High/Low 10.12.04 A bit behind...

Hey folks.

It's Tuesday morning.. I'm at work.. been so busy/stressed out that I don't feel myself.. you know when you have a fever and everything doesn't seem real? Like your walking in a dream.. and you take cold medicine and you're kinda 'out of it'? That's how I feel.. I feel (notice I'm telling you my feelings and not actual fact) like I'm being swallowed by my own feelings of overwhelmedness and loose ends.. not knowing where to start to unravel and unwind.. I'm sitting here at work and I honestly cannot tell you what I have to do today...

High: Got all the staples pulled from the stairs! Peter helped me tremendously.. he also took the ceiling fans down in my apartment.. after I went to see Janet's new condo Peter called and took me out for this AWESOME meal at the Palm restaurant.. I felt like a queen after the dirt and grime all weekend. Lobster and Filet Mignon.. what a luxurious treat!

Low: So I painted the kitchen cabinets on the plastic tarp and completely didn't think it thru.. the cabinets dried TO the tarp.. and I had to cut and sand the sides.. I wish I had some great amount of money, right now, so I could redo the whole kitchen.. this whole house has TREMENDOUS potential to be more than great.. it's just going to take... what? yep.. money and time/patience.. Ok.. without you all judging me for what I'm going to tell you... supporting Peter in his grief lately has somehow morphed into this VERY VERY VERY confusing situation where he's told me he loves me and wants to be with me... I love him too.. alot.. but it makes me so sad.. Sad because what do I do?? Two people that love each other a lot but don't communicate well and don't 'get' each other??? That has added significantly to my overwhelmedness.. I haven't heard from Lee.. I really do think that I just want to have Peter just as my friend but I'm scared to lose him from my life.. which is, confusing me into making these poor decisions, that don't 'feel' right in my heart.. which make me want to cry (as I am now) because I really do wish that we understood each other. Sigh...

Ok.. going to now try to sneak past this day.. without too much calamity or chaos in my mind. Truth is.. this overwhelmedness is.. truly.. ALL in my mind.. It's NOT what happens to me but how I deal with it.. obviously this is a GREAT BIG lesson staring me in the face.. and I say.. 'lesson.. I want to learn and overcome you'.. and that makes me feel a little better.. for a little while anyway.

Till later or tomorrow.
ancora imparo.
love you all,
kerilyn

"If God made today perfect, he/she wouldn't of created tomorrow" - Unknown