High/Low 9.30.07

Hey there folks..

Sunday nite.. 9:15ish.. bout to get into bed and relax... journal.. maybe cry.... and then definitely sleep good.. Had a GREAT weekend with 3 of 4 bestest friend, Michelle....We did a lot of fun stuff.. at a lot of different cuisines.. talked a bit... (one morning till 5AM) saw an AWESOME MOVIE . The weekend went by SO fast... one minute I was waiting at the gate at the airport to see her come around the corner.. the next.. i'm dropping her off. man time flies by as i get older.. I'm glad she spent a few days in my life.. she felt comfy there.

But I'll also admit something... I am pretty sure I'm depressed.... yes.. it's girl time and yes.. i'm in pain from being crampy.... want to crawl in a ball somewhere.. but no.. this is different.. This is Kerilyn can't get happy depressed.. I can't seem to jump out of it for more than a brief spell.. when something or someone has my attention... I'm in a 'i don't want to talk much... have nothing to say, please leave me alone.. i have nothing to offer you... ' frame of mind lately.. nothing in my everyday life is currently making me happy.... and the weirdest part is.. i haven't had a good cry.. in a while.. yes i've shed a tear or two from time to time... but i haven't had a 'Please God.. help me figure this out" cry in a while... and that is strange to me... I kinda feel like I'm holding it back... I think I'm lonely.... Ok.. this might sound like a Lifetime Movie statement.. but I just want someone to hold me.. and let me have this "Get it out Kerilyn.. I'm not going anywhere.' cry... I want someone to pay SO much attention to me.. to not LET me say nothing.... someone who is willing and..ABLE to dive into the deep end of my emotional state with me..knowing where I've come from, and where I want to go... and not be afraid... I want THIS... (Beware.. there is cursing in this clip.. the part I want you to watch is between minute 2:25 and 1 minute) *If you know me well... I've mentioned this clip often... it represents our wall of emotion that we keep inside us... our dissapointments and hurts.. some of us build it so well it becomes either invisible.. or so huge that noone wants to get near it... but there are those that KNOW.. how important it is to let this wall down... in order to heal...

ok.. onto the other side of me that KNOWS that there are good things going on around me...
onto 3 things 2 things

3 things that make me happy:
1. My kitty cat Pez has been SUCH a good girl with Michelle here.. I kinda get the sense that Pez knows that Michelle likes her.. and she acts accordingly... She's been really mushy with me lately.. and that makes me sooo happy.
2. Eating yummy Indian food, Pho, Thai and Steak this weekend... yum yum yum!
3. That movie... The link is above.. it was probably one of the most captivating movies I've ever seen.. the singing is so beautiful.. and the cinematography... let's just say i'd like to see this movie again in an altered state of being.... SO DAMN GOOD!!! (Kyra.. being the Beetles fan that you are... RUN to see this movie on the big screen)

2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. Going to BED!!!! I am one tired lady...
2. Going to bed listening to the crickets outside.. and having my kitty girl next to me!!

2 long term things I am looking forward to:
1. This upcoming Saturday is Art on the Avenue I can't wait to slowly walk around... take in all the art.. fingers crossed for beautiful weather! ... I love this day!
2. I really want to get my shit together.. in many different areas of my life... exercise.. taking better care of myself... etc...

1 person that I want to appreciate:
Michelle for flying up here this weekend.. and spending time with me.. Thank you.

Ok.. Thought I'd write.. since I haven't in a while.... it does make me feel better...
Much love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 9.18.07

Evening folksies..

Thank you to Phil for fixing my Blog today! (Insert silent clapping here!) Somehow .. a week or so ago.. I was updating my links.. and must've hit something and bing.. my blog was messed up! And.. seeing as how I do not know HTML.. so the column on the right.. was underneath the left column.. (also called sidebar in technical jargon) well.. thanks to Phil.. he fixed it in a jiffy! (I've learned now to save the template.. in case this happens again!) It was agitating me SO much cause it just didn't look the same.. and I didn't want to post to ya'll until I got it back to how it was...

So.. it's been a while... lot's happened.. but let's start off with a 3 things 2 things

3 things that make me happy:
1. NOT having to use the air conditioner and leaving the windows open all day! I can't tell ya how AWESOME that is to me!!! I love this time of year because I can listen to the crickets (Click here to listen to their song) as I go to sleep!
2. Having a GREAT GREAT Review with my boss! Granted it was a while ago but it was an amazing hour and half.. and ended with me getting a bit of a raise.. which is SO NICE! I am really glad I found where I'm supposed to be!
3. Getting a consignment agreement from Faces Day Spa that will soon have my cards in them! Makes me SO happy!
4. The book 'Eat Pray Love' I finished it last nite.. it was SUCH A great book.. I read slowly and took it all in.. Thank you Michelle for sending it to me!!!
5. Excited Michelle is coming to visit me next weekend! I am excited to spend some quality time with her here! Aww.. she just sent me the BEST email... one of the BEST compliments I've ever gotten... she said (with her permission) "I have to say I love being with you when the seasons change. Fall always makes me think of you. Cool crisp air, changing of the leaves, and a warm and fuzzy feeling on the inside. " Is that not AMAZING!!! I am lucky!
6. October 6th is Art on the Avenue Which I am SOOO excited for~!!! I am wishing for a sunny and beautiful day!!!
7. I got an email from my love, Matthew.. who's currently in Iraq last week.. I hope he's doing ok.. (Matthew..if you read this.. Hair still growing.. getting long)

2 things that I look forward to today:
1. Well.. the day is about to wrap up..so I'm looking forward to going to sleep.
2. Looking forward to coffee in the morning!

2 long term things I am looking forward to:
1. Been having a craving for Indian food lately.. so I'm looking forward to eating some of that.
2. I'm looking forward to having enough cards to send to Jennifer at The Spa in Hilton Head.. Yea! SO excited to receive my first consignment check which means I touched another stranger with my cards!

1 person I would like to appreciate:
I want to say Kevin... I probably spend the most time with him.. and so he sees the barrage of different emotions that i have.. and not of them all are pretty..on top of being positive and smiley... which you all can see from my writings... I can be pretty irrational..and snappy.. my mouth can almost instantly explode with explatives in a moments notice... and.. when I dont' feel heard.. I can almost instantaneously.. grab the first cold shoulder out of my repetoire.. and whip it at him.. God love him... So Thanks Kevin.. I know I'm a handful sometimes.. Hopefully I'm worth it all...

ok.. that's it for now... I'm just glad to be writing again!!! Oh.. and I also became an official Flickr member.. and I added some pics from HOTlanta.. check them out!

Nite Nite!
Much love,
Kerilyn

another pic of me