High/Low 10.19.04 Little Black Cloud, go away!

hey..

I realize that I should probably not write to you all when I am not feeling mentally positive.. but I know I haven't written the past 2 nites... and I should probably fill you in on the neverending saga of both positive and negative obstacles that have been thrown in my path as of late....

Just for those who don't know.. I'm in transition.. in more ways than one..

Without going into specifics, because all the frustrating things going on right now will be solved and then I'll be eating my words when I say that it all worked out the way it should and better yet.. worked out BETTER than it would've if _____ hadn't happened. (eh.. I'm trying to learn here) Let's just say there are major delays presenting themselves with my move this weekend that are out of both Naomi and my control. We are both in superwoman mode.. having pow wows and trying to solve this together. (which we will!) I am aware of one BIG thing occuring as a result of the strange calamity of the moment.. the apparent strength of my friendship with Naomi has been taken into another incredible realm.. it's blows me away how this experience has strengthened us (up to this point) .. Naomi suggested that we should probably look into auditioning for the "The Great Race" TV show.. I think I agree!

And other things.. oh yes.. the Corcoran.. um.. I left a bit dissapointed friday.. at my own expectations of what I thought was to come from this meeting.. Nothing available right now, doesn't mean I'm not giving up, nope.. I guess I wish SO hard for something magical to happen.. eh.. who knows.. maybe it will.

It really is.. apparent to me.. that Peter and I are truly destined to be just friends.. part of me has been fighting it.. because I do love him.. and I guess I focus on his POTENTIAL (when he decides he wants to settle down.. he's going to make someone a great husband).. instead of what IS.. (he's not ready to do that.. plus.. his career(chef) isn't conducive to what I'm looking for right now) I know he'll be in my life for the rest of my life.. I feel that so strongly.. I just think.. when I release my fear of missing a future possiblity.... that we make great friends.. and that is ok too.

I'm tryin folks.. please bear with me.. things have been hectic.. packing.. appointments.. etc.. the full gammit of experiences that exercise the minds parameters of what I can handle.. and what I can't. It's truly been a roller coaster ride.. the past 5 years.. and I say to you all... but in the end.. I will have an entire card catalog of "When I was your age" stories to tell my future children.. (no.. walking 5 miles in the snow without shoes on will not be one of them, thankfully!) hey..at least I still have my humor..

Have a great day.. PLEASE say a prayer for me today, right now.
Ancora Imparo "I am still learning" in Latin.
love you all,
Kerilyn

PS: you wanna know what i just found out.... Zach Braff is dating Mandy Moore.... :( Guess no luck for me.. :( poo.

"Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might as well put that passing time to the best possible use." - Earl Nightingale

"Fear is like a giant fog. It sits on your brain and blocks everything: real feelings, true happiness, real joy. They can't get through that fog. But you lift it, and buddy, you're in for the ride of your life." - From the movie "Defending Your Life" (LOVE This movie!!!! EVERYONE should go out and see this if you haven't already!)