High/Low 10.30.08

Morning!

Thursday... Ahh.. I slept MUCH better last nite.. thankfully.. Feel more rested and less achy today.. I feel good today.. I realized yesterday when I was reading my blog that I really talk about the same things everyday.. I need to find a way to change that up... so here.. let me do this instead today.

Questions about Me:

Q: If you could have one person alive today call you for advice, who would you want it to be?
A: My parents... hands down.. I'd love the opportunity to tell them what I think.

Q. If I only had 24 hours to live, what would I do?
A. Well for one I'd have a huge conference call and get all those I love (there would be a lot) on the phone to thank them for coming in my life.. and that I would see them again one day. Then I would get a facial.. go have a really nice meal... run maybe.. take some really good photographs of myself.. have some really good..um,wink wink... watch the sunset/sunrise. have a good cup of coffee.. meditate for a while.. asking everyone to be ready to receive me... kiss Peter VERY passionately for a long time... be held in his arms.. tell him I love him... Breathe in my Kitty Girl... and listen to her purr for a long time.. and just enjoy my last day.

Q. If you could spend a day with any celebrity, who would it be and what questions would you ask that person?
A. Drew Barrymore.. I've always loved her philosopy..she's a smart cookie.. and she's been thru a lot in her life.. a Wistful soul I've always thought of her.. and I think it would be cool to hang out with her for one day.. just her in her space.

Q.If you could stop a bad habit that you have, what would you stop?
A. Right now.. I would stop overthinking about things that are out of my control... it has become a BAD habit.

Q.If only one book existed, which book would you like it to be?
A. Tough one.. so many important ones.. I'd say "Many are called, few are chosen" By Heather Ann Harder

Q. If you could do any job, what would you like to do?
A. Be the owner of a Successful Gift/Card/Spiritual Shop.

Q.If you had the opportunity to be change one thing about the past, what would you change?
A. Honestly.. I would've liked to really loved myself more than I did growing up... maybe I wouldn't of experienced some of the things I did.. I would have love myself enough to NOT put myself in those situations.

Q. If you were God, how would you transmit or let people know your message?
A. OOH Good one!! Firstly,I would want more people to believe they have the gift of being a medium. I would lift the veil more between the two worlds.. I know we are here to learn.. and usually learn the hard way.. but I would give those needing hope.. a REAL outlet to plug into to get revitalized that what they are going thru is NOT in vain.. and that they never fail. Like a Coffee Spot or a Spa.. or a beautiful view in the forest..or a spot to view the sunset... I would love to have a place (that people KNOW is authentic) to find hope. And sorry.. it's NOT a church.

Q. If you had to name the emotion that resides the deepest inside of you, what would it be?
A. Rage. If you know me.. know my story.. it's what lies deepest inside.

Ok.. that's a break from the usual eh?
Have a good day!
Much Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.29.08

Morning Love Bugs!

How are you? I'm fine.. Tuesday.. wish it was Thursday. Another chilly morning.. nice to feel the heat walking around getting ready this morning. The wind was whipping around last nite..Thankfully it's supposed to get a smidge warmer as the week goes on.. Snow in the North.!! Eww.. I have a feeling I need to get my mucklucks out soon.. ugh. Feeling a little stiff and tired.. probably between the bitter chill and the exercise.. my body is just feeling it past few days.

And now... 3 things 2 things

3 things that make me happy:
1. Feeling REALLY good that my runs are getting stronger.. Ran a full mile without stopping last nite.. then ran a quarter mile more!!! Next week I think i'll go up to mile and half! Feeling like the weight is coming off! Makes me so happy!
2. Peter brought me one of his yummy salads for lunch today! MMM!
3. Thanks to my girl Kyra.. I got a yrs subscription to Paste Magazine for $1.00!!! Each Magazine comes with a CD of up and coming music! Rock On!

2 things I look forward to today:
1. Running of course!
2. Going to the movies tonite with my girl Naomi to see The Secret Life of Bees

2 long term things I look forward to:
1. I think I want to schedule a Facial sometime in the next month at Aveda...that is the epitome of pampering in my book!
2.Riding my awesome Scooter (I've decided I am naming her Fiona) for the first time!!!

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Me. I'm really dang proud of myself that I am still motivated to keep running everyday.. I LOVE that feeling that I HAVE to run. Last nite I was tired and I thought I was going to have a stinky run but was SO surprised that I had a GREAT run! I can see my body changing. my face is thinner.. my neck and shoulders are tighter.. and I'm just feeling more comfortable in my body. Such a great feeling. AND.. it's nice to see the same people exercising in the gym.. helps motivate you.. we're all getting more chatty with each other.

Ok.. sashaying into the day!
Much Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.28.08

Morning peeps..

I know that this is NOT following The Secret But I'm just poopy today. Ugh.. My body is stiff.. and achy.. I didn't sleep well last nite.. sad about typical family dysfunction... and to top it all off.. last nite my car overheated.. UGH!!! Had to drive Peters car in this morning (Thank god he has a truck he can drive!) I KNOW that I can turn it all around.. choose to be happy.. Working on it.. but just feeling out of sorts and pissy today.. and I want to go home and go to sleep.

ok.. trying to get over myself.. onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. I halfway did it.. I ran a mile and quarter last nite.. woo hoo.. Felt good too.. My runs are feeling stronger.. I LOVE that!!!
2. Got my nails done last nite.. SO overdue... I like looking down and seeing them looking good!
3. REALLY excited about the photographer for next September!!! I think he's SO CREATIVE and artistic. Yea! I want to thank the WONDERFUL Denise for suggesting Him.. Denise.. you are an inspiration!!

2 things that I look forward to today:
1. Running
2. Going to Bed.. today is one of those days I wish I could have a Do Over. Oh well.. it happens.
3. Snuggling with Peter in Bed. My love.. who delicately carries my heart.. even when I am hurting....I am so blessed.

2 long term things I look forward to:
1. Ok..a little while off.. but visualizing running my first 5K in SO long.. and seeing Naomi and Kristine and Peter there..Coming down the stretch to the finish line and seeing them there cheering me on!!! What a nice thing to look forward to!!!
2. Spending time with Peters family this weekend. I love his family.

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Again.. Peter my love... who holds me when I cry...and looks at me with a love I never thought i'd find.. My cup runneth over... also...

My Auntie.. my spirit mother in this life time.. holding each others hands this time around. Another reason I am one wealthy woman!!! Thank You Auntie for loving me.

Ok gotta stop or I'll cry again. Tomorrow will be better I say!!!
Have a good day.
Much Love.
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.27.08

Morning!!!

How are you? I'm great! Had a really nice weekend overall.. feeling again like I am exactly where I am supposed to be... I'll admit I am still having twinges of "ugh-ness".. starting to get frustrated with myself... "Enough Kerilyn!!!" Ugh.. It's getting cooler.. can't get away with no coat or sweater anymore... I have to agree with whoever "they" are about this winter might be a doosy... we'll see.

onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. Having another really great weekend where I feel really blessed. .I didn't overbook myself.. I rested and cleaned the house. Watched (3) really good movies, August Rush
(Auntie you were right.. really good movie!) Anything But Love and Purple Violets .. All of them were very different but I really liked them all.
2. You're not going to believe this.. but Friday nite Peter called me from work and told me he had a surprise for me.. he came in thru the back door which he never does.. and there.. on the patio.. was a Scooter!!! ... HOLY MOLY!!! A few months earlier.. I told him how cool it would be to be able to ride it to work!!! It needs some work... it doesn't run right now but seeing as how Peter used to be a mechanic.. I know he's going to fix it up really nice!! How amazing is THAT??? Oh my god this man amazes me... I am so lucky and don't you think for a second I dont' know it... I do!!!
3. Got my hair colored and cut at Aveda on Saturday... it's red.. like a deep fall red.. I love it!!! Got it trimmed (Needed to cut dead ends off Matthew.. don't worry it's still long!) I have always loved being a redhead!!!
4. I am wearing my new gray sweater.. and I really like the way it looks on me!!!

2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. Getting a Steak and Cheese Pita for lunch today!! YUM!!!
2. Running!! I'm going up to a mile and half today!! Wish me Luck!!!
3. Getting my nails done.. (very overdue) My mom gave me this new beautiful purple color nail polish that I can't wait to see on me!!!

2 long term thing I am looking forward to:
1. This weekend Peters Mom Maria, her Husband Craig and Grandma Russo are coming to visit!!! Peter has off on Saturday so we're all going to do something fun and then MY family and his family are hopefully going to do dinner Saturday nite!!! A meeting of the families!! I love Peters family so I'm really excited!!! Going to Brunch at Lias (where Peter works) with his family.. Yea!
2. We figured out the Christmas Holidays so we can do both families!! We're starting a new tradition this year.. having Christmas at my sisters place.. next year hopefully ours... passing the torch!

1 person I am going to appreciate:
My therapist.. I have a really good repor with her.. she asks me really good questions that make me dive deeper into the ways in which I fool myself.. I really feel like I'm working hard on myself because of her!!

Ok.. into the day I go!
Much Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.24.08

Morning.

Friday Thank goodness!! I woke up in the middle of the night with anxiety about money.. Ugh. Usually Sleep is one thing that I do not have a problem doing. I am grateful that I am not one with regular insomnia... but ever since this knot in my stomach about how much money I'm going to be spending in the next year... I feel a bit nauseous today.. I try to remind myself to be in the moment and not to focus too much on the future.. but ugh... not feeling too centered today again. Again to prove what an amazing transformative year this has been.. I know everything will be ok.. I am reassured in my bones that all will be perfect come next September.. it's time I start visualizing abundance and prosperity instead of this uneasy feeling about Lack.

Well onto sunnier topics... 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. Wow.. one of my co-workers and I were talking about Perfume yesterday and she mentioned how she really hated this one that she has.. she didn't like the way it smelled on her.. I said wow.. I liked that smell.. So today she surprised me and brought in almost a full bottle of it.. What a nice thing to do!!
2. It was really nice to catch up with Davina last nite.. Of course she looks beautiful like she always does.. I just love her. I love how strong she is.. and how she knows what she wants. She has always been real.. and I value that about her. She inspires me. Her friend Keri joined us.. i haven't spent much time with Keri so I'm glad she came... she seems like a cool chick.. AND we went to one of my favorite restaurants.. and I got my favorite appetizer.. popcorn shrimp.. YUM!!! VERY nice evening!
3. Ok.. so.. from what I said yesterday about Peters mgmt saying the chefs have to work 6 days a week... for a little while.. due to the economy.. Ugh. So Peter finagled it so that his day off is Saturday! So we can spend the day together!!! That will be really nice!
4. Do I have to say it... Thank GOD it's Friday and Payday!

2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. Running of course.. 5 days this week! Next week I'm going up to a mile and half! I can do it!
2. Therapy at 7.. Yep.. look forward to that too.
3. Going home.. putting my pajamas on and watching one netflix movie I have.

2 long term things I am looking forward to:
1. Putting up a real Christmas Tree up!!! I love the holidays.. the music... the meaning..the TV Shows.... the lights.
2. This weekend I have to do a thorough cleaning of the bedroom.. sweep.. put all my laundry away (I don't like laundry.. ugh) dust.. organize my desk.. the works!!! It's been irking me..

1 person I am going to appreciate:
My girl Michelle.. last nite we had an awesome talk... We were talking about facing our fears and learning to love ourself.. It gives me comfort to know that we're both working on our inner selves.. and that I am not alone. I am so very glad that she is in my life.. one who also "swims in the deep end." Love you sweetcheeks.

Have a great weekend.
Much Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.23.08

Morning.

Brr... really getting chilly out there.. and I forgot my coat at work last nite so I had to tough it out this morning on the drive in. It's thursday... wish it was Friday. Feel good today.. my weird overwhelmed day yesterday has passed... Thank Goodness. Ugh.. I just got an email from Peter saying his management is requiring all chefs to work six days instead of 5 until Sales are up... not fair. How are the Chefs involved in bringing in sales? That irks me. I rarely get to spend time with him now.. Grumble!

oh well.. Can't worry about things out of my control right? onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. Getting my ticket in the mail last nite for the Spearhead Concert! Woo Hoo!!!
2. Waking up in the morning and feeling the heat on!
3. Maybe it's just me but I think my clothes are feeling a little bigger on me.

2 things that I am looking forward to today:
1. Running of course.
2. Going to catch up with my girl Davina tonite! I haven't seen her in forever and it'll be good to catch her up on ALL thats happened this year and to hear how little Baby Tai is doing!!! Yea!

2 long term things I look forward to:
1. Running my first 5K in the new year! I KNOW I can do it!!!
2. Turkey Day weekend.. I have the day after Turkey Day off.. and I am going to ENJOY every moment! I think we are going to have a few people over on Turkey Day.. Peter has to open that day.. so we can enjoy the evening. Good Food and Friends... Giving Thanks.

1 person I am going to appreciate:
My favorite Sales Person Bob Cohen... I really enjoy going on Sales calls with him.. he makes me laugh... He knows what he's doing and he's good at it. We work really great as a team! He makes my job more enjoyable every day.

Into the Day I go!
Much Love,
Kerilyn

PS: Matthew I can't wait to get the Text from you that you're home for good.. what... 45 more days? I love you.

High/Low 10.22.08

Morning People..

Ugh... Ever have a day when you wake up and you just feel out of sorts? I have a lot of work to do..few deadlines and I feel like I'm not sure how I'm going to get it all done... which in turn makes me want to NOT go to work today.. would be nice if I could just stay home today with Peter. But Alas.. I am here. Feeling like "Where do I begin?". Head spinning a bit today... which is, I'm sure.. from not feeling like I know where to start with work. This doesn't happen very often which I'm grateful for.. but I've just gotta take it in stride....

Also.. last nite I felt something on my little girls side... she has too much hair and I can't tell what it is.. I have to spend some time investigating this evening.. but I think I will call the vet and have them come out. As you know if you follow.. I love my little orange kitty girl Pez with all my heart.. and i want to make sure she is a healthy girl.

oh well.. pushing through.. onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me VERY happy:
1. My runs are getting stronger.. I can tell i'm not as winded (or sweaty) at the end of my mile. I LOVE RUNNING!!! It makes me so happy... and I LOVE the way I feel afterward.. sexy.. grounded.. "so much myself". I am going to take it up a notch and go up to a mile and half next week!! I can do it!!! My goal is to be up to 3 miles a day by the end of the year!
2. I bought these cool Pillows for the sofa last nite.. I think they look really good with the color of the sofa!
3. My little kitty girl and I have a morning routine.. she waits for me to get out of the shower and then jumps on the sink.. I put my robe on and then I pick her up... purring.. and we walk downstairs together.. we have been doing this for YEARS and It makes my heart melt when I see her sitting there when I get out of the shower! Sometimes.. she is not there and I say "Pez!" and she comes running. I love her so much.

2 things that I am looking forward to today:
1. Running of course! Feeling in a fog driving to work today.. it is a bright spot in my day to get on that treadmill after work.. and hopefully work this feeling in my head out...
2. Peter being home when I get home from work. SO nice to see his smiling face.. saying "Hi Love!" when I walk in the door.

2 long term things I look forward to:
1. Getting these deadlines done at work. I don't like feeling like I am not on top of my jobs. Makes me feel incompetent. (Which I'm not)
2. This Saturday I'm going to get my hair colored/cut at Aveda and then I'm going to meet up with my Sign Language Tutor. (I was supposed to a few weeks ago but she had to go out of town last minute) . And I'm really looking forward to NOT having any plans on Sunday.

1 person I am going to appreciate:
I have to thank Peter for loving me.. and telling me and showing me that he loves me. Which in turn has helped me love myself enough to make me feel beautiful myself.. exercising.. eating better.. WANTING to work on my inner self.. and loving myself. I want to love myself like Peter loves me.. and I SEE and FEEL his love EVERY DAY.. Even when I'm not around him. It's an amazing feeling. despite all that's happened this year.. I feel like I am EXACTLY where I'm supposed to be and with the person I'm supposed to be with. I am one lucky woman. I feel full when I think of him and am with Peter. and I'm so very grateful for that.

Ok.. into my day. Wish Me Luck!
Much Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.20.08

Morning!!!

BRR!!!!! Monday! It's chilly here this morning!! Whew.. Snuggling into my blankets this morning I could feel the cold in the room.. (Peter likes the windows open... BRR) looks like the warmer days are behind us.. (and in front of us next year) and time to move into regularly grabbing a hat and scarf when leaving the house.. no more walking out with a wet head.

onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. Having a GREAT weekend overall!!! Woo Hoo! From beginning to end.. I had a great weekend! So nice to come to work and feel satisfied that you spent the weekend doing exactly what you wanted to do... Nice!
2. Had a GREAT time with my sister and Peter this weekend.. Peter and I stayed over Kristine and her husband,Steves place friday nite.. went out to dinner.. and Saturday she spent the day with Peter and I.. driving into Shepardstown, WV to see the leaves.. and then we took in a winery .. sat with a bottle... some bread and cheese.. and enjoyed the afternoon. It was a REALLY nice day!!! (Check out my flickr pics)
3. Sunday I spent the day with my girl Kristy.. we went to have breakfas then went to the mall.. I bought a few shirts/sweaters.. I'm so glad that I went with her to the mall.. I am really feeling more beautiful lately... and buying new clothes that I like make me feel even that more comfy with myself.

2 things that I am looking forward to today:
1. Running after work.. I had a really strong run on Friday and hopeful that I can do the same thing tonite!
2. Peter is opening the restaurant today.. so I will get to spend the evening with my honey tonite! Yea!

2 long term things I look forward to:
1. November 19th.. Kristy and I are going to see Michael Franti and Spearhead at the 9:30 club! I'm so excited.. I've been a fan ever since Kyra and I saw them in San Francisco in 2004! Thanks Kristy for pointing the show out! I'm so looking forward to it!!!
2. LESS than 50 days until My boy Matthew comes home from Iraq!!! It'll be SO nice to know he's just a phone call away!!! I look forward to more regular chats with him!!! And my hair is so long now!! I can cut it once he comes home.. but now I'm going to continue growing it for next Septembers festivities!!

1 person/s I'm going to appreciate:
Spirit.. I know I'm never alone.. I know my prayers and thoughts of gratitude are heard.. Thankfully I hear from spirit too... I am so blessed. I want to thank Archangel Michael.. for granting my request of cutting the cord close to me.. I feel so much better. Thank You. Also to my Guides and Teachers.. Grandpa and Grandma.. for those from this and past lives loved ones who are there supporting me... in good times and bad.. I am very grateful to know you are there.

Into the week I go!
Much Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.15.08

Morning!

Wednesday. It's been beautiful weather past few days.. sunny and 80 degrees... SO nice.... this morning it was kinda muggy.. meh.. I'll take the muggyness over cold anyday! The trees look SOOO Beautiful... I drove up to the house last nite and got a wiff of the leaves.. It smelled like fall. I LOVE that smell. I just took a few deep breaths in.. let it coarse thru my veins.. it brought a feeling of change.. transition.. from one energy to another. I love fall!

onto 3 things 2 things

3 things that make me happy:
1. This was kinda a bummer.. but the treadmills were taken yesterday in the gym.. so I did 20 minutes on the elliptical. Kinda bummed me out.. I still felt like I was moving but it wasn't the same.. so I went home and did yoga. At least I did something. So yea.. something that didn't make me happy.
2. Made yummy dinner of Pork Chops.. Cous Cous and Green Beans... glass of white wine.. yum! Caught up on all my TV shows last nite! Spending time with my Pez girl.
3.Just feel good.. finally feel like I'm in a routine again.. got up early.. meditated for 30 minutes this morning..had coffee.. and got out of the house at the time I am supposed to. Let's just say the past few months.. my meditations have been short or non existant.. and I've been leaving for work late.. just feeling out of sorts. Gladly my routine is coming back a bit... being a creature of habit.

2 things I look forward to today:
1. GETTING a treadmill!!!
2. Coming home to leftover porkchops ( I love leftovers!) and watching the Debate!

2 long term things I look forward to:
1. Peter has been closing this week so it's like us passing in the night.. he is sleeping when i wake up and leave the house.. and I am sleeping when he comes home from work. So whatever he has planned tomorrow nite will be good because we can spend time together. (And a surprise!! Wahoo!)
2. Getting together with my sister and her husband on Saturday evening. Hopefully Kristine will join Peter and I on our drive out to see the foliage and go to a winery.. then we can all come together and have dinner!

going to change the question today... 3 things i love about myself:
1. I think I have a beautiful face.. big brown eyes.. I have really been feeling beautiful lately... (ok.. working on the body part) love my hands... (nice shiny on it now!!)
2. I LOVE and am SO proud of myself that I have been working on my inner world.. It feels like I am working on getting a PH.D of myself.. looking at all the spiderwebs.. things that hold me back from daily happiness.. the negative things I tell myself.. the damage that has been done from childhood influences.. making daily strides to tell myself i am worthy... I DESERVE to be loved!!! I am VERY proud of myself that I left a situation that was unhealthy.. even though my whole heart was there.. that was very hard to do.. but I'm proud of myself for doing it.
3. I love that I like to take pictures..it makes me feel good that I capture wonderful moments in my life. I know that one day it will be wonderful to look back and see all those moments. I'm happy I carry my camera everywhere I go... because you never know when a good shot comes up!

Ok.. into the day I go.
Much Love.
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.14.08

Hiety Ho!

Tuesday...Well we had an unfortunate work day yesterday.. I guess due to the "unknown" economy.. and the fear that everyone is feeling. They laid off (4) people at my office. What an awkward situation... and NOT fun for those being laid off.. I've been there.. that is NOT fun! I send out a blessing of prosperity on those that are no longer here.. wish them well. I am grateful that I have a job.. and that I love what I do.

onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. Feel good today! I'm feeling SO much better than I was last week...and weeks before that!!! big sigh of relief!! Today I feel good and like what i'm wearing.. my hair and glasses today.
2. Peter makes me this awesome salad for lunch everyday.. and I love eating it for lunch everyday!!! yum!!
3. OH! Finding out that my best friend Matthew is going to be doing his drills once he comes back from Iraq at Ft. Belvoir, VA like 20 minutes from my house!!! So hopefully I'll get to see him more often!!! YIPPEE!!!

2 things I look forward to today:
1. Running
2. Another evening of just hanging out...making dinner.. watching my TV shows.. it's good.. I mean.. It hit me this morning... after all thats happened this year.... even though it stinks because Peters working.. I think it's also a blessing in some ways.. because I have time to heal.. I feel like having evenings/weekends to myself sometimes.. is like having the best of both worlds.. healing from being hurt.. and also being with someone who makes you feel like a million bucks. It's been good for me.. I think.. having time in the evenings by myself.. I think that's why I'm not overbooking myself.. I'm trying to let myself "just be"... trying not to run away from this.. and really FEEL it. Does this make sense? I'm REALLY REALLY proud of myself.

2 long term things I'm looking forward to:
1. OOH.. This Thursday.. Peter told me he has a surprise for me!! I LOVE SURPRISES!!! He told me to be ready to leave the house at 7pm... HMMM??? wonder what it is?? I have no idea! He is SO awesome with surprising me!! I have a few amazing surprises that he's done in the past..that will blow you away!
2. Having Brunch with my friend Kristy on Sunday.. and catching up with her!

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Everyone.. I have so many wonderful amazing people in my life that have helped me... listened to me.. let me cry on their shoulders... ramble on and on about stuff when they KNEW what I should do... just had to come to it in my own time. Thank you everyone.. for your unconditional patience and love. I am a better person because of you.

Much love..
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.13.08

Morning my love bugs!

How are you? BEAUTIFUL weekend!!! Holy Schmagoly!! The leaves are changing on our street.. SO beautifully... watching the leaves gingerly fall to the ground.. I could watch for hours.. I love this time of year.. it's warm enough during the day where you don't have to get all bundled up..still can get away with flip flops.. but cool enough to put a fleece on and feel snuggly.. Can smell the wood from fireplaces outside... it's lovely.

onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. I had a really nice weekend... enough resting.. and spending time with Peter. I felt pretty at the wedding... I know it's a function of feeling better now that i'm running.. and also being with someone who tells me EVERYDAY how beautiful and loved I am. How could I not let that sink in and show? I can't remember a Monday where I looked back on a weekend and just felt good about it.. I've been feeling anxiety for the past few months.. every day.. and this weekend.. I was able to be in the moment.. and enjoy every minute... It was a nice change of pace.
2. Having my kitty girl with me.. I missed her little kitty face and hearing her purr.. She sat on my lap for an hour last nite while I watched TV, purring away.. then fell asleep... We haven't merged her with Peters cat Bella again... and that's fine with me... I like seeing her relaxed and not on the defense with me..
3. I bought a new pair of running shoes. The sneakers I had been wearing.. my 2nd toe was rubbing on the top of the shoe and is all bruised.. I was there for 40 minutes.. trying different shoes on.. I can't wait to try them out tonite!
4. I bought a new dress for the wedding and a new skirt.. I like that I'm excited about buying new clothes for myself!

2 things I look forward to today:
1. Running after work. Trying out my new shoes.
2. No plans after work.. just hanging out... I actually like that I've been free in the evenings.. instead of overbooking myself.. It's a different change of pace and I like it.

2 long term things I look forward to:
1. Honestly.. just trying to live in the moment.. trying not to focus too much on what's to come. It seems to really bring my happiness to the surface.
2. I think I'm going to try the meditation class on Wednesday nite.. and then Peter is off Friday and Saturday..he has something planned for us Friday nite (a surprise!) and Saturday we are going for a drive.. taking in the fall leaves.. going to check out a few wineries!

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Peter. He really sparked the yearning to live in the moment.. He's been seeing me struggling lately with dealing with the "what is" of everything that's occurred this year.. and I think he's frustrated that he can't help or fix it. What he said yesterday about living in the now.. I think is a necessary step to ultimately letting go of dissapointment and regret. I felt really close with him this weekend.. spending more time with him than usual.. I love it.

Ok.. onto my day.
Much Love,
Kerilyn

PS: Check out my new pics from this weekend.. on flickr to the right.

High/Low 10.10.08

Morning!

FRIDAY!! I'm home.. sitting on the sofa.. already got 2 jobs checked for other designers.. one more to go... feeling good today. I'm sitting here with my kitty girl.. SO nice to see her again.. I've missed her so much. Beautiful day here.. sun is shining... breeze coming in the front door... I'm hopeful that I can get all my work done by early afternoon so I can go out and enjoy a little bit of the day!

onto 3 things 2 things

3 things that make me happy:
1. Going to the Dentist yesterday and them telling me that i have great teeth.. and no cavities! Woo Hoo!!!
2. Having my mom tell me last nite that she can tell I've lost weight! SO nice to hear that from my mom!!!
3. Seeing my kitty girl this morning... being able to hold her fluffy body and have her near me.. oh man.. I've missed her so much!!!

2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. Running after work today.
2. Going to therapy after running. yes.. I look forward to it. It has been so helpful to talk to someone who has no bias... and is able to look at my thoughts and behavior from a different perspective. Honestly going to therapy has allowed me to want to dive into myself as much as I have. NOT easy to do.. but I think necessary if I want to life an emotionally healthy life.

2 long term things I look forward to:
1. I'm really wanting for Peter and I to get dressed up and go out to a nice meal. We haven't gone out to eat in a long time.. and it makes me feel good to do that sometimes..
2. Hmm... can't really think of anything.... just taking things day by day..

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Peter.. Let me tell you and I want you to believe me. I have been a handful lately. Between admitting that I'm probably depressed.. not feeling really happy or grounded.. Peter has been AMAZING being patient.. he's been loving and Kind.. telling me I'm beautiful every day. He is amazing. I am so grateful.

Ok.. have a great weekend!!!
Much Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.9.08

Morning!

Thursday.. Winding the week down... I'm ready for this afternoon which unofficially starts my weekend.. Feel good today

onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. That I'm working from home tomorrow and I'll have my kitty girl with me all day.
2. Having two new Netflix movies to watch at my leisure.
3. 3 Days this week running... I think I'm going to knock out another mile tomorrow after work too.

2 things I look forward to today:
1. After the dentist.. I'm going to my parents house and my sister will be there.. we're going to have a family meal. It'll be nice to have everyone sitting at the table.. doesn't happen often.
2. Seeing my kitty girl!!! I miss her so much!!!

2 long term things I look forward to:
1. Next Saturday (the 18th) Peter and I are going to spend the day together.. maybe go out to a winery or two...drive out to Shepardstown or something. Going to enjoy him being off on a Saturday.
2. Buying new running shoes.. the ones that I have are too small. My toe is bruised from it hitting the top of my shoe.
3. One day.. waking up TRULY not feeling sadness or anger toward what happened this year. Letting it GO!

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Me again.. I'm just plain proud of all the work I'm doing on the inside.. and on the outside. I am getting closer to really understanding why my past experiences have shaped how I handle my present life. I feel like I'm really getting my PH.D. in myself. Study and Research...

That's all...
Much Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.8.08

Hi there.

Wednesday... got my warm sock and shoes on.. amazing how much warmer I feel during the day when I wear socks. It is cooler out.. I should've worn a jacket out this morning but I didn't.

onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. Ok.. this isn't a good thing from first blush..but Kristine found out yesterday that she has Lymes Disease. She's been really tired, with NO energy for years.. and so even though it stinks that she has this.. it makes me happy to know that there is a reason beyond her control that is what's causing this. Yes it will not be fun to go thru the rounds of antibiotics.. but hopefully she will then regain her energy and get back on the path to the rest of her life. I know this has been hard for her.. not understanding why she's been feeling this way.. hopefully before not too long she'll be feeling more energy and motivation.
2. Running last nite! Another mile down! I can't tell ya... I feel great after running! Yea.. Like I said.. my lungs aren't yet ready to jump up and down with excitement.. but this is helping my mind a lot.. I love to sweat.. makes me feel like I've accomplished something.. Looking at myself in the mirror while I'm running.. tapping into the subconscious me saying "YOU CAN DO THIS!!!".
3. My friend Scott emailed me something that made me feel better with regard to where I am in my brain.. helps to give me hope that I won't always be feeling this way. Thanks Honey.

2 things I look forward to today:
1. This morning I was startled by someones car alarm and dropped my bowl of chili on the floor. Cracked one of my favorite bowls and everything.. grr. SO.. that just means I get to have the yummy Steak and Cheese Pita from down the street. YUM.
2. Running tonite... then doing nothing! I should go to the store to get my kitty girl ready to come back to me..

2 long term things I look forward to:
1. I'll say it again.. Being out of the house in Del Ray. NEVER having to go there again.. or having to talk about anything in regards to it. I'm SO ready for this to be over. This experience has me smack in the face with facing my BIGGEST fears.. and it's scary and feels real and I just want to be OVER this and focused on more healthy and productive things! Ugh!
2. Working from home on Friday... being home with my kitty girl.. in my pajamas.

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Me. I am proud of myself today. I still get up and get dressed and put makeup on to make myself look pretty.. and go to work and then exercise even though my brain is swimming in confusion .... not understanding why I STILL feel this way.

ok.. aren't you impressed that I'm writing everyday again? I am.
Much Love.
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.7.08

Hi there..

Tuesday... gradually a little chillier out this morning... soon we'll be in the throes of winter.. winter coat/hat/gloves...etc... poo. Me no likey.. I'm still feeling rebellious today and wearing my sandals.

without further adieu.. onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. I Did it!! I ran a mile! Woo Hoo! Feeling good and strong.. There's a little mind over matter going on.. my body can keep going I can tell.. my lungs are the other story... and even more importantly.. my mind telling me that my lungs aren't happy is what i really need to work on.
2. I found a meditation class wednesday nites that I'm going to check out.. I've been looking for a local class at a different location than where I used to go to class.. I have been feeling the need to meditate in a group again instead of by myself. We'll see.. I think I'm going to check it out next Wednesday nite.
3. Working from Home on Friday.. I'm going to get my kitty girl Thursday nite so I'll be home with her all day on Friday... in my pajamas.

2 things that i look forward to today:
1. You know it.. running again tonite.
2. Something I am NOT looking forward to today... Peter really messed his knee up.. can barely walk.. is on some heavy pain meds...tonite he has an appt for an MRI at 9pm so I'm going to miss the Debate... Grr. Oh well.. I have to make sure he's ok. I'll Tivo it.

2 long term things I look forward to:
1. Feeling more at peace with everything that's happened.. and happening. Still seems like there are quite a few challenges within and around me, still working on being still within.. accepting the " It is what it is" of everything going on.
2. This Sunday after volunteering.. I meet my Sign Language Tutor!!! It's something that I've really always wanted to do. And I figure there's not time like the present to get back into it.

1 person I want to appreciate:
Peter... wow.. his knee is really messed up.. And he takes it in stride..it's kinda amazing..I know hes in tremendous pain.. I don't know how he does it.. to some degree it's bad because he's so used to "Pushing thru it" but he physically can't with this.. And he and I have in common the inability to rest.. so he always feels like he has to be doing something.. he's home today.. I hope he's resting. I can't imagine what's going on in his head.. I mean.. His knees help him do his job.. and without that... well.. let's not think of that.

Have a great day...
Much Love
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.6.08

Afternoon all...

Monday.. usually I am just fine with Mondays... but this Monday is different.. I woke up at 2:30am from a dream that my car is being broken into again.. actually got up... and dressed and went out to my car to check on it... then couldn't go to bed till 5am and I get up at 6. It was just a dream... my car was fine.. but now I am exhausted. Physically and emotionally exhausted. This day is going by like beach erosion... Slow and exposing all to what lies beneath.

alright... enough of the grumblings... onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. Going to Art on the Avenue on Saturday. I will admit that I was initially feeling lonely... so many things I ultimately wanted to share with someone.. but halfway down. I hung out with Renee, the owner and teacher from Clay Queen Pottery on Mt. Vernon Avenue for 30-40 minutes in her shop.. catching her up on my life.. asking about the shop.. and how it's going.. Then I met a photographer and got caught up talking to her about her story... long story short.. I ended up having a great time by myself.. I took my time.. and met some really cool people.. so it was worth it.
2. THEN... I picked up Naomi and we were off to the Jim Henson Exhibit . So Cool... He's so inspiring... Really glad we caught it before it left town!
3. My favorite flowers were at the Farmers Market yesterday... bought 2 bunches.. nice! They make me happy. I also like that I can walk up there every Sunday. Makes me feel like I'm in a little community.. which I am. (Even though it's not Del Ray..I guess it's ok)

2 things that I look forward to today:
1. Running after work.. I'm up to a mile today! I found myself thinking about it all weekend.. Good Sign I'd say..
2. That's it.. going to bed EARLY....I'm exhausted.

2 long term things I look forward to:
1. The day when I am at peace with all that's happened this year.
2. Running 3 miles a day? and subsequently going down 2 dress sizes?

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Christy, my sister Kristine, Naomi, Auntie and Roxanne.. they have been there for me SO much over the past few months.. listening to me and watching me cry.. (and cry and cry) basically talking me out of my irrational moments.. Man.. I feel like I'm barely maintaining a baseline of normal thinking... still constantly spinning... and between fighting the inability to rest... to be still.. and my brain going 100 miles an hour..I feel like a crazy person. I feel like my girlfriends help slow me down a bit..I thank God for them.

Who said life was easy eh? Not me.

Talk to you soon!
Much Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.3.08

Morning!

Happy Friday!!! It's brisk outside.. definitely long sleeve and no more open toed shoes/sandals for me.. (unfortunately). But it's nice..taking a deep breath in.. cool.. and refreshing.

Without further adieu... onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. Ok.. Peter had to close last nite so he wasn't with me but.. last nite after I got home from running.. I sat outside with the neighbors and had a yummy meal of Grilled Pesto Chicken.. Grilled Zucchini (YUM) and Rice.. sitting outside in the brisk air.. with the tikis.. candles.. glass o' wine.. it was nice. THEN.. we all went to our own houses to watch the Debate and then reconviened afterward to discuss. It was nice. We might not of agreed on the debate outcome.. but it was still fun to have a little community to get together with.
2. It's Friday. Need I say more? I have a fun weekend planned and that is exciting.
3. Feeling better and better every day.. more calm and the spinning in my head has slowed I'd say 60-70%. Thank Goodness!!!

two things I look forward to today:
1. Just knowing it's Friday and I don't have to get up early tomorrow. Having the evening to spend with Peter and Naomi.. playing cards and/or eating something yummy.
2. Honestly just getting thru the work day... running.. and going home to do whatever is planned.. So NOT having a definite plan is something I am looking forward to today.

2 long term things I am looking forward to:
1.Buying a new Sirius Radio to replace the one that was stolen when my car got broken into... I will most likely buy a replacement next Friday when I get paid. I miss listening to NPR and Reggae and Chill on my drive to work.. I don't know what to do with myself in my car now without it.
2. Going Shopping for some cooler weather clothes. I will admit that one thing I've learned from my previous relationship is the value of looking nice. Sporatic trips to look for new options for clothes.. finding a good deal. I can admit that I didn't care so much before I met him... and now I actually find myself wanting to go look at what's new out there to wear.

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Americas FREEDOM.. YES there are many things wrong with the way this country is run.. and we have LONG way to go... but at least we have the freedom to do what we want to do.. watch what we want to watch.. and go where we want to go. I am grateful for that... I'm grateful I'm not in North Korea right now.

Have a great weekend!
Much Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 11.2.08

Morning...

oh yea... today it's chillier... I saw a mom and her toddler son out for a walk this morning on the way to work and he had a little jacket on.. he looked all bundled up.. and for good reason.. It is chilly out there this morning! Seeing them made me so Excited about this weekends festival !! It's supposed to be beautiful Saturday so I am excited to take it all in. Hopefully buy something nice for myself. Also on my drive this morning.. I saw a bunch of leaves that had fallen.. blowing across the street.. a wonderful reminder of the trees "powering down" to conserve for the winter. I love this time of year.

ok.. onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. Oh my gosh.. Spending time with my beautiful and fellow kindred spirit Roxanne last nite. We always spend 3 plus hours talking... being in her presence makes me not feel so alone.. and knowing she is there for me.. holding my hand thru this interesting and turbulent transition. She has always been an inspiration to me... I am blessed to have her in my life.!!!
2. I feel REALLY good today! I feel I look pretty today... I'm feeling a bit more "So Much Myself".. (and I think the medicine is already working.. not spinning in my head so much Thank GOD!) Am wearing the awesome necklace that I bought at last years Art on the Avenue.. makes me feel artsy.
3. Peter and I had a really good talk last nite.. AND he brought me home another yummy salad for lunch today! Yea!

2 things I look forward to today:
1. Running after work... I think next week I'm upping the anty to 1 mile ... 3 days a week.. I would love to be at 3 miles/ 3 days a week by the end of the year. That is my goal.
2. Going home and watching the Vice Presidential Debate. Should be amusing.

2 long term things I look forward to:
1. Honestly the day that I NEVER EVER EVER having to go to that house in Del Ray again. Closing that chapter and sealing it with caulk... at least for some time while I heal. Too much hurt there.. like a poltergeist in that house.
2. To coincide with that... NOT having to pay rent there anymore uselessly. To be able to put that money in a savings account for something magical to happen next year! It irks the pajezus out of me to deposit such a large sum for a house that I don't even live in! UGH. Whatever.. I hold up my end of the bargain.

1 person I am going to appreciate:
Again.. I want to thank Rox.... I drove home last nite after my blessed experience with her... and I felt at peace.. for the first time... in a LONG time.. I felt at peace. Thank You Roxanne. You have made me who I am today and when I really think about it.. I love who I am.

It makes me happy to write again.. another example of me feeling "so much myself".
Deep Sigh as I relax into it..
Much Love,
Kerilyn

High/Low 10.1.08

Happy October to you all my butterflies!!!

My Second Favorite time of year.. I think April and October are my favorite months... the ramping up and gearing down of the year... where you can feel it and see it go into transition the most. Very Lovely.

ok.. impt one.. onto 3 things 2 things :

3 things that make me happy:
1. I'm depressed. Ok.. before you jump on me and ask me why that makes you happy... let me give you a teeny bit of background. This year has been a very emotional and up and down year to date.. INTENSE Highs and Lows this year. And... I think back in July sometime.. my bodys chemistry started going wacko due to the quantity of stressors going on.If I look back I can tell a difference from one day to the next.. rational and NOT rational... and well.. it's been steadily getting worse... Anxious.. unable to focus.. or be happy (I have lots to be happy about really) instead focusing on the negative... blaming myself...can't stop my spinning out of control thoughts... etc... it's been a really hard time.. diving inside myself.. trying to figure out WHY I do the things I do.. well.. I think it threw me off.. I know everyone that talks to me regularly can tell i'm not myself... I needed help... I went to the Dr yesterday and he confirmed that that's what happening so I am now on meds to help regulate my Seratonin levels.. I'm hopeful tht this will take me off the emotional roller coaster that i've been on.. one that i've been BEGGING myself to get off of.
2. I am really starting to tell a difference running... my face.. my neck and shoulder area.. and.. maybe i'm over thinking it.. but I think my pants are a little bigger.. hmm.. I am already feeling addicted to it.. and I'm finding myself eating better..
3. Got my shiny ring back... Peter had it cleaned.. it is so purty! Sparkles in the light!!!

2 things I am looking forward to today:
1. Seeing my friend Roxy tonite... I haven't seen her in a month or so and she herself is sparkley and makes me feel so special... She's been there for me this year and I am so grateful!!! Then after seeing her.. I'm going to Yoga!
2. Peter brought me a YUMMY salad from the restaurant that I LOVE to eat!!! YUM!

2 long term things I look forward to:
1. This weekend I have lots of fun things to do! Friday nite hang with Naomi and Peter.. Saturday Art on the Avenue then Naomi and I are going to this Jim Henson exhibit (I LOVE JIM HENSON!!!) I'm really glad Naomi wants to see it too!!!
2. I'm going to get my Kitty girl on Monday.. I know my mom will be sad to see her go.. and I'm still kinda nervous to try to re-merge her with Peters cat..but I miss her terribly. Miss her little Kitty Face.

1 person I am going to appreciate:

Um today I am just grateful for time.. Time heals things.. makes things not as intense..Gives us a moment to reflect.. and reminise... To realize that it will not always be this hard.. Time gives us the ability to look back.. in joy and in sorrow. (Focus on the Joy Kerilyn!) Time also goes by fast.. (It's October already.. can you believe it???) One year from now I'm 100% positive I will not be in this same place I find myself today. Time is short also... and it makes our memories fade... even the ones we want to remember. (Like my Grandpa...his face is more like a blur..)
Anyway.. Thanks Time... You're on my side. HA!

Talk to you soon!!!
Kerilyn