High/Low 10.31.05 Happy Halloween!!!

HAY!

Happy Halloween everyone!!! Wow.. what a BEAUTIFUL day for Halloween here in VA.. it's Georgeous out!!! Wow.. I went outside to take trash out.. and man.. it's awesome. Good day to rake.. and THAT is just what i"m goign to do today!

So today is my last day off... I start my new job tomorrow! Am I excited? You betcha! Create a new schedule for myself... Am I nervous? For some reason.. no. I feel very comfortable with this change..hmm.. interesting.. it's like somewhere inside.. i knew I made the right decision.. I knew this opportunity came to me at JUST the right time.. isnt' it great when life happens like that?

I had a great weekend! Actually.. i've had a great week! It's really been like a dream.. relaxing.. doing fun things... enjoying the weather.. I am blessed. I definately feel refreshed to start something new...

Yesterday was the Marine Corps Marathon.. so after some reluctance.. I decided to take the metro to volunteering.. Well first.. Naomi, Angela and i went for a walk.. SO nice out! Then I got ready.. and took to the metro.. i'm glad I did.. i forget how much I enjoy the metro.. sitting back.. relaxing.. reading.. looking out the window... Wish I still worked in DC.. there was the International Horse Show at the MCI Center.. so there were lots of horse stalls.. and a little outside run for the horses to get warmed up.. how nice.. Horses running around in the middle of DC.. got to the National Building Museum.. had a great time... i LOVE volunteering!!! it makes me so happy to be a part of a beautiful building.. to wear my volunteer badge proudly.. so after volunteering.. i had a date.. I had a good time! His name is Alex.. we'll see.. I'm trying to keep my expectations low.. that way I won't get upset if it doesn't end up working out... but there will be a second date.. so that's a good sign. :) (downplaying feelings.. i had a GREAT TIME!) flirting is fun! good for your soul....

Little sad about Peter today.. I know we need to work on being friends.. i know he's moving on.. I'm glad... i know we both can't give each other what we need... but still.. he's been an integral part of my life for 6 years.. I need to just stay strong.. i know this will pass... but just sad.. give me a moment to get adjusted..

Ok my little lovebugs.. I wish you a ghoulish Happy Halloween... Hope you enjoy this beautiful day!!!
onward and upward.
Ancora Imparo " I am still learning" in Latin
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.28.05

Hiety Ho my lovelies..

It's FRIDAY!! YEA!!! I'll tell ya.. this week has been like a dream.. I feel so out of my normal everyday life.. it feels good. Sleeping in.. chatting on the couch with Angela... just getting to relax.. But I'm ready to start new job on Tuesday... I still want to enjoy every day I have left.. :)

Yesterday has been.. so far this week..my favorite day... Got up.. made coffee... just enjoyed the morning... then Angela and I got ready and left for the country... Admittedly we ran into a bit of frustrating traffic on our way out there.. but once we turned onto this little windy farm road.. bing! we relaxed a bit that we were far from our everyday lives.. it was SO beautiful!!! We went to do some wine tasting... Linden Vineyards . Tried 2 Reds and 2 Whites.. got some cheese and sausage.. and bread.. and sat looking out at this amazing view.. wow. We had a great time!!! I posted some pictures on Flickr (click on the pictures on the left of the screen) We drove home.. trying to figure out what we were going to do.. we ended up driving straight into DC.. to see this band called Scythian perform at this Irish Bar called FADO. We got there early.. I tried a new beer out.. Stella Artois... great beer! and Angela and I just chatted until the band went on.. They were GREAT (And VERY cute too!!!) I had a great time! We just sat at the bar.. which was directly across from the band.. and enjoyed the music. Peter came a bit later.. he was SO SHOCKED to see me out!! LOL!! (I don't go out much.. and Peter's restaurant is right around the corner) I had a really great day!!!

I'm such a creature of habit.. that I get nervous about doing new things.. things out of my comfort zone.. but 9 times out of 10.. (ok.. 7 times out of ten.. still great odds) i enjoy what I do.. yesterday was a GREAT example of that! I just love Angela.. she is really an explorer..and I know I can learn a lot from her about being more flexible.. in what I choose to do.

Today I'm going to the Car Dealership to get some things looked at.. keys need to be reprogrammed.. put part back in car.. etc.. tonite i hopefully will spend some time with Derek.. He is awesome! He took a job with FEMA to go down to the South and help with people affected by Hurricane Katrina! How awesome is that! He leaves for Baton Rouge, LA on Sunday.. so I want to see him tonite. Tomorrow Angela and I are going to the exhibit at Hirshhorn. (we were going to go today but we have car stuff to do) and then I'm going to go see Krishna Das. Krishna Das is a musician who does spiritual songs.. chanting in Sanscrit.. I'm really excited to see him! Woo hoo! Sunday I volunteer at the National Building Museum from 12-5.. looking forward to that too!

I think that my former boss telling me to leave immediately was exactly what had to happen.. this has been some much needed time off.. to decompress.. Blessing in disguise? I think so. Still need to clean house some.. do some laundry, etc.. but all in all a great week!

Have a great weekend ya'll. Talk to you on Monday!
onward and upward.
ancora imparo " I am still learning" in Latin
Kerilyn

To my Future Somebody...

I saw this card (again.. click to make bigger/to read) and it touched me... This is what I'm looking for.. wow.. It was EXACTLY what I've been praying for... So.. now i have a card for this future person... :)

E for Empathy

I saw this GREAT article...(If you click on it.. you'll be able to read it) LOVED the part "Empathizing is most challenging when it's with people who don't seem to deserve it." YEA... thankfully I'm away from the few people who I don't think deserve it.. (I know we all deserve it.. we're all just scared little kids inside adult bodies)

High/Low 10.27.05

Hiety Ho...

What's shakin? Thursday already!! This week has gone by so fast! Monday and Tuesday were a blur.. but dang! I gotta make the most of the rest of my time off... admittedly I am enjoying it.

Brr... it's chilly in the evenings.. I've succumb to putting on the heat at nite.. just to keep the place warmer.. I can tell a difference with the new windows though.. so that's good!

Today Angela and I are hanging out... I think we're goign for a drive... to a winery... then tonite we're going to see a band perform.. (I'm not a late nite/going to bars kinda person.. so I"m a little nervous about tonite) Tomorrow we're going to go to that exhibit.. I hope the sun stays out the rest of the week/weekend. That would do wonders to my psyche.

Last nite I went to Peter's for dinner.. We make better friends than we ever did at being in a relationship.. I think. Thankfully there is a foundation of mutual caring.. but it's time we moved on... I am glad we both acknowledge that.. makes me happy. I would like to have him be a part of my life.. we'll see... when I start dating someone else.. or he does.. how that changes things.. ANYWAY.. he made a chicken.. with this AWESOME butternut squash/sausage stuffing.. with rice.. oh my gosh. it was SO good!!!

Ok.. not much to say.. other than have a great day.. moe tomorrow!
onward and upward.
ancora imparo ' I am still learning' in Latin
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.26.05

Hey all..

I needed a few days to digest the past week... I'm still stumped as what to say.. So I'm off... trying to relax.. and enjoy it all.. although the weather has been so crummy.. that going outside has been a bit of a drag... rain rain.. today though.. it nice.. brisk.. very fall like.. trees are starting to change.. blue sky.. clouds.. nice.. some hot chocolate and an afternoon high school football/soccer game would be nice...

So the IT guy printed out my blog from last Friday... and showed it to some of the managers at my former work.. not surprising.... what to say to that? Lots.. but I'll bite my tongue.. and move on... I'm just one person.. how could little 'ol me make cause such an uproar? Makes me very sad... this is not how I wanted this to all end...

Kristine (sister) and I left for the Big Apple on Friday.. we spent the weekend with my Aunt and Uncle ... ate some GREAT food.. heard some AMAZING stories about the World Trade Center (my grandpa and uncle were both an important part of the construction team for both towers..for years!) Saw my 4th cousins that I've never met.. they're little ones.. ate Vietnamese in Manhattan.. saw the house that we grew up with in Queens.. wow... memories.. Had a great piece of pizza (they don't make pizza like NY pizza) and oh.. the Bagels.. wow.. yum! Saw my grandparents house on 116th st in Richmond Hill.. wow.. (Auntie.. they put a whole addition to the front.. VERY WEIRD AND SURREAL!!!) Grazie zia Marge e zio Ben per tutto!!!

It's been so crummy out.. that Monday and Tuesday have been a blur... sleeping in... yesterday i meandered around Target for an hour... and did some "stolen reading" at Barnes and Noble.. (when you just sit there and read a book without buying.. I ended up buying what I was reading.. couldn't put it down.. want to go read now) Today the sun is out.. and I feel better... tomorrow i'm hanging out with Angela.. I think we are going to a winery.. and then going to see a band play in DC.. Friday we're going to finally go to the Hirshhorn to that exhibit..

So with a little change as per my drs orders.. I am able to be a part of this medical study with Howard University.. I"m actually quite intrigued and excited to start.. it's a study of the chemicals adrenlyene and cortisol in the brain, related to stress.. They will share the results with me as well being a part of a larger focus group.. and it's also $800-$1000 dollars.. not too shabby AND being able to understand how those chemicals affect my brain.. hopefully in the next month I can begin.

I start my new job on Tuesday, Nov 1st... what it is? is Design. Doing CAD work again.. and redlines.. meeting with clients.. fabrics.. and finishes... I"m actually excited... give what I went to school for another try.. or "perhaps my calling" (as my former boss said to the whole company explaining my sudden departure) the company i'm going to seems really great.. and I'm excited to begin! Oh.. and it's quite a BIT more money.. which'll be nice once it becomes routine.. No more projections.. making numbers or trying to (I never made mine), or worries that I will be thrown under the bus for the company doing the worst it's ever done... who knows...

K ya'll... more later.. hope your having a good week.
onward and upward.
ancora imparo " I am still learning" in Latin
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.21.05 I'M FREE!!!

Morning Ya'll..

ok.. WHAT A DAY this Kerilyn Girl had yesterday.. First.. I want to thank each and every one of you at Omnifics who supported me yesterday. Meant a GREAT deal. Please know that.. You made it a lot easier to walk out last nite...

The day started off as any other... got in the office... working.. working..found that the IT guy had blocked me from the internet entirely.. not surprising.. this week is Spaweek... 50 minute sessions for 50 bucks.. not bad... i had an appointment I had made weeks ago... yesterday... so I went.. wow.. she did a great job.. lotsa pressure, concentrated on my back.. an interesting way to get thru lunchtime.. came back to office.. working working. Bill.. my dysfunctional boss.. came to me around 10 to 3.. and said he wanted to go over what I was working on.. the hand off for lack of a better word.. that was fine... i brought everything into him.. and went thru each thing... he put it on his side of the desk... hmm.. interesting.. he was laughing with me.. it seemed fine.. i told him i have 2 appointments next week... he seemed fine with that too.. then.. he turned.. i look back and laugh actually.. he played me really well.. RIGHT where he wanted me.. he said with that STUPID ASS STARE he does...looks right thru you.. so infuriating.. "Well.. I accept your resignation.. but it's effective immediately.. like right now." I said.. "Now?" yes now he said.. I was thrown.. uh.. ok... he slithered around when i asked about cobra insurance.. and vacation.. and my expense timesheet that I have outstanding.. SLITHER is the correct word here.. so I got up and went back to my desk.. LOL!!! That stupid ass IT GUY... wow.. he had locked me out of my computer already.. couldnt' check my email.. was totally locked out.. wow... ok. so i proceeded to pack.. Bill my dysfunctional boss.. thought he got me.. and in truth.. in that moment.. he did.. BRAVO Bill! The long run is.. I don't have to work with your manic backstabbing self anymore! He proceeded to write a sarcastic and very condesending email to the whole company.. about how he accepted my resignation and how it was affective immediately.. and some rude comment about "Kerilyn desires to follow her so called calling in design".. so rude.. all my friends came over.. to support me.. and i packed up and left.. talked about final paychecks.. and monies.. and I left.. thank Goodness for all those that were there.. the big wigs there didn't say a word to me.

I was shocked.. he zinged me.. for the moment.. but what a relief.. it's over.. I don't have to put up with the sales aspect of this job.... the one minute he says not to worry about my numbers.. and the next minute he's telling me my numbers can't be lower... no more.. put up with a dysfunctional and emotionally abusive boss who tells me not to "be me"

Anyway.. I was tired.. between massage and the zing.. i was pooped! like barely keep my eyes open pooped.. wow.. I came home... and tried to decompress... then I went to Naomi's comedy show... at 10.. it was really good.. i hope it's more and more of a success.. and then my sister, Kristine, came.. we chatted with Angela (my roommate) a while and went to bed..

Today we're off to the BIG APPLE!!! and now that i'm home.. i dont' have to rush! YEA!

SO.. the morale of this story is:

If you have in the past..written me at work... Don't. Write me here.. kerilyn@aol.com
If' you've called me at work... Don't.. i won't be there.. Call me here. at home or cell.

Ok all.. have a great weekend... I'll talk to you all on Monday sometime.. Since I'll be home.. maybe i'll just write novels to you all...going to go to museums.. sleep in... work on cards... maybe go to the gym... so much to do... tee hee hee..
onward and upward!
ancora imparo "i am still learning" in Latin
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.20.05

Hey ya'll..

What's shakin? Well I did it... I gave my notice yesterday... I am so thankful for all your support (Thanks Naomi and Michelle for your awesome comments!) Thank you to my Auntie.. for the pep talks!! It was SUCH a help!!! It was a very strange day... I went in... told my boss that i'm going back into design... all he said was "ok"... he just STARED at me.. that cold dead on stare that he usually does.. and I just said what i had to say... he actually made it really easy for me.. wow.... I was skaking.. and my face was red.. but I did it.. I had a conversation afterwards with one of the owners.. who I get along with really well and he understood my decision... which made me feel a LOT better.. It was awkward.. had our staff meeting and my soon NOT to be boss didn't make mention of me leaving.. but made a sarcastic comment which was a dig in my direction.. I didn't mind.. I did it.. and I'm proud of myself...

It hit me that I did it last nite... I was sitting on the couch... and it hit me.. 'things are changing'... and It's going to be good...

Tomorrow I leave for NYC with my sister!! I'm so psyched!!! I talked to my Uncle Ben yesterday (he's so awesome) and we'll firm up directions today... I'm leaving work at noon tomorrow...and Kristine will meet me.. and we'll be on our way! I hope the weather is nice... i want to take lotsa pics.. I haven't seen most of my family in SUCH a long time!!!

Anyway ya'll.. hope you have a great day!!!
onward and upward!
Ancora Imparo "I am still learning" in Latin
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.19.05

Hey ya'll...

What's different about today? Well.. this will be my first experience into giving my notice at one job.. when I already have another one to go too.. Admittedly I am quite nervous at the whole 'giving notice' thing.. but I will surround myself with light.. and know that this move feels right to me... I want to be professional and respectful in giving my notice.. but do not accept any negative energy being thrown at me in retribution... please help protect me...

Please say a prayer/affirmation/positive thought for me today... i ask. I will be 1. making this short today and 2. will fill you in more on the details as all this works itself out..

SSS.. (Sorry so short!)
onward and upward!
ancora imparo "I am still learning" in Latin
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.18.05

hey folks.

how goes it? Tuesday.. had an early morning yesterday, didn't have time to write...

Now what to say??? hmmm... still feeling a bit out of sorts.. I wish with everything I am that I didn't feel this way.. it's so tiring and draining... I went to bed last nite at 9.. what is that? i could barely keep my eyes open at 8:30.. i mean.. it is dark by 8 now.. so maybe it's my body thinking it's later than it is.. i don't know.. I just don't know anymore... I have really spend time lately looking inside.. realizing how much of my life I live out in the victim role.. I've had friends tell me that before.. and I've always mildly acknowledged it.. but damn. I want to stop living my life as if it's Happened TO me.. and take responsiblity for what I've done to cause it to happen....

I woke up at 3am this morning with insomnia... thinking of all this stuff... the areas of my life where I am in the hands of other people's decisions.. my current job... (Boss making subtle threats of lay offs again... GREAT!) living situation.... wow.. I just want to crawl into a hole...

I wish I was a Bear. I would be getting ready to sleep for the winter.. and wake up to spring... I love spring.

Ok.. still waiting on that damn phone call... frustrating? you better believe it... Sigh.. oh well...

Meditation this morning.. i was thinking at 3AM.. maybe all this is happening because I am not Grateful enough? Maybe I need to be more appreciative in my everyday life.. for all that i have.. I think I am.. but who knows.. So I spent my meditation just thanking the Universe/God for all that i have.. I tried really putting energy into gratefulness... Maybe that will stop the cycle of one thing after another.. i mean.. I believe I wrote these experiences.. and fortified by my stinkin thinkin...

Ok... good notes:

DO RAY MI FA SO LA TEE DO!

I got my official lisence plates yesterday! They're not vanity plates (yet) still working on what I want to say... Went to the dealer 2 times (fixing crack in side door frame) and get plates.. talked to the General Manager.. about 2 things that are broken in car.. (panic button missing on key) he said to bring it in next week and he'll have my whole car reprogrammed.. and new keys! yea!

I enjoyed (2) WONDERFUL chocolate chip cookies that Angela left me.. they are SO good!

Doing some more research into selling cards.. I could go one route.. and find a rep who would back my line of cards up.. I still want to have 10 cards before I do that.. (worked on 2 new ones this past weekend)

This weekend coming up.. my sister and i are leaving on Friday at noon for the Big Apple! Yep! Going to stay with my Aunt Marge and Uncle Ben! Going to see my cousins we haven't seen for YEARS and their children that we've never even met! I hope it's a good weekend (I also hope I snap out of this funk before then.. I do NOT want to bring this ickyness with me)

Anyway...I quote "Garden State". "This is life.. sometimes it F#%$ing hurts... but it's sorta all we have." I need to make it.. so that at the end of the ride.. I found it to be more satisfying than upsetting... only I can do it...

ok.. journeying into my day... who knows what'll happen? Maybe i"ll get the call.. maybe not.. maybe I'll win a million dollars..uh.. maybe not.. Maybe I'll meet the tall, smart and handsome man who'll show me reciprocity... maybe not (today).. So many options...(click!) sound of Kerilyn putting on seat belt..

and off we go.
onward and upward.
ancora imparo " I am still learning" (AM I EVER!) in Latin
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.14.05

Hey all...

sigh.. friday.. thank God. that's all I really have to say.... an end to yet another extreme roller coaster week for Kerilyn.

OK what is this? day 7 of no sun... Where is the sun? ok.. just checked the weather.. I hear the sun will be gracing us tomorrow.. and sunday... God, I hope so. This gloomy gray, rainyness has caused me to feel really quite blue.. and quite tired...

I went to bed at 8 last nite.. and not surprisingly.. I'm still tired.. I wish I could just stay home today and sleep... I don't know if this is admittedly part of feeling blue.. or what?

My friend Cathy and i are going to an art festival in Bethesda tomorrow morning... that's all i have planned this weekend. That's all I want to have planned.. other than this art festival.. I really feel like being alone... I don't want to talk to anyone.. I just want to go to sleep.... (ok.. if you know me... you'd know this isn't like me to talk like this.... Why am I feeling like sleeping so much? hmm)

ok.. gotta focus on good things... ah.. 3 things 2 things....

3 things that make me happy:
- my cat sleeping next to me the past 2 nites.. I LOVE it when she's laying right up against me.
- Yesterday there was an awesome note from Angela (roomie) about her boyfriend Russ feeling comfortable from the minute he walked in the house.. that makes me SO happy that people feel comfortable in my space..
- It's Friday. I don't have to go to work for the next 2 days... don't have to put up with ALL the gossip and backstabbing.. the glares.. and being completely ignored by unhappy co-workers with a vendetta.

2 things I am looking forward to today:
- Getting this stupid work day over with... walking out the door at 5PM.
- Unless Onyeali says he wants to hang out tonite... going home and going to sleep.

2 long term things that i look forward to:
- Hearing if I qualified for this medical study into Post Tramatic Stress Disorder
- The Spring... sun.. flowers... green grass growing..

1 person I am going to appreciate:
- hmmm.... nope.. can't think of anyone today..

Have a great weekend ya'll... fake it till ya make it!
onward and upward
kerilyn

High/Low 10.13.05

I don't know if you knew this about me..

- 13 is my favorite number.
- I don't have a middle name.
- I have 5 metal staples in my lung from when I had lung surgery when I was 11. It's' weather like this that makes my very long scar a bit uncomfortable... I also had 2 of my ribs cut.. in order to get to my lung..
- The only time in my life that my family owned a dog (VERY short lived) the dog's name was pepper.. and she was white.
- Because of the lung surgery.. I get the hiccups a lot.
- I am left handed ......but I bowl right handed. Yes, i said bowl. and swing a bat (not like i've done that in IONS!) I am proud to be left handed. When I was in Catholic School.. the nuns actually had me sit on my left hand and try to write with my right hand. didnt' work.
- I had a Size 10 shoe in 6th grade. NOT a fun thing to have at that age.
- I do NOT like to watch Scary movies, don't like that adrenelyne feeling that makes me feel out of control. ( i know some of you love it) Don't even ask me to watch them...
- My FAVORITE kind of music is Reggae music.. dancehall and roots... (not into Ska)
- I am naturally a brunette.. light brown hair.. (haven't actually seen it since I was 18)
- I would prefer to wear a skirt over shorts anyday.. (Being a big girl.. yea.. not fun)
- During the age of 21-23... I was actually thin.. my friends and family actually told me I was too thin.. I felt great! Running 6 miles a day.. the happiest time of my life.. truly.
- I have always waved to Truck Drivers on the road.. I've always felt empathy.. they're alone.. all day... just thinking... and listening to music and the "breaker breaker "CB thing.. Must be lonely.. I once.. played 'tag' with a truck driver in an 18 wheeler.. the WHOLE ride back from New Jersey.. when I was 19... I got in front of him... and out of site.. and then 20 minutes later.. he was on my tail... waving at me... it was fun actually.. something to do...
- I actually started out going to college for Psychology...ever since I was like 6.. I thought I wanted to be a psychologist.. living in Italy. Ask my family.. they ALL knew that's what i wanted to do...
- I still find it odd to think that people think that I am a creative and artistic person.. I see myself as quite analytical and cerebral.. and not spontaneous and arty...
- I try to remember to pray on the food (and water) that I eat and drink.. to be thankful for all the people that went into making my food.
- My sister Kristine and I were NOT CLOSE at ALL when I was in High School.. My mom made me take her out with me.. to all the places I went.. when I just wanted to be free.. I was a slightly rebellious teenager.. I am thankful now that Kristine and i are the closest we've ever been.
- I have my nose pierced (if you aren't around me to see that) since I was 18... My girl Kyra had her nose pierced in High School.. and I ALWAYS wanted to do it.. even before i saw hers... so my freshman year... I asked my friend Erin (a boy) if he would pierce it for me.. what perplexed me in the moment? I was sitting in my dorm room.. looking at my VERY plain jane roommate.. thinking "I don't want to be like that (I was a teenager remember) so Erin came down..I held ice to my nose for like 10 minutes (i still remember.. my nose was numb!) and Erin used a sterilized sewing needle.. it didn't hurt except the last push.. one tear came down my eye.. and I have had my nose pierced ever since... It took me 2 years to admit that i had my nose pierced to my parents.. for when I went home for holiday/summers.. I would take it out.. and was very good at hiding it.. when i finally confessed... I told myself that I WILL have it pierced for the rest of my life.. and.. it's been 12 years so far.. I wear my nose ring at my current job.. but the jobs before that I always took it out.. I'm not doing that anymore... it's part of me..

What perplexes me to write things you might not know.. I have NO idea.. just feel compelled... shake things up.. i guess... Still no word on possible change... HOPEFULLY today.. but I'm not getting my hopes up anymore.. Peter and i had a VERY difficult conversation yesterday... we have decided to accept that ultimately friends are what we should be... a few hurtful comments.. i'm sure on both sides... but I want to have faith that we can overcome this awkwardness.. and grow into being GREAT friends... we've been thru too much together.

ANYWAY... I hope you have a good day.. it's still gray.. and rainy out...
onward and upward.

oh yea.. I went to Volkswagon.. remember they lost my downpayment check? YEa well it's a 35 dollar stop payment.. that i deducted.. and also took out 15 additional dollars for my inconvenience.. and they accepted that!

ancora imparo " I am still learning" in Latin
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.12.05

Morning all...

How are ya? It's Wednesday and I have already been a flush of up and downs this morning.. Another overcast day here.. gray... dark... it's kinda affecting my mood a bit.. at first it's ok.. but then days into this.. it gets kinda much... Come on Sun~!!!

So.. I completed a preliminary screening for a study that the National Institute of Health and Howard University is completing on Post Tramatic Stress Syndrome relating to higher levels of cortisol and adrenylene.. The woman was very nice.. spend about 30 minutes on the phone asking questions.. I'll find out next week sometime if i qualify.. I kinda hope I do.. not necessarily for the fact that there's money involved.. but maybe this will help me in some way.. You're probably asking yourself.. Wow.. this is really personal.. why is she telling me this? I just happened to be looking in the newspaper and i saw this study going on.. I called on a whim and I think I might be a good candidate.. They do MRI scans of my brain.. there are no intrusive measures.. it might be helpful for me to understand my own highs and lows.. i'm kinda excited to hear..

I talked to Naomi briefly yesterday! She sounds like she's having a GREAT time in Hawaii.. She's going to be surprised when she comes back to this gray weather...

Today... hopefully some things in my day to day life could possibly change... I have my fingers crossed they do.. and I'll let you know if they do... Life.. love... all of it... could change today.

Yesterday was a BUSY day at work! Whew.. I was either on the phone..writing emails to clients, or getting proposals/taking care of accounts! I came home... made an omelete.. and laid on the couch.. Happy to report i was in bed by 10pm.. and sleeping 5 minutes later!

oh yea.. get this.. Overall I've had a sub par experience with buying my car.. the first car salesman was quite rude to me.. then the finance guy did his "thing" telling me that they weren't making any profit on the car... then the used sales manager says the serpentine belt doesnt' have to be changed.. and the mechanic said it did.. that same manager was very aloof about helping me fix a crack in the passenger door.. and told me to call the lady who fixes it to schedule it.(what?) and now... the kicker.... yesterday I got a phone call fromt he finance guys assistant.. he asked me where the $700 down payment check was..?? I was like.. uh.. I wrote it and gave it to you the day that I bought the car... he said 'uh.. ok." called me back and said they LOST THE CHECK!!!!! can you believe that? i can't. So.. I put a stop payment on the check (thankfully the bank guy knows me and didn't charge me) and I have to write another check (MINUS the stop payment charge of $35 bucks) and i have to drop it off today.. Isn't that absolutely strange? Thankfully that missing check has stop payment on it.. UGH.. what an extreme first car buying experience for Kerilyn!!!

Finally.. I had a very liberating and hopefully energy changing conversation with Peter about us.. I hope hope hope that we can stay close.. and continue to support each other while looking elsewhere to find passion and partnership. Peter has been an integral part of who i am.. of my life here in DC/VA... definitely a kindred spirit.... but i think we've been using our comfort.. as a crutch to finding passion and exhiliration.. we'll see.. I love Peter with all my heart .. THAT will never change..

This weekend I'm going with my friend Cathy.. to the Bethesda Arts Festival... I'm psyched.. I hope it's nice weather..

ok.. gotta jet.. hope you have a good day!
onward and upward.
ancora imparo " i am still learning" in Latin
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.11.05

Hey there lady and gentlemen bugs...

How are ya feelin? Tuesday... I heard it raining earlier outside... and it's another Gray day... oh well.. that's what Autumn is all about... powering down... I feel good this morning... I hope Naomi's having fun in Hawaii.. Boy do I wish I was there with her right now... laying on the beach... taking in a Mai Tai (or 3)...

I am stumped for things to say today... so I will fill today's entry with 3 things 2 things:

3 things that make me happy:
- Watching "What the bleep do we know" and feeling a revival in my soul with respect to my faith.. that I DO manifest my own reality.
- Seeing ladybugs appear in my life RIGHT when I am dealing with something emotionally. It's SURELY a sign. (Thanks Bertha/Little Star!!!)
- I LOVE my haircut still!! I felt really funky and cool yesterday!!!
- Having a GREAT meditation.. very deep. Feel SO connected to spirit.. and with the world that surrounds me.

2 things that I look forward to today:
- Seeing my favorite Client, Brian Patterson at American Medical Association, this morning.. He ALWAYS makes me laugh and smile!
- Driving my beautiful Red Car today... driving stick... LOVE IT!

2 long term things I look forward to:
- I found out yesterday that Krishna Das is coming to Alexandria!!! OH MY GOSH!!!! I LOVE listening to his Chanting CD's... Wow.. Saturday October 29th.. right next to Yoga in Daily Life where I went to Meditation class for almost 3 years...I really really really want to go see Krishna Das!!!

1 person I am going to appreciate today:
- Me. I realize that I have the ability to change whatever I'm challenged with.. and I am very proud of myself that I am able to lift up my spirit.. and remember that I, like yourself, are God.. and that I am able to change my life as quickly as i think it changed.

Have a great day everyone.. if you want to get a hold of me.. you can email me at kerilyn@ancora-imparo.net

onward and upward.
ancora imparo "I am still learning" in Latin
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.9.05 For a change...

Hey there people..

I'm going to have an early start in the morning.. have a meeting at 7:30 tomorrow.. so I figured I'll write tonite.. so I don't leave you wondering "Where is Kerilyn?" (if you think that anyway)

This weekend.. sigh... was... up and down.. (what isn't ya know?) My dad came Saturday morning to check the bathtub but Matthew had already fixed it.... It was honestly quite awkward being with my dad... he didn't seem interested in what's going on in my life... I tried to rest.. then after Angela went to work... I organized the basement a bit.. did some OVERDUE laundry... put together my 20 dollar dresser from IKEA (don't get too close or you'll see it is only worth $9.99...LOL!) went to eat dinner both Friday and Saturday nite with Peter and his brother and his wife.. good food both nites... I thought i looked really pretty last nite.. I still love my haircut!

Still a bit tired admittedly.. as per 8:16 on Sunday nite.. SO much has gone on.. up and down emotions...expectations.. and fears... that I still feel like my mind is still running.. admittedly still crying quite a bit.. at everything... I tried to just lay still Saturday morning and rest... 'The Art of Doing nothing" I guess... it is an art because a few times i found myself trying to get up to do something and remembered my plight.. and just laid there..

It rained and rained and rained Saturday.. ALL DAY Saturday..i am actually happy it rained.. 2 full days of rain to compensate for the MONTHS of no significant rainfall sounds like a good trade... today the sun came out for about a minute and half.. and was overcast and gray all day.. I went to Target and Trader Joes (ok.. I had only been to Trader Joes once, a LONG time ago.. years..wasn't too interested back then... Angela (roomie) is a BIG fan of Trader Joes.. so I took a mosey on over.. WOW.. I was hooked! I think I will be doing my grocery shopping over there from now on... everything organic... or environmentally friendly... I'm hooked..

Anyway my peeps.. tomorrow will be a landmark day for Kerilyn... I'll try to write ya'll tomorrow nite and let you know how it goes.. or.. first thing Tuesday Morning... oh yea.. I love my Uncle Ben.. I LOVE LOVE LOVE how special I feel when he asks me about how things are going that I write in my high/low every day! Thank you Uncle Ben.. I am blessed to have you in my life.

Ok.. say a prayer/affirmation/positive thought/ visualization that tomorrow goes so smoothly and fluidly for me.. (and remember.. I can't check AOL at work.. so it'll have to wait till tomorrow nite if you have comments.. GRRRR)

thank you everyone.. for being there.. whether directly or indirectly..You are all part of my whole.
onward and upward.
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.7.05

Hey there folksies...

Boy am I tired! whoa... this mornings meditation.. I don't know if I meditated but slept for 30 minutes... I cannot WAIT for the end of this day.. What are my plans tonite? Nothing.. Go home and go to sleep.. watch the movie that I rented that I haven't finished yet... tomorrow morning my dad is coming to help with the bathtub.. EWW! Hopefully he can help and we won't have to call a plumber.. I don't have plans this weekend except go to the Hirshhorn Museum to see that exhibit.. Matthew is here.. I don't know how long he's staying.. maybe he'll join Angela and I on the walking tour/exhibit.

Yesterday one of the most tragic things I ever saw happened... Driving back from Baltimore.. on highway.. a HUGE deer jumps out in front of a truck going 60ish mph... OH MY GOD! I just HAPPENED to look in my rear view mirror at the EXACT time that this deer decided to go... it was surreal... wow... I cannot imagine what the driver of the car was feeling/thinking... I was in shock for a few miles.. and then called 911.. asked for animal services.. hopefully they were able to assist..I cried and cried for a while too.. it was very tragic... said a prayer of progression for the dear and of support to the driver..

Yesterday went by in a haze.. I was out on appointments all day.. from 9-3:30.. so It felt like i wasn't working.. being out of the office... I spent most of the day driving than in meetings..

Today I drop my car off at VW.. at noon.. (Thanks to all your advice.. by the way.. My car is under Warranty.. so I don't have to pay a dime! So if they don't put on right.. it's their dollar they're wasting. But thanks for the heads up.. keep the advice flowing.. for I am new at this car thing.) and either will have a loaner.. or will have someone drop me to and from work... I want peter to teach me how to change the oil in my car.. so I can do it myself and save money... maybe my dad won't mind showing me..

It's overcast and rainy today... I'm actually glad because 1. the trees/flowers desparately need the rain..and 2. a nice overcast day on a Friday puts me in a "I want to be in my bed" mode.. so i go thru my day as if my bed is just around the corner...

Matthew and I went to Naomi's comedy show last nite.. getting better and better..the crowd was the biggest it's been so far.. she's done it 3 times now.. that's a GREAT sign! Comedians were funny! (Well thank god.. they're comedians!)

I dropped Naomi off at the airport this morning at 5am... she's flying to Hawaii as I type... I hope she has a good time.. man, I know i keep saying this.. but I wish I was flying to Hawaii right now.. shoot.. I'd take flying /driving anywhere NOT here right now...

Side note: Thanks Scott for dropping off the insense.. TRUST ME.. It will be used in abundance! starting tomorrow!

Ok ya'll.. have a good weekend.. do something fun.. or just practice the art of doing nothing...
onward and upward
ancora imparo " I am still learning" in Latin
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.6.05

Hiety Ho my lovelies...

Thursday, thank Goodness! Tomorrow Naomi leaves for Hawaii for a week with her sister.. I'm so jealous.. I wish I could go. I know she's going to have a great time!

Looks overcast here today.. I think rain is in our future for today.. yep, just checked weather.. will start raining this afternoon.. and all day tomorrow... We need the rain desparately.. so i hope it does rain... looks like it's supposed to rain all day Saturday too... The trees and flowers will be very thankful for sure!

A rainy Saturday might be perfect for this exhibit at the Hirshhorn Museum in DC that Naomi told me about called Directions . I might go check it out Saturday since I have no plans... NO PLANS!!!! Well.. Laundry and cleaning.. sleeping in.. but nothing on the books for this weekend... maybe work on some cards (yes.. you heard me right)

So I have to go back out to Baltimore today, to meet with the dealer who's flying down from NYC... to complete a punchlist for this job installation at Johns Hopkins we are doing.. I hope that it goes well.. with no issues... I PRAY!

Tomorrow I have to drop my car off at the VW dealer.. they are going to change the Serpentine belt in the engine (from what Peter told me.. it runs all the "accessories") Peter told me that they HAD to change the belt.. the Used Car manager said "eh.. doesn't need to be changed" and we ended up showing the Mechanic who said it too.. needed to be changed... Peter used to be a Mechanic.. so he was strong that I get it changed.. Yea Peter!

Side note: Fit is hitting the Shan at work.. Wow.. people are leaving.. internet is being monitored because people "aren't doing their work" (I'm included in this bunch apparently)... IT guys continue to have God Complexes... gossip is being talked about behind peoples backs... Bosses still have NO idea that their success results a lot from happy employees... wow is all i can say..

I had a great meditation this morning.. very deep.. felt good.

UGH!! UGH UGH UGH!!! The bathtub drain is clogged! It annoys me BEYOND WORDS! It's so gross to take a shower and a bath at the same time (sorry people.. but this is the situation in the bathroom) UGH! I tried Drano yesterday to no avail.. I called my dad, who has a snake.. and he said if I don't figure it out by this weekend.. he'll come and bring the snake. First time asking my dad for help in a LONG LONG time.. I'll admit it made me cry a bit afterward.. I'm still a daddy's girl.. who's had to force myself to do it on my own because i have to grow up sometime... makes me SO sad that the relationship with my dad has become so distant.. we were much closer at one time.

I washed my sparkly red car for the first time yesterday! She looks GREAT!!!

Anyway my peeps.. I gotta get ready for work.. BUSY day.. I probably won't be in the office but for a 1/2 hour this morning... remember.. I can't check AOL at work..so don't be surprised when I don't write you back...
onward and upward.
Ancora Imparo " I am still learning" in Latin
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.5.05

Hey there...

Morning... Feeling a little anxious this morning for some reason.. not sure why.. I am actually looking forward to the drive to Baltimore... listening to some good tunes... blue sky... hopefully i won't have to be there long.. so it'll be quick...

Ok.. I don't have much to say this morning... check out the pics on my flickr account (to the left of this posting.. the little box with the pictures that pop up) posted some from Art on the Avenue...

3 things that make me happy:
- Coming downstairs in the morning for coffee.. and seeing that Angela (new roomie) has left me a cookie
- Laying in bed.. looking at a new magazine (Body and Soul Magazine.. pretty good)
- Watching 'What the bleep do we know" ( I LOVE that movie!)
- Having fresh flowers all over the house.

2 things i look forward to today:
- Going to bed early... hopefully by 9.
- NO traffic to and fro to Baltimore.

2 long term things I look forward to:
- This weekend.. NO PLANS.. doing VERY OVERDUE laundry.. putting together the new dresser i bought at IKEA for 20 bucks... cleaning the house.. listening to music.. burning my soon to be new incense that Scotts bringing me on Thursday
- Spending some time by myself this weekend.. want to go do something fun by myself.. even if it's a walk thru the National Gallery of Art.

1 person I am going to appreciate:
- Kyra... I am sure it was very hard to feel happy that she was selling a lot of her stuff at Art on the Avenue.. while her good friend was upset because she wasn't doing so well... (me) I can't imagine... I appreciate her support.. and her love... Thank you K.

K.. i'm off... Hope you have a good day.. remember.. I can't check AOL during the day now.. which has put a BIG HUGE damper on getting thru my work day... (Thanks for nothing Howard) so odds are.. if you write me.. you'll have to wait till tonite before i can respond...

Have a splendiferous day!
onward and upward
ancora imparo ' I am still learning" in Latin
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.4.05 Evening Edition

Hiety Ho Kids!

How are you? Tuesday nite.. 9pm.. already in my PJ's.. ready for bed... had a good day.. (didn't have to use my A.K.) It's still quite warm for being October... a bit muggy even.. hmm.. interesting.. Yea.. no global warming my patootie...

Work was busy.... I guess I actually get a little more work done, now that I can't check AOL. I'm still a bit pissed about that.. seeing as how I choose not to take 3-4 15 minute smoke breaks every day.. like some do at my company.. but I can't check my email.. UGH... frustrates me to no end.. The even sadder part is that only "the chosen" have been blocked.. all the managers.. and "teachers pet' people still get to surf EBAY. The irony...

Went to a job site.. took 30 stinkin minutes to find a parking spot.. but that was ok.. i was in my new car.. loving it AND was out of the office... tomorrow morning i have to drive my patootie out to Baltimore to a job site... (thank God I get paid for Gas)

My sister Kristine called me around 4ish.. she was at the mall visiting her new man (yes.. you heard me right.. my sister has a new man! Go Krissy!) and so I met her at the mall. met him.. and then we went to dinner.. (he seems nice.. I want to meet him out of work, he's a manager of district of Verizon stores) My sister looks so happy.. there's a glow.. she SO deserves to be treated like a QUEEN!

So I feel a bit better with respect to my seeming unsuccessfulness with selling my cards at Art on the Avenue.. I was bummed.. but I was also tired.. stressed because of the car selling/buying.. the other meetings i had last week to change my everyday life... and.. being a girl... last nite I was asleep by 9 (as i will be doing again shortly)

Side note: one of the cool people at my current position.. Brandee.. she came to Art on the Avenue.. and knowing it was my first show.. bought me a AOTA T-Shirt to commemorate my first go at this! That was SO nice.. I can't wait to wear it!!! Isn't that so sweet?

Ok.. I'm off to get coffee ready for the morning... have a good nite!
Nighty Nite!
Ancora Imparo " I am still learning" in Latin
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.3.05 In the wake....

Sigh... morning everyone...

Wow.. what to say? I've been thinking about what I'm going to say to you all since around 1pm on Saturday... Do I project my dissapointment?? or try to be optimistic?? well let's see how this comes out...

Friday I continued to work on cards.. and I cleaned the house.. didn't go to bed till around 1:30am ish... Kyra and Dave came around 2AM (traffic! YUCK!) Got up early... cup of coffee.. shower.. crisp and cool saturday morning... the kind of morning when a deep enhale can clear out even the little-est of lingering negativity from my brain.. as I take in the cool oxygen... We got to our site at 8ish... Peter had already scoped it out.. and was waiting.. we diligently set up.. first off we were intimidated by the tents... and massive set ups of other people.. but we decided to just take it in stride... we all worked together quite smoothly to get everything out.. admittedly mine didn't take very long.. Kyra's work was beautiful! wow.. I was so impressed.. but then again.. she is really talented... lotsa awesome magnets she made... and glorious frames/mirrors... we eventually got it together.. Cathy selling her watercolors.. and doing sketches of people who are interested... the morning was gradual... i made my first sale.. (see pic) and then another... feeling good.. Kyra had already experienced the frustration when people just walk by without stopping to see what we have.. so she relayed that to me.. and I felt better.. but as the morning woke up... noone seemed interested in my cards... it was truly uncanny... now yea... I didn't have a BIG BOLD SIGN that said HEY YOU!!! COME LOOK AT MY HANDMADE GREETING CARDS! (Idea for next time) but you would think they'd be interesting to read...

nope.

And so... it became quite clear by noon.. that this was not going to be the kind of success that i had originally meditated on.. and expected (DAMN THOSE EXPECTATIONS!!!) Please trust me... I ran the gammit of different emotions that day.. as I do right now.. on the verge of tears... Waves of fear ran thru me as I thought of money and how I held a firm grasp on what kind of cash I was thinking of walking away with...yea.. that was a no go... and all the thoughts of 'WHAT MADE ME THINK THAT I COULD DO THIS????? " I felt like a failure.. feel... like a failure..

now before you all write me.. telling me "BUCK UP CHUM... YOU CAN'T JUDGE YOUR SUCCESS ON ONE SHOW" I know that ok... but it still feels so personal.. remember my byline...

'Benchmarks.. because life is personal"

yea. this was a direct hit... I need a few days to process ALL that has gone on in the past few weeks... let the dust settle on the many hours of sitting I did for this... drawing/coloring.. writing.. as I look in my box and see WAY over 150 cards left in there... sigh.. so dissapointing..

But.. "every cloud has a silver lining" as they say..

things that were beautiful:
1. My roomies from WVU.. Kriss and Kristen came.. wow.. it was like no time passed for us.. it was AWESOME being in their presence.. the only thing that would've been better is if our Lisa girl woulda been there too... (next time!) Kristen came from Pennsylvania... and Kriss from Maryland..to support me.. I am still so blown away.. thank you.. my honeydews..

2. Matthew.. my other constant support in my life.. who I wasn't sure was going to come to see Kyra and I.. just walked up to our booth.. It was so nice to see him.. and be surprised by his presence..

2. This woman came by later in the afternoon.. and said that she read my card earlier in the day.. and it had been lingering with her... that her boss was going thru something and that my card would TRULY be understood by her boss... (my "i would be lying" card) wow.. that was JUST kinda what i needed to hear.. SOMEONE UNDERSTANDS MY EMOTIONAL PLIGHT!! i needed that..

3. After the kunundrum of the seeming unsuccess of the day... we all went out to this hole in the wall mexican restaurant... All of us Kriss, Kristen, Matthew, Kyra, Dave, Cathy, our new friend Chuck... Angela (my awesome roommate now) Kriss's 2 friends.. (Amy and .. eek.. i forgot his name Kriss!) It was awesome! I felt so supported.. and comforted.. Because honestly all i wanted to do was cry and cry and cry..... as I still do right now.. but it was awesome.. all of us.. past.. present and future of my life.. sitting there.. Naomi was missing.. and my sister (who came with her awesome roommates.. and my mom.. who.. makes me tear up.. came to support me.. Walking Cane and all.. (she's doing well, by the way)

Anyway... it was a beautiful day... all in all.. a miracle of a day..

I need to get ready for work now.. but i'll try to fill you in on more later... I have more to say... (of course) but gotta boogie out the door..

To be continued.....
onward and upward.
ancora imparo " I am still learning" in Latin