High/Low 10.20.04 It's still foggy...

Hey..

It's still really foggy today.. both the weather as well as my state of mind.. I am happy to report, though, that The Superwoman team of Naomi and Kerilyn have compiled enough information for Naomi to make a decision on the status of the debacle at the house today.. hopefully.

I think it might be the weather..the kind of chilly, damp on your skin, a sweater won't do the trick, I should be in bed, with a cup of cocoa watching Oprah with warm socks on, kinda weather... as I sit here at work..

Today.. I am feeling so distant from any yearning to be here at this job.. it's quite sad.. because I feel like If i were to psych myself up.. I would really do a good job at this.. But my soul.. stirs.. stirring an empty pot of uninspiration and sense of settling.. Maybe it's because all of the 'stuff' going on in my life at the moment.. but I wish I wasn't here this week. Wish.. that someone would call me and say.. "I've got a job for you! You will help others, be surrounded by inspiring people, use your creativity, make more money than you are!!!" (yea.. that would be nice)

Now I know.. that this is just a pipedream. I think I'm done with wishing for the pipe dream dream.. I think I just have to accept the fact that I may be Kerilyn Fox, Facilities Service Account Manager for the rest of my freaking life.. (ugh. I am not a victim, I am not a victim)

Whatever I do.. I am thinking about this kinda stuff.. WHY is it that I have continually not succeeded (the way I wish to) in my career and in successfully finding someone who is into me as much as I would be into him... I JUST don't get it. I mean.. I try.. I go on dates.. I try to find the job.. I know that there are lots of people that are just not doing anything.. and SOMETHING is happening for them... Why is it that it doesn't come to me? I wish you knew the sadness and dissapointment I feel within me when I think of this..

Yea.. I know.. "Keep your chin up Keri. You have so many other things Keri." Yea.. I do. But I just don't get why I can't succeed in the 2 biggest areas that I focus on.. I mean.. they say as you think so shall you be? *note to self: I am probably sure that the fact that I am thinking in the victim/whoa is me mode of thinking is exactly what's preventing me from manifesting what I want.. I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW to 1. stop thinking this completely and 2. proactively work on what I DO need to do..

Sigh.. oh well.. Another day. "IT'S GROUND HOG DAY!"
Ancora Imparo "I am still learning" - in Latin (am I?)
love you all,
Kerilyn