High/Low 10.24.04

Hey peeps,

How are ya? How was your weekend? Uh.. I am SOOOOO not wanting to go to work tomorrow! not AT ALL!!!!!! I wish I had at least 3 more days off.. (it's especially grueling when you go to a job that you don't give two hoots about,ugh) Anyway... It's official.. I have begun to move. And.. while it is tiring and exhausting and it's 9pm Sunday and I'm about to go to bed.. it's kinda exciting.. putting things in the linen closet.. arranging and setting up. Truthfully it wasn't until this afternoon that I began feeling this slight excitement for this next phase.. I got enough of a burst of this enthusiasm.. that I am not in a bad mood right now. Living in my apartment now feels stranger-like to me.. I don't recognize it.. it's weird. Like the back of the house of Macy's.. with boxes and dusty shelves, clothes thrown everywhere.. The weather was nice yesterday.. chilly but clear.. today.. no such luck.. rainy.. dreary..again, the kind of day when Hot Cocoa is a must and warm socks should be issued at the door.. (side note.. I've never done this.. but I hear putting socks in the microwave for a few secs.. gives them a nice toasty feeling.. eh, might try it.

I'm desparately in need of a good book.. I've been so tired lately.. that TV has not amused me much.. and the thoughts of reading at least a few pages of a good book before I can't keep my eyes open anymore.. well I would like it I think.

So.. please be patient with me as I go thru this week. My computer will be dismantled.. and I will, for some time, have no internet access.. so.. with that said.. If you need to get a hold of me.. you can call me on my cell 703-626-9790 (the best place, cause my home phone is being shut off on Friday)

Oh yea.. Friday I saw a great movie.. kinda freaky/weird but still really edge of your seat.. Go out and rent "The day after tomorrow" I liked it.

Anyway.. please say a prayer, affirmation, positive thought for me that this week goes by smoothly.. that this move this weekend goes swimmingly.. and that I will, this time next week be able to write you all again.. from the comfort from my new abode! I hope Pez, my kitty, will like it.. (I'm sure she will.. she's going to have 3 floors, THREE FLOORS PEZ!)

Another Side note: I'm really excited anticipating my best friend Michelle's visit in 3 weekends.. I'm psyched to have my first house (and I can actually say house this time) guest! Rock on!

Talk to you all later,
Ancora Imparo "I am still learning" - in Latin
love you all,
Kerilyn

"We have to keep trying things we're not sure we can pull off. If we just do the things we know we can do... you don't grow as much. You gotta take those chances on making those big mistakes."-- Cybill Shepherd

"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending."-- Anonymous

"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia."-- Charles Schultz

High/Low 10.22.04 The longest week in history...

Hey everyone..

Is it over yet? Thanks goodness it's friday! I am serious with you that this week has seemed to occur in nanoseconds. Man, living in groundhog day isn't very fun. The weather is poopy.. dreary, rainy, foggy, dark, chilly, just plain gross. This week I have either wanted to sit down and cry, or lay down and sleep.

High: Well... happy to report that this weeks dilemma with the house has come to a resolution. Hopefully this evening both Naomi and I will see the fruits of our labor. And.. just as I had earlier stated, the result, although not as cost effective as our previous plan, will be more rewarding in the end. My sister Kristine is so sweet, she changed her work schedule around to help me move next weekend... SO appreciative! Formulating some good thoughts on my 30th birthday party on January 8th.

Neutral: I don't know how to feel about this.. because I just found out about this last nite.. but Peter was offered the Executive Sous Chef position at a fine dining restaurant in Philadelphia or a lateral change to a new restaurant they are going to be opening here in D.C. soon. I told him that I support him, whatever he does.. part of me will be really sad if he leaves.. but I know it would be a good move for him. We'll see.. I'll keep you updated.

Low: I don't know what's going on.. my boss has been weird with me this week. Most of the week he was curt and short with me.. and then the next minute he's nice again...I know I've been more sensitive this week, but he's been kinda cruel overall. I don't know if he has stuff going on, but it doesn't make me feel good and actually makes me feel like I am ready to maybe consider something different. I am tired, mentally drained, and just in need of some solace from the world this weekend. So much has gone on the past few months.. I know it's all about my mind's view about the situations, but I am really desiring a break for a little while.. I don't recognize my apartment anymore.. it's mostly boxed up... I've been too busy to even be sad about it.. (actually I'm SOO excited about the new space)

This weekend.. ah.. what am I doing? Well tonite I'm RESTING.. going to rent a few movies.. get in my flannel pj's and chill out... get up WHENEVER I want tomorrow.. make coffee.. and then pack more as well as go to the new house to set up the kitchen.. I'm going to try to enjoy the downtime I have.. and rest as much as I can.. next weekend is going to be VERY VERY hectic!!!

I hope you have a great weekend, whatever you do.. the leaves are 70% changed here.. but it's so wet and dreary.. it doesn't make for full appreciation of the gloriousness of the season. Anyway.. Have a great weekend..

Ancora Imparo "I am still learning" in Latin
love you all,
Kerilyn

"For nothing is fixed, forever and forever and forever, it is not fixed; the earth is always shifting, the light is always changing, the sea does not cease to grind down rock. Generations do not cease to be born, and we are responsible to them because we are the only witnesses they have. The sea rises, the light fails, lovers cling to each other, and children cling to us. The moment we cease to hold each other, the sea engulfs us and the light goes out." - James Baldwin

"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." - Will Rogers

High/Low 10.20.04 It's still foggy...

Hey..

It's still really foggy today.. both the weather as well as my state of mind.. I am happy to report, though, that The Superwoman team of Naomi and Kerilyn have compiled enough information for Naomi to make a decision on the status of the debacle at the house today.. hopefully.

I think it might be the weather..the kind of chilly, damp on your skin, a sweater won't do the trick, I should be in bed, with a cup of cocoa watching Oprah with warm socks on, kinda weather... as I sit here at work..

Today.. I am feeling so distant from any yearning to be here at this job.. it's quite sad.. because I feel like If i were to psych myself up.. I would really do a good job at this.. But my soul.. stirs.. stirring an empty pot of uninspiration and sense of settling.. Maybe it's because all of the 'stuff' going on in my life at the moment.. but I wish I wasn't here this week. Wish.. that someone would call me and say.. "I've got a job for you! You will help others, be surrounded by inspiring people, use your creativity, make more money than you are!!!" (yea.. that would be nice)

Now I know.. that this is just a pipedream. I think I'm done with wishing for the pipe dream dream.. I think I just have to accept the fact that I may be Kerilyn Fox, Facilities Service Account Manager for the rest of my freaking life.. (ugh. I am not a victim, I am not a victim)

Whatever I do.. I am thinking about this kinda stuff.. WHY is it that I have continually not succeeded (the way I wish to) in my career and in successfully finding someone who is into me as much as I would be into him... I JUST don't get it. I mean.. I try.. I go on dates.. I try to find the job.. I know that there are lots of people that are just not doing anything.. and SOMETHING is happening for them... Why is it that it doesn't come to me? I wish you knew the sadness and dissapointment I feel within me when I think of this..

Yea.. I know.. "Keep your chin up Keri. You have so many other things Keri." Yea.. I do. But I just don't get why I can't succeed in the 2 biggest areas that I focus on.. I mean.. they say as you think so shall you be? *note to self: I am probably sure that the fact that I am thinking in the victim/whoa is me mode of thinking is exactly what's preventing me from manifesting what I want.. I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW to 1. stop thinking this completely and 2. proactively work on what I DO need to do..

Sigh.. oh well.. Another day. "IT'S GROUND HOG DAY!"
Ancora Imparo "I am still learning" - in Latin (am I?)
love you all,
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.19.04 Little Black Cloud, go away!

hey..

I realize that I should probably not write to you all when I am not feeling mentally positive.. but I know I haven't written the past 2 nites... and I should probably fill you in on the neverending saga of both positive and negative obstacles that have been thrown in my path as of late....

Just for those who don't know.. I'm in transition.. in more ways than one..

Without going into specifics, because all the frustrating things going on right now will be solved and then I'll be eating my words when I say that it all worked out the way it should and better yet.. worked out BETTER than it would've if _____ hadn't happened. (eh.. I'm trying to learn here) Let's just say there are major delays presenting themselves with my move this weekend that are out of both Naomi and my control. We are both in superwoman mode.. having pow wows and trying to solve this together. (which we will!) I am aware of one BIG thing occuring as a result of the strange calamity of the moment.. the apparent strength of my friendship with Naomi has been taken into another incredible realm.. it's blows me away how this experience has strengthened us (up to this point) .. Naomi suggested that we should probably look into auditioning for the "The Great Race" TV show.. I think I agree!

And other things.. oh yes.. the Corcoran.. um.. I left a bit dissapointed friday.. at my own expectations of what I thought was to come from this meeting.. Nothing available right now, doesn't mean I'm not giving up, nope.. I guess I wish SO hard for something magical to happen.. eh.. who knows.. maybe it will.

It really is.. apparent to me.. that Peter and I are truly destined to be just friends.. part of me has been fighting it.. because I do love him.. and I guess I focus on his POTENTIAL (when he decides he wants to settle down.. he's going to make someone a great husband).. instead of what IS.. (he's not ready to do that.. plus.. his career(chef) isn't conducive to what I'm looking for right now) I know he'll be in my life for the rest of my life.. I feel that so strongly.. I just think.. when I release my fear of missing a future possiblity.... that we make great friends.. and that is ok too.

I'm tryin folks.. please bear with me.. things have been hectic.. packing.. appointments.. etc.. the full gammit of experiences that exercise the minds parameters of what I can handle.. and what I can't. It's truly been a roller coaster ride.. the past 5 years.. and I say to you all... but in the end.. I will have an entire card catalog of "When I was your age" stories to tell my future children.. (no.. walking 5 miles in the snow without shoes on will not be one of them, thankfully!) hey..at least I still have my humor..

Have a great day.. PLEASE say a prayer for me today, right now.
Ancora Imparo "I am still learning" in Latin.
love you all,
Kerilyn

PS: you wanna know what i just found out.... Zach Braff is dating Mandy Moore.... :( Guess no luck for me.. :( poo.

"Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might as well put that passing time to the best possible use." - Earl Nightingale

"Fear is like a giant fog. It sits on your brain and blocks everything: real feelings, true happiness, real joy. They can't get through that fog. But you lift it, and buddy, you're in for the ride of your life." - From the movie "Defending Your Life" (LOVE This movie!!!! EVERYONE should go out and see this if you haven't already!)

High/Low 10.14.04

Hey there folks.

How goes it? It's thursday nite.. it was a beautiful day out today.. i love this time of year when it's chilly in the morning and then it warms up and is a beautiful day.. then the evening is warmer than the morning (duh) Well I love it... The sky tonite, during sunset was beautful.. shades of blue and white.. so lovely.

High: Had a day out of the office today.. by myself.. kinda nice.. my sister and I had a yummy meal at Outback.. yumm... Good circle tonite.. good talks...

Low: Boring day at work.. even though i was out of the office, which was nice.. I really don't have a lot to do right now.. and I don't like being bored.. it reminds me TOO much of past jobs.. STILL hadn't heard from Lee.. pretty bummed about that.. Another one bites the dust.

I am getting nervous about tomorrow.. meeting the Director of Personnel at the Corcoran.. at 4pm.. Nervous because of superficial things (but are still important to me) like the fact that my roots are showing a lot in my hair and I wish I had my hair colored for this.. and that I wish I had some extra money to get my eyebrows waxed (darn.. payday Saturday) Have NO idea what I'm going to wear.. I want to show her that I'm funky.. and professional.. and passionate.. I learned in school that wardrobe is impt during an interview.. We'll see how it goes.. Please say a prayer for me please.. I would really appreciate it.

I'll email you this weekend.. and let you know how it goes.. I will be packing like a mad feign this weekend.. (again.. if your in the area.. give me a call/cell 703-626-9790) I hope you all do something nice for yourselves this weekend.
Ancora Imparo.
Love you all,
Kerilyn

"I have made this letter longer than usual, because I lack the time to make it short." - Blaise Pascal (this is EXACTLY how I feel AFTER I write my high/low and I'm like "uh.. it's so long!")

"Yellow, mellow, ripened days, Sheltered in a golden coating; O'er the dreamy, listless haze, White and dainty cloudlets floating; Winking at the blushing trees, And the sombre, furrowed fallow; Smiling at the airy ease, Of the southward flying swallow Sweet and smiling are thy ways, Beauteous, golden Autumn days. " -Will Carleton

High/Low 10.13.04

Ladies and Gentlemen....!!!!

hi. how are ya? I'm great. Wishing it was thursday nite.. but alas.. one day at a time.. it's getting cooler out.. today only in the 60's I believe.. I already see women with their funky scarves on.. more like a necklace then warming articles of clothing.. (eh.. I like wearing scarves too, who am I kiddin.) The leaves are turning here.. starting too anyway.. brilliant reds and yellows I see on the sporratic tree... maybe Halloween weekend I'll pick some leaves for my yearly art project..

High: Well it goes without saying... I HAVE AN INTERVIEW AT THE CORCORAN ON FRIDAY AFTERNOON!!!!!! yes.. the caps were intentional... WOO HOO!!! it hardly seems real.. I've been kinda dreaming about this opportunity for months now.. (thankfully not years) and Friday at 4... it will be a reality. I TRY.. to let go of my expectations.. and let God handle it.. for in my opinion they are the ones who made this possible... I had a good meditation this morning.. good coffee this morning.. this shirt that used to not fit me well.. FITS! Had a good workout at the gym.. I lost 2 more lbs... total of about 20, I think. I get these emails.. these spiritual "today's thoughts" so I emailed the author a question and she answered it.. JUST what I needed to hear too...My girl Naomi told me that our spectacularly sparkly friend Bridget might be coming into town.. would be a wonderful surprise!! Decided I'm going to get a Watsu appointment (www.bodywave.net) as soon as I move in to treat myself (eh.. my mom gave me a gift certificate)

Low: My apartment is still in dissarray.. (get used to me saying this till the move actually happens.. I am a neat freak and this whole living in break down mode is unnerving to me - hey, I'm a designer by trade, it happens) I'm broke as a joke till Saturday.. Bored at work today.. I still haven't heard from Lee.. I am gonna guess he's not interested cause it's been a week...

Can't think of much else.. everything.. and nothing. So I'm going to end this.. Say Please drop me a line.. tell me how you're doing. (Jen Nelson, I've been thinking a lot about you.. call/email me) Anyway.. have a good nite my butterflies..
Ancora Imparo.
Love you all,
Kerilyn

"...the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes 'Awww!' "
- Jack Kerouac, "On The Road"

"Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside of them was superior to circumstance. "- Bruce Barton

High/Low 10.12.04 A bit behind...

Hey folks.

It's Tuesday morning.. I'm at work.. been so busy/stressed out that I don't feel myself.. you know when you have a fever and everything doesn't seem real? Like your walking in a dream.. and you take cold medicine and you're kinda 'out of it'? That's how I feel.. I feel (notice I'm telling you my feelings and not actual fact) like I'm being swallowed by my own feelings of overwhelmedness and loose ends.. not knowing where to start to unravel and unwind.. I'm sitting here at work and I honestly cannot tell you what I have to do today...

High: Got all the staples pulled from the stairs! Peter helped me tremendously.. he also took the ceiling fans down in my apartment.. after I went to see Janet's new condo Peter called and took me out for this AWESOME meal at the Palm restaurant.. I felt like a queen after the dirt and grime all weekend. Lobster and Filet Mignon.. what a luxurious treat!

Low: So I painted the kitchen cabinets on the plastic tarp and completely didn't think it thru.. the cabinets dried TO the tarp.. and I had to cut and sand the sides.. I wish I had some great amount of money, right now, so I could redo the whole kitchen.. this whole house has TREMENDOUS potential to be more than great.. it's just going to take... what? yep.. money and time/patience.. Ok.. without you all judging me for what I'm going to tell you... supporting Peter in his grief lately has somehow morphed into this VERY VERY VERY confusing situation where he's told me he loves me and wants to be with me... I love him too.. alot.. but it makes me so sad.. Sad because what do I do?? Two people that love each other a lot but don't communicate well and don't 'get' each other??? That has added significantly to my overwhelmedness.. I haven't heard from Lee.. I really do think that I just want to have Peter just as my friend but I'm scared to lose him from my life.. which is, confusing me into making these poor decisions, that don't 'feel' right in my heart.. which make me want to cry (as I am now) because I really do wish that we understood each other. Sigh...

Ok.. going to now try to sneak past this day.. without too much calamity or chaos in my mind. Truth is.. this overwhelmedness is.. truly.. ALL in my mind.. It's NOT what happens to me but how I deal with it.. obviously this is a GREAT BIG lesson staring me in the face.. and I say.. 'lesson.. I want to learn and overcome you'.. and that makes me feel a little better.. for a little while anyway.

Till later or tomorrow.
ancora imparo.
love you all,
kerilyn

"If God made today perfect, he/she wouldn't of created tomorrow" - Unknown

High/Low 10.11.04 Columbus Day Edition

Hey there everyone..

How was your weekend? It was pretty here this weekend.. cooler, fallish temperatures but still warm enough to not have to wear a sweater till the sun started to go down. This week it's supposed to steadily get cooler and cooler, which will be in sync with the changing of the beautiful leaves.

High: I got what I set out to accomplish, done this weekend. Set out to paint the kitchen cabinets in the new house. And I did. It was nice to spend some time over at the new place.. get a feel for it... I think it's going to be great.. once I settle in...Saturday my friend Janet came over to help, WHAT a lifesaver; she helped me conquer my overwhelmed feeling by keeping me company and increasing the speed to which we got things done... AND, she brought snacks! Thanks Janet! Sunday my girl Davina came over (in her HOT new car no less..) she helped paint too and pull carpet staples from the stairs... thanks girl! I got a great fall card from my girl Kyra... thanks K.. I loved it! Finished Zach Braff's brothers book in Bed yesterday morning.. (always a good feeling to finish a book, where you can shut the back cover and say "I'm done!")

Low: It's getting darker earlier. :( I haven't heard from Lee, the guy I went on a date with. I thought we had a good time? He went home this weekend.. hopefully I'll hear from him. I hope I do. Spent too much money on paint this weekend (ugh) and now I'm broke till Saturday (eh.. I have learned to live broke being unemployed as much as I have.. it'll be tight the next four days) As I started painting the cabinets, which, are in real bad shape, ( I'm painting them to make the kitchen look bigger and to give it a fresher look - NOT to make them look newer) and I got overwhelmed as to their condition.. would feel overwhelmed like (WHAT am I doing? this is too much stuff for me to do..) and I would freak out.. (Side Note: The floors are scheduled to be refinished and, right now, are in terrible shape, dust everywhere, dirt/grime.. I KNOW once the floors are done I'll feel better.. more on top of my feelings.) I worked from 11am to 8pm on the cabinets.. and both Saturday and Sunday I was in bed by 9ish.. my body is sore.. and I still have today to pack here.. and go over there to put the cabinet doors back on, remove more staples..

Ugh.. this is normal.. I'm having to break down my life as I see it this moment.. and try to envision a new one.. I've always had a tough time with moving, letting go.. it'll be ok.. I tell myself.. It's JUST change... and this is what lifes all about. Don't get me wrong.. once I move in and all is settled.. I will feel snug as a bug in a rug.. it's just the adjusting that I sometimes freak out about..

Anyway.. I'm off to have coffee, meditate.. and get on with my day.. I have off today but I will be busy working all day anyway.. so.. till later my friends..
Ancora Imparo.
Love you all,
Kerilyn

"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent leftand I could say, "I used everything that you gave me."- Erma Bombeck (thanks k.. i loved this quote)

High/Low 10.7.04

Yawn.... hey everyone...

It's 9pm Thursday nite and I'm bout to go to bed (I know.. your saying.. it's WAY to early to go to bed.. but I'm pooped!!!) Today was a nice day..nothing exciting or saddening happened today.. had a mediocre day.. work.. home for lunch (didn't want to go back to work) after work I tried accessing how much stuff I have to pack (yea.. a lot). My sister came.. we went to Outback for dinner (yum) but we both were so tired that the conversation was not as vivacious as it should be, seeing as how I haven't seen or talked to her really in 2 weeks.. so here I sit.. ready for bed..

Ready for the weekend.. weekend of packing, and painting.. and packing and painting.. painting the kitchen cabinets in the new place.. Painting a wall in the basement, soon to be my office, with chalkboard paint.. (hopefully I'll get to it) gotta pull up the rest of the staples from Naomi pulling up the carpet, to prepare the finishers to sand, wax and finish the floors (they're going to look SO good) Naomi has the electrician coming tomorrow to change out the old, screw in fuses with an upgraded fuse box.. I feel SO blessed.. I'm going to have a new house once I'm done!!!

Anyway.. if you are free and in the area.. give me a call.. I'd love help... :) Just so you know.. cell is 703-626-9790.
Have a great weekend my family and friends.. Tread lightly on yourselves.
Ancora Imparo.
Love you all,
Kerilyn

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." . . . You must do the thing you think you cannot do. "- Eleanor Roosevelt

I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned the hard way that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the most of it without knowing whats going to happen next."Gilda Radner

Life is like playing the violin solo in public and learning the instument as you go."
- Edward Geroge Bulwer-Lytton

"Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction." - Antoine de Saint-Exupery (a recent repeat but I love this one!!)

High/Low 10.6.04

hola mi senoritas y senors...

how art thou? Is it Friday yet? dang.. it's not. well it's official.. officially chilly out.. officially the break out the sweaters and lightweight jackets season.. put away the flip flops (a move I resist till I HAVE to) and break out the knee high stockings. It's FALL. I have a feeling this fall might prove to be a very good one.. I can sense some changes around the corner.. and what a great time for change.. love it!

High: First off.. I went to this Interior Design trade show in Baltimore today.. originally my boss and I were going to go but my boss got in a car accident (don't worry, he's fine) and so I was able to go by myself ... was SO happy about that. My high of the work day was seeing 2 specific people at this trade show... two very genuine and beautiful people in a sea of, TO ME, those that could care LESS about others and more about their own welfare. When I saw these two kindred spirits, I felt 'so much myself'. I look forward to getting to know them more in the coming months.. I called the woman at the Corcoran today.. and she called me back!!! She's going to call me on Monday (she is out of town till then) to set up an appointment!!! WOO HOO!! Getting her message tonite was like hearing I won something.. fingers crossed!!!! and THEN.. I had a date tonite.. a tall drink of water (6'3") named Lee.. a fellow former New Yorker... I had a great time..went to eat yummy food.. he loves to read.. (love that) and is a cutie pie... (is that dorky to say? cutie pie?) anyway.. I'm looking forward to our next date already!!

Low: That trade show.. eww.. I was surrounded by Interior Designers.. talking Interior Design.. something I really.. have no yearning to talk about.. True.. I am completely intrigued with the things I saw.. the fabrics, furniture, etc.. but seeing all these pretentious, stuck up people.. COMPLETELY reconfirmed my distaste for my profession..and actually made me so happy that my passion for it has morphed into something more for me. Maybe I feel this way because I feel my spirit has been broken with respect to design.. going thru 5 jobs in 5 years.. but part of it is the fact that for the most part.. and this I didn't really, honestly know.. how much Interior Design involves dealing with superficial and sometimes mean people (Davina, Jen Nelson, Shannon, Mehri, Megghan .... KNOW I am not talking about you AT ALL!!!!) I was at this show.. like almost repulsed.

Anyway.. as I ramble.. I wish it was Thursday nite.. and tomorrow was Friday.. I'm ready for this weekend.. ya know what??? I have Monday off! Columbus Day!! Woo hoo! (I have been feeling lately like I'm always taking a day off.. but ya know what.. this one is paid!) k.. I'm off to bed.
thanks for listening my friends.
ancora imparo - "I am still learning" in Latin.
love you all,
kerilyn

"If you wish to glimpse inside a human soul and get to know a man, don't bother analyzing his ways of being silent, of talking, of weeping, of seeing how much he is moved by noble ideas; you will get better results if you just watch him laugh. If he laughs well, he's a good man."-- Feodor Mikhailovich Dostoyevsky

"Total self-esteem requires total and unconditional acceptance of yourself. You are a unique and worthy individual, regardless of your mistakes, defeats and failures, despite what others may think, say or feel about you or your behavior. If you truly accept and love yourself, you won't have a driving need for attention and approval. Self-esteem is a genuine love of self. Stop all adverse value judging of yourself. Stop accepting the adverse value judgments of others. Purge yourself of all condemnation, shame, blame, guilt & remorse."-- Unknown

High/Low 10.5.04

hey ya'll.

ok.. it's tuesday nite... I am feelin pretty good.. (well.. the debates were tonite and scrubs wasn't on.. that made me feel poopy) today was my favorite kinda day.. the FIRST day.. of wearing warmer clothes.. waking up and it's chilly out.. brisk air.. breathing in and it feels fresh.. LOVE this time of year!!!!! My favorite!!! the sky was really beautiful.. sporratic fluffy clouds.. so clear..

High: Had a uneventful day at work.. nothing too exciting.. got a cute message from my friend Shan who told me that Zach Braff was on the radio this morning.. thanks shan!!! Boss was out this morning and so it was chill... went to lunch and then took a drive out to our warehouse to pick up something.. it was a beautiful drive.. and I enjoyed being out of the office by myself.. after work I went to the gym.. worked out hard! and then met my girlfriend Stephanie in D.C. for dinner.. good to catch up! (She told me that Zach Braff was HERE!!! in D.C.!!!! I didn't know about it!!!!) tomorrow my boss and I are going to go up to Baltimore to a design trade show.. then I have a date.. Lee.. he's 6'3"..we'll see.

Low: The no scrubs thing tonite... dang. Other than that I can't think of anything... good thing.

Anyway.. my posts still seem short.. I'm a little preoccupied, in my mind, with all the packing I have to do.. all the things I have to get together... and the time is a ticking. Tomorrow is the big day.. I call the Dir of Personnell at the Corcoran.. FINGERS CROSSED EVERYONE!!! I'm going to see if she's free for Monday (I'm off.. Columbus Day!) as soon as I hear something.. I'll let you know!!!

k.. nite nite.
Ancora Imparo.
love you all,
Kerilyn

a GREAT poem, brought to you by my friend Kyra.. thanks K..

The Journey
By Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice -
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do -
determined to save
the only life that you could save.

High/Low 10.4.04

Hey folks..

How are you all? I'm good.. bit pooped.. but good. Been a long past few days.. but today was my reward.. took today off so I had today to myself.. to enjoy.. and I have.. Left for the funeral Friday evening.. overall was a good weekend.. supporting family and trying to do what I can to help... Came back.. today.. I got up.. went to the gym (go me!) then I went to go see this AWESOME, MIND BLOWING movie called "What the #$@% do we know" (http://whatthebleep.com/) great movie.. walked out of there.. feeling so good..

I'm sorry this is so short.. I'm tired.. and crampy..(sorry guys) and ready to go to sleep and start anew tomorrow!

till tomorrow.. be back to normal high/low format.
Ancora Imparo.
Love you all,
Kerilyn