know? So yea.. it sucks.. having to stand in the cold and fix the broken car.. when there is your new one parked right there.... but look what you have to look forward to.. getting rid of it so you can focus on your shiny one that makes you sing loudly while driving it!!!

Peter has been amazing.. he knows me.. he knows my heart.. he knows I feel strongly.. I love strongly..he knows my dysfunction... he knows I HAVE to do this.. face this.. look at what's broken... he KNOWS that I love him more and more everyday.. I always have.. and that I look forward to our future.

Ok so with that said.. I hope you have a great day!!!
Much Love,
Kerilyn