High/Low 12.30.05

Heya!

AH... it's 1:36 and i'm home! i got up when i wanted..farted around this morning.. watched the movie Closer (love that movie.. so intense!) Knitted some.. made my way to the Dr.. then got my blood tests for thyroid... then drove to my favorite pho restaurant (vietnamese soup) YUM!!! Then went to Target... and now I'm here.. I downloaded some songs from ITunes :) put them on my IPOD ( i love this ipod thing!)

now.. i dont' know what to do... i think i'm going to take a WELL DESERVED nap! Maybe Pez, my fluffy kitty, will join me.. :) I"m just laying low today.. tomorrow!!! B Day... 10:30 AM massage! AH.. then Kristine is coming and then she, Naomi and i are going to go to PF Changs for dinner! YUM!

I hope ya'll have a great day! Happy 2006! I'll write again on Tuesday!
onward and upward!
kerilyn
www.ancora-imparo.net

High/Low 12.29.05

It's almost here... my 31st birthday!!!

Side note: It's funny to me.. I feel so much like when this time of the year rolls around.. that my birthday becomes some monumental thing in my life... it's not like i have big plans or anything... but I've always thought my birthday to be an amazing time... another year... I don't know if you feel that way too.. I have met people who think they're birthday is just another day.. for me it's not.. it's a BIG DAY.. (on top of that it's a pseudo-holiday) i'm a year older... and hopefully a year wiser (heh)

Ok.. so an amazing thing happened yesterday... I have been going back to the gym now for about 3 weeks... and somehow.. my ring.. that I had been wearing since i was in High school (for those of you who see me often.. u know the ring.. 6 different little bands with the little ball on each one) That ring has been on my finger since i was seriously 17.. I love it.. well somehow.. my ring and one of my FAVORITE pair of earrings had fallen out of my bag.. i quietly have been really upset about it.. well yesterday at the gym... I asked if there was a lost and found.. and you know what????? BOTH my ring.. and my favorite pair of earrings were in there~!!!!! I was SO excited!!! A miracle!

My amazing friend Paul suggested that I compile a list of things that make me feel safe.. i think it's a great idea.. I'm going to be starting a page on my website that are those things. It makes sense to focus on what makes me feel safe.. instead of worrying about all the things that aren't necessarily safe. Here are a few things.. off the top of my head.

1. Coming into the house every nite and seeing Pez at the door.
2. My morning routine (shower, meditation, writing you all, get ready)
3. Waking up to the smell of coffee
4. Being organized
5. Listening to my favorite songs OVER AND OVER.
6. Putting on a DVD while I go to bed.. putting on the sleep timer so the TV will shut off in 30 minutes.. that background noise is comforting.
7. Knowing I can come home.. and i have kitty food for pez that nite. It stinks when I dont' have kitty food.. and i have to run out.. ugh.

Ok.. that's just a few.. I think this might be a good exercise.. What makes YOU feel safe?

So I'm off tomorrow.. WOO HOO!!! I have a 10am Drs appt.. (thyroid tested) ugh. then I"m chillin!!! Today is goign to be a BUSY DAY!!! gotta pack a lot of work in today... going to gym tonite..

A REALLY exciting opportunity for Naomi came up! I'm SO psyched for her! i hope it works out.. it sounds SO right on.. Also, I got a BLOW ME AWAY email from a friend of mine.. so intuitive.. about my "stuff".. so loving.. and I downloaded a few more CDs onto my iPOD... LOVE IT!!!! Good workout last nite! Good meditation this morning.. :) These are kerilyns' random thoughts for the day.

ok ya'll.. i know today's post is disjointed.. but eh.. it's where i'm at..
onward and upward.
kerilyn
www.ancora-imparo.net

High/Low 12.28.05

Morning...

Wow..this morning FLEW by! I have to go quickly get ready for work.. but I wanted to check in with ya'll..

How does one find Balance? How is it possible to NOT live in the all or nothing? I am on a quest to find out how to achieve LIVING in balance.. not finding out what Balance IS.... That's where I've been in my head lately... trying to LIVE my faith.. instead of just believeing it..

I REALLY enjoy my IPOD!!! I went to the gym last nite.. I love it!!! Goin' to the gym tonite too! woo hoo!

I found out that I have to use all my accrued time off before the end of the year or i lose it.. well I have 3 days off.. so I took friday off (awesome a 4 day weekend!!! and a 4 day BIRTHDAY weekend nonetheless!) but I'm going to see how much stuff I can get done today.. so maybe I can have tomorrow off too! Wouldn't that be awesome~~~!!!! (uh yes.. it would) So we'll see..

ok.. gotta scoot... have a good day
onward and upward
kerilyn
www.ancora-imparo.net

High/Low 12.27.05

Hey ya'll..

Merry Belated Christmas to ya... Did Santa bring you what you wanted? He did me.. I got an IPOD... exactly what I wanted.. yea! I've already downloaded a few CDs to it.. so I can have a broader selection when I go to the gym.. woo hoo.

Really haven't felt in a chatty mood the past few days.. all in all.. when you take away emotion.. and just appreciate it for what it was.. my holiday was very nice.. Good food.. family getting together to put up christmas tree/decorations, and watching movies together, hanging out with my sister.. I am appreciative because I know a lot of people in this world do not have the comfort of hanging with their family at home..

So back to work I go today.. do I want to? Hell to the no. I got home from my parentals around 2 yesterday afternoon.. and spend it doing laundry and cleaning.. so I don't really feel rested or mentally prepared for work today.. eh.. gotta just push thru it....

Anyway.. I wish you all a good day.
onward and upward.
kerilyn
www.ancora-imparo.net

High/Low 12.23.05 It's here~!

Hey ya'll....

I woke up in a good mood today! woo hoo. Dont' know why exactly.. maybe because it's FRIDAY!!!! WOO HOO!!!! also.. the traffic going to work today should be quite light.. that makes me happy.. and we are having some sort of luncheon.. and then hopefully we can get out of the office around noonish..

Yesterday I felt quite sad.... brewing tears on the edges of my eyes.. and that nose stingy feeling most of the day... I miss Peter.. I just miss him being in my life.. on an every day basis.. his phone calls.. etc.. but mostly.. I miss our friendship.. hanging out.. laughing.. poking fun at each other.. I know.. I know.. you're thinking... "but you KNOW.. that you feel like you two should only be friends.' yea.. i do.. but that's what i miss.. i miss my friend. Right now I think that until our intentions are clear that we can be friends.. we need to hold off seeing each other.. (this is my side.. who KNOWS what he thinks) But I miss him... he's been in my life for 6 years... and It's like I'm missing my right arm... bit dramatic but still...

Gym was good last nite.. the 30 minutes on the elliptical went really quickly for some reason.. I'm officially hooked on the gym again.. makes me happy... did a short arm workout.. it'll be an even better workout if I get an IPOD for christmas!!! LOL!!!

I went to bed last nite at 9:30.. and knitted a bit..and read a bit of my new 'Real Simple' Magazine... I like doing that.. hanging out in bed before i go to sleep...

Ok all.. I wish you a great holiday.. wherever you are... I probably wont' write again till Tuesday morning.. Pez and I are going to my parents house tonite.. dropping Pez off.. I'm staying over Kristines.. I'll be helping her at her Yankee Candle store tomorrow.. and then Sunday.. well is Christmas!

Thank you all for being in my life.. for invisibly supporting me by being my wall of support from a distance.. Reading about my life.. makes you think about me.. and in thinking about me.. you send energy in my direction... Well I appreciate it.. and always have.

Happy Holidays!
onward and upward
Kerilyn
www.ancora-imparo.net

High/Low 12.22.05

Hey ya'll...

Thursday... one more day to go!!! Thankfully... I think it's supposed to be a bit warmer than usual here today.. high 40's.

Yesterdays High of the day was coming home and getting 4 christmas cards... (thank you Liz/Matthew for your card too.. SO nice!) Among the cards, I got a card from my great friend Felton.. he wrote some really nice thoughts inside.. It really really made my day. (thank you Felton honey! I needed to hear that SO much.. New year.. U, me and Tanya (sp?) - so I can finally meet your wife!) Getting cards made me kinda feel a little guilty that I didn't do cards this year..

I have made a vow to myself.. that next year.. no matter where I am.. or what I'm doing.. I'm going to get myself in the christmas spirit. I'm going to do cards, and put up a tree.. and um.. bake? It makes me a little sad.. besides my mistletoe candle sitting right here next to the computer that i burn from time to time.. I don't have much in the way of visually expressing my christmas spirit this year. I love christmas.. not so much for the presents and money and rushing around part.. but there's a feeling in the air.. it's when.. in my opinion.. i'm closest to actually remembering when I was a child.. and how that felt. It seems like at Christmas time.. I feel a little giddy.. and a little over excited.. maybe reminicing of the days when I believed in the Big Red Man... I don't know... But I LOVE having a tree and putting up lights.. and hanging cards from the doorways... life goes fast and we all have things to do.. our "stuff" to work out... but Christmas (to me) should be a time of almost forced slowness.. for a little while anyway. That's why I'm kinda excited to go home to my parents... the house will be decorated.. and I can borrow my mother's christmas spirit for a few days...

A busy bee am I at work.. I ended up not going to the gym and working late.. thankfully my kickass co-worker Kellee (Kel-eee) stayed working on her stuff.. I think she is tres cool. I'm going to be busy today too.. I have to knock out some installation drawings for a job on Tuesday. Ugh.

I quickly went to the local mall last nite for a present.. and bought these cool $5.00 bracelets which I can't WAIT to wear today.. I love the way bracelets sound... clinking around. :)

I AM going to leave work a little early and get my butt to the gym!!!
k.. have a good day.
onward and upward
kerilyn

a GREAT message for all of us.. Life as a Lesson.

I get this daily email.. a daily inspirational message on www.dailyohm.com . Today's was quite good and I wanted to share it with all of you... it helps me to read this.. Especially the part where I feel like I'm not "getting it".. I'm sure ya'll feel that way sometimes too.. I hope you enjoy this.

December 21, 2005
Lessons Of Discovery
Instruction Manuals For Living

Depending on what stage we are in our lives, we can sometimes feel like we ought to know more about who we are or how to live. We may even berate ourselves for making the same mistakes, or for just not "getting it," whatever "it" may be. We wonder how our lives would be now, if only we had "known better." During moments like these, it is important to remember that none of us are born with instruction manuals and that learning lessons is a lifelong journey.

Inherent to our being born is that we are here to observe, learn, and grow. Accompanying this is a built-in guarantee that there will be mistakes and misadventures along the way. And while it is only natural that we may sometimes become overwhelmed, especially when the lessons keep coming, it is important to remember that learning to understand yourself and your world is an ongoing and active process where the journey is more important than the destination. Every lesson is intended so you can become more of who you are. And as you grow through this self-discovery, you begin to create your own instruction manual. The "how's" and "why's" are yours to discover, and part of the beauty of being alive is that these rules are always changing.

If you feel that you would like to explore what your personal instruction manual may already say, then try writing down in order some of the significant events that have happened to you. It's also important to take note of what you learned from each one. When you are done, you may be surprised to discover how much you are always growing, and that every lesson learned always informs the next. That being said, there is never any need to be hard on yourself or think that you should have it all figured out. We always know as much as we're meant to know at that moment, and growing into our fullness is a process that unfolds in divine timing. You and your life are beautiful works in progress. Discover yourself and embrace your life's lessons, and your instruction manual will create itself.

High/Low 12.21.05

Hey there...

Wednesday... Come on Friday!!!.. say, around noonish.. I'm ready to have a few days off... I really want to sleep in for some reason.. been quite tired lately...

Nothing much to say today.. Work is busy.. but SOO thankfully I don't feel overwhelmed much anymore... a blessing.. today i'm back in Beltsville... which is good because I gotta work on some installation drawings that I need help with.. then i'm back in Herndon tomorrow.. and then in Beltsville on Friday.. I'm a nomad.

Went to the gym.. i forgot my little clippy thing to clip my hair back.. it was bugging me while on the elliptical thing.. my hair bouncing around in my face..grrr. good workout..

I Tivo'd this show on Discovery this weekend about Tsunami's.. and the one from last year.. these scientists went to where the earthquake began in the Indian ocean to recreate a computer generated wave... wow.. I've always.. since I was little..been enamoured with tidal waves.. and watching this program gave me the heeby jeebies... footage from the tsunami from last year.. ugh.. it's very freaky... It also makes me think about all the silly things I worry about... when not much of it is REALLY important... not at all..

See.. nothing much to report.. going to gym again tonite.. gotta get 3 days in there.. and Friday is out.. going to sisters.. I'm working with Kristine at the store on Christmas Eve...

alright hope you have a good day..
onward and upward.
kerilyn

High/Low 12.20.05

Hey....

Tuesday.. five days left till the big man in red comes... u ready? I'm not.. I am ready though.. for a few days off... and the ease of traffic that everyone going out of town brings... it's chilly outside today.. brr..

Last nite I went to the first gathering of a local knitting/craft circle... last nite it was all knitters.. and truthfully.. I was the oldest there.. the average age was 23. So cool to see younger people do stuff like this... to be creative. I felt a little old at first... they talked at length about college.. and the college world... they spoke like young 20 somethings.. with the world at their feet.. they can accomplish everything... Man.. I had that... and then lay off and lay off and lay off and the "real world" ... it was kinda nice... to hear them talk about what they want to do with their lives... and awkward because i know that somewhere in that dreamy talk.. is the outcome.. which doesn't usually add up to what we expected in our heads... Made me a little sad... I got a bit farther on my skarf... I'm psyched.. one of the girls, Kate, is an experienced knitter.. and she's going to teach me how to cable knit.. woo hoo.. cool scarves for everyone! At the end.. we talked about art.. and Annsley the originator of the circle.. remembered I made cards.. so I showed the group.. they LOVED THEM!!! I was floating on cloud nine!!! That was really the highlight of my day.. At that halfway mark last nite.. i was thinking "i'm not sure i'm going to go again.. i'm so much older.. can't relate to them" but I walked away thinking.. "we'll give it a try.. maybe I can impart some good advice along the way".. and.. learn how to cable knit.

Work was good.. I definitely feel less panicky.. good to be around the other designers again.. hear that they too.. feel overwhelmed.. and how they handle it.. My one designer co-worker.. Kellee (Kel-eee) she and i have been getting to know each other.. she is tres cool.. Today i go to Herndon.. i'm going to be busy today... tonite.. is the gym.

My car is making a rattling noise.. sounds like the struts.. i called the salesman who sold me my car.. he's going to try to help.. so it can be fixed under warranty.. which would be SWEET!!!!

ok.. have a good day.
onward and upward.
kerilyn

High/Low 12.19.05 For the Record.....

morning ya'll.

ok.. i was all set to write a nice email briefing you on my goings on this weekend.. then i was struck by some sentences that makes me want to say this to all of you.. to clarify.. FOR THE RECORD.... i hope you all are listening...

i've been doing this for almost 4 years now..writing my high/low people... and i've for the most part..enjoyed doing it.. it's freeing... liberating.. and USUALLY the comments i get help me to not feel so alone.. that others feel the same way.. it's reaching out...

for the record also.. i KNOW you all have ... probably to the same degree.. the same (in different situations) the SAME theme of issues going on in your lives.. i'm not taking that away at all.. this whole high/low thing.. was started as a way to keep in touch with others... to let them in on what's going on in our lives.. started by my old roommate Lisa (who is the ONLY other one who writes a Hi/Lo..... )

but i want you ALL to know.. that if you find that my doing this..writing this.. annoys you.. bugs you.. makes you angry.. or makes you say outloud.. or even to yourselves... "What is UP with this girl that she thinks I WANT to hear about her life.. Doesn't she know that I have my own problems too.. what makes her think I care about what's going on with HER????" if this is a thought in your mind... let me just say.. for the record.

at ANY TIME... i repeat.. ANY TIME........... u just send me a short sweet little email saying.. "please do not send me your emails anymore" and i will not even ask you for a reason.. i'll probably write back and say "ok.. hope your well." of course i'll wonder in my head.. but for your sake and my own... i won't ask...

and.. if your reading these dailies.... and then talking smack behind my back... please make sure I don't find out about it.... it really makes me upset to hear that I know that that is happening.... this is not a mandatory thing.. you do not HAVE to read these........

So I say to you all... if you don't want to read about my life.... then tell me and i'll take you off my list.... to all of you out there in cyber space... just randomly coming into my blog today... i send the link to my blog to almost 70 people when i post...

ok... sigh.. for now i have to go to work.. but i'm serious.. my intention is NEVER to burden anyone with frustration....

High/Low 12.16.05

Hey there everyone..

Friday at last... My whole being is so happy for this fact... I can't even tell ya.... So like usual.. this scary "OOH.. IT'S GOING TO BE A BLIZZARD!! CLOSE THE SCHOOLS!!! DON'T GET OUT ON THE ROADS!!! THE END IS COMING!!!" weather reports turned out to, once again, be extremely incorrect.. yea.. it snowed a bit.. but then it changed to rain and that was the bulk of the day.. rain. Thankfully. But it's cold.. freeze your tootsies off cold.. my fingers wouldn't warm up all day...

Ok.. another hard day yesterday.. Back in Beltsville.. well.. let me take that back.. it wasn't as bad as I'm making out to be.. there was a bad stretch in there.. My stomach was nervous all day.. I didn't eat lunch... just plugged away at work.. I GOTTA get a hold of myself and my panic mode.. I ADMIT (hear me people who want to lecture me on what i'm doing??) that I get this way.. it's almost an involuntary reaction. The more voluntary reaction for me would be to breathe... and to just step back and see the big picture.. of course volunteering takes making conscious decisions.. and in the moment.. Ugh.. this frustrates me about myself. I WANT to learn not to react in panic.. I need to find out how to do that... I need some practice.

Because everyone was frightened into their houses to wait out the big bad storm... lots of schools were closed and therefore.. lots of parents were home.. so it only took me 30 minutes to get home last nite!! That was SUCH a highlight of my day.. i'll tell ya..

Naomi and I went to our favorite pizza joint last nite.. and we got dinner.. sat there and chatted a good long while.. to the point that Diane, I would guess she's an owner.. brought us out 2 cookies.. How nice is THAT!!! We have become pseudo regulars there.. we're on a first name basis with Diane.. :) I am SO DAMN blessed to have Naomi so close.. and right there to be able to vent to.. and help pick me up when i'm coming undone in front of her... The fact that I have someone who can help me not feel like i'm the ONLY one that has these situational experiences... is so comforting!!!

My friend LeeAnne has also been writing me these AMAZINGLY comforting emails.. wow.. the power in her words helps pick me up right away when I read them... and for a second.. I"m like "HELL YEA!" Thanks LeeAnne.... another kindred spirit in my life. I'll tell ya LeeAnne...Don't ever see your up frontness for weakness.. i'll tell ya.. I wish I had a bit of that bite in me the past two days.. I coulda used it.. but I felt it when I read your emails.. so that helps..

Tonite is the gym (yes.. the gym on a Friday nite) and then I'm going to that exhibit.. I didn't go last nite because i wasnt' in the right frame of mind.. (anyone want to go with me tonite? in Georgetown.. 3307 M Street? Say... 8:30ish? Steph? Naomi? Scott?)

Tomorrow is the hair cut and color!! WOO HOO!! I can't WAIT!
ok.. have a good weekend.
onward and upward.
kerilyn
www.ancora-imparo.net

High/Low 12.15.05

Howdy...

It's Thursday.. rounding down the week..Thank God. We're supposed to get some nasty weather here today.. snow and freezing rain... it hasn't started as of yet this morning.. I hope the weather people are wrong yet again.. with respect to the severity of this precipitation...

Sigh.. Yesterday at work, let's just say that as of today i'm going back to headquarters for 2 more weeks... to put more experience handing the process under my belt... Had quite a hard talk with the 'team leader'... she said some abrasive things to me.. already..and it has not left me feeling safe.. I have been enjoying what i was doing.. (glad i'm out of sales definitely) but I need to learn how to better prioritize my time.. Since I'm a week and a half new to all these projects/processes/people.. I'm getting overwhelmed and Kerilyn goes into panic mode when she is overwhelmed.. Well I think they're feeling my overwhelmedness as me not knowing what i'm doing..which i feel I do.. know what i'm doing.. I"m just a bit slower at it gotta give me a bit to acclimate.. So they're sending me back to Beltsville.. I'll admit that it's a bit embarrassing.. but I know it's all a test.. I KNOW I can do it.. I need to lean on the designers until I get my bearings. It probably will be a rough day.. having to walk into the office.... probably with the thoughts that 'she wasn't ready to be on her own yet'.. sigh.. what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.. right?

So my own defensiveness comes in... I know i can do it.. Have faith in me.. I'm not perfect.. and I do have my own neurosis.. downfalls... this panic thing.. or "wounded dog syndrome" is my downfall... I need to get over it.. i KNOW that.. So the universe listens and puts me into situations where I can learn.. to get over it.. and get over myself.. NOT EASY... NOT EASY... but I guess necessary in my own life's progression (trying to be positive) .

So yea..we'll see what happens.. I pray that I am able to drop my ego.. defensiveness..and move to a place of strength.. and courage.

Random thought... Been a week now.. Peter hasn't called me.. and i need to leave him alone.. so he can heal... and i can heal.. but i'll admit it's been kinda lonely.. he's been the person to do the daily check in phone call every morning.. and it's strange not hearing my cell phone ring on my way to work :(

I say again.. I NEED to go to bed earlier!!! I stayed up watching Project Runway and was up till 11ish with Naomi's roommate Tara... I actually set my alarm for 4:45 this morning (I have to go to the pharmacy and get gas before my drive to Beltsville.. have to leave earlier) so my meditation started out strong.. and ended up with the head nods.. funny thing... I don't know when the shift from meditating to partially sleeping occurs.. it FEELS like i'm meditating.... weird.

And I did.. go to the gym last nite.. traffic was STINKY.. but I got to the gym and decided I needed to move my body.. after the events that happened yesterday... Tonite I would like to go to an exhbition opening in Georgetown.. for the 'PostSecret' exhibit.. but it all depends on how today goes.. and the weather.. I might just go after the gym tomorrow.. check it out.

Do me a fave? Say a prayer/affirmation for me.. Send me some white light.. I could seriously use it today... Thank you very much.

onward and upward.
kerilyn
www.ancora-imparo.net

High/Low 12.14.05

Hey everyone...

how goes it? Wednesday.. it's almost 7 and it's really dark out still... strange.. from what i hear.. today might be the coldest day of the year to date.. I think in the teens this morning.. definitely worth warming the car up before I get on the road. The heat is going a bit more than usual..

Yesterday was an ok day at work... nothing exciting.. the overly ambitious salesmen that has been putting pressure on me to get 10 things done with 2 hands.. was out until late afternoon which gave me a moment to catch up.. which is good. He hovers over me.. every once in a while asking me if i'm done yet.. am i done yet.. ooh! it's frustrating!

Things that made my day:

1. I joined a knitting/craft circle.. it offically starts in January.. but we're going to get together to meet this upcoming Monday.. it's a group of women.. i predict range from the 20's - 40's.. who for 2 hours, once a week.. will get together to knit.. or do their own art/craft.. I'm kinda psyched.. I think it'll be a great way to meet new people.

2. My girl Danielle wrote me a nice email yesterday that made me happy.. Told me she wanted to buy a few cards.... and how she would buy them on the website if she could (future goal to get paypal for people to buy online.. I don't have that much of a insurge of requests.. yet.)

3. I met my sister for dinner last nite.. we had a good time chatting. Then we went to Target.. we were silly... it was SO nice to be silly with my sister. We decided she's going to come out and spend New Years Eve with me.. not sure the exact plan yet.. but it'll be nice hanging out with her (Naomi.. I forget if we are doing dinner.. i think we might be, if so, Kristine wants to join if not, I think we can do something local and chill.. even make dinner)

I stayed up WAY too late last nite.. and watched an old movie 'Deep Impact' about an asteroid that hits earth and clear knocks out the East Coast... with the Tsunami's and hurricanes of recent times... and my strong belief that Earth Shifts are upon us... I was a crying MESS watching the disaster scene.... it really kinda made me think ' What if today WAS the last day?" What am I whining and complaining about .. and how can i really bring more value to today?" So i feel better today.. still feel blue inside, quite a bit.. still don't feel like being all to social... but I needed that virtual slap into a more realized frame of mind. To appreciate all I do have.. and get out of my own way to be happy.

Going to the gym tonite! (random thought)
ok.. have a good day... tomorrow is payday! Thankfully!!!
kerilyn
www.ancora-imparo.net

High/Low 12.13.05

hey ya'll..

nothing much to say this morning...

my friend Scott has been sending me pick me up emails.. thanks Scott.. makes me happy...
I went to the gym last nite.. felt good.
I made a yummy dinner... mmm mushrooms, and carrots and a hamburger.. doesn't sound tasty but it WAS.
I Tivo'd the "Issac Mizrahi Show' on the 'Style' channel... watched it last nite.. I like him.. I think he's sincere.. and he is being 'so much himself' which i love..
I talked to my Auntie yesterday.... about the mysteries of life.. affirmations, etc... sigh...

I'm tired today... again.. i feel really wiped out.. need to go to bed earlier.. been going to bed at 11ish..

that's about it... I am VERY psyched to get my hair cut and colored on Saturday ... it needs it!!! And I scheduled a massage at this very' she she' salon/spa on my birthday... I don't have any other plans.. and so I'm going to go get pampered..

k... have a great day.. (it can't be all hearts and flowers everyday... gotta have days of the dulldromes.)
onward and upward
kerilyn
www.ancora-imparo.net

High/Low 12.12.05

Ah.. Monday Morning it is...

I feel tired this morning.. little tough to get up and going.. when I'm a morning person and usually that doesn't happen.. Looks cold outside... brr.. we might get some snow flurries on wednesday...

So my weekend.. in one word... Solitude. Felt a bit lonely this weekend... actually i'll be honest.. felt more than a bit lonely.. i know we've all had one.. but i had one of those weekends when i felt like noone cared.. noone was around.. and the silence was almost tangible.. It doesn't happen often.. but It's these kinds of weekends when I realize that I have friends that I don't ever put forth the regular effort towards... so it's no wonder they're not calling you.. asking you what your doing... The ironic part is.. I didn't feel like being social... but i think it would've been nice if someone reached out and said.. "hey.. i acknowledge your presence in my life" lol.. silly kerilyn...

I went to my sister's Saturday nite.. her roommates Jason and Hendrick had their xmas party.. the food was GOOD! and it was nice to be around people, albeit people i don't know.. and kinda be a like a fly on the wall... for a while anyway...

I think the highlight of the weekend.. was catching up with Angela Saturday morning... deep thoughts we had but it was good to see what she's been up to.. since i don't see her anymore.. 2. Dropping my cards off at 'A Show of Hands'! (woo hoo!) 3. This awesome Phillipino beef dish that Hendrick made.. (oh my it was SO good!) 4. Eating Pho yesterday by myself.. reading Oprah..

It doesn't have to be exciting.. big things.. the little things are equally as nice..
Hope ya'll have a great week. Countdown to Christmas.. Do I have anything bought? um. um.. um..? no. eh.. i will.
onward and upward
kerilyn
www.ancora-imparo.net

My First Official Public Forum!!! - A Show of Hands!!!

Hey everyone!!!

I am SO excited to tell you that as of yesterday.... my cards can now be bought at a local art shop here in Alexandria, VA!!!! I had mentioned before turkey day.. that I went into this shop and showed my cards to the owner... well I went there yesterday.. with 7 different cards, 5 of each and signed my first "consignment agreement" laying out payment,etc..

We'll see how they do.. especially at this time of the year! I predict good things to come! The shop is a small shop.. of all local art! I am SO psyched.. I felt so amazing talking to the owner about my cards.. and how she was going to display them! Wow!!! I felt so amazing!

I of course COMPLETELY forgot to get their business card.. in the maylay of my excitement..and I don't think they currently have a website up.. but I found this little article about the Grand Opening.. I'll have to keep you updated.. I'm selling my cards for $3.00 a card to the shop (consignment pricing since the shop is doing me a favor by selling them) and they'll upcharge them to the public and sell them.. and as they're sold.. they'll send me a check, with a list of the cards that sold (I predict 2 of each card a month.. maybe 3) So we'll see!!!!! Wow.. who knew... that my one card that I created to help me get thru a period of feeling alone.. could now be in the hands of other people who feel the same way!!!

Anyway.. here's the little article!!! Funny.. I've had many dealings with Pat Miller from Art on the Avenue.. funny that the title of the article is named AOTA everyday.... woo hoo!

"Art on the Avenue everyday!

"A Show of Hands," a new retail store, located at 2204 Mt. Vernon Avenue, showcasing original art in Del Ray, will hold their grand opening Sunday, December 3rd, from 3-6:00 PM. The store, owned by Pat Miller and Maria Wasowski, will sell original art from local artists.

"We're hopeful that we can provide the community original fine crafts and art hand-made by local artists," said Pat. The shop will consign with artists to sell their work. "We are hopeful local artists will consign with us so we can show the public what great works our artists create."

That's ME!!!!!! I'm a hopeful local artist!!!! :) Kerilyn with PERMAGRIN!!!!

High/Low 12.11.05 A Sunday quote

to go with your coffee and sunday newspaper.

I read this and it TOTALLY hit the nail on the head of where i am right now... so i wanted to share..

"If you always do what you always do, you'll always get what you've always got." - Unknown

High/Low 12.9.05

Hey..

I went to bed around 11pm last nite.. no precpitation.. nothing..wake up.. bing! 2 inches.. and like an inch of ice... damn. so I called the main office.. we're on a delay.. whew! gives me time to see if I am goign to journey in.. I'm SURE That by 10.. it'll be better.. fingers crossed anyway...

So yes.. it's been a rough week... rough in every aspect... work... sitting in traffic (grr!)... the men in my life... my fears sitting there like a plate of liver and onions.. eww stinky.. funny thing is that deep inside... my spirit self.. feels really good.. Inside i feel good.. grounded.. just cause on the outside i can't stop crying and I feel alone... on the inside i know it's good.. what's happening...

So i decided.. wait.. gotta insert notes here...

(COVER YOUR BUTT NOTES: I am saying this today..and I mean it... strongly.. but that doesn't mean that my whole energy around this can change tomorrow.... something could change.. and I'll decide differently.. but for RIGHT NOW.. I am saying this is my desire.)

ok.. So now that I've told Peter (for the 3rd and final time) that I thinkwe should only be friends..(side note: For all you who don't know.. or think you know because you read this...for the record.. I SINCERELY care and love Peter.. with all my heart..my first reciprocity.. and my first boyfriend... but I need to not hurt him anymore.. and let him go.. I'm being cruel.. and I know this.. I need to stay away and let him heal.. and meet someone else.. this is NOT fair to him.. or to me) and now that he's not talking to me.. and i'm GOING to stick with this healing process for both of our sakes.. not call him to "see" if he's ok.. I'm going to just focus SOLELY on me.. voluntarily put blinders on.. I do not wish to date for now... I have already emailed the couple of people i've been chatting with.. and I NEED to do this.. like my own damn New Years Resolution.. sounds militant.. coming from someone who wants it so badly.. but I am swearing off dating..(yea.. when do you hear ME say that? uh.. never) but i'm sending out energy that I want this really badly.. and so that energy might be interpreted as desparation.. so i retract my energy.. and give that energy to myself...I stop that flow of "i want a relationship" energy.. focus it on me.. when the time is right.. it'll change..

That's where I am as of today.. this moment.. I feel strong about it.. and scared at the same time.. I've always had my energy out there.. spiritual fingers dipping into the pool of "hmm.. maybe he's the one..." to NO AVAIL. It'll be interesting to see how my fears react to not looking.. if i were to predict.. it'll bring out the "i'm not worth anything" fear and loneliness.. but i need to push PAST That fear.. (recognize it as my truth) and keep going (to the gym where i need to REALLY commit to now) back to the place where i know i am worth it..

Anyway... I'm goign to get ready now.. and start shoveling... I hope you have a good day.. I'm vomiting my insides here right now... I ask that if you could.. you would take what i'm saying with care.. and not JAB ME.. I can see my "stuff" (and know there's more that i'm not exploring right now) but I only have 2 hands... and one heart.

Have a great day... Happy Friday!! I'm looking forward to the weekend!
:) love you all!!!
kerilyn
www.ancora-imparo.net

High/Low 12.8.05

hey ya'll...

creeping toward the weekend.. i wish it was Friday... eh... looks like there's a winter storm warning for tonite into tomorrow.. so who knows.. maybe I'll have a 3 day weekend.. that'll be nice i guess.. I've become your unofficial weather person for the VA/DC area.

...WINTER STORM WARNING IN EFFECT FROM 6 PM THIS EVENING TO 12 PM EST FRIDAY...

THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN STERLING VIRGINIA HAS ISSUED A WINTER STORM WARNING...WHICH IS IN EFFECT FROM 6 PM THIS EVENING TO 12 PM EST FRIDAY. THE WINTER STORM WATCH IS NO LONGER IN EFFECT.

A WINTER STORM IS CURRENTLY TAKING SHAPE ACROSS THE OHIO VALLEY...AND IS FORECAST TO ADVANCE INTO OUR REGION THIS EVENING. THIS STORM HAS A POTENTIAL OF PRODUCING A MIXED BAG OF SNOW...SLEET AND FREEZING RAIN ACROSS THE DC AND BALTIMORE METRO AREAS. TOTAL ACCUMULATIONS OF SNOW AND SLEET OF 3 TO 6 INCHES ARE EXPECTED BY FRIDAY MORNING.

A WINTER STORM WARNING MEANS SIGNIFICANT AMOUNTS OF SNOW... SLEET...AND ICE ARE EXPECTED. THIS WILL MAKE TRAVEL VERY HAZARDOUS. IF YOU MUST TRAVEL...KEEP AN EXTRA FLASHLIGHT...FOOD...AND WATER IN YOUR VEHICLE IN CASE OF AN EMERGENCY.

oh goodie... significant amounts...just what I like to hear (NOT!) We'll see.. our snow scare earlier this week turned out to be nothing.. so maybe this will be the same.. who knows..

I'm not really in a chatty mood... Yesterday not a happy happy joy joy day.. The only good thing that happened.. was that I watched great episodes of 'My name is Earl' and "Kitchen Confidential' and then 'Veronica Mars' (I love this show) . I have 10 jobs on my plate at work already.. and feel overwhelmed already.. sigh.. whatever.. so I'll probably be slammed again today... I know this sorta stuff ebbs and flows.. but damn.. i've only been at new location a week.. whatever... (What am I talking about... I am STONG enough and SMART enough to handle this...to handle EVERYTHING! I am SUPER WOMAN!!!!!!) I also told Peter I do not think that we should see each other anymore..didn't go over very well. (i don't want to talk about it)

Kristine (sister) is supposed to meet me for lunch today.. I hope that I'm not so freaking slammed that I am able to enjoy her company...

k.. c ya. I am feeling quite angry and vengeful at the moment very sad.. and exposed.. raw even..this morning , i looked long and hard at what months and years of overeating has done to my body.. yea.. it makes me want to never go outside the house again... so excuse me if I'm not chipper!

kerilyn

High/Low 12.7.05

Wow.. it's already the 7th!

Time is flying... Tick tock.. santa is coming!!! Does this Santa have any goodies for her bag yet? uh. no. not yet.. lol...

Ok.. gotta make this QUICK... running late (hard to write lots in the morning.. since i have to leave earlier)

Busy day yesterday.. working working.. eating lunch at desk...go go go... I get an email from the Sr. Designer... she said I'm doing a great job.. that I"m really quick on CAD and picking up stuff really quickly... thankfully I expressed my concern that I'm not going fast enough and having the salespeople have to wait in tow... (one of the salesmen is a bit frustrated that I'm either working on other projects.. or can't do what he says IMMEDIATELY) and it's causing me some anxiety... Thankfully the Sr. Designer called me and assured me that I do not need to go fast.. and that she'll try to help with my anxiety.. WHEW.. that made my day... I kinda took a deep breath and exhaled relaxing in her comments...

Drove home.. and of course.. went to Best Buy to get that AWESOME CD I mentioned yesterday.. 'Imogen Heap'. I can't stop listening to that 'hide and seek' song.. and now that i have the lyrics.. wow.. good damn song...

I found out yesterday that my former roomie from WVU.. Lisa (my co-originator of these High/lows) is pregnant. Her second child on the way!!! She's already 4 months along... woo hoo!!! (Side note: Will Kerilyn ever have baby in belly? only time will tell.... one foot in front of another..)

Tonite gym.... ok... gotta run.... sss (sorry so short!) how 12 yr old am i? lol!!!
onward and upward!
kerilyn
www.ancora-imparo.net

PS: i'm so excited.. in 2 weeks or so.. I"m going for my 2nd and 3rd tattoos... getting 'Ancora Imparo, I am still learning" in latin" above and below my current tattoo... i'm SOOO excited!!! It's Peter's christmas gift to me.. i'm so excited!!!!

High/Low 12.6.05

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas....

Yea.. we got the white stuff.. THANKFULLY and I haven't been on the roads yet.. it didn't stick to the roads.. Who knows how icy it is though.. ugh. It started falling around noonish yesterday.. and out where we were.. by 2:30.. it started to stick... Basically was told to leave.. and so at 3.. I headed home.. I should've remembered that it's colder out by my parents/sister and now where i work.. because as I drive toward DC/Alexandria.. it's just kinda melting.. I was happy to see this but ugh.. I could've stayed and worked.. I ended up going to the gym which was NICE because noone was there.. the ride home from the gym was SLOW going.... I got home.. was glad to be home.. and knitted, watched latest episode of Grey's Anatomy (This is a GREAT show.. and I recommend you all catch it.. or Tivo it!!! A throwback to when ER was GREAT!)

I somehow stumbled upon my NEWEST FAVORITE SONG!!! When I saw 'Garden State'.. and that last song came on... I was instantaneously in love with Frou Frou and went out the next day to get the 'Details' CD.. played it on Repeat.. and then when i went to the gym.. for MONTHS listened to that one CD.. seriously... over and over and over... (yea.. Repeat Queen here) Well last nite i was messing around with my new profile on ' myspace.com' and ran across someones profile and BAM! this song started playing.. it was the SAME feeling as the Frou Frou song.. Well heck if it's the same woman who was the lead in Frou Frou... Imogen Heap ... Well I am going out sometime to get her solo CD... Wow.. the song 'Hide and Seek' (Kyra.. u gotta hear this.. i think you'll love it.. Angela... you too.. Sweetcheeks, you too) Anyway... I love this song so much I just dedicated a whole paragraph to explaining it's discovery in my life... now that's love.. and that's also the little things.

One last thing that makes my stomach knot up.. I'm really liking my job.. really liking what i'm doing.. but I'm really busy.. I always get a little nervous when I have to meet multiple deadlines.. and its kinda made me nervous the past 2 work days.... plus i'm new to this... hopefully everyone knows that I'm still learning... lol.. Ancora Imparo.. but still.. my meditation this morning was kinda rocky with nervous butterflies in stomach... gotta breathe thru this..

ok.. EEK.. gotta run! Hope you have a good day.. I might be having lunch with my sister today.. we'll see.. how busy I am.. if I can do it..
onward and upward
kerilyn
www.ancora-imparo.net

High/Low 12.5.05

Happy Monday ya'll...

What's shakin? ooh.. i'm tired this mornin... I was a busy bee this weekend... didn't get to rest much... lotsa stuff to do.. fun stuff... I had a great weekend overall... how bout you? So Saturday nite i saw my first snowfall of the year.. ugh... oh GREAT! (insert SEVERE sarcasm).. I just checked the weather....

...SNOW ADVISORY IN EFFECT FROM NOON TODAY TO 7 AM EST TUESDAY...

THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN STERLING VIRGINIA HAS ISSUED A SNOW ADVISORY...WHICH IS IN EFFECT FROM NOON TODAY TO 7 AM EST TUESDAY.

LOW PRESSURE DEVELOPING OVER THE GULF STATES WILL TRACK NORTHEASTWARD OVER THE CAROLINAS THIS AFTERNOON..AND THEN WELL EAST OF THE DELMARVA OVERNIGHT TONIGHT. LIGHT SNOW IS EXPECTED TO DEVELOP LATE THIS MORNING...INCREASE IN INTENSITY THIS AFTERNOON...CONTINUE THIS EVENING BEFORE TAPERING OFF AFTER MIDNIGHT. TOTAL ACCUMULATION IS EXPECTED TO BE 2 TO 4 INCHES.

A SNOW ADVISORY MEANS THAT PERIODS OF SNOW WILL CAUSE PRIMARILY TRAVEL DIFFICULTIES. BE PREPARED FOR SNOW COVERED ROADS AND LIMITED VISIBILITIES...AND USE CAUTION WHILE DRIVING."

How does Kerilyn feel about this? uh.. not good. I know.. I know.. it's only 2-4 inches.. but I"m NOT a snow driver!!! I admit it.. I'm a chicken when it comes to driving in the white stuff!!! ugh.. pit in my stomach now..

anyway.. a rundown.. friday i had a date.. he had to cancel :( I went to the gym instead..then to grocery store... Saturday I caught up with Naomi... made omelette which was GUDE! went and got a pedicure (toes look awesome!) and Eyebrows waxed.. went to car wash... went to my friend Stephanies trunk show (her friend was selling handbags) I bought 2.. for $10 bucks each! They're cute too! Parking stinks by Steph.. (she lives in DC near Dupont Circle) that was a little frustrating.. (oh and i went to her old apartment first) came home and got ready for my Companies Holiday party.. I looked cute... black dress.. new purse.. new toesies... I got there around 8.. it was at the owners AWESOME house... i was a little nervous.. I'm not one for crowds when there's people i don't know.. and they're drinking... but I just kinda stuck to who I knew.. had a beer.. and tried to relax... i actually had a great time! Didn't leave till almost 12:45AM.. came outside their house.. and there was snow on the ground... UGH! Slept till 10:30 (*RARE for me.. i'm an early bird) Naomi and i went to have pho.. *YUM* and then we left at 3 for a Tango Performance.. at this BEAUTIFUL historic theater in DC.. the Tivoli.. It was a great time.. the music was AMAZING!!! I felt a bit choked up... it was so beautiful.. Naomi, Marge and I thought there was going to be dancers.. but it was just the music and just as well.. the dancers might've detracted from the music... a little. Then.. we went to check out this AWESOME coffee/bookstore called Busboys and Poets (DEFINITELY will be moseying there to knit/watch people) and then we went to this famous Chili place.. Bens Chili Bowl good music... was good! hit the spot~

I've been really quite happy lately.. I really do hope it stays around a while... :)

Ok.. gotta rumble... No snow no snow no snow.. (my mantra for the day!)
onward and upward.
kerilyn
www.ancora-imparo.net

High/Low 12.2.05

Thank Goodness it's Friday!!!

That's all I have to say.. whew... Made it thru the week.. Alleluiah! It's chilly! BRR.. the heat is going on a bit more this morning which means that it's colder outside.. still haven't brought out my winter coat.. trying to hold off as much as I can... trying to hold on to the fall as long as I possibly can...

ok.. 2 things I forgot to mention lately:

1. on Black Friday, when I was helping my sister out at the store.. I actually saw someone I used to know when I was 19... I used to be the executive secretary under the VP of Finance for Loudoun Hospital.. the summers of my freshman and sophmore year at WVU.. Terry used to be the Executive Secretary for the VP of Operations.. It was a blast from the past to see her standing there at the counter waiting to buy her candles... I haven't seen her since I was 19... wow... i gave her my card.. I hope she gets a hold of me... that would be nice... to fill her in on what i'm trying to accomplish...

2. I went to the gym Wednesday nite! Woo Hoo! I have been saying I wanted to go... and not.. and not.. and not.. and with the help of Naomi's suggesting I go to her gym with her.. and kyra mentioning how good it felt to get back into working out... I did it.. I packed my gym clothes the first day I went to my permanent position.. It felt SO Good to work out.. I feel the yearning to go again.. I did an arm workout and MAN! I am so sore.. yesterday I was mildly sore but dang! today... washing my hair..hello!

Last nite I left work at 5:15 to go to an Exhibition opening at the National Building Museum.. started from 6:30-8.. Yea.... last nite they also had the lighting of the Christmas tree at the White house.. and uh yea.... I sat in traffic for TWO HOURS.. actually it was longer than that.. I didn't even MAKE it to the exhibition... !!!! I was calm for the first hour and half.. almost 2... listening to christmas music (always puts me in a good mood) and knitting when I was sitting still (for a LONG time.. ugh) but the last 20 minutes.. I was SO frustrated.... I ended up meeting Peter for dinner... at the restaurant where they had my favorite wine.. (Flowers Winery, 2002 Perennial Red) and I get there.. and they are OUT!!! I have already called the winery.. it's $400 bucks for a case!!! Uh.. no. I was so sad.. the food wasn't so hot so we just got appetizers and went to The Capital Grille.. it was FULL of Capital Hill'rs and suit and ties.. and drunk women.. it was seriously 10pm.. and the restaurant/bar area was packed! How do these people do it? Stay up that late? I'll tell ya.. i am one tired girly this morning.. my meditation was basically 30 minutes of sleeping.. head nodding... lol.

Yesterday the Sr. Designer from the temporary location I was at (headquarters) came down to help me... go thru this project.. I was SO glad to see her... she helped me SO much yesterday!!! We all went out to lunch.. it was very nice treat...

Ok.. i'm rambling... well I hope you have a great Weekend.. tomorrow I'm going to 1. get a pedicure/eyebrows waxed 2. go to my friend Stephanie's friends trunk show at Stephs house.. and then I'm going to my companies Holiday party.. I'm going solo.. (anyone want to keep me company Saturday nite?) Sunday I'm going to see a Tango performance with Naomi and her/our friend Marge... I am hoping for some rest in between all these things... I"m pooped!

k ya'll.. have a good one.
onward and upward.
kerilyn
www.ancora-imparo.net

High/Low 12.1.05

December is here!!! already!!!

Wow..a WHOLE Year went by... wow. crazy man... ok.. i am running late so i need to make this quick...

yesterday was my first official day at my permanent position.. i got there.. and noone was there! (it's a small office.. only 4 of us) so i sat there for 30 minutes and knitted while I waited.. (the main office knew i was stranded.. it was ok) i got in.. and right away.. i got a good feeling.. i know i'm exactly where i'm supposed to be.. Wilda.. the project coordinator... she came in and gave me a potted plant.. to welcome me.. (how nice is THAT!) and then Charlie.. when I opened up my overhead cabinet.. a little plate of confetti came out..to welcome me.. I know that i'm going to be busy... but I'm glad that I'm there... My computer arrived.. it was set up.. and i got situated.. unpacked my stuff.. (i didn't bring stuff to the temporary place.. cause it was temporary) had lunch and then i got busy.... i'm looking forward to a steady stream of work... makes the days go by fast...

Kinda struggling yesterday and today with the topic of 'going with the flow'.. under the topic of men.. and dating... I'm trying to go with the flow.. but I feel I keep bumping up against jagged rocks.. and tear at me... leaving me more and more exposed... I know that the trick is to continually think positive.. I admit i have been thinking pessimistically with regard to myself.. and my own self esteem... but still.. I present myself as real as i can be... what is WITH all these men who do not reveal what their TRUE intention is... sigh.. it runs the gammit of what they have preceived themselves to be.. which really isn't there... I went out on a date with an older guy (the age thing is a big issue with me.. but i decided to go with the flow) well.. there was a strong connection between us... still conflicted about him being a few years older than me.. i found out yesterday that he is SIGNIFICANTLY older than originally stated.. WHY LIE TO ME? WHY? ugh.. i'm not going into specifics... but it threw me... i also have been feeling more and more that i need to tell Peter that we just can't see each other anymore.... it's too confusing.. i've been honest with him.. but there is such a past with us.. that it's hard to remain steadfast.. while in his presence... ugh... (Auntie.. will you call me.. i need your advice on something)

Eh... i'm trying to go with the flow... Relax.. relax Kerilyn... it'll be what it'll be...

ok.. i'm off.. gotta boogie!
onward and upward.
kerilyn
www.ancora-imparo.net